tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16714549.post1260988252153837160..comments2008-05-14T03:02:52.723-07:00Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01067954787472463337noreply@blogger.comBlogger38125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16714549.post-67163585899893889282008-05-14T03:02:00.000-07:002008-05-14T03:02:00.000-07:00After all the stuff you have worked through the last few years I'm confident you are your own best therapist. Between God and yourself at the right time you will know what you need to do to heal. <BR/><BR/>I was also suicidal at about 13-14 for slightly different reasons but as you say back then no one knew the signs to look for. Fortunately I became a Christian at 14 and suicide suddenly seemed like a bad option - I wasn't sure I wanted to met God quite that quickly!Susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07673626395112361592noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16714549.post-81807874277403765742008-05-13T21:27:00.000-07:002008-05-13T21:27:00.000-07:00Thanks, Katherine! It IS cool. From what I read of your blog you might be becoming one, too.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01067954787472463337noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16714549.post-66889179576940614242008-05-13T21:20:00.000-07:002008-05-13T21:20:00.000-07:00"If anything I think it makes me feel a bit of a crusader against the religious mindsets. Kinda cool, I think."<BR/><BR/>I relate to this. Yeah, it is kinda cool. ;-)Katherine Gunnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06574051760314762024noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16714549.post-18727241127771245962008-05-13T19:35:00.000-07:002008-05-13T19:35:00.000-07:00Cindi - You are the only one here who knew me "back then". I so appreciate your encouragement, my developing friendship with you at that time in my life was a major Godsend. <BR/><BR/>It's so important to look out for our kids. The schools want to, but they simply can't. And they often don't handle bullying, still, they way they ought. It's good that you stepped up and cared for your daughter when things weren't going well. My mom didn't at the time, you know, she had good reason...but I still wish she had. Eventually she did, at the beginning of 8th grade she spoke with my teacher, who was a woman, and that was the beginning of turn-around for me.<BR/><BR/>(Well, that and those Ryan boys, but we won't talk about that. LOL.)Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01067954787472463337noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16714549.post-38835823030652593662008-05-13T19:30:00.000-07:002008-05-13T19:30:00.000-07:00Lauren - Oh yes! I used to do anything to get out of talking in class. Being an introvert certainly contributes to bullying oftentimes.<BR/><BR/>I'm sorry to hear that you have dealt with some of the same things...it's tough...and the recovery process is lifelong.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01067954787472463337noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16714549.post-12305380181937601072008-05-13T19:28:00.000-07:002008-05-13T19:28:00.000-07:00Hi Tara! It's great to see you again. I'm sorry to hear that your daughter has struggled, cutting is another "out" for many people who are bullied. I'm so glad she has you to count on, it can't be easy for you.<BR/><BR/>Music is funny, isn't it. We can derive so much pleasure and yet so much pain from it.<BR/><BR/>I'm going to check up with your blog and see how you're doing.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01067954787472463337noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16714549.post-91322143646623551082008-05-13T19:23:00.000-07:002008-05-13T19:23:00.000-07:00Michelle - Yes. Yes. I have hid to avoid it, too. It's so hard. And it's so hard to deal with. Aside from pulling a child out of their school entirely, there aren't a lot of answers. They speak of zero tolerance policies in the schools, but it's very hard to police. Addressing the problem usually only makes it worse. I'm so sorry to hear about anyone who is going through that.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01067954787472463337noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16714549.post-70565592136301398972008-05-13T13:00:00.000-07:002008-05-13T13:00:00.000-07:00Erin - thank you for posting this subject. It's so unfortunate what happened to you and how it effected you. I'm so sorry. Even more troublesome is that it happened at the private school you were attending (I remember which one).<BR/><BR/>You completely validated my very maternal instinct to pull our daughter out of school at the beginning of this school year. At a school that claimed it was a "Bully Free Zone" school, the principal simply was not going to do her job to protect my daughter from the bully who was physically assaulting not only our daughter, but others as well. I simply could not stomach sending my daughter into that environment knowing full well what I knew.<BR/><BR/>I didn't want our daughter to leave that whole experience feeling like a victim, so it was important for me to show her and include her when I filed a complaint with the school district and the policy changes that went into effect because of it. Unfotunately, firing or reprimanding the principal wasn't included in there.<BR/><BR/>Thankfully, both kids are in schools that actually mean what they say when they have 0 tolerance for bullying. Neither of them have had any issues.