The Theist/Atheist Proofs Argument

From the Huffington Post:

"It comes down to admitting that we all find the God or no-God for which we are looking.

"Both sides would be forced to admit that there is significant evidence to support the views held by the other side and each would have to take responsibility not only for the beauty and goodness achieved by holding their respective beliefs, but also for the incredible harm which has been done by those same beliefs and dis-beliefs. What we ultimately decide, says more about who we are than it does about anything else. And as long as the decision reached actually makes the world better and safer, even for those who don't share our conclusions, it would make it the right conclusion for us.

"Let each side stop talking about proofs and dis-proofs and speak instead about the results of belief and disbelief in their own lives. Let each side assess the impact of God in the world in which we live."

Maybe the goal isn't proving or disproving one belief or another, or lack of belief, but rather taking the evidence from the impact such beliefs have in our life and the lives of others. 

I like that.

Salvation or Oppression?

This video gave me chills in every bad way. It's only 2:32 long, so if you have time, please watch it and give me your feedback. Especially listen to what is being said in the background and about the girl.

Why is it that a few short years ago this would have seemed entirely "normal" to me, even praiseworthy, and today it makes me feel filthy dirty, furious and entirely manipulated?

For obvious reasons, seeing how my beliefs have changed. But I watch something like this today, as a complete outsider, and wonder how these things are NOT branded as cults. Is it just because they claim to follow the most widely read book in the world?

It makes me so heartbroken for that girl, I want to run and rescue her, to warn her about the hell this life will become -- always trying to please others, and never being able to, and her choices will be to conform or to fail in the eyes of her church.

Watching something like this today makes me feel like I USED to feel when watching -- oh, maybe video of a druid reenactment at stonehenge or something. Shaking my head, wondering at how misled* people are, worried for their impact on others. If that makes me fallen away, pagan, atheist, whatever, I'm actually grateful for it. I hope to never return to a place in life where this seems "normal".

Seen at Stuff Fundies Like.

*Misled in the sense of their fundamentalist interpretation of Jesus -- not necessarily meaning that faith in and of itself is a bad thing.

Being a "Christian" is Too Hard

So now that I have covered almost every conceivable blasphemy and heresy that I can think of, I'll share the real reason I have unplugged from America's favorite religion.

It's too damn hard. 

There are far too many expectations, arguments and theologies that one must live up to, be well-versed in and subscribe to. There are too many people telling you what to do, what not to do, what to believe, and what roles you are allowed to play.

A few of the things Christianity aims to control, which are designed to keep us righteous, pure, and holy:

How to dress

What to eat

How to parent

How to vote

Who to marry

How to spend money

What kind of music to listen to or movies to watch

What kinds of items to have/not have in the home

What kinds of books and magazines to can read

Who to be friends with

How to educate children

How many children to have

When and how and with whom to have sex

What to drink

What to buy

What businesses to boycott

Which version of the bible to read

When and how often to go to church

Which holidays to celebrate and how to celebrate them

What a person may or may not do with his/her own body

How a husband must treat a wife, and vice-versa

What kinds or words to use or not use

How to pray

How to worship

....

I'm sure there are a thousand more, but I'm exhausted just thinking about those 25 items that came off the top of my head. What's worse, there are far too many conflicting theories about those rules. Trying to keep track of it all is thoroughly mind-numbing.

Every one of those things is another nail in the coffin of our individuality. There is nothing holy in attempting to neuter the amazing variety God works so hard to create in us. Every time a baby is born into Christianity, the adults around the child almost immediately begin to take an eraser to him or her, hoping to clean up the any color that exists outside the lines. 

Maybe I'm lazy, but the truth is, if I'm going to follow an ideology, it has to fully integrate into my life without requiring me to bend and stretch at every turn in order to conform to it's demands. It must be comfortable with who I am, and be able to grow with me, without insisting I grow in any certain direction.

I believe it is really this simple: love and be present with the people I am around, and give what I can. 

Someone once asked me if I could stop talking so much about what I'm against, and talk instead about what I'm for. 

