Is Good God?

Continued from previous post...

The recent Pew Forum found something exceedingly interesting to me:

"Most Americans agree with the statement that many religions – not just their own – can lead to eternal life. Among those who are affiliated with a religious tradition, seven-in-ten say many religions can lead to eternal life. This view is shared by a majority of adherents in nearly all religious traditions, including more than half of members of evangelical Protestant churches (57%)."

Put another way, Jon says in his most recent post:

"because at the end of the day, scripture doesn't say that we must obey it or even believe it in order to be saved. it simply says that we believe in jesus. and even then, that's not the only way that it says we may live...not according to jesus anyway."

I see Jesus as the ultimate example of benevolence that ever walked this earth. In my mind, every manifestation of religion that holds bringing peace and good to other people as a significant part of their doctrine is exemplar of what Jesus stood for. But can we really simplify him in that way? Because in doing so, I must abandon that voice in my head that would say, "We don't get to God by being good".

I have been taught that in Jesus' time, the Jews believed Messiah wouldn't come until their society was "pure" and free from sin. They needed their legalism for the certainty that all their ritual beliefs and practices were followed to the letter. Hence their strong motivation to cast out prostitutes and other sinners. They were good with "Love the Lord your God", but they had entirely missed the rest of the commandments which are summed up by Jesus as "love your neighbor as yourself".

In all my experience as a Christian, it would seem that Jesus' goal wasn't to start a new religion, it was to end all religions; it was for the message that love, not right belief or right action, is the prime directive. He didn't want to save people from their sins, he wanted to save people from themselves and from each other. So, Jesus was all about a feeling, rather than thinking or doing. The Jews of his time didn't like this, because they had religion all thought out; all the thou-shalts and thou-shalt-nots were settled. So they saw this idea of love (rather than right/wrong) as a threat to their religion, because without rules to control sin, how would Messiah ever come?

Therefore Jesus died because of our (humankind's) collective state of selfishness, which is really the root of all evil - putting myself, my wants or needs above any other. Jesus claimed to be of the same God the Jews believed in, but spent most of his ministry years healing, helping, as well as teaching that generosity, peace, and selflessness were the way to God; and this contradicted the Law.

So on to another string for a moment. It's obvious to me that God meant to have relationship with us, the bible is clear about that, as are many other holy texts. However, even if I didn't believe any holy text, I simply cannot deny that there is a divinity I must connect with to remain sane and whole; a divinity which insists I care for others and constantly chasing a better self. It is innate in me, and it's conceivable to me that Jesus intended to eliminate religion by connecting us with this innateness, the power of Love and Good, teaching us to move within it and to act out of it.

If this divinity as any of us understand it is what motivates us to love others, is that all there is to it? So then, what about atheists? They are as able as anyone to be good to others, without any apparent relationship to deity of any kind. Maybe God is whatever motivates us to be good to each other?

In the comments of my previous post, Jon says:

"jesus said elsewhere that the entire law is summed up in this - do unto others as you would have them do unto you. how often is that the benchmark of our actions? how often i see gays, lesbians, metalheads, potheads, hippies, satanists and other[s] living by this principle."

Bottom line here, what's the true nature and extent of grace? Where does it take us if we follow it? Should we worry where we will end up if we do follow grace to it's outer reaches?

There is so much more I want to say on this, but this post is getting rather long so I'll save it for another day.

To be continued....

(I'm perfectly happy to hear disagreements, as long as they are delivered with kindness; due to some recent mean-spirited comments, I must warn that such will be deleted without warning. I also invite anyone who would like to talk more with me about this privately, please feel free to e-mail me, erinword at gmail dot com)

Off We Go, Into the Wild Blue Yonder...

Continued from previous post...

In my last post, I ended with these questions:

But, what is grace, anyhow? How far does it reach? Is it universal? Then, is God universal? If we cannot earn it, is it a gift we must accept in order for it to be given us, or is it automatic with no prerequisite? And if we do accept it or have been given it, can we ever lose it or be outside of it?

