Comments on Mapless: Fallen: Part 1

LOL Nate...I don't think I'm fucked up anymore, ei...

2009-01-08T22:55:00.000-08:00

LOL Nate...I don't think I'm fucked up anymore, either...but then there is the coming to terms with that, the unraveling of years of thinking I was fucked up and of other people thinking that...it's a weird mind-bender. But it's a fun spin in the blender of life, for sure!

I think I said the exact same prayer once. But gue...

2009-01-08T21:18:00.000-08:00

I think I said the exact same prayer once. But guess what. I don't THINK I'm fucked up anymore. But others will have to be the judge of that.

But that means there is hope. (as if anyone would think I'M a role model)

Thanks Pam...it's weird to be in this place and I'...

2009-01-05T11:10:00.000-08:00

Thanks Pam...it's weird to be in this place and I'm definitely grateful for the companionship.

I am sure I'll write about all aspects of this as time goes by...not sure how that will unfold as I have to just follow Spirit...or else it will be contrived. We'll see how it goes.

erin, my friend, I love you and am so very gratefu...

2009-01-05T09:48:00.000-08:00

erin, my friend, I love you and am so very grateful our lives have intersected.

Would you think about writing how this journey has impacted your ideas and practices as a wife and mother and friend?

Darkness is a fact of spiritu pursuit. American Christians have no theology for suffering and unhappiness. Companionship in our places of despair makes the despair more bearable I think. The blog community you have created here and also your real life friends are along side you.

You are a loved woman no matter what!

Cause Jesus would be like, homeless, and wear patc...

2009-01-04T20:54:00.000-08:00

Cause Jesus would be like, homeless, and wear patchouli.

Isn't it funny how the people who claim God is a s...

2009-01-04T17:40:00.000-08:00

Isn't it funny how the people who claim God is a stupid little bastard never question whether they're making God in their own image :)

It's like, if God exists, then he has to be the kind that, if he was in human form, we would shun.

That is so weird :)

You're on the right track, Katherine. Let him tell...

2009-01-04T13:11:00.000-08:00

You're on the right track, Katherine. Let him tell you who he is for you, and try to tune out everyone else. Likely parts of how he reveals himself to you will be like how he reveals himself to others, but then parts of that will be uniquely yours, as well. I think God is big enough to come to each of us in the way we need to know him.

And I don't think that idea invalidates Jesus...I simply think that just as Jesus met people in many different ways depending on their need, so is God.

I get it. Thanks. I have recognized for a while no...

2009-01-04T12:27:00.000-08:00

I get it. Thanks. I have recognized for a while now that most religions (Christianity included) create god in their own image. I do not wish to do the same. Ha! So I am left in a state of spiritual limbo, so to speak.

I guess I need Him to show me... define Himself to me. And I am a little scared. The religious training of a lifetime screams against what I am doing - pentecostal pastors in the immediate family and all...

I can't follow a god who is abusive. Well, I suppose I could if I committed emotional suicide. Hmm... So I am waiting for Him to show me....

Clarification: I mean it's wrong to say you are in...

2009-01-04T11:43:00.000-08:00

Clarification: I mean it's wrong to say you are inventing the God you want just because he's nice...not that it's wrong to view God that way....make sense?

I told someone once that I have to have God on my own terms. What I mean by that is that I have to feel the God I follow or else I just won't follow God at all...and this friend said that it's hard to have peace with taking God on our own terms...so I have to clarify...it's not taking God on my terms instead of his terms...it's taking God on my terms instead of everyone else's terms...like I don't have to follow the God that church tells me to follow. It has to be the God that resides in my spirit or he's no God to me.

Have you heard/seen Brian McLaren's song about being an Atheist? That's what I'm talking about.

It makes perfect sense Katherine...to need to know...

2009-01-04T11:37:00.000-08:00

It makes perfect sense Katherine...to need to know which God you answer to. Just don't let people tell you that if you follow a kind gentle generous loving God that you are just inventing a God that is easy for you. Because I've heard that and it's wrong.

Hmm... thanks for sharing, Erin. I have been in th...

2009-01-04T00:53:00.000-08:00

Hmm... thanks for sharing, Erin. I have been in that same situation, though at the time I wasn't quite in the same frame of mind. Actually, I am closer to that frame of mind now... I've realized there are two gods in my head, and I need to know which one is the real deal because that will determine what course I take next....

Hmm... thanks for sharing, Erin. I have been in th...