I'm FOR feeding hungry kids (physically/emotionally)

I'm FOR doing what I can to make people's lives better

I'm FOR teaching my kids to think critically for themselves

I'm FOR allowing people to choose how to live their lives

I'm FOR generosity

I'm FOR peace

I'm FOR grace, hope and love. 

If you have any questions about what I'm against, simply read the last 5 years of this blog. 

(Feel free to add to my list of "controls"!)

Synchroblog: Legalizing Same Sex Marriage

I don't imagine that I can say anything that hasn't been said before, so I can only hope something I say spurs someone on to greater love.

Unless you live in a cave, you have heard the recent news about young homosexuals who have committed suicide because of the oppression and bullying they have experienced at the hands of classmates, friends, or even family. It's a tragedy, and while I'm sure it's not new and am heartbroken for all the teenagers and young adults whose stories have not made the news in the past, I am grateful that the media and general public are finally becoming aware of these tragedies. Awareness is the first step towards prevention. It is my hope that one day  being gay or straight won't be treated any differently than being male or female. Our attitudes towards gay marriage will go a long way towards the acceptance of homosexuality in general.

I am not gay, and I have only had a very few friends who are; so I don't presume to speak for them, and am willing to stand corrected if anything I say is inaccurate or offensive to them. However, because I spent decades being an evangelical, I feel somewhat qualified to address the common evangelical arguments against homosexuality and gay marriage; especially because I no longer agree with them.

Gay marriage isn't about sex.

In many Christian minds, the reason they perceive homosexuality as an abomination isn't so much about God or the bible -- as much as they might say it is -- it's because in their mind, gay sex is, well, repulsive to them. 

When I tell people that I am in support of gay marriage, sometimes the first response I hear is "that's so wrong" or "that's gross". However, those reactions often aren't in response to some set of biblical values, they are in response to an errant human perception that gay marriage is primarily about gay sex and gay sex is repulsive. Therefore, gay marriage should be prohibited.

However, in any marriage, our primary concern shouldn't be about what goes on in the bedroom. When straight friends marry, we (generally) don't spend a lot of time thinking about what kind of sex they will have. In fact, a straight couple might very well do things in the privacy of their own bedroom that others would find to be repulsive. Even so, we certainly don't try to prohibit straight couples from marrying because of what will go on behind closed doors. Instead, we are usually happy for them to be together if they are in love. So why should the type of sex that goes on in a bedroom of two mutually consenting gay adults be a primary consideration when it comes to the question of marriage?

If we take the physical act of sex out of the issue, what are we left with?

I have read statistics that some Christians refer to, evidencing that the rate of domestic violence, substance abuse and mental illness is greater in gay relationships than in straight ones. Those statistics might very well be true, but not because the couple is gay. Rather, it's likely these things happen because being gay is so marginalized by society, so stressful, and because so many people actively oppress them. I suspect if straight marriage were treated like gay marriage, those statistics would be about the same in straight marriages. Therefore, it's not fair to use these statistics in arguments, because the societal differences in the circumstances are vast.

In the end, any kind of marriage is about love. 

The truth is that gay marriage is exactly like straight marriage. One person falls in love with another person, and they want to commit to spending their lives together. Unfortunately, many Christians can only think about the sex angle. Isn't that ironic? Get your mind out of the gutter, people. Regardless of how you might view gay sex, your opinion of that isn't reason enough to prevent two people who love each other from marrying.

You may be able to be truly honest and say that it is NOT your view of gay sex that in your mind prohibits gay marriage, but rather obedience to what the bible says about the subject. I will politely suggest that you read the bible again and make sure you have obeyed it, even the things that we no longer hold as law due to cultural changes. Have you ever been divorced or eaten rare steak or shellfish? Have you ever worn gold? If you are a woman, have you ever worn pants, cut your hair or spoken in church? Generally speaking, those things are no longer viewed as disobeying the law because our culture has evolved beyond them. Like it or not, it's true.

Gay marriage is next in line for cultural evolution, and I look forward to the end of this type of oppression and marginalization. 

As a culture, we have to consider that change is inevitable. In fact, Christians have changed many of their "thou shalt not" laws over the centuries. We have learned that some laws and rules simply are no longer relevant to our lifestyle. We have learned that some laws  and rules are impractical or even strange in modern culture. We have learned that some laws and rules are still important because they are harmful to our lives as a loving people. We shouldn't lie, we shouldn't steal, we shouldn't murder. However, what part of gay marriage is harmful to love?

