Comments on Mapless: Introverts in the Church 1

Sue - this really ought to be taught in schools......

2010-01-20T06:46:31.594-08:00

Sue - this really ought to be taught in schools...because a)introverts need to know they are OK, and b) extroverts need to know that introverts are ok.

It would make a world of difference.

Bunny trails are always welcome here, Kari. The ev...

2010-01-20T06:45:16.744-08:00

Bunny trails are always welcome here, Kari. The evangelism thing is really hard for introverts. I like to refer to the great S. Francis quote

"Preach the gospel at all times; if necessary, use words."

Cindi- The really important thing, especially with...

2010-01-20T06:41:01.497-08:00

Cindi- The really important thing, especially with your daughter, is to never try to "fix" her and never call her "shy". She is not shy, she is introspective, and with that comes wisdom and intelligence.

Here's a great list of famous introverts, too.

In my experience, my mom was always trying to "fix" me, leading me to feel broken and eventually to severe depression. To her I clearly was not "normal", just because I wasn't like her. This can be true of lots of things, but from the people I know, it's especially true of introvert children of an extrovert parent.

Barbara - I wish I had a dollar for every time in ...

2010-01-20T06:25:50.091-08:00

Barbara - I wish I had a dollar for every time in church people told me I was too "reserved", "quiet", or needed to "come out of my shell". It was so aggravating.

My "shell" isn't a place I go to hide, it's part of who I am, and much of why I possess the wisdom I do today. I rather like my "shell", thank you very much!

Fascinating discussion here. I think extroverts a...

2010-01-19T15:55:09.855-08:00

Fascinating discussion here. I think extroverts are very much insensitive to introverts and their desire for space. Very much so.

I think there needs to be lessons taught on this sort of thing :)

Erin, your explanation of your first son, who is a...

2010-01-19T06:51:03.743-08:00

Erin, your explanation of your first son, who is an extrovert, is so so so much like my relationship with my daughter. She also started talking very young, and has never ever stopped. I sometimes feel guilty because I just want her to STOP TALKING, but I also want to validate her and be sensitive to her personality and her needs since she is 4, and does not yet understand our differences, and that those differences don't mean I don't like her. SO HARD. I think healthy boundaries, as Jarred suggested, would really solve a lot of these differences...and being able to not take things too personally.
Right now I'm part of a church organization, MOPS, and I'm a leader in that org., but it's VERY hard for me. The main reason I'm doing it, is because I really feel like there are so many moms/women out there who need to know that not everyone is perfect, and I have a sordid past, I have dealt with a lot of yucky stuff that a lot of other people have also dealt with, but don't want to talk about. I want them to know they are not alone, even in the middle of a Baptist church setting, if for one day a month. Anyhow, recently, the other leaders ran into one of my friends who happens to be Jewish, at a children's program at a library, and basically bombarded her with the idea of coming to our MOPS group and being a Christian in front of a lot of other people. It made me so mad, and when I approached them about it, they made a big deal of my need to step out of my comfort zone. This is not the first time I've been told I need to step out of my comfort zone in order to "witness" or whatever. I have never felt comfortable telling someone that they need to follow this certain formula to be "saved" or they will go to hell. No matter what the setting. No. I don't think so.
Ok! Sorry for going off on a bunny trail! For some reason this just sparked something inside!

That is great insight Erin! I never thought of my...

2010-01-18T23:32:50.771-08:00

That is great insight Erin! I never thought of my own experiences that way but it really answers to quite a bit in our own home. I'm an extrovert, as is our son, all the while my husband and our daughter are more introverts.

Thanks for sharing that!

I CAN RELATE TO THIS!!!! I know you already know ...

2010-01-18T18:24:38.307-08:00

I CAN RELATE TO THIS!!!! I know you already know this - but the main reason i stopped going to church was because i was tired of extroverts making me feel "less than" because they saw my quietness as apathy or just not trying hard enough to "get out of my comfort zone".

There was a really interesting example, and one I&...

2010-01-18T16:01:28.059-08:00

There was a really interesting example, and one I'd never really thought of before, that came up in my life today.

My 13 year old son and his friend watched the Matrix last night for the first time. He was talking to me about it (big surprise) and I asked him "it's also a metaphor. do you know what a metaphor is?" and he nodded. I said "it's a metaphor for lots of things in life". Then I paused to gather my thoughts, and after about 10 seconds, my husband (who was listening) said "Aren't you going to finish your sentence?" And my son says "yeah mom, you always do that, you start to say something then you take forever to finish".

Well, of course I do, I'm an introvert...I have to process my thoughts internally before speaking them, rather than the extroverts tendency to process aloud...and it makes them impatient to wait for me to say something, even for a few seconds.

Susan, I laughed when I read it too, because it...

2010-01-18T15:55:20.215-08:00

Susan, I laughed when I read it too, because it's the story of my life!

Jarred - you have hit on what it's like to be ...

2010-01-18T15:54:53.394-08:00

Jarred - you have hit on what it's like to be an introvert mom of an extrovert. My extroverted son began talking at a very early age, and has never stopped except to sleep. When he was young, I had to do exactly what you said...tell him that I would listen to him in just a little bit, if he would be quiet for a little while first. Or sometimes the reverse. But I have had to live in that tension of loving him and wanting to validate him while not allowing myself to become resentful of his need to talk.

I think in many ways it's harder even than having a relationship with an extrovert (like my husband) because with an adult you can (usually) reason with them about it, whereas with an extroverted child, they simply don't feel loved if you won't listen to them.

I don't know, Barry. I think you're meanin...

2010-01-18T15:50:55.372-08:00

I don't know, Barry. I think you're meaning "understood" in a very literal sense, i.e. knowing what it's like to BE that person.

While that is true of me as well, I think I have always "understood" extroverts on a theoretical level. What I mean is I've always known there are people who NEED to be around people and I'm ok with that, as long as they don't NEED to be around ME when I NEED to be alone. :)

I laughed when I read this quote. Now I get why my...

2010-01-18T15:40:09.979-08:00

I laughed when I read this quote. Now I get why my husband interrupts me when I'm reading and doesn't think it's a problem!!

I suspect that to an extrovert, an introvert's...

2010-01-18T06:51:46.017-08:00

I suspect that to an extrovert, an introvert's desire to be left alone often does feel like personal dislike and rejection. After all, they're often pestering us because just like we need to be alone, they need to interact with people. It's a matter of conflicting needs, and it's not surprising that such a conflict leaves everyone feeling short-changed or worse.

In an ideal world, healthy boundaries would be defined that recognizes and allows for both people's needs. Like saying, "Look, I'll come talk to you in half an hour. But right now, I just need a little alone time, okay?*"

Problem is, defining healthy boundaries is another one of those things we as people don't do very well.

(* This is, of course, assuming that we're talking about introverts and extroverts that are in some sort of relationship where such cooperation is both necessary and important. I'm certainly not suggesting that introverts are obligated to meet all extroverts' needs for interaction.)

I would think most people would have difficulty pu...

2010-01-17T15:15:07.376-08:00

I would think most people would have difficulty putting themselves in the shoes of the opposite personality type. I certainly do. While I understand the theory, that extraverts gain energy from interacting other people while we introverts expend energy from interacting with others, I can't really understand what it's like for someone not to be drained by social interaction. In the same way, I probably seem withdrawn, preoccupied, too quiet or even rude to most extraverts even if they understand the theory of what an introvert is.