<BR/><BR/>Again - thank you for sharing your story and bringing this subject up. The more we talk about it, the more we educate ourselves as to the signs of depression, suicide, etc. and are better equipped to help them.Cindihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07836841526306338690noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16714549.post-73197993834285495792008-05-13T12:55:00.000-07:002008-05-13T12:55:00.000-07:00This is really good. Thanks for sharing it. <BR/><BR/>People handle experiences so differently-- everyone copes differently. Some people laugh things off and some are not able to. It has nothing to do with sensitivity either. If anything, it has to do with whether a person has learned any coping mechanisms and what those are.<BR/><BR/>I never learned to cope with anything. Like anything, it needs to be taught, and learned, and I am only now starting to learn these things. I was bullied, but it only bothered me at the time. I was more traumatised by other seemingly simpler things, such as being forced to answer questions in class. lol. I mean, it seems funny, but I was a child who was scared to death to be called on and talk in front of anyone, and when I was called on, I would just cry. Even at home, when I would be asked to make a decision as simple as what I wanted for dinner, I would cry. I'm better now, but I'm still really "sensitive" in this area. If cornered even in a slight way, I have panic attacks and retreat into myself and I have no idea what's going on the outside. So, even small things can have lasting effects on people.<BR/><BR/>And, music, oh gosh. I am so musical it's sick, haha. I just will say that I relate there.Laurenhttp://fizleglitz.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16714549.post-31881859701326438252008-05-13T10:45:00.000-07:002008-05-13T10:45:00.000-07:00Erin,<BR/>This is healthy! Words and abuse of any kind hurts. Scars. Your bent for music is shared by me. I also am triggered by the music of 'back then'. I was severely overweight. Teased constantly. Still carry the scars after years and years of therapy/gastric bypass and 12 step groups. <BR/>I'm also a mom. A mom who's daughter was caught 'cutting'. This as I understand is another way of 'letting' the pain go. Suicide. It is so evil in essence. But isn't all of the pain we endure? Bottom line...my daughter is now in counseling and I am in step beside her. Life is messy. Thanks for the glimpse of the secret part of you. Hugs!Tarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13585407421360114530noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16714549.post-37300143500435527042008-05-13T10:20:00.000-07:002008-05-13T10:20:00.000-07:00I have a friend whose daughter is consistently bullied at school. It's so heartbreaking. She's a sweet girl, and extremely intelligent. The last episode was her being caught by the trash men as they emptied the dumpsters. She had been hiding behind the dumpsters to avoid having to go to a particular class. I cried with the mom over the idea of her daughter hiding behind garbage out of fear of being bullied. <BR/><BR/>I agree with everyone else that have praised you for writing such a brave post. I don't remember who said it but childhood really is what you spend the rest of your life trying to get over. <BR/><BR/>I also appreciate the reminder to listen to my children and to validate their feelings. It's so important that each of us, as individuals - regardless of age - feel that we've been heard.One Voice of Manyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02406711453291558817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16714549.post-20550227096443052642008-05-13T08:20:00.000-07:002008-05-13T08:20:00.000-07:00Barbara - I'm sorry your son dealt with this. Chances are it has had a permanent impact on him. At his age I know he probably doesn't want much to do with mom, but just know that it will probably surface for him at some point in the future, and vow that you will be there for him when it does.<BR/><BR/>I knew you, for sure, would get what I meant about music. Isn't that funny how it can be markers of times in our lives and take us back like it was yesterday?<BR/><BR/>Thanks for the encouragement. I need it.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01067954787472463337noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16714549.post-68618301610205431192008-05-13T08:10:00.000-07:002008-05-13T08:10:00.000-07:00A brave and important post. I am so sorry you endured this (my son did too and he talked of suicide in elementary school). I wish every parent and teacher could read this post. It wouldn't help bullies to read it, they need another kind of help.<BR/><BR/>Erin, you rock my world in so many ways. I relate to what you said about music and suicide and religious bullying.<BR/><BR/>Thank you so much for sharing this here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Barbara(aka Layla)http://www.blogger.com/profile/11100008292699584336noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16714549.post-5614406933899491662008-05-13T08:08:00.000-07:002008-05-13T08:08:00.000-07:00Mary - It's hard, all we can do is make it a priority to assume all things that bother our kids are important to them...even if it seems trivial. Unfortunately some children model what they see at home, so it's important to know that some kids aren't mean on purpose, especially at a young age. But it makes me sad to think this is what they learn at home.