Gay marriage is about love, and in my opinion, who am I to stand in the way of it?

Please visit the other synchroblog participants:

Kathy Baldock at Canyonwalker Connections - Marriage "I Do" For Who
Dan Brennan at Faith Dance - Sexual Difference, Marriage and Friendship
Steve Hayes at Khanya - Same Sex Marriage Synchroblog
Sonja Andrews at Calacirian - In Defense Of Marriage
John C O'Keefe - Exactly What Is Gay Marriage
Liz Dyer at Grace Rules - Nobody knows why or how same-sex marriage is harmful
Herman Groenewald at Along The Way - Same Sex Debate
Margaret Boelman at Minnowspeaks - What Have We Done
David Henson at unorthodoxology - ban marriage
Joshua Jinno at Antechurch - The Church Is Impotent
Kathy Escobar at The Carnival in my Head - it's easy to be against equal rights when we have them
K.W. Leslie at The Evening of Kent - Mountains, molehills, and same-sex marriage

Middle Ground?

Yesterday I had a chance to watch just a bit of the streaming video from the Council for Secular Humanism's conference "Setting the Agenda: Secular Humanisms Next 30 Years". Unfortunately I had a really busy day and was only able to watch about an hour. I wish it could have been more. 

You see, the atheist argument against religion fascinates me, because I agree with so much of it. Many ancient religious beliefs are ridiculous nonsense, and many religious adherents are ignorant; if only for their failure to face advancing technology and science as having any merit when it pertains to certain sacred cows. 

I don't want to argue specifics at this point, but I could't help but wonder one thing over the last few days.

Is there any middle ground between religious adherence and atheism? Because if there is, I'm determined to find it. I have seen that to the best of my knowledge, liberal religion doesn't fit me, but I also know that I believe in spirituality as a path to betterment, enlightenment, kindness, love and grace. I believe Jesus taught one of the most incredible forms of this betterment, and I believe in the spiritual connection of all things. 

Christians and other religious faithful would criticize me for agreeing with any of atheism's arguments. Atheists would criticize me for retaining faith in the spiritual. Because I staunchly refuse to choose sides at things presently stand, is there a place where someone like me fits?

Not that I'm desperate to find a label, per se...it's born of wanting to know if there are others out there like me. I'm sure there are, but where are they? Is there a "community"...not so much for questioners, but for those who sit firmly in the middle and aren't interested in being swayed to one side or another?

Thoughts?

Why I Still Believe

One of these days I'm going to finish talking about myself here; but that day is not today.

At this point, most Christians would judge me to be completely "fallen away". Many would consider me to be an atheist. Some days, I wish I was able to embrace an atheistic view; it would make my life so much simpler. 

I would no longer wonder if I will ever find a church again. 

I would no longer have to lie awake at night pondering the mysteries of God.

I wouldn't have to spend countless hours searching for solutions to the most complex spiritual problems; like "If God exists, why do bad things happen to good people?"

I would have a working label, instead of some sort of half-Christian nonsensical identity.

I wouldn't have to field questions about my position; I would have an answer.

I wouldn't have to read books that try to solve it for me. 

An online friend of mine (or two) have been able to deprogram completely from Christianity, and I have the utmost respect for that. In fact, I envy it. I understand all the arguments, all the reasons, and agree with most of them.

Some, like me, remain faithful simply because they can FEEL it. "It" being something, some tie, some movement or breath that says to the soul "I am here", even if what "I am" isn't really very clear. I believe there are such vast things we do not yet know that no one can draw a definitive conclusion. But, mostly, I believe because I cannot NOT believe. I have tried, desperately, with all of my soul I have tried not to believe. I have wanted not to believe. I have even told God I did not believe. 

This doesn't mean that I'm invalidating the beliefs or unbelief of others; only that this has been my experience. My beliefs no longer fit into any box or under any label. I can't specifically identify for you what it is that I believe. Nor can I spell out all of the things I no longer believe. 