I can't answer these questions with any more certainty than you can, and, in the end, I doubt that the positions we hold have any real bearing on how God does business; this is decidedly not a democracy. However, those questions are key in our own journeys, for answered one way they are exclusive, answered another and they become inclusive; answered still another way, they are universal. We simply have to determine how we will each answer these, and we will know where we fall on the exclusivist-pluralist continuum.

I've already established that I'm not an exclusivist; I was there for most of my life, but it has ceased to work for me; this breakdown has left a vacuum in my belief system. However, inclusivism and universalism are also thoroughly imperfect theologies of God's grace, in my mind. The one major failing, and the reason I don't embrace them, is that while inclusive or universal salvation solves the problem of hell and judgment in the minds of Christians, what about those who practice the other religions we seek to accept? Do they even want to be granted our salvation? Is saying, "Your religion is fine for you here on earth, but in the end, my religion will save you to heaven" an insult to those who practice Islam, Buddhism, or Pagan/Neo-Pagan spirituality? Likewise, what about other religions' claims of exclusivity?

So then one begins to butt up against the quagmire of religious pluralism, which ventures way out into the wild blue yonder. Are all religions and spiritualities equally true and equally valid ways to experience and relate deity, however we might understand it?

However, is this discussion a moot point? In the end, is it even possible to claim Jesus and hold anything other than an exclusivist position? And does it even matter what we believe?

To be continued...

Vacation/Holiday

Just a note to say we will be on vacation (holiday) Friday June 2oth through Thursday June 26.

I should have access to wi-fi where we will be, although it is somewhat unreliable. Even if the wi-fi is working, I will be spending quality time with my family and will not be online as much as usual. If I fail to respond to e-mail or comments this week, I will respond after we have returned.

I do intend to continue this series on grace as connectivity and time permit.

Have a great week everyone!

I Hope You Dance

...continued from previous post.

My Christian life, as I wrote in Prayer=Sex with God, has not been a poster-child one. I have found God to be with me, ever kind and gentle even in the most shameless situations. That was a difficult confession to make...not the fact that I have been in shameless situations, but that I have found a loving God there every time. People seem to think that when we are acting from our flesh, God must be judging us, not loving us. How could he love us at our ugliest? But he does.

The truth is, we cannot earn God's grace one way or another, it was already given to us and already paid for. We can spend our entire lives trying to earn it, but we could never earn it in a thousand lifetimes. We can pray a prayer, be dunked in water or confess our sins, but these still bring us no closer to the measure of grace we are given. We can be "good" and follow the "rules", to no avail. Because these things do not cause us to merit the grace we've received any more than a life lived entirely devoid of God.

In fact, our attempts to earn grace look silly to God...not a condemning silly, but a God grinning ear to ear silly...that we could ever equate ourselves with the grace given us is a fallacy. It's like our child's attempts to earn our love, we laugh, "Don't you know, I already love you?"

If God were to hold us to works, we'd have no hope at all. In my mind this is evidence enough that grace cannot be limited by rules we would put to it, for they all fall short of the glory of God. I do believe that those of us who spend less time trying to earn that grace spend less time looking silly and more time dancing in the rain.

With that, I tend to think God likes to see us be alive and to enjoy life, rather than worrying about our every move, wondering if it is pleasing to God or if we will lose favor with him because of it. God wants us to love all and to put the feelings and needs of the other above our own. If it is an expression of love and brings about a response of love, it is of God. Certainly we all fail at this, but it is a good way to determine what God would want from us, rather than trying to follow prescriptions of belief and behavior.

But, what is grace, anyhow? How far does it reach? Is it universal? Then, is God universal? If we cannot earn it, is it a gift we must accept in order for it to be given us, or is it automatic with no prerequisite? And if we do accept it or have been given it, can we ever lose it or be outside of it?

To be continued...




(and yes, Jon, I said I was going to quote you in this post...I still plan to, I just haven't got to that part yet.)

What's She Smokin'?

I saw a bumper sticker yesterday. It was an image of Jesus on the cross and it said this:

"If you can earn it, why did He die?"

Good question. Grace is a frightening thing. In my experience I have found that people tend to be afraid of any understanding of grace that is more liberal than their own. I used to be. It is believed by many that grace is meant to be limited by certain unbending parameters, and anything else is heresy held only by the hellbound.

