Part 1 HERE.
If you've ever seen a newborn baby "startle", this is a result of their realization that there is no womb holding them tightly anymore, and they fear they are falling. However, babies learn not only to live in this wide-open environment we call the world, they learn to thrive in it. They adapt, and as a child matures, this "startle" will happen less frequently.
The same is true of leaving church. Please understand my analogy. I don't mean to imply that those who remain in church are infants still in the womb, and those who leave are "mature". My implication is only that, for those who do leave "church", the transition will feel very much like an infant's transition from the womb to the world.
Personally, I learned to embrace the freefall that I experienced when I left church. It was terrifying at first, but eventually it became less frightening, more comfortable, even precious to me. To me, freefall translates as freedom. The words are interchangeable, simply different perceptions of the same thing.
Make no mistake, many people would rather retain their certainty than gain the freedom, because it is such a difficult, confusing, painful process to undergo. However, those people usually realize that once they have taken the red pill, they simply cannot go back. They must move forward. This doesn't mean a return to church is impossible, but a return to the old paradigm, the old belief system, is very nearly so.
My desire is to encourage those who are in this place of spiritual freefall between what was once certain and the freedom that will come after it. My best advice is simple: know that God can take whatever we can dish out. Be it anger, bitterness, doubt, confusion, or fear, there is no emotion he didn't create and nothing we can do to drive him away. He will never let go of us, at least not until such a time as we come to the conclusion that he does not exist. God is faithful, and as long as we continue to seek him, to seek understanding of who he is to each of us and what faith means for our own lives, he will be there.
I have actively tried to cause God to leave me. For a season after I left church, I decided I would prefer believing in no God at all rather than face uncertainty. Faithlessness seemed preferable to doubt. I hoped he would let go of me so that I would not have to make the exhausting effort to reshape my faith into something livable and workable. But he was there, and no matter how I tried, I couldn't shake the peace and love he brings to my spirit. My perception of him is extraordinarily different than it used to be, but to me, He still exists as a foundational part of my life.
For many (most?) people, this searching leads to a renewed, refreshed faith. Therefore, what I am about to say next is not something to be feared in the journey. However, it is important to know that sometimes a person's path might eventually lead to the inability to believe in God as Christianity knows Him. Sometimes this means belief in no God at all, and sometimes this may lead to the following of another kind of God. I see these as a valid outcome for some people, so I do not wish to imply that all searching will lead to belief in a new version of the Christian God. As well, don't fear it, because if that is you, by the time you get there, you will have peace with it.
It's also important to know that this certainty-less place in faith, well, will remain so. For as soon as we form new certainties, we will find ourselves in a new box. Instead, it is better to accept that faith is fluid, always in transition through the life experiences we are forced to learn from. So don't expect you will simply come to a new list of certainties; you probably won't.
Maybe a few of your uncertainties will become new certainties, but many of them won't. Just ask yourself these questions, "Do I really need to be certain on this issue? What does it mean for me if I'm not certain? Can I really know God's heart on this issue? Do I believe God has a definite opinion on this issue?" Etc. Don't be afraid to ask yourself, and don't be afraid to decide that you don't know.
I'll leave you with my personal motto that has led me to my own conclusions about faith:
God is Love. Therefore, if it is not loving, it is not of God. Not to say that one cannot have Love without God, but it is safe to say one cannot have God without Love.
There is more...I'll write Part 3 soon (I hope)!
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