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01067954787472463337noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16714549.post-11935826520182318372008-05-13T08:05:00.000-07:002008-05-13T08:05:00.000-07:00Thanks Grace. Hopefully talking about it (both the past and the church) will be healing for me...but I think healing in this case won't mean complacency. If anything I think it makes me feel a bit of a crusader against the religious mindsets. Kinda cool, I think.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01067954787472463337noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16714549.post-3451410690407394592008-05-13T08:02:00.000-07:002008-05-13T08:02:00.000-07:00Maria - You're welcome. It's hard as a parent, especially when we hear whining and complaining all the time to know what is really important to our children. Our best defense in my opinion is to take it all seriously until proven otherwise.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01067954787472463337noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16714549.post-17072233346118889532008-05-13T08:01:00.000-07:002008-05-13T08:01:00.000-07:00Barry - I'm sorry that you can relate. I was the intelligent introvert, too...and that is the toxic combination in adolescence.<BR/><BR/>Fortunately for me at the time I was attending a small private school, and when we all went on to high school, only 1 or 2 people went to the same school as I. Two people who knew about what happened to me in middle school against the 2000 who didn't was a good thing for me. I distanced myself and moved on and I found a group of friends and a place where I fit. Funny, though, how it still affects me today. <BR/><BR/>It is VERY hard for adults to recognize it unless they are told, often because it happens away from the watchful eyes of the teachers...that's why I don't want parents to rely on teachers to let them know or to handle it - not because teachers don't care, but because they just can't keep track of everything that goes on. Parents have to be involved and choose to listen to their children and take responsibility for what is going on. <BR/><BR/>Religious bullying is a form of invalidation, very closely related to the emotional invalidation a child can experience when bullied at school, so it's no surprise that these two are triggers for me (and you).Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01067954787472463337noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16714549.post-73515082967985649802008-05-13T07:57:00.000-07:002008-05-13T07:57:00.000-07:00Erin,<BR/><BR/>Thanks for this glimpse of you and for the courage to post about this. My oldest is in elementary, and she doesn't understand why some kids are so mean. I appreciate your reminder to listen to her and validate her.Maryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14210237440245609870noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16714549.post-64460055687382170452008-05-13T07:56:00.000-07:002008-05-13T07:56:00.000-07:00Erin,<BR/>What an important post. Your honesty will be helpful for so many others. I also feel it is an important step in your pursuit of healing.<BR/><BR/>Your ability to recognize bullying in the religious system is actually an extremely healthy response. So many of us are blind and in denial to its existence in church when there should be zero tolerance for it there also.gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16458658959357581120noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16714549.post-39344808273512494212008-05-13T07:53:00.000-07:002008-05-13T07:53:00.000-07:00Barb - I do hope it makes someone realize something, it was a hard post to write. But if nothing else it serves as a reminder to myself and how I treat my kids, and there is something healing in sharing it.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01067954787472463337noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16714549.post-38559308919289522052008-05-13T07:51:00.000-07:002008-05-13T07:51:00.000-07:00Cindy - Exactly...it's so easy as an adult to feel like our child's emotions are petty, but to them they are everything.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01067954787472463337noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16714549.post-22221137383832399462008-05-13T07:50:00.000-07:002008-05-13T07:50:00.000-07:00Thanks, Erin. This is an important post. Thanks for reminding me not to minimize my children's feelings. And amen to no tolerating religious bullying!Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08264143140028197973noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16714549.post-42981946039124525632008-05-13T07:49:00.001-07:002008-05-13T07:49:00.001-07:00You're welcome, Jarred.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01067954787472463337noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16714549.post-66643985640943036382008-05-13T07:49:00.000-07:002008-05-13T07:49:00.000-07:00Sonja - I think there is something about adolescence that makes a person mean...not always nor in every situation, but on some levels. I suppose it's the hormones...anyhow, yeah, it's tough. It's too bad there isn't a really sure-fire way to deal with it.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01067954787472463337noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16714549.post-5969449510744884832008-05-13T07:47:00.000-07:002008-05-13T07:47:00.000-07:00Sue - I would like to say I don't know why it takes so long, but the truth is what we learn in the healing is just as or more important than the healing itself.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01067954787472463337noreply@blogger.com