Anniversary

I only have a minute but I couldn't let it pass without a mention.

September 14th marked my 4th blog birthday. The first two years were high and fast, but the last year or so has been more slow and thoughtful. That's OK, seasons change.

I'm eternally grateful for all the people I have met and all the beautiful friendships that have come; without you I wouldn't still be blogging.

You are all so loved. You are my Church. Thank you.

I was bored, so...

A month ago I never would have thought I'd be saying to my kids, "Not now, mommy has homework". But there it is.

The relay is over, the kids are in school, and I haven't known what to do with myself. I've been, well, bored.

So I thought, "I know, I'll go to college!"

Well, considering I have a family and we are not wealthy, going to college is going to be a one-step-at-a-time process. But this term, I'm going to school; who knows what winter will bring. I don't have even an undergrad degree at this point, so I'm starting from scratch. I did go to college one year, but that was almost 20 years ago, and apparently that doesn't count for anything today. ;)

So off I go. I am easing into it, I'm only taking 8 credits this term, mostly because I got into it too late to get any financial aid this term, so I'm taking what we can pay for. Also, and more importantly, I'm still uncertain how well this will fit into my life.

A degree has always been my dream. I'm a brain and I feel wasteful if I don't use it. Not that all these years of raising kids has been a waste, because anyone who has done it will tell you that it requires as much smarts as anything. However, they are both older, don't need me as much, and so I have three choices. I can knock around the house all day, make coffee dates, watch TV and surf the internet (which is boring as hell if you do enough of it). I can go get a job, but considering I've been out of the workforce for 13 years, have no degree, and no verifiable skills other than childcare, my options are limited. Or, I can try to move forward.

Who knows where this will go. I'd love to tell you that I have it all mapped out, but seeing as how I don't even know if I will be going from one term to the next, it's all uncertain. But the worst that will happen is I won't be able to follow through, but I will at least have some credits toward something in the future.

As well, we will have children entering college in a few years, and if I can complete my education and be reasonably employable by that time, the two incomes won't be a bad thing. I have been going around in my head with the idea for several years, but it was only a pipe dream until about three weeks ago. Then, I decided, why not TRY?

So then what to study? I have had to think carefully about whether to take on a field where I can be employable in two years, probably something in medical assisting or such. But I don't really want to do that, even if almost everything in medical fields is a great job market around here. Especially elder care. But I don't really want to do that, either.

So then, do I spend time studying something that is easily employable, but that I won't enjoy? Why? I could do something I don't enjoy right now. I'd bet you money Wal-mart would hire me tomorrow. Maybe it's a rite of adulthood that one must work in whatever field makes the money, regardless of whether one likes it or not. I get that and I can do that. But why should I spend money on an education learning to do something that will make me miserable in 5 years? There's no point in that.

What should I study? Well, I have known all my life what that should be, but it's not a high-paying field. At least not at the bachelor's level. It's what I wanted to study when I went to college the first time, but every one told me there was no money in it. Therefore I didn't study it. I am still not clear on the specifics, because there are several directions I could go. This year will be a chance to take some general ed, and explore the possibilities.

I want to go into counseling. I am not sure what kind of counseling. I would really like to work with kids and families. I don't know if I will go the psychology route or the social work route. I'm hoping to begin a two year course of study next fall at the community college where I'm attending. Three years from now I could be a university, working to complete my degree.

There is no telling where this is leading; all the plans could change. I could decide study history (not inconceivable but not very employable) english/writing (definitely conceivable but not very employable) or chemistry major (doubt it) or I could fail entirely. Who knows?

But I'm really excited to find out.

Call me nuts, but my inspiration has been a good friend of mine, who is my age. She began college maybe 7 years ago, and is now working to complete her doctoral studies in chemistry. If she can do it , why can't I?

Fortunately everyone I know is supportive, and no one thinks I'm as ridiculous as I feel. We do worry about the financial aspect of it, so there are a lot of bridges to be crossed in that area before I begin full time. Because I'm starting so late in life I don't want to, and really can't, be burdened with a ton of debt at the end. My own kids will be going to college soon., and I have that to think about So it will only work with sufficient scholarships and grants.

Anyhow, that's what's new with me. What's up with you?

Constant Evaluation

I have been writing this post for a week now, one sentence at a time. Some new things have come down the pike in my life and my time for things seems to come in short bursts.

Anyhow, I am constantly reevaluating my faith, defining new boundaries, and exploring new territory. This has been one of those weeks.

