Memememe

Kath tagged me today.

Rules:
a. post the rules at the beginning.
b. answer the questions about yourself.
c. tag 5 people you know and let them know in their blog comments that you tagged them so they can participate.

What was I doing 10 years ago now?
Living in Portland, raising a two-year-old, moving house, basically going crazy. I was a stay-home mom of a hair-raising toddler, lonely, with little adult interaction or friends. Miserable.

Two Bad habits:
1) I'll wash and dry laundry and then let it sit in massive piles for all of eternity, or at least until my kids complain of having to dive for clean socks. Then I just yell at them to do their own damn laundry.
2) I eat while watching TV and while on the computer. Gotta stop that!!

Three places I have lived:
1) Bellingham, Washington
2) Beaumont, Texas (ya'all)
3) Portland, Oregon

Four jobs I have had:
1) At a very slow drycleaners. I got to listen to music and burn incense and talk on the phone for three hours per day. And get paid for it.
2) 10-plex movie theater box office. We had midnight showings in the summer, a legitimate excuse to stay out late. Much later than my job required, but mom and dad didn't know that ;-)
3) Mailroom at a massive Law firm. It was incredibly boring, but the hours were good and it paid well. Did I say it was boring? And redundant ;-)
4) Mom!

Five snacks I enjoy:
1) Chocolate mint
2) Dark Chocolate
3) Milk Chocolate
4) Chocolate and peanut butter in any form
5) Diet Coke (well I have to make up for all that chocolate somewhere)

Six things on my to-do list:
1) Laundry
2) Dishes
3) Bills
4) Clean the bathrooms
5) Resurrect my French. I used to be fluent...but it has faded with disuse.
6) Learn to fly a small plane (didn't see that one coming, did ya?)

Seven things I would do if I became a billionaire (!) :
1) Give away about $995 million or so
2) Pay off the mortgage
3) Buy a plane
4) Get my teeth and eyes fixed
5) Go, well, anywhere the year-round temperature is at least 70F and there are palm trees. Have to be palm trees. Oh, and ocean.
6) Hire a maid
7) Buy my dream car: A mid-60's Karmann Ghia vert. In pink. Or black with pink interior, or...wait...well, do I have to choose the color right now?

Eight things people don't (often) know about me:
1) I hate buying gifts and cards. I'm a perfectionist, and no matter what I buy/make for you, it won't ever be good enough for me. I sometimes pretend to forget people's birthdays for this reason.
2) I have set foot in 20 US States, and plan to see them all. Even if it's as an old woman, tooling around in my late-model motorhome. Wearing purple, of course.
3) I am NOT a morning person. There's a heart of a night owl calling...my totem is an Owl.
4) I hate mold. As in I will run away from it, screaming. Mold is my spiders. How I ever got to be a mother is beyond me.
5) Music is my boyfriend.
6) I was going to be an astronaut. Oh, 'cept my grades weren't good enough and I suck at math. But hey, I'm not dead yet.
7) I have seen a jackalope. Really. I even had my picture taken with it.
8) I don't sing. Ever. Well, except in jest, or as an example of what NOT to do. Yeah, I used to lip-sync in church. Cause I'm a faker, ya know? I can't carry a tune in a tin can. Or a bucket. To save my life.

So there you have it. If you lay eyes on this post, consider yourself tagged.

Revolutionaries Synchroblog

Glenn Hager is coordinating a new synchroblog, which he is calling the Revolutionaries Synchroblog, set for Monday April 7th:

My personal journey, reading, blogging, and conversations with friends have led me to uncover the fringes of a huge group of people who operate under the radar of much of the world. They represent over 20 million people in the U.S. (This is the number of people who are already expressing their Christian faith in ways other than through a conventional church, according to the Barna organization.) who have lost (or, are losing) their faith in the institutional church system, yet have a deep love for Christ, his community and his mission.

