Promise of a New Day II

I'll be first in line to tell you that I know nothing, and I reserve the right to correct myself at any time. However, I have come to the conclusion that the key to healthy faith is an ongoing and continuous "movement", and therefore this place I've settled is not the right place for me. Any transformation of faith I undergo cannot be seen as the end result, comfortable as it might be.

Someone smack me if I ever think I've "arrived".

Faith is fluid and possibly even could be perceived as antithetical to itself in it's constant state of evolution. Any concept that tries, either deliberately or inadvertently, to make Christianity into something textbook or formulaic is no longer on my radar, because it will inevitably believe it is "right", stagnating and becoming proud in its own correctness. Kinda like me. OK, so I don't know anything; we've already established that.

I think this is a contributing factor to why I haven't been writing as much. I have stagnated. I have developed a sense of apathy towards this place I have landed, and a sense of pride for having become so "progressive". There has to be more...this can't be everything there is to spirituality. And yet, I have found myself patting myself on the back, congratulating myself for how far I've come, and enjoying, just a little too much, the comfort of this now familiar place.

The sense of restlessness is deep, and as much as I try to ignore it, it begs to be heard. I owe my life to the "emerging conversation", for I would not still be here if I hadn't found something that validated my journey and saved me from the pain I was in. It's a debt of gratitude for the voices, both small and large, I owe for seeing me through this season of resolving my faith and finding my freedom; and I will forever value the relationships I have developed. Yet, I can't make my camp here.

That may sound like a "goodbye"; I assure you it's not. After months of feeling lost in a spiritual fog, I have begun to see light again. I've wondered these last months where my apathy has come from, and if nothing else, spiritual boredom. I have to be challenged for my faith to survive. As much as I'd love to settle into a label and call it good, I cannot. You see, I have been searching for the place I belong, the label that "fits"; I have failed miserably. Or, more accurately, I have missed the point entirely. Once again I've sought solace in a label or a methodology, wanting to belong to something. I have looked to books to tell me I have it right, I have looked to others to validate me. I have wanted to stay here, in this comfortable, familiar place. But I cannot, for the point is not finding the label that fits, but in continuing to seek out Jesus, wherever that may take me.

One could easily say that my wanderlust is a dangerous thing. You may worry that, as I prance around the outskirts of "normative" Christianity, I'll fall off the edge and out into the space that is pluralism. But like the earth, Christianity is not flat, it is round, and possesses a gravity that I cannot escape. So I'll continue to prance, explore new territory, and fear not.

Still, something tells me that moving forward doesn't always mean leaving the prior thing behind.

To be continued....

Promise of a New Day I
Promise of a New Day II
Promise of a New Day III
Promise of a New Day IV
Promise of a New Day V
Promise of a New Day: Epilogue