Synchroblog: Legalizing Same Sex Marriage

I don't imagine that I can say anything that hasn't been said before, so I can only hope something I say spurs someone on to greater love.

Unless you live in a cave, you have heard the recent news about young homosexuals who have committed suicide because of the oppression and bullying they have experienced at the hands of classmates, friends, or even family. It's a tragedy, and while I'm sure it's not new and am heartbroken for all the teenagers and young adults whose stories have not made the news in the past, I am grateful that the media and general public are finally becoming aware of these tragedies. Awareness is the first step towards prevention. It is my hope that one day  being gay or straight won't be treated any differently than being male or female. Our attitudes towards gay marriage will go a long way towards the acceptance of homosexuality in general.

I am not gay, and I have only had a very few friends who are; so I don't presume to speak for them, and am willing to stand corrected if anything I say is inaccurate or offensive to them. However, because I spent decades being an evangelical, I feel somewhat qualified to address the common evangelical arguments against homosexuality and gay marriage; especially because I no longer agree with them.

Gay marriage isn't about sex.

In many Christian minds, the reason they perceive homosexuality as an abomination isn't so much about God or the bible -- as much as they might say it is -- it's because in their mind, gay sex is, well, repulsive to them. 

When I tell people that I am in support of gay marriage, sometimes the first response I hear is "that's so wrong" or "that's gross". However, those reactions often aren't in response to some set of biblical values, they are in response to an errant human perception that gay marriage is primarily about gay sex and gay sex is repulsive. Therefore, gay marriage should be prohibited.

However, in any marriage, our primary concern shouldn't be about what goes on in the bedroom. When straight friends marry, we (generally) don't spend a lot of time thinking about what kind of sex they will have. In fact, a straight couple might very well do things in the privacy of their own bedroom that others would find to be repulsive. Even so, we certainly don't try to prohibit straight couples from marrying because of what will go on behind closed doors. Instead, we are usually happy for them to be together if they are in love. So why should the type of sex that goes on in a bedroom of two mutually consenting gay adults be a primary consideration when it comes to the question of marriage?

If we take the physical act of sex out of the issue, what are we left with?

I have read statistics that some Christians refer to, evidencing that the rate of domestic violence, substance abuse and mental illness is greater in gay relationships than in straight ones. Those statistics might very well be true, but not because the couple is gay. Rather, it's likely these things happen because being gay is so marginalized by society, so stressful, and because so many people actively oppress them. I suspect if straight marriage were treated like gay marriage, those statistics would be about the same in straight marriages. Therefore, it's not fair to use these statistics in arguments, because the societal differences in the circumstances are vast.

In the end, any kind of marriage is about love. 

The truth is that gay marriage is exactly like straight marriage. One person falls in love with another person, and they want to commit to spending their lives together. Unfortunately, many Christians can only think about the sex angle. Isn't that ironic? Get your mind out of the gutter, people. Regardless of how you might view gay sex, your opinion of that isn't reason enough to prevent two people who love each other from marrying.

You may be able to be truly honest and say that it is NOT your view of gay sex that in your mind prohibits gay marriage, but rather obedience to what the bible says about the subject. I will politely suggest that you read the bible again and make sure you have obeyed it, even the things that we no longer hold as law due to cultural changes. Have you ever been divorced or eaten rare steak or shellfish? Have you ever worn gold? If you are a woman, have you ever worn pants, cut your hair or spoken in church? Generally speaking, those things are no longer viewed as disobeying the law because our culture has evolved beyond them. Like it or not, it's true.

Gay marriage is next in line for cultural evolution, and I look forward to the end of this type of oppression and marginalization. 

As a culture, we have to consider that change is inevitable. In fact, Christians have changed many of their "thou shalt not" laws over the centuries. We have learned that some laws and rules simply are no longer relevant to our lifestyle. We have learned that some laws  and rules are impractical or even strange in modern culture. We have learned that some laws and rules are still important because they are harmful to our lives as a loving people. We shouldn't lie, we shouldn't steal, we shouldn't murder. However, what part of gay marriage is harmful to love?

Gay marriage is about love, and in my opinion, who am I to stand in the way of it?

Please visit the other synchroblog participants:

Kathy Baldock at Canyonwalker Connections - Marriage "I Do" For Who
Dan Brennan at Faith Dance - Sexual Difference, Marriage and Friendship
Steve Hayes at Khanya - Same Sex Marriage Synchroblog
Sonja Andrews at Calacirian - In Defense Of Marriage
John C O'Keefe - Exactly What Is Gay Marriage
Liz Dyer at Grace Rules - Nobody knows why or how same-sex marriage is harmful
Herman Groenewald at Along The Way - Same Sex Debate
Margaret Boelman at Minnowspeaks - What Have We Done
David Henson at unorthodoxology - ban marriage
Joshua Jinno at Antechurch - The Church Is Impotent
Kathy Escobar at The Carnival in my Head - it's easy to be against equal rights when we have them
K.W. Leslie at The Evening of Kent - Mountains, molehills, and same-sex marriage