I believe that the church is in the early stages of a dramatic shift, such as it has experienced only a few times in all of church history. For many of the pioneers and revolutionaries who are leading the way, it has been a journey filled with wonder, but also, pain, sacrifice, and loneliness.

My questions for you are:

• What do they/you need?
• What did/do you need as you as went/are going through this transitional phase?
• How can a ministry or service help them/you?

This synchroblog is open to anyone. Be sure to let Glenn know if you plan to participate so he can compile a list of links. Thanks!

Vantage Point

We saw the film Vantage Point this evening, starring Dennis Quaid, Matthew Fox, Forest Whitaker and William Hurt.

I'm not going to post any spoilers, I'll just say we fairly enjoyed it. It maybe wasn't the caliber it could have been considering the cast; some parts were very predictable and some were quite implausible. Still, it was entertaining and I don't regret seeing it.

However, something about the way the film was put together really got me to thinking, and this is what I especially liked about the film, because it captures something so true of life and spirituality.

The story centers around a major political/terrorist event, which initially we only see from one person's perspective, or vantage point, and therefore we don't really know what happened. Our understanding is limited by the scope of this person's location and view.

The film then loops back the same 30-minute block of time surrounding this event, but from another person's perspective, which provides us with different and additional information about the events. The film proceeds to do this several more times, each time from another individual's point-of-view. Some people simply saw the same course of events from different locations; however, some people saw things that actually seemed to contradict each other.

No one person in the story could tell you exactly what had happened, for their perspective was limited based on where they were when the events took place. They each only saw a small piece of the puzzle, a small part of the events that unfolded.

However, when what each individual saw and experienced during that period of time is put together with all the others, it forms a complete picture of the events.

This highlights what I believe about life in the Spirit...we each only have a small piece of the puzzle, we each only know about God what our perspective and experiences show us. We can argue incessantly about what we each see and how what the other person sees is wrong because we didn't see it the same way. However, we really each see the same God, just through different lenses.

I wonder if that is really what relationships are all about; each of us providing the other with a different view of God, not so that we might determine whose perspective is correct, but that when we put them together along with all the other perspectives of everyone around us, only then do we begin to have a more accurate view of God.

Maybe we are meant to each offer up our unique perspective of God to share, so that we all might see God more clearly.

White

Would someone
please tell whoever is in charge around here
that winter has ended?
I fear They didn't get the memo.
My flip-flops are forlorn
and my capris are feeling
wistful.
Painted toenails wonder why I bothered,
and white is out of fashion
both on the ground and on my face.
Can we get on with spring?

Midnight at the Oasis

Some days I know what freedom feels like, other days I only stare into space trying to focus on it away in the eternal distance. I like to think I’m above this frivolous chasing, like a child, but most of the time I’m teetering on the edge of a desire for it that I cannot control. Sometimes I fear real freedom is only a mirage, fueled by overwhelming desire to seek water in the desert, but never really finding any. Chasing the elusive oasis in our thirst to be free.

Freedom is such a transcendental and ethereal thing that we can become consumed by the apprehending of it, losing our sanity in the search. We become wild-eyed and messy-haired, murmuring to ourselves under our breath as we dig for ocean beneath the sand. Yet, is it entirely wrong to be wild and messy in our seeking? Or do we become too bound by propriety that we lose our motivation to search, simply lay down and die in the desert? Searching is a part of life, for the singular moment we believe we have found what we are looking for, we will begin to decay in the mirage.

Freedom is like a tide; and as children, we will chase the waves as they creep and break, wanting to jump in and swim but only having courage to dip our toes, that the power might overwhelm us and drag us under. Is freedom meant to tease us, to only warn us of the danger were we to embrace it? Or is it somewhere we might find buoyancy, and to our greatest astonishment we will not sink? Should we worry the seas that promise relief from the desert will be our undoing?