It began with a post at Free Believers Network...Do people consciously choose not to be free? This post challenged me in several ways. In part, because I found myself nodding my head. I know people, personally, who refuse to be free. They choose to chase traditional evangelicalism as if it will be their salvation simply by way of adherence. However, this post also gave me that still small voice, that check in my spirit. Why? Because of the level of anger expressed towards those who choose not to be free, literally, zero tolerance of people who reject it. One point really did make me think, though.

"When people decided not to get it, Jesus purposefully hid it all from their sight and made them even more blind than they were before they had encountered Him. He literally made them become stupid. He threw out stumbling blocks in front of them so they couldn’t receive it and believe it or not - Jesus took great PLEASURE in the fact that these people were blinded to it..."

Nate has returned to his blog for at least two posts, and his thoughts never fail to cause me to look deeply at some of my own perceptions. "Each person has to learn God in their own way", and "What happens when a person's belief structure collapses?" And then, is this always due to study, or sometimes tragedy?

"Those people that love to go to church, you know the ones I mean. The ones depicted by Dana Carvey as the church lady. They are understanding, "in THEIR own way." Those who just go in and don't rock the boat, those that are on fifty committees and are at church every day, to those that come when they feel like it only fifteen to twenty times a year, or maybe just Easter and Christmas. Those that go to church as in chat rooms and blogs. Those that will just meet with some friends on occasion and talk about God. That is "THEIR" understanding, and it is enough for them. Who am I to judge?"

"BUT, when those that are in earnest about their faith study, and find a different God staring up at them out of the pages of their bible, than the one being told about in church, their belief structure doesn't just crumble, it collapses. Crashing down on them, leaving them angry, bitter and in utter despair."

My response in the comments: "In my case, it wasn't so much study as it was always knowing the God who lived in me was not the God I was taught about. Then, finally, a life event that proved to me beyond any doubt that these people didn't practice what they preached...they were dead on hypocrites."

And Barry, who recently came out of the closet as an agnostic, and the ensuing conversation on his post has made me think. Does a lack of absolute certainty automatically make one an agnostic?

"It is simply not possible to prove that God is real. Of course, the flip-side is also true: it is also impossible to prove that there is no God."

"The next question, of course, is this: even assuming that there is a God or gods, what evidence is there that Christianity is right about who God is? Why not the Hindus, or the Zoroastrians, or the Wiccans, or the Deists…. You get the idea."

But then, does it depend how one defines "God"? My response in the comments was this: "But then, I wonder if absolute certainty is overrated? I mean if the belief in the existence of God (however we perceive that) makes our lives better and inspires us to do good in the world, then what have we lost if it turns out we were wrong? So we just vaporize off into nothingness when we die, but at that point, will we even care?"

It's always fascinating to me how a few seemingly unrelated posts will move me to some serious thought about my own existence in this faith. Yesterday, I found myself contemplating some of the things I still hold true from my Christian belief system, and I'll tell you there aren't many of those things left.

I love constantly being challenged to grow and learn. I'm hoping to write another post soon about what these three posts have caused me to reevaluate.

Relay Life II

We had a team of 12 women and we trained all summer. The weekly training on Saturday mornings was so fun...everyone took turns choosing the location, and we found some really beautiful walks. Yes, sometimes it was rough getting out of bed that early, and sometimes the training was a tremendous challenge, but all-in-all it was entirely worth it. We got to know each other (since each of us only knew a few of the others, and the rest were friends of friends), and this time we spent developing friendships goes miles toward us having a great time come relay.

I could try to explain to you how the logistics of this relay work, but frankly that would be boring. Essentially, on a 12 person team, each person will have two legs of 3.75-7.75 miles. We walk round the clock from early Friday morning until mid-morning Saturday. It took us around 32 hours total to finish; teams take anywhere between 20-35 hours to cover the 127 miles. The truly wonderful part of this relay is that anyone can participate, granted you can actually walk about 6 miles without stopping. There is no real time limit (there is, but it is set up so that even slow walking teams will finish nearly 8 hours before the course closes), and I love the fact that this opportunity is available to anyone who wants it. This opens the event up to wonderfully diverse teams of people who have fun together, without having to lend too much consideration to times.

The fun of it is in the friendships. The endless laughs we have as we each near exhaustion. The fast-paced, high-energy atmosphere, the hundreds of people and vehicles at each exchange, the fantastically funny team names and costumes, the lights and decorations on the vehicles...there is no end to the entertainment, and we experience it for over 30 hours.

The greatest thrill is the finish...waiting for the last team member to come down the Promenade in Seaside, joining them to cross the finish, and knowing you all have completed something amazing. We then spend the weekend in Seaside, attending the largest annual party on the west coast. Music and dancing, beer and wine, laughter and great times as a reward for our hard work.