To be completely honest, I discovered God's love to be big enough for everyone way back when I was 17, but I continued to accept the most conservative interpretations of grace I was presented with, in words and deeds but not in heart and spirit. This is because I had been done the disservice of being told those who believed as I did were heretics and would be cast out as such, and for much of my life, the fear of being an outcast overwhelmed the fear of being dishonest. I still struggle with that in some company.

As well, I often wondered if I was broken, if I simply didn't have enough faith or enough fear of God that I could feel the way I did. I wondered if I just prayed more, God would relieve me of the burden of this great grace I tended to believe in. Believe me, I have been well schooled in the slippery slope doctrine and spent many years in fear of it; it was a burden. I had no peace with limited grace, hard as I tried.

We have such a strong desire for community that we are often willing to do almost anything to gain it or to retain it. I know this from experience, and I prostituted my own personal convictions so that I might be accepted. In the end, this effort completely failed me, for my willingness to parade myself as an exclusivist, in denial of my true heart, eventually brought me to a point of being suicidal. The conflict was enormous, it was a battle for the ages waging inside me.

In the end, this breakdown eventually led me to a crossroads: I could either retain my faith in God on the terms that had found fertility and root and life in my soul, or I could reject God entirely. Some people say that with Christians like me, God doesn't need enemies. Maybe that's true, but I would rather live this life believing in grace for everyone and let God do the sorting in the end, than to hold to beliefs that force me to be responsible for the sorting while I live here on earth.

To be continued....

I wept.

So I have been worrying this post about my Grandfather's funeral since Tuesday, and still it hasn't taken form or style. I have wondered how to do him justice, but I cannot. Any attempt I have made to pen something of his life and death has failed. I will simply, as usual, share my heart. It may not be profound; it may not even be intelligent, but it is what it is.

I could tell you infinite details about the man he was, the life he lived or what was said about him in his death...but I will not. If you would like to know more about the man he was, you may visit THIS LINK. Instead, I have to tell you about family ties, the power I felt with so many kin under one roof. You may think I wax nostalgic, and I confess, I do.

The service was held at a traditional Lutheran church, the church my Grandfather's father helped build, the church where my Grandparents more-or-less grew up, where my Grandparents, great aunt, great uncles, mother, aunt, cousins and many others in my extended family were married, the church where my sister and I and many of our cousins were christened, the church where many of my family have been celebrated in death. My Grandfather helped build the annex in the 1950's and my grandparents worshiped, served and celebrated there for 60 years, and more.

I share all that to show you a glimpse of the history in this place. While most of the extended family has long since moved on from this church, there is a sense, probably for all of us, of coming home to this place. It is a fitting gathering for my patriarch that so many of the people he is related to by blood or by love come to say their final goodbyes to him here.

The service was beautiful. There was the singing of hymns, the presentation of a wonderful and humorous eulogy and slideshow by my father and my uncle (the sons-in-law), a recording of my brother (a classically trained vocalist) singing the 23rd Psalm, and kind and hopeful words shared by the Minister. There was also special, albeit spontaneous, recognition for Cindy, my grandfather's caregiver, for her tireless and extensive effort to keep him comfortable at home with my grandmother rather than having him admitted to a nursing home. She was embarrassed by the applause, but very deserving for the quality of life she gave to him in his last year.

After the service a reception was held in the same fellowship hall where countless other family events have been celebrated. While we all appreciatively ate the lunch prepared by the hospitality team, I mingled, enjoying the chance to catch up with cousins and other extended family and friends, many whom I have not seen in some years. At the same time, my children and their cousins went exploring in this mysterious building with all its hallways, basement rooms and secret nooks, precisely the same as I had done as a girl, and it made me feel the turning of time, the passing of a sort of ritual on to the next generation.

And it has recently become increasingly apparent to me that I am buffered from the eventual passing of my own parents by only one remaining grandparent...and as I reflected on the circle of life I realized that as I passed the rite of church-basement-exploration on to my children, I, in turn, inherited a new place in the passing of generations, one of which eventually will be mine.

So in this church, with all it's history, which could be tangibly felt in my opinion, something in my understanding of a role of a church shifted.

