Promise of a New Day IV

A simple explanation for why I haven't been around more: I'm training. For me, training is a huge undertaking, as I'm not in great shape to start with. This week it was about 15 hours: 30 miles of walking, plus weights, bike and stairmaster. I am not looking for kudos for that, my point is, this time takes me away from other things I should be doing. The other really interesting side effect, as I'm into week 4 of this routine, is I have an abundance of energy many days. This means when I'm home, I feel rather disinclined to sit and read blogs and write. In fact, I can't sit still some days...so many other neglected things are getting done around here...but the blog...not so much.

In my last post we discussed labels. Or, more specifically, the label of Christian. My friend Gary has been addressing this recently; the question of whether or not we ought to retain the label of Christian, even with its resident baggage. As well there is a post I found through a FB update by Jim Palmer, addressing the issue of the "Christian" label from another angle. Nicole got in on this topic, and Jeff has written about it several times recently. Apparently this is something many people have on their minds.

The big question: To be or not to be...a 'Christian', that is.

In my last post, Jon said,

"it is not so much what [the label of 'Christian'] does to YOU that is the problem, it is what it does to the "hearer" of the label and all the assumptions about you that get heaped on once the word is uttered."

Over the last few years I have come to generally reject the label of 'Christian' for all it's negative connotations that are impossible to avoid. However, when reading one of Gary's posts, it occurred to me that maybe the problem is more simply resolved than trying to create a new label that I feel accurately represents my faith. Instead, I wonder if it only matters from what angle we are looking at the label.

In one of his posts, Gary says,

"I am looking at trying to define who I am primarily for my own internal orientation, a point of reference. I am not trying to adopt a label off the shelf and make it mine. I am trying to take a shopworn label and apply my own meaning to it for my own reference."

I think maybe the definition of the label 'Christian' must arise from some internal orientation, rather than an external expectations. Maybe Christians' collective problems with others' practice of the Christian faith comes from the refusal to accept that our angle on faith is internally driven, that each of us is called to a different place in the faith from the Spirit within, and we ought to prize our own place more than we worry about someone else's place being different than ours. Likewise, maybe those who make assumptions about Christians from outside the faith need to realize that 'Christian' is a broad term, with many possible variations.

Not to suggest that we go around announcing our faith to anyone who will hear it, but as an argument point: if I identify myself as Christian and someone who does not know me chooses not to know me for simply that reason, whose responsibility is that. Really? Likewise, if I identify myself as Christian, and someone who doesn't know me chooses to get to know me, they will find by my attitude and actions just what "kind" of Christian I really am. I am not self-righteous, judgemental, critical, bible-beating. I simply follow Jesus' mandate to LOVE.

This realization was intense and profound to me, deeply changing the way I see myself and my chosen faith persuasion. If I choose to apply a label because it reflects what is resounding in my own soul, I can embrace it because it is uniquely mine. In the pit of my soul, the word 'Christian' means I have chosen to seek Jesus as my way. Nothing more, no additives, no preservatives. Unadulterated Jesus.

And I leave you with this little tidbit of wisdom, from "Break it Down Again" by Tears for Fears:

"When it's all mixed up
Better break it down
In the world of silence
In the world of sound

"It's in the way you're always hiding from the light
Fast off to heaven just like moses on a motorbike
No revolution
Maybe someone somewhere else
Could show you something new to help you with the ups and downs
I want to break it down
Break it down again

To be continued...

Promise of a New Day I
Promise of a New Day II
Promise of a New Day III
Promise of a New Day IV
Promise of New Day V
Promise of a New Day: Epilogue

Promise of a New Day III

I have been slow to continue this series for lack of time to write, but please bear with me...there are at least three more after this one. I am getting somewhere, but it's a long thought process.

Some people think the spiritual wanderlust I mentioned in the previous post can lead to dangerous places; there is that slippery slope everyone fears. However, it's how I choose to live...because I believe my faith must not become "THE way", not for me or for anyone else. Ever. I have been wandering for over four years, and I can promise you I have not fallen off the edge of Christianity. Of course, depending on your perspective, you may think I have. It could be that I'm simply deluded, but I would say Jesus is such a reality in my life that I doubt that; I have tried to shake him in the past, but he clings to me like spandex.

This wanderlust is the comfortable reality for me, but it comes with a problem. If I believe it is acceptable for myself to wander through the forests of changing beliefs, knowing I'll never have it ALL right, I have to believe that is true for everyone else, as well. I have to learn not to treat people as if my way is THE way. I need to never portray that I have all the mysteries of the Christian faith, or even some of them, solved. I have to choose to be open to my own future movement, with the unpleasant likelihood that I am wrong about some things. Many things even, at least as much as I believe others are wrong.

Jeff said recently that the Word is not a weapon to use against our brethren. I completely agree, but would take it one step further to add that our particular Christian methodology is not a weapon, either; any method by which we identify who is doing it "right" and who is not frustrates me. We're all in this together. The True "Way" is a Person, not any system we might create. Please know I realize I'm enormously guilty of this attitude.

Yes, there have been many issues I have had with how Christianity is traditionally "done". I'm not saying that all ways are equally acceptable; I'm saying that any ONE way is not THE way; neither my way nor any other way. Or focus is too often on beliefs or practices as a means of separating groups of Christians, and not often enough on the one thing that unifies them: Christ. As a generalization, all the various persuasions of Christians believe they are "doing it right"; that all other Christians ought to believe or practice as they do. This is the primary reason I reject labels; they are useless for anything other than to separate one from another. Separation leads to arguments, arguments to ugliness. All this bickering has led Christians to often have a bad name...for if we cannot even treat other Christians with grace, what use are we to the world?