This night, like a river wild, following the downhill run of least resistance, I choose not to fear the ocean at the end of the delta. It is so very vast and unpredictable, and I might not know where I will end up once adrift on the seas , yet, is there anything left to fear greater than the lack of peace I feel for not following my heart and soul through their paths of least resistance?

Is that what Spirit is really about – finding the oasis in the desert, the place of peace in the eddy of our lives?

Rabboni! I Have Seen the Lord!

Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus' body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot.

They asked her, "Woman, why are you crying?"

"They have taken my Lord away," she said, "and I don't know where they have put him."

At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus.

"Woman," he said, "why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?"

Thinking he was the gardener, she said, "Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him."

Jesus said to her, "Mary."

She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, "Rabboni!" (which means Teacher).

Jesus said, "Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet returned to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, 'I am returning to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.'

Mary Magdalene went to the disciples with the news: "I have seen the Lord!" And she told them that he had said these things to her.

Steeped in Love

Whatever is steeped in grape juice
will acquire the flavor of the grape.
Whether it be carrots or apples or quinces and walnuts,
you will taste in them the delicious flavor of the grape.

When your knowledge is steeped in the light of faith,
then wayward people will receive light from it.
Whatever you say will be luminous...
--Rumi

Lord, let me be steeped in your Love to share, to be luminous to all. Let me no longer have my own flavor, but instead reek of everything you are. Your victory over sin and death is the light that should shine through me, so that those who seek a guide might find You. Amen.

All I Ever Wanted

It is spring break for the kids and we will be going on vacation at the coast tomorrow (Friday), returning late next week.

We do have Wi-Fi there, but it is sometimes temperamental, so if you don't see me online this next week, or if I don't return e-mails, it's because the wireless is on the fritz.

Otherwise, I'll be around here and there, but planning to spend some good family time too, so I won't be around as much as usual.

Have a wonderful and blessed Easter. He is Risen!

He, She, It and They

For a few years now, I have struggled with what to call God. Well, I call God "God", but what kind of pronouns to use? I have always, even until now, primarily used masculine pronouns, not because I was stuck to it, but for lack of a better option. I tried the feminine for awhile, and while I have no problem with those who see the Abrahamic God as feminine, it wasn't comfortable for me. I felt that as the masculine robs God of the feminine side, the reverse is true, as well.

I have seen it written as S/He, which does work in written language, but not so much in spoken language.

Obviously, "It" seems irreverent and awkward, for God isn't an insignificant or inanimate object but is All and Alive.

Some have chosen to just use "God" without any pronouns. As in "God spoke to me today. God said I ought to pray to God more than I do." Also, I know many still use Yaweh or G-d out of profound respect. I do understand that, however, I have always felt, personally, and as Sonja says, that God doesn't really require such formality.

So, a few days ago, on a post at Sue's blog, she pointed out something I had said that I hadn't even realized; not consciously.

I had referred to God as "They".

Something changed in me when I read The Shack...and I don't want to be overselling that book, but seriously, for the first time I began thinking of God...umm...entirely differently. I have always seen the three distinct "personalities" of God (not to suggest God has MPD) and I have addressed each as an individual on different occasions. However, I had never carried that over into my perception of God as being wholly three. I had always seen God as wholly one (not to be confused with "holy" one). In my evangelical heyday, I had also always felt that actually recognizing God as three seemed, well, polytheistic.

However, in Genesis 1:26 God is quoted as saying "Let Us make" and "in Our image" when speaking about the creation of man. This has always mystified me, and I have looked into it, because I always suspected it might be a mistranslation or a translation of convenience for lack of a better option in English. I suppose there are arguments as to what the original language intended in who God was speaking to, but one thing seems clear to me: God was speaking in the first-person plural.

Obviously, I don't believe the concept of God as Trinity is conceivable for mere mortals. However, for this lifetime's purposes, we still require vocabulary with which to speak of God.

As much as God is One, God is also Three. Not only One, but also Three.