On this blog I have railed against all that I perceive to be wrong with the institution, and I still hold to those things, theologically speaking. However, I have failed to champion the churches all across America as the tie that binds that they are; for many people they are as much a part of the family as any living, human member. Maybe we, of my generation, are losing something in the evolution away from the "family church". Unfortunately, I fear too many churches are caught up in some directive to be the spiritual and moral authority in people's lives, rather than a place of stability and love I believe they are meant to be. In my grandparents case, it has been the latter, and the value of that to my extended family is priceless.

My roots runs deep in this place, close to 100 years have passed that this church has been a fixture in my family. The realization had an affect on me...it saddened me that in this day and age we are far too content to let family ties wither, and only something like a funeral will bring us all together again. Family is far more important than we realize when we are young. I know that now.

Monday afternoon, we went to the cemetery to bury our patriarch, and we were met with an honor guard. Seven soldiers who bear the duty of celebrating the life of American Veterans with guns, a trumpet, a flag, and most importantly, dignity and honor as fitting for their service.

As the shots were fired, it didn't escape me that we are even free at all to have religious beliefs in this nation only due to the service of our fathers. grandfathers, or great-grandfathers in WWII.

As the trumpeter played taps, I thought to every veteran who has died, especially those who do not have the benefit of a long and beautiful life, and I quietly thanked them.

And as they solemnly and precisely folded the flag that had draped his casket, handing it to my Grandmother with the words "On behalf of a grateful nation, we present to you this flag in honor of your husband's faithful service", I wept.

Calendar

Why I haven't been online or answering e-mails anywhere near as much as usual:

Thursday May 29 - My mom in law goes in for brain surgery to remove a tumor the size of a golf ball. It's many hours we spend waiting for word. I didn't go to the hospital because there was already several family members there, but was still anxious all day to hear how it went.

Friday May 30th - A relatively uneventful day.

Saturday May 31 - Went on a training walk with some of my P2C team. In the morning, my baby nephew was born, so in the afternoon I went to the hospital to see him. In the evening I went to hang out with a bunch of my friends from high school - we try to get together once a month. It was a nice reprieve.

Sunday June 1st - Spent almost the entire day at my grandparents. Saying goodbye to my dying Grandpa, loving on my Grandma and supporting my mom. From there went home for 5 minutes, then went to the hospital to visit mom in law most of the evening.

Monday June 2nd - Took a mental health day. Began calling florists. Did some research, reminded mom that Grandpa was due military honors at his burial. Found out what information she would need and who to give it to in order for that to be arranged.

Tuesday June 3rd - Spent all morning working in my son's classroom. Grandpa died in the afternoon.

Wednesday June 4th - Spent the morning deciding on a florist. In the afternoon, went to the florist with mom, aunt and Grandma to order the flowers (took almost two hours). In the evening, took the kids to see their Grandma in the hospital.

Thursday June 5th - Spent all day on a field trip with my son's class. ALL day. In the rain. In a forest. With 8 year olds.

Friday June 6th - Went back to the florist to make some corrections. Caught up the laundry - which at this point took all day.

Saturday June 7th - Volunteered to spend the day with my Grandma so other family could work on planning the funeral and dealing with details. Randy took the kids to see their grandma in the hospital again.

Sunday June 8th - Was signed up to take dinner to my brother and his fiancé who just had the baby. Of course, I had to make a very involved 7 layer salad - so had to go to the store and then spend the afternoon putting it together. Then took it to them and stayed for awhile doting on my nephew.

Monday June 9th - The day of the funeral. Had the service at the church where my Grandparents had attended. Then a reception and lunch. Then the graveside and burial service. It was a long day, but everything was beautiful. Had Taco Bell for dinner. It was that kind of day.

Tuesday June 10th - My younger son's last day of school. I had an appointment in the morning, got home, had just settled in for a nap and my older son called me from school to say he wasn't feeling well and could I come get him? Mother in law was moved from the hospital to a rehabilitation center. This is good news, much closer to home for my father in law, but also means she was finally improved enough to be moved.

Today - Finally a day at home where I have nothing going on except some dishes and laundry and a plan this afternoon to (hopefully) talk to my friend Cindy, which I'm very much looking forward to.