Yet, no matter how I try to analyze it, no matter how I try to unbelieve it, there is still something I believe in. Is it God? I don't know. Is it Jesus? I think in some respects, but not in the tangibly "Christian" sense. Do I still believe in prayer? Mostly not; and again, not in the "Christian" sense. Do I still believe in miracles, the bible, church, worship music, young earth creation? Decidedly not. Do I still believe in a higher power? Mostly in the most intangible, mystical or ethereal sense; a power we cannot define that is found in nature, in love, in birth and death, in our conscience or spirit. Very "new age", I know. So sue me. And then, some days, I still believe in "God" -- yeah, THAT God. I believe I can see God many different ways and still have it all be God. 

I have tried to fit my beliefs into a box. Some personality types are evidenced by their strict refusal to define themselves. That would be me. I don't know what, exactly, it is that I believe. However, I'm entirely okay with being open to the possibilities, and with the not knowing. 

However, I do know that not believing in anything -- well, for my life, it just doesn't fit me. ME. I don't mean you, or you. Just me. For me to remain a functioning human being, I have to bow to whatever this is that I feel, that I can tap into -- the unexplainable love, clarity, peace, understanding and awe -- that still overcomes me on an almost daily basis. 

I still stand breathless when I look at the stars. I walk in a forest and feel it speaking to me. I can see an infant and know that it's life came from somewhere -- it is more than just atoms. I feel the wind in my face and I feel the depth of peace that I cannot find on my own. I hear my kids tell each other "I love you" and I am amazed. I can hear music and feel tied to every living thing by some invisible thread. 

Can all those things be explained logically? Sure they can. But science cannot explain how those things make me FEEL in my core. 

I have wondered if I'm simply afraid to let go, as if there is still some underlying fear that disbelief will condemn me. I can assure you, I'm not afraid. I have ventured there, I have tried to live there. I would welcome disbelief. I just can't embrace it because it is not what is true in my soul.

So, I still believe. 

Gives Me Hope

I have begun following a website called "Gives Me Hope", which is a positive alternative to Failblog or FML. You might check it out.

During the five + years I have opted out of church community, I have been told that I'm just bitter, to not throw the baby out with the bathwater, to not judge a church by the fallen people who occupy it; but I do. I would love to say that I'm not bitter, but I am. However, I think often people assume I'm bitter because of some unfortunate experiences that I had, or was involved in. That's not the real reason. Yes, my experiences were born of fallen people making huge mistakes (myself included). However, those mistakes were born of a mentality that the church is responsible for, and I love to hate the Church, and all its trimmings, for that reason. I wish I was healthy enough for this not to be the case, but I would be lying if I said its not.

I spent the evening with some friends tonight, and afterwards came home to my house filled with the sounds of a popular Christian radio station. For most of the past five years, this would have sent me cringing to my bedroom to don headphones with some good Classic Rock. However, tonight, I realized it didn't quite grate on me the same way, and I actually tolerated it for about an hour. I wondered why; then it occurred to me.

Tonight, I was visiting with these friends who are still active members of the faith and of their church. One friend said she still reads my blog and told me how much she enjoys my writing. I laughed told her that she "probably should quit reading my blog, as I'm really going off the deep end these days".

She paused for a second, then smiled and said, "It doesn't matter what you write."

That took me aback for a moment, because few, if any, of my other Christian friends have said something like that. Usually I hear "don't be so bitter, don't throw the baby out with the bathwater, don't continue sliding away". Not often do I hear that what I am going through, sorting out, or resolving is okay.

The reason the Christian radio station didn't quite annoy me like it has these past years is because Christians like these friends of mine Give Me Hope.

That simple sentence she said changed, even if just a little, my attitude towards something Christian that I love to hate.

Isn't that interesting?

I told these friends this evening that I have essentially "opted out"; although what, exactly, I have opted out of is non-specific. Church, for sure; many beliefs for sure. Christianity as a label, probably. But maybe, just maybe, I haven't yet opted out of Christ. I do know that my opt-out has no expiration date; it remains in effect until the day comes, if ever, that I choose to opt-in again. But friends like these give me hope that maybe, just maybe, there might be something worth opting into again one day.

Maybe not. But maybe.