As such, I think "They" and "Them" are entirely appropriate.

Same Direction

(If you're reading this post in a feed, you'll have to click through to hear the song.)

Whenever I step outside, somebody claims to see the light.
It seems to me that all of us have lost our patience.
'Cause everyone thinks they're right,
and nobody thinks that there just might
be more than one road to our final destination.

But I'm not ever going to know if I'm right or wrong
'cause we're all going in the same direction.
And I'm not sure which way to go because all along
we've been going in the same direction.

I'm tired of playing games, of looking for someone else to blame
for all the holes in answers that are clearly showing,
for something to fill the space.
Was all of the time I spent a waste,
'Cause so many choices point the same way I was going?

But I'm not ever going to know if I'm right or wrong
'cause we're all going in the same direction.
And I'm not sure which way to go because all along
we've been going in the same direction.
Going in the same direction
Same direction (Same direction)

So why does there only have to be one correct philosophy?
I don't want to go and follow you just to end up like one of them.
And why are you always telling me what you want me to believe?
I'd like to think that I can go my own way and meet you in the end.
Go my own way and meet you in the end.

I'm not ever going to know... if I'm right or wrong
'cause we're all going in the same direction.
And I'm not sure which way to go because all along
we've been going in the same direction
Going in the same direction
Going in the same direction
--Hoobastank

What's the Point?

Came across this via Scott Williams quoting Darryl Dash paraphrasing Earl Creps at the Revive Your Soul conference last month:

"He did not come to make bad people good or good people better; he came to make dead people live."

I would add "and love".

Otherwise, that about covers it.

In a project I'm working on, I wrote something similar yesterday:

"There is a song that says:

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose.

I absolutely agree with that sentiment, however, I believe freedom is also another word for nothing left to gain. As in nothing left to gain by believing or behaving a certain way. If we have Christ, we truly have nothing left to gain through our actions, theology or lifestyle. To be blunt, nothing gets us more saved than we already are. We really ought to start living like it.

You don’t need to be better; you probably don’t even need to be as “good” as you presently are. You don’t need to follow the rules one minute more. What you really need is to experience the true grace of God, a grace that says, “Because of my Son, you are perfect exactly the way you are, now go live like you mean it!”. The moment we believe we are presently less perfect than we ought to be, or more perfect than any other human, we call God a liar and negate the victory given us by the death of Jesus. If you believe anything you do or don’t do has any bearing at all on life in Christ, you are missing out on LIFE. If you believe anything anyone else does or doesn’t do makes them less “good” than you are, you rob them of the right to LIFE.

In all my experience in Church, I found one thing to be true. We spent a hell of a lot of time robbing each other of LIFE. Every moment I spent in church in any form could be summed up one way: “Be Better”. Sermons were 5-bullet-point lectures on how to experience better Christian life, how to avoid temptation, how to become closer to Jesus. Not a whole lot in there about living how we already are. There was often a “Yes, but” attitude. We are no longer sinners because Christ set us free, but we must work to become more holy. We are accepted and loved unconditionally just the way we are, but we must be maturing as time goes by.

We don’t need to be better, not one stinking iota. Honestly, I believe we need to be far, far worse. We need to really live in our brokenness, and be OK with that. I learned, after years spent in this system, that what I really needed, what could save me from myself, was to learn to be unholy. For the minute we believe we have taken a single step closer to holiness, we believe everyone else is a step behind us. Even if only a step, we will begin to judge those we perceive to be less holy than we are. The more we judge, the holier we feel. Soon, we believe we are doing pretty damn well in God’s eyes.

Instead, all we really end up with is loads and loads of holy shit."

Quaker Abbey

I became acquainted with Rosalie Grafe about a year ago at Convergence. We spent a number of hours driving to and from the conference together, chatting and learning about each other's lives.

