Five years ago, I had certain expectations about life, love, parenting, faith and friendships. I naively expected things to remain the same, indefinitely. Back then I didn't even own blueprints for what life would look like today.
Life dictates that we expect the unexpected. Plan for the future, sure...have specific expectations for the future, not so much. Life could be boring, safe, simple...and I'm sure it is for some people. But for most of us, there are twists and turns, sorrow and joy, peace and conflict, safety and insecurity. Keeps us on our toes, keeps it interesting.
Learning to adapt to changes in life is half the fun. Fun. Yes, FUN. It's ugly, messy, angry, painful, frustrating. And we adapt. However, not becoming bitter and cynical in that adaptation is really where it's at. It's far easier to be angry, to point out faults, be self-righteous, to say "it's not fair!" when things don't go the way we expect them to, than it is to say "I'll adapt, I choose to embrace the change". Yes, it's more challenging, but more rewarding in the end than harboring bitterness. Bitterness just makes us old.
Certainly there are different types of change. Some changes come at us entirely unexpectedly and knock the wind out of us, devastating what we thought was the future. Others can be seen as opportunity if looked at the right way. Sometimes it takes awhile to learn to breathe again, sometimes it's a breath of fresh air. I understand that, and I'm not suggesting that letting go of expectations and embracing change is always easy. In fact, it usually takes concentrated effort.
However, holding tight to our expectations can seriously retard our ability to enjoy life. Instead we can choose to be fluid, to move with the future, and to embrace the changes. Of course, as many expectations as I've learned to move in harmony with, there are still some where I struggle to find peace. I am trying to recognize and improve upon those things.
Right now, the change I'm embracing is parenting a teenager. Anyone who has had one knows what that change means. Learning to let go, knowing I cannot retain the same level of control as I used to have. Making room in my life for the man he is becoming while still allowing him to be a child when he wants to. This is a change I have known was coming for so very long, so it is not unexpected, and it is an opportunity to examine the way I relate to this person. He is an individual now, no longer simply an extension of me, and I have to respect him.
But this change is only one area of life that has moved away from my expectations. Still, some of those changes are exciting, not always a struggle. And some of them produce stress, worry and fear.
The world is always shifting under our feet, and sometimes we have to dance to remain standing. But joy is found in the learning, if we dare.
What change are you embracing?
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