They Grow Up at the Speed of Light

In case you hadn't heard, kids grow up way too fast.

In the early years, when we can't wait for them to wipe their own bottoms or put themselves to bed, we all heard someone say "Oh, but they grow up so fast". 

Indeed. 

Soon, they won't need you for much more than money and clean undies. Soon, they will ask forgiveness more than they ask permission. Soon, they will become as independent as Ralph Nader.

As well they should. If they don't, we haven't done our jobs properly.

Still, as much the parents I know who have small children can't wait for a little more independence, there are also parents whose children are older than mine who shake their heads at me and think "You ain't seen nothin' yet". Soon, they will want cars and have girlfriends and move out, only to move back in when they grow tired of eating Ramen. 

Fortunately my kids still give hugs and one of them still likes to be "tucked in" at bedtime. Years ago, I couldn't wait for the bedtime routine to be over. I relish those moments these days, and mourn the countdown to their demise.

However, the benefits of having older children are numerous: 

Teenagers can do REAL chores, like lawn-mowing and dish-washing. 

The parents' desire to leave the house no longer requires diaper bags, strollers, car seats and screaming children - or seeking out that ever-elusive babysitter.

Teenagers no longer need a plethora of daily reminders: brush your hair, brush your teeth, put on clean socks, do your homework, don't wipe boogers on the wall. 

Still, I have spent the better part of this last week sorting through an attic filled with baby-toddler-preschooler-up-through-3rd-grade things, making decisions about what to keep and what to sell or give to Goodwill. Oh, what a melancholy life I lead. I would be lying if I said I haven't cried a little for the tension between baby bottle and high-schooler. But as there will be no more babies in this house (a sad fact in it's own right - I have been doing the baby-child thing for so long, I don't remember what else I'm good for!), keeping every last sippy cup or onesie seems lunatic.

The tension, and the downside, of having older children is evidenced by the fact that I had a heart to heart with my now high-school age son the other day. As a parent, there are some things that must be addressed before high school begins. Yes, we covered the basics: pay attention in class, don't lose your locker combination, walk away from arguments. But there are some more difficult subjects that cannot be ignored.

One: Don't ever ever ever drive after drinking (or otherwise partaking of mind-altering substances). Don't ever ever ever get in the car with a driver who has been drinking. Call me. I will pick you up. I will call a cab. I will tell you to stay put until morning. Anything other than taking that risk. 

Lesson from Mom: As a young idiot, I drove intoxicated on a handful of occasions. My parents always insisted that I come home - even when I'd been drinking. So, while driving I would pray without ceasing, "Please God, don't let me kill anyone!". If anything should make me believe in God, that would be it - because thankfully I never killed anyone. But I would scour the newspapers for several days after each instance for news about accidents at the times and locations where I would have been driving...wondering if I HAD killed someone and just had not realized it.

Kids who live another day to face their parents' wrath are far more desirable than kids who make curfew by risking death - theirs or someone else's. Never will I put my kids in that position.

Two: Always use a condom. This is met with rolling eyes and "Mo-om!" I tell him I hope that he will wait until he's in a mature and loving relationship. However, as the alternative, always use a condom. I don't care if she's on the pill, I don't care if it's uncomfortable, I don't care about any excuse. I am 40 years old and I know a few things. ALWAYS, every time, until the day you are prepared to become a parent of a child that YOU will have to tell to always use a condom.

Lesson from Mom: I also learned from experience that there are repercussions of the failure to use a condom, besides just babies. The repercussions are such that a woman might never have be able to have babies, even when she wants to....or if she does, she may struggle to have healthy pregnancies. I thank God every day that I was able to successfully give birth to two relatively healthy children. The odds weren't good, thanks to my idiotic behavior when I was young. 

Some of you reading might wonder why I don't exclusively teach my children abstinence - from alcohol, drugs, sex, whatnot. Well, I'm decidedly NOT an idiot. Yes, I have hopes that they will make wise choices. However, what is good in theory is often not the reality. As parents, we have to prepare for that, and we have to prepare our teenagers for that. Maybe it's unfortunate, but it's not as unfortunate as ignorance. I wish my parents had been more proactive in this area, it would have saved me some grief; but I was the first and oldest child, and they did the best they could.

As well, I understand the pitfalls of trying to be my teenagers' "friend". That is not what I'm advocating. Only that we be honest with them about the realities of growing up, the situations they might face, and what we have learned from our own mistakes. They may not listen, but it must be said.

While sorting through infant clothes and Blues Clues toys, I found myself crying...both for the loss of the days where the most complicated thing about my children was that they wanted hot dogs in their mac-n-cheese...and grateful for the growing independence that is developing my children into the adults they will one day become.

I can only hope I've done a decent job.