Rosalie fascinated me. She is a self-described "re-starter"; deciding to pursue a new passion in her 60's. In recent years she has obtained her masters in writing and publishing, become a certified Spiritual Director, and even took a solitary pilgrimage to Northumbria Community to investigate and experience monastic living. This year, she has opened Quaker Abbey, in her home here in Portland.

I e-mailed Rosalie a few days ago and asked if she would allow me to interview her about monasticism, and she was gracious, enthusiastically willing.

Erin: Hi Rosalie. If you don't mind, tell my readers a little about yourself.

Rosalie: I'm 65 and retired. I began my spiritual journey in 1957 with a true born-again experience and attended a variety of Portland area churches through high school. I was confirmed and Baptized while attending my first year of college at U of O. When my father died in 1962, I returned home, and graduated from PSU with a BA of English in 1964. A few years later, I began working as a library clerk for Multnomah County Library, where I stayed for thirty years. In June 2007 I completed my MS in Writing/Publishing at the Center for Excellence in Writing at PSU. I attend Reedwood Friends Church and All Saints Episcopal Church; I also have assisted the youth minister at All Saints for the past nine years. In 2008 I have established Quaker Abbey and Quaker Abbey Press here in my home.

E: For the purpose of our conversation, I'd like to ask if you prefer the term monasticism or neo-monasticism? Is there a difference?

R: I prefer the term "monasticism" Monks following religious orders take novice vows or lifetime vows, but some are still considered "lay". We are self-supporting and most live off-site. Third-Order Franciscans are an example. New- or neo- monasticism is largely a college age or young adult group who work at various kinds of common life, varying from an onsite monastic one to a series of linked houses and businesses with assigned tasks and regular meals together.

E: How did you become interested in monasticism?

R: It sort of just grew? I was looking for a label for who I am and how to dedicate my house and myself each morning, now that my freedom has come. While studying Spiritual Direction at Trinity Episcopal Cathedral's Center for Spiritual Development, I heard Canon Marianne Wells Borg read from Celtic Daily Prayer: Prayers and Readings from the Northumbria Community. For the first time, there was not one stumble or stop or contradiction in my mind as I heard it. When I purchased the book, I understood; it was on the same wavelength as I.

E: You visited Northumbria Community in the U.K. a few years ago.

R: Yes. My pilgrimage began the day after my divorce settlement conference, so it was very timely. I planned this trip myself; I'd booked a week at Hetton Hall, the Northumbria Community, using contact information from the prayer book. I wanted to get the rhythm and practice of monastic life with an anticipation of starting my own practice. As a Companion of the Way of Columba through Sts. Peter and Paul Episcopal here in Portland, I had an idea of it, but I needed to live monastic life on-site and in community, and bring it home with me. A highlight of that trip was an actual pilgrimage on foot, from Hetton Hall to St. Cuthbert's Cave, where the coffin of the saint rested for a few days after being evacuated from Lindisfarne during a Viking raid in 875. It's a genuine pilgrim path. Very moving. Very old.

E: Share about how your explorations into monasticism have impacted your spiritual life.

R: The monastic rhythm of the day takes me back to before I had high blood pressure and so many other physical complaints. Each day has its small pleasures which are so greatly savored. All point to a larger goal, in this case a heavenly one with earthly service attached. My mind is clearer, memory better, focus improved, and relationships and networking opened up.

E: What inspired you to open Quaker Abbey?

R: As I said above, it's the answer to how I can dedicate all I have: my house and what time and health I have left to answering that of God which rises each morning with a direction or opportunity. People can come stay at the Abbey to enjoy a break from technology or a silent retreat. I provide simple meals and accommodations, a library, spinning (weaving) classes, and I have an art studio. The books at Quaker Abbey are listed online in LibraryThing. There are many books on Celtic spirituality and the latest addition is the Sister Fidelma mystery series by Peter Tremayne, set around the time of the Synod of Whitby in the mid 600's. Another specialty of the Abbey is fiber arts. We teach spinning here and visit fiber arts sales/shows in the local area.

