What is Lost, What is Gained, Part 2

Part 1 HERE.

If you've ever seen a newborn baby "startle", this is a result of their realization that there is no womb holding them tightly anymore, and they fear they are falling. However, babies learn not only to live in this wide-open environment we call the world, they learn to thrive in it. They adapt, and as a child matures, this "startle" will happen less frequently.

The same is true of leaving church. Please understand my analogy. I don't mean to imply that those who remain in church are infants still in the womb, and those who leave are "mature". My implication is only that, for those who do leave "church", the transition will feel very much like an infant's transition from the womb to the world.

Personally, I learned to embrace the freefall that I experienced when I left church. It was terrifying at first, but eventually it became less frightening, more comfortable, even precious to me. To me, freefall translates as freedom. The words are interchangeable, simply different perceptions of the same thing.

Make no mistake, many people would rather retain their certainty than gain the freedom, because it is such a difficult, confusing, painful process to undergo. However, those people usually realize that once they have taken the red pill, they simply cannot go back. They must move forward. This doesn't mean a return to church is impossible, but a return to the old paradigm, the old belief system, is very nearly so.

My desire is to encourage those who are in this place of spiritual freefall between what was once certain and the freedom that will come after it. My best advice is simple: know that God can take whatever we can dish out. Be it anger, bitterness, doubt, confusion, or fear, there is no emotion he didn't create and nothing we can do to drive him away. He will never let go of us, at least not until such a time as we come to the conclusion that he does not exist. God is faithful, and as long as we continue to seek him, to seek understanding of who he is to each of us and what faith means for our own lives, he will be there.

I have actively tried to cause God to leave me. For a season after I left church, I decided I would prefer believing in no God at all rather than face uncertainty. Faithlessness seemed preferable to doubt. I hoped he would let go of me so that I would not have to make the exhausting effort to reshape my faith into something livable and workable. But he was there, and no matter how I tried, I couldn't shake the peace and love he brings to my spirit. My perception of him is extraordinarily different than it used to be, but to me, He still exists as a foundational part of my life.

For many (most?) people, this searching leads to a renewed, refreshed faith. Therefore, what I am about to say next is not something to be feared in the journey. However, it is important to know that sometimes a person's path might eventually lead to the inability to believe in God as Christianity knows Him. Sometimes this means belief in no God at all, and sometimes this may lead to the following of another kind of God. I see these as a valid outcome for some people, so I do not wish to imply that all searching will lead to belief in a new version of the Christian God. As well, don't fear it, because if that is you, by the time you get there, you will have peace with it.

It's also important to know that this certainty-less place in faith, well, will remain so. For as soon as we form new certainties, we will find ourselves in a new box. Instead, it is better to accept that faith is fluid, always in transition through the life experiences we are forced to learn from. So don't expect you will simply come to a new list of certainties; you probably won't.

Maybe a few of your uncertainties will become new certainties, but many of them won't. Just ask yourself these questions, "Do I really need to be certain on this issue? What does it mean for me if I'm not certain? Can I really know God's heart on this issue? Do I believe God has a definite opinion on this issue?" Etc. Don't be afraid to ask yourself, and don't be afraid to decide that you don't know.

I'll leave you with my personal motto that has led me to my own conclusions about faith:

God is Love. Therefore, if it is not loving, it is not of God. Not to say that one cannot have Love without God, but it is safe to say one cannot have God without Love.

There is more...I'll write Part 3 soon (I hope)!

What is Lost, What is Gained, Part 1

Good grief, it's been over a month since I've been here? Wow, I never meant to be so absent, but you know how it is. I may not post here very often any more, but that doesn't mean I'm gone. And I haven't run out of things to say.

When someone leaves church, due either to disillusionment or circumstances, or both, the obvious loss of "community" (or whatever the dysfunction that exists in many churches can be called) can be excruciatingly painful. We already know that and have talked about it here at great length.

However, to rub salt in a wound, there is another tremendous loss.

The loss of certainty.

• The loss of certainty of who God is, whether or not he exists, whether or not he is good, whether or not he is powerful.
• The loss of certainty that there is an afterlife, what that afterlife is like, and who will have a part in that afterlife.
• The loss of certainty about the role of the bible in our faith, whether or not it is inerrant, infallible, true, or whether or not any of it is metaphor.
• The loss of certainty of who Jesus is, whether or not he existed, whether or not he is God, whether or not he was resurrected.
• The loss of certainty about creation, evolution, the origin of life, and God's role, if any, in either of those.
• The loss of certainty that religious beliefs are more important than social issues. Or put another way, do we have to evangelize the hungry to feed them?
• The loss of certainty about the purpose of evangelism in our faith. Is it really imperative that we convert every person to a life with Christ?
• The loss of certainty about numerous significant life issues: homosexuality, abortion, war and women's equality...and smaller issues such as alcohol, movies, music, tv, hobbies, reading material, child-rearing, education, and the place of science in our lives.
• The loss of certainty about the rightness or our religion and the wrong-ness of other religions. The loss of certainty about what people should believe, how they should practice faith, whether or not their path leads to God, whether or not people should even believe in God.
• And probably the most important; the loss of certainty about identity. For many people, their identity is defined by their faith. When that faith is altered or lost, what is left can easily be a shattered, shell of an identity. This can lead to depression, crisis, destructive behaviors, faithlessness, hopelessness, and loneliness.

This loss of certainty leaves many people feeling to be in freefall, and it is terrifying. I have been there; I know. For if we don't believe in the God we have learned to follow, what is left? However, along with all the certainty that is lost through disillusionment with and/or exit from modern Christianity, there is one thing certain to be gained. FREEDOM.

The freedom to rediscover who God is. The freedom to love people whom the church has taught are unlovable (if not taught by words, it is taught by actions). The freedom to explore things that were once off-limits. The freedom to believe the things that you may have always known in your heart, but were afraid to admit. The freedom to find peace outside of the organization.

The freedom to know God on a truly personal level.

Part 2 soon!

(I'm sure there are many, many other losses of certainty than my list alone encompasses. Let me know if there are any I have missed, I would love for a more complete list.)