I have even considered dropping the label of "Christian"; though I don't know what to adopt in it's place. and it feels uncomfortable to be label-free. And yet, the rejection of the traditional label could easily be considered a label unto itself; the label of 'rebel'?

Promise of a New Day I
Promise of a New Day II
Promise of a New Day III
Promise of a New Day IV
Promise of a New Day V
Promise of a New Day: Epilogue

Risen!

RISEN!

Promise of a New Day II

I'll be first in line to tell you that I know nothing, and I reserve the right to correct myself at any time. However, I have come to the conclusion that the key to healthy faith is an ongoing and continuous "movement", and therefore this place I've settled is not the right place for me. Any transformation of faith I undergo cannot be seen as the end result, comfortable as it might be.

Someone smack me if I ever think I've "arrived".

Faith is fluid and possibly even could be perceived as antithetical to itself in it's constant state of evolution. Any concept that tries, either deliberately or inadvertently, to make Christianity into something textbook or formulaic is no longer on my radar, because it will inevitably believe it is "right", stagnating and becoming proud in its own correctness. Kinda like me. OK, so I don't know anything; we've already established that.

I think this is a contributing factor to why I haven't been writing as much. I have stagnated. I have developed a sense of apathy towards this place I have landed, and a sense of pride for having become so "progressive". There has to be more...this can't be everything there is to spirituality. And yet, I have found myself patting myself on the back, congratulating myself for how far I've come, and enjoying, just a little too much, the comfort of this now familiar place.

The sense of restlessness is deep, and as much as I try to ignore it, it begs to be heard. I owe my life to the "emerging conversation", for I would not still be here if I hadn't found something that validated my journey and saved me from the pain I was in. It's a debt of gratitude for the voices, both small and large, I owe for seeing me through this season of resolving my faith and finding my freedom; and I will forever value the relationships I have developed. Yet, I can't make my camp here.

That may sound like a "goodbye"; I assure you it's not. After months of feeling lost in a spiritual fog, I have begun to see light again. I've wondered these last months where my apathy has come from, and if nothing else, spiritual boredom. I have to be challenged for my faith to survive. As much as I'd love to settle into a label and call it good, I cannot. You see, I have been searching for the place I belong, the label that "fits"; I have failed miserably. Or, more accurately, I have missed the point entirely. Once again I've sought solace in a label or a methodology, wanting to belong to something. I have looked to books to tell me I have it right, I have looked to others to validate me. I have wanted to stay here, in this comfortable, familiar place. But I cannot, for the point is not finding the label that fits, but in continuing to seek out Jesus, wherever that may take me.

One could easily say that my wanderlust is a dangerous thing. You may worry that, as I prance around the outskirts of "normative" Christianity, I'll fall off the edge and out into the space that is pluralism. But like the earth, Christianity is not flat, it is round, and possesses a gravity that I cannot escape. So I'll continue to prance, explore new territory, and fear not.

Still, something tells me that moving forward doesn't always mean leaving the prior thing behind.

To be continued....

Promise of a New Day I
Promise of a New Day II
Promise of a New Day III
Promise of a New Day IV
Promise of a New Day V
Promise of a New Day: Epilogue

Promise of a New Day

Anyone care to speculate what has happened to us? While I know many neighborhoods in the intangible world are thriving, it seems mine has become nearly a ghost town. Many people aren't posting, many people aren't commenting. Some people are closing their blogs or signing off permanently.

Where have all the cowboys gone?

Whatever this virus is, I have it too. Is there an antidote for thoroughly-bored-of-hearing-myself-speak? Nate says I will be here for a looong time. I would like to think so, but if the last few months are any indication, I have my doubts.

No matter, what's done is done. It's highly indicative of the world today. Times they are a-changing. Many of us don't have the luxury of spending as many hours composing blog posts as we did a year ago. We have more on our minds, more to worry about in the future, and more real life to deal with. The change in the economy is much like when Ben Linus turned the wheel in the Orchid Station on 'Lost'; there is no way to project the repercussions, they are far-reaching and unpredictable.

Much of my out-loud processing is being done in the presence of Rosalie, my Spiritual Director, these days; for I need to be challenged, to be asked pointed questions, and to be coaxed through the birth canal of my spiritual stuck-ness. She brings out the dreams in me, but also the hindrances to those dreams. I often awake sensing a new aroma on the wind, something my nose tries to follow, and I move closer each day, but so far not reaching it's source. It's something calling me out; picture Mark Metcalf screaming "Whadya wanna do with your life?" Um...

There is still fire in our bellies, no doubt. I hear it in the conversations I have with my online "neighbors", see it in the actions they take and the struggles they face. This change in our spiritual DNA isn't always easy to endure, and requires a retreating into ourselves from time to time, absorbing our new ideas and getting to know our new body. One day, again, we will surface for air and see a new frontier yet again, stretching out beyond where we presently stand, and we will walk, again measuring out territory.

Well, I have been below the surface for some months now, processing some new and newly revealed situations in my life and working at turning my head toward the future and away from the past. Somewhere out there is my new territory.

In case you wondered, I do have some ideas about where that new territory may lie and how I might find it. Stay tuned, this post is already too long, and so I must divide it.

Be encouraged, there is hope on the horizon.

Promise of a New Day I
Promise of a New Day II
Promise of a New Day III
Promise of a New Day IV
Promise of a New Day V
Promise of a New Day: Epilogue