Gives Me Hope

I have begun following a website called "Gives Me Hope", which is a positive alternative to Failblog or FML. You might check it out.

During the five + years I have opted out of church community, I have been told that I'm just bitter, to not throw the baby out with the bathwater, to not judge a church by the fallen people who occupy it; but I do. I would love to say that I'm not bitter, but I am. However, I think often people assume I'm bitter because of some unfortunate experiences that I had, or was involved in. That's not the real reason. Yes, my experiences were born of fallen people making huge mistakes (myself included). However, those mistakes were born of a mentality that the church is responsible for, and I love to hate the Church, and all its trimmings, for that reason. I wish I was healthy enough for this not to be the case, but I would be lying if I said its not.

I spent the evening with some friends tonight, and afterwards came home to my house filled with the sounds of a popular Christian radio station. For most of the past five years, this would have sent me cringing to my bedroom to don headphones with some good Classic Rock. However, tonight, I realized it didn't quite grate on me the same way, and I actually tolerated it for about an hour. I wondered why; then it occurred to me.

Tonight, I was visiting with these friends who are still active members of the faith and of their church. One friend said she still reads my blog and told me how much she enjoys my writing. I laughed told her that she "probably should quit reading my blog, as I'm really going off the deep end these days".

She paused for a second, then smiled and said, "It doesn't matter what you write."

That took me aback for a moment, because few, if any, of my other Christian friends have said something like that. Usually I hear "don't be so bitter, don't throw the baby out with the bathwater, don't continue sliding away". Not often do I hear that what I am going through, sorting out, or resolving is okay.

The reason the Christian radio station didn't quite annoy me like it has these past years is because Christians like these friends of mine Give Me Hope.

That simple sentence she said changed, even if just a little, my attitude towards something Christian that I love to hate.

Isn't that interesting?

I told these friends this evening that I have essentially "opted out"; although what, exactly, I have opted out of is non-specific. Church, for sure; many beliefs for sure. Christianity as a label, probably. But maybe, just maybe, I haven't yet opted out of Christ. I do know that my opt-out has no expiration date; it remains in effect until the day comes, if ever, that I choose to opt-in again. But friends like these give me hope that maybe, just maybe, there might be something worth opting into again one day.

Maybe not. But maybe.