Of course, I can't remember all the details of every day. Suffice to say I honestly hardly sat down at all for the last two weeks - in between all the big stuff, I still had a family to run - cooking, laundry, dishes. Sigh. Lots of time in the car. It's been really busy. This does not mix well with my personality, but I have survived.

I will write about the beautiful funeral service later today.

Hey

We had the funeral today, it was absolutely beautiful and I'll write about it tomorrow...I hope. Now that I think about it, I might not have time tomorrow...we'll see.

If you've commented or e-mailed in the last few days and I haven't responded, please forgive me. I will get back to all that as soon as I can.

Also, the last few days I have had to skip over most of your posts that I would have normally commented on.

I'm not apologizing for having life going on, but I like people to know they are not deliberately being ignored.

I'll be back around soon.

It's Called a 'Scape Goat

Monday evening a local pygmy goat, "Poppy", broke out of her pen. It happens. What she did next is shows a great deal of forethought. She boarded a Tri-Met (local mass transit) bus that was on layover, and waited patiently for the operator to return. I guess she had places to go. Animal control apprehended her and kept her overnight until they could identify her owner. Her owner, in attempts to locate her, posted on Craigslist about her missing goat - and she was promptly contacted by several people to let her know Poppy had been on the news. They were reunited today.

In other news, today Wired featured a service which will allow you e-mail your loved ones who are left behind after you are raptured to heaven. Youvebeenleftbehind.com promises that six days after the mass rapture of Christians, the system will send out e-mails or documents to your loved ones who were not taken, providing one last opportunity to reach them for Christ. Of course, there is a fee, because nothing good for God is free.

I was also introduced by Gizmodo to XP Vehicles . No, this isn't the latest branch of Microsoft. It's much more interesting than that.

"XP Vehicles wants to sell you and inflatable car that costs under $10,000. It'll be shipped to you in two boxes and take roughly two hours for two people to build. Completely electric, the car's light weight means it can get 300 miles on a single charge or up to 2,500 if you use their "hot-swap" technology. Oh, and its NASA-grade inflatable material—the same stuff used by our landers in space—is supposed to let you drive off cliffs and stuff."

In related news, CNN featured something called hypermiling:

"Wayne Gerdes is a man on a mission. He wants to end our wasteful ways, and that became plain as day to me from the moment I met him.

"He is the king of "hypermilers," drivers who push cars to their miles per gallon limits and beyond. Wayne gets about 50 mpg from his Honda Accord using hypermiling techniques."

However, I haven't been able to get onto the website to learn more about this, as it seems they are having bandwidth or server issues. However, it will be interesting to check out as soon as I am able.

Moving right along, Glenn Hager has a group who are currently synchroblogging on the topic of Community. I would have loved to be in on this, but I just haven't had time and/or energy to write something cohesive. Still, I encourage you to check out the links listed on his post.

Oh an one more thing, last but not least, we have set up a blog for Apples to Apples. I wrote about this HERE. We have thoroughly appreciated Jon's hospitality, but as we've been playing almost a month, the comments were up around 250 and we decided this thing has a life of it's own. I invite anyone who wants to play to come join us. It's something to look forward to every day, and I've enjoyed meeting new people and the friendly and humorous banter that has come with it.

So there you have it, some light reading until I am able to post something thoughtful again, which may be tomorrow (who knows how the Spirit moves?) but more likely over the weekend or next week. The service for my Grandfather is planned for Monday, and I'm going to help out a little with planning for that, but we also have end of the school year stuff going on for my kids, my mother in law still in the hospital and preparing to enter rehabilitation, and meals and helping hands to organize for my new baby nephew and his family.

I'll be back... (said in my best Arnold voice.)

He's Gone

as of 12:55 PM.

Rest in peace.

Husband, father, grandfather, great-grandfather.

Sailor. Carpenter.

Man of God.

If you are inclined to pray, please pray for my grandmother who has lost her life partner and best friend.

Checking In

Just a quick check in with you guys...gosh it's been so crazy I've barely caught my breath....my thoughts here will likely be disjointed, bear with me, I'm not writing for quality this time. All this emotional roller coaster has really impacted me...I am generally pretty stoic, or can be, until it's all piled on...then it is simply emotionally exhausting. I don't break down much, but I carry a burden that eventually wears me out.