I won't kid you, it is taxing, it is challenging...we face outhouses and massive crowds and sick stomachs and hornet stings and blisters and sunburn and rain...we get testy with each other and apologies ensue....but it is every bit worth it, and I can't WAIT to do it again next year!

*The photo shows my team minus two people who were on the course walking together.

Relay Life

Some people have asked me about the relay, so I am going to recount what it's all about.

The Hood to Coast running relay began 28 years ago as the brainchild of Bob Foote (ironic?). This is a 197 mile relay beginning at Timberline Lodge on Mt. Hood, and ending in Seaside, Oregon. Teams generally consist of 12 people, each running 3 legs of 5-7 miles. for a total of 36 legs. However, some teams are, 8, 6 or even occasionally fewer, with each person running 4, 6 or more legs.

19 years ago the Portland to Coast walking relay was added to the Hood to Coast route, however, only covering the final 24 legs (not legs 1-12) that go from Portland to Seaside. Teams also generally consists of 12 people with 2 legs each, but can be 8 people/3 legs or 6 people/4 legs.

These two events are the largest relay events in the world. And in my opinion the most fun I've ever had. The Hood to Coast Relay consists of 1000 teams, the Portland to Coast is an additional 400 teams, and the High School Challenge is 50 teams. Including drivers and volunteers, all in all we have over 17,000 people involved.

When my friend Melissa approached me last year about participating in the relay, I was thoughtful about it. I knew I wasn't in great shape and could only average about a 16-17 minute mile. She said it didn't matter as we were a non-competitive team, so I bit. This began in May and I trained all summer, eventually bringing my average down to 15 minutes. You can read what I wrote about last years' relay here. It was the most satisfying accomplishment in my life aside from giving birth, and the overwhelming sense of personal accomplishment inspired me to continue training.

Last winter all I could think about was the 2009 relay. I had an informational meeting in February, and somehow the job of captain landed in my lap. I took this very seriously as it became my responsibility to make this happen for 11 other people. I take great pride in having a non-competitive team. Anyone is welcome, if you can walk 6 miles straight, you can do it. So far we have had all women teams, but men are welcome, too. I love to give this opportunity for success to anyone who might want it.

We put the team together in March and officially began training the first week of April. We trained together every Saturday morning from then until the week of the relay. We had amazing fun, got through some really difficult training together, and formed some beautiful bonds. During the week each person was responsible for their own training, but often at least some of us trained together on days other than Saturday. Not everyone made it to every training session, but some of us did. We also had three Seattle-area team members, which was fine, but they had to train on their own.

It was my goal to take an additional two minutes off my average mile before the relay this summer, and I took a 12 week racewalking training class to help me prepare. I can't even tell you how just learning proper technique made an amazing difference in my speed. It took almost all summer, but I did meet my goal. My best single mile ended up being 12 minutes and my average was just over 13. I hope to best these by two minutes again before next years' event.

What I love with all my heart about this event is how it is all about personal goal and achievement, everyone sets their own goals; some were just to finish, some were to meet a certain average speed. However we did have a couple girls take a great deal of time off their 10K average (which is what we use to measure speed for the relay), one even gained a whopping 13 minutes. Amazing.

Each team comes up with a team name. Ours was "Rockin' Walkers." It wasn't terribly original as we shared the field with "Rock the Walk" and "Rockin' and Walkin'". Some of the team names are fantastically humorous or original. I would relate some of them here, but there are so many to choose from and to be honest some are only marginally appropriate for a family audience. Let's just say the team called "My Husband's Third Leg is Short" was one of our favorites. :)

Teams also decorate their two vehicles and often have matching t-shirts or costumes of some kind. I like to say this is the largest mobile party in the world. The amount of lights, decorations, creative costumes and fun you witness is one of the high points of this event.

Of all the teams with similar names, I think we had the best costumes. We got so many compliments all along the course. We made team t-shirts and everyone chose a song to put on the "record album" on the back. So we had a jukebox of 14 songs (we had 12 walkers and 2 drivers on our team) and people loved seeing a group of us together to see what songs we had on our shirts. Then everyone decorated their shirt in keeping with their song, and many of us wore some kind of costume during the relay. Most of our team wore tennis skirts with our shirts and we looked great!

Most of our team were women in their mid 30's to early 40's, but we had one 63 year old and one woman who is 5 months pregnant. Everyone did wonderful and some people really impressed themselves with what they were able to accomplish.

Ok this post is getting really long so I'm going to stop here and tell you about the actual event in another post.