2009-01-04T00:44:00.000-08:00

Thanks Stacy...we can talk any time!

2009-01-03T20:22:00.000-08:00

Thanks Stacy...we can talk any time!

Oh Erin, there was soo much that I completely reso...

2009-01-03T16:33:00.000-08:00

Oh Erin, there was soo much that I completely resonated with in this blog. I adore your transparency, and find that it is so refreshing to come across your blatant honesty. Can't wait to read the next installment. xo Stacy

Kinda along the lines of "doth protest too much"?

2009-01-03T12:48:00.000-08:00

Kinda along the lines of "doth protest too much"?

I can relate Erin.. I guess if you have to say tha...

2009-01-03T12:26:00.000-08:00

I can relate Erin.. I guess if you have to say that it is "grace based" then it probably isn't :)

Heidi - "If I could just fit in, maybe I could ...

2009-01-03T11:21:00.000-08:00
Heidi - "If I could just fit in, maybe I could be ok. "

That really is the size of it, and maybe...well, you know they say low self esteem has much to do with addiction...I think maybe some people (me) suffer that same thing in church...instead of it being a substance, it is a behavior...but it still is simply a way we can feel good about ourselves and we will pour our hearts and souls into it to survive.

Bob - The funny thing is I have always been a figh...

2009-01-03T11:18:00.000-08:00
Bob - The funny thing is I have always been a fighter against legalism, and was certain that what I was involved in WASN'T legalism because they said it wasn't legalism, it was "grace-based". But once out of all that I look back and see nothing but law. It's funny how some people disguise it.

Manu - I agree that those of us who do "lose it" l...

2009-01-03T11:15:00.000-08:00
Manu - I agree that those of us who do "lose it" like this see things clearer have an advantage.

As to those who will watch someone drown, I have two theories about this: 1) they truly are so blind as to believe they have it all together, and cannot understand or 2) they know they do not have it all together but are afraid whatever that person has is contagious, in a sense.

But I think the teaching in some churches that says to sever all ties with a person who is questioning or falling or drowning or whatever is really to blame for it all.

Wow, Erin. Thank you for sharing your story so ca...

2009-01-03T10:15:00.000-08:00
Wow, Erin. Thank you for sharing your story so candidly. It does make me so sad and angry that someone would place a 'meeting' before a person. However, it doesn't surprise me at all, having been in similar situations myself, and being pushed aside.

Church was a drug to me, as well. If I could just fit in, maybe I could be ok.

I'm looking forward to the rest of the story!

A great contrast of a life of legalism vs the oppo...

2009-01-03T08:42:00.000-08:00
A great contrast of a life of legalism vs the opposite extreme Erin. Escaping from the addictive grip of legalism is a tenuous one and not for the faint of heart. Coming to grips with the why of my own legalism was a difficult experience.. especially when I began to see the destructive effect it had on my kids.

Looking forward to your next installment Erin.

Thanks for sharing, Erin... Looking forward to hea...

2009-01-02T22:57:00.000-08:00
Thanks for sharing, Erin... Looking forward to hearing the rest.

How sad that people put "church meetings" above helping a drowning brother or sister. I know what you mean. It happens all the time.... I've learned a lot from being treated that way. It seems you have too.
I too became addicted to church and serving. You go through withdrawal when you leave and it's almost like you do need another drug. It can be hell just like drug detox...
You said "those who are more skilled at moderation might have a much healthier go of church." Yeah it seems that way but I think that we who aren't moderate have the advantage in the long run because we are more quick to see the sham, for we desperately need it not to be a sham! So we separate and disentangle sooner, even while inside the it. And many of the "moderate" folks are just the ones to be the coldest in my experience. They think they have it all together while they ignore the drowning-- How is that having it together?

You will be in my thoughts and prayers.... Can't wait to hear the rest... much love

Gary - that's because I haven't told it before ;-)...

2009-01-02T21:19:00.000-08:00
Gary - that's because I haven't told it before ;-)

Thanks for the vote of confidence. I would hope I'm a different person than I was then...but sometimes I wonder.

Thanks Susan, I will check it out. I am not sure t...

2009-01-02T21:18:00.000-08:00
Thanks Susan, I will check it out. I am not sure that most of us are addicted...but then maybe I'm wrong. Maybe the difference is those who focus on one thing vs. those who focus on many things...hmmm...

Thanks Barbara. I love you for loving me.

2009-01-02T21:17:00.000-08:00
Thanks Barbara. I love you for loving me.