My mother in law is a little better each day. Turns out the tumor was calcified, which meant more difficulty removing it, and therefore a more difficult recovery. She still has no movement on her right side, and as of last night she was trying to smile and feed herself with her left hand. She still can't speak...it will be real blessing when her speech is restored so she can ask for what she needs instead of relying on everyone's feeble guesses. But when we saw her last night she was pretty alert and smiling with her eyes some. Randy said she was doing a bit better again tonight. The neurosurgeon expects a complete recovery with time. She will remain in the hospital for a few more days and then proceed to rehabilitation for a week or two. We are thankful it is not cancer and she can move forward from here with no anticipation of future additional surgery or treatment being necessary.

On Saturday my brother and sister-in-law-to-be had their first baby! So I have a new nephew, he is pristine, that is the best word I have. Never seen such a beautiful baby...even my own! I got to hold him for a bit on Saturday, and it was so nice. It's been awhile since there has been a baby in the family! Also nice to have some real joy for a change.

The last few weeks my mom's father (my grandfather) has been failing. (They are the grandparents I wrote about HERE.) Over the last few days, they have asked everyone to come say goodbye to him. even my brother with the new baby left the hospital for a couple hours to see him. He has parkinson's and it has been a real fight for him the last two years; it seems he is finally tired of fighting, and no one blames him. He was in a nursing home for about 6 months two years ago, before the found the treatment that would work for the parkinsons. Since then, mom and my aunt have worked so incredibly hard to make sure every possible option is tried and to keep him home with my grandmother till the end. Also, the woman who has been his caregiver for the last year and a half or so is amazing and we all love her. She has been so instrumental in his comfort level and we are so blessed to have her. She is part of the family.

On Sunday, I spent about six hours there. I wanted to spend some time with him, but also to hang out with my grandmother and my mom, just be moral support. Mom and my aunt are around all the time now, wanting to be close, waiting. Mom has been there since Thursday, and I wanted also to try to get her to rest, but she didn't.

I talked with him a bit, and he doesn't really speak, but he can hear and squeeze a hand (hard, still, his carpenters hands) and nod at times. Everyone just wants him to know he has been amazing for us all, but that it's OK to go be with Jesus now. The Pastor from the church they have spent a lifetime at came last night to give him communion and pray with him. He has been a devout and dedicated Lutheran all of his adult life.

They are simply keeping him comfortable. He was adamant that when he got to this point he only wanted to manage his pain and have no other measures taken to preserve his life. I think the hardest thing for me was when my mom was telling me of my grandmother having to tell him it was OK to go now, that the family would take very good care of her, and he should go in peace. I can't imagine.

They have been married 65 years. My grandmother told me the first time she met him she was 16 and he was 18. He was wearing a black leather jacket and smoking and riding a motorcycle, and she says she knew right then he was no good and she wasn't interested.

See what 65 years can do?

Right after they married, he shipped out. He served on a minesweeper in the Navy during WWII. He was gone the first 2.5 years they were married. Then they lost their first several pregnancies before my mom and here sister came along. But now they have 6 adult grandchildren and three great-grands. A huge family who love him immensely. Mom said last night that "he's the best of all of us". I do think she is right.

So that's what I've been up to. Long weekend: time spent in two hospitals and 6 hours spent with my dying grandfather sandwiched in between. Long weekend. I took a mental health day today, stayed home and did laundry and researched florists, talked about the service a bit with mom, caught up on emails from over the weekend. Also reminded my mom and grandmother than he is entitled to Military honors at his burial...they had forgotten and were glad to hear that. It's hard for me to imagine a folded flag and taps, still at this point. And yet it's so close now. Cindy, the caregiver, and the hospice nurse think it will be very soon, hours, days. But he's stubborn and strong. They though for sure he would go last night...so we'll see.

When one of my brothers was like 8, he told someone that he has two sets of parents, one he calls mom and dad and one he calls grandma and grandpa. So yes, we're all close. Very much.

Transitions, changes, ups and downs. It's called LIFE.

There will likely be no brilliant posts forthcoming from me in the next week or maybe two. But stay tuned, I'll be back.