E: Tell me a little about Quaker Abbey Press.

R: Quaker Abbey Press began as a way to publish my writings from the past twenty years or so. The first book will be a collection of quotes and queries about The Stranger, the solitary person who wants to come in out of the desert now, who is so suspected and rejected by our society as an "alien". Ruth, the great-grandmother of King David, came in out of the desert with her mother-in-law and entered as a gentile stranger into Bethlehem, across the border from Moab, her birthplace. Her descendants, the parents of Jesus, crossed the border into Bethlehem, Judah to be counted. It was there the LORD was born. But so many times, he had to retreat and be solitary. So do we all.

E: Share anything else you would like people to know about monasticism

R: I am hoping others, like me, who retire with enough for a modest subsistence, can open their homes and their time to others as abbots/abbesses and that we can form an online community to discuss this option and come together to practice various helpful exercises. I like the Ignatian meditation very much.

E: Thank you very much, Roaslie, for taking the time to share with me. I appreciate the depth of information you have shared and it is pleasure learning from you.

R: Thank you. I have several slots available here at Quaker Abbey for Spiritual Direction. If anyone would wish to make an appointment for an interview, if you'd like lessons on the spinning wheel, or for more information about the Abbey, please contact me.

Please feel free to contact Rosalie, especially if you live in the Portland area. She is gentle and gracious to talk to, and passionate about what she does:

Quaker Abbey
Quaker Abbey Press
rosaliegrafe at quakerabbey dot org



Please visit my fellow synchrobloggers on the topic of Monasticism, March 12-13, 2008:
(post-links will be added as they become available)

Phil Wyman at Phil Wyman's Square No More
Beth at Until Translucent
Adam Gonnerman at Igneous Quill
Steve Hayes at Notes from the Underground
Jonathan Brink at Missio Dei
Sally Coleman at Eternal Echoes
Bryan Riley at at Charis Shalom
Cobus van Wyngaard at My Contemplations
Mike Bursell at Mike's Musings
David Fisher at Cosmic Collisions
Alan Knox at The Assembling of the Church
Sam Norton at Elizaphanian
Sonja Andrews at Calacirian

To Go or Not to Go...

...to the gym? (PG-13)

Keeping Track....

...of comments.

**Update**

Wow, from the comments, it would seem a lot of people just use their memory. This really surprises me; I sometimes comment on 15 posts per day, I guess I have a wide circle. There is no way I could remember, and leaving tabs open or bookmarking, or even subscribing to commment-feeds would be too...cluttery.

I have used Co.Comment, Commentful, and Co.mments.

I was really happy with Blogflux's Commentful for a long time. All you do is install it and then right-click a post and click add to Commentful to begin tracking it. I loved the indicator that sits in my Firefox and lets me know when there were new comments on a post I was tracking. I just click the indicator and it takes me to the Commentful page, showing me which posts have new comments. But about two months ago I realized it was no longer updating accurately and I was missing some conversations, unless I went back every day and updated each post manually. Also, this client requires me to visit each post manually to see the new comments. Commentful does have a feed, but it only lists which posts have new comments, not the actual comments themselves, and seemed to always be substantially delayed (almost a day).

So I decided a backup plan was in order, and I installed Co.mments. Co.mments has a toolbar button with a little piece of java. Click the button for any post you want to track. I like that the Co.mments page shows me all the comments for each post I'm tracking, rather than having to visit each post. I like the feed, because it shows each new comment, not just the posts. But again, the feed is pretty slow, so I might not see a new comment for many hours.

I have tried Co.comment on several occasions, but honestly it's completely bloated with features, not to mention it did some really wacky things with my browser, like blocking videos on CNN. I haven't tried it now for some time, maybe they have fixed it, but I'm hesitant to try.

So there you have it. I was hoping someone would have a suggestion I haven't tried yet, but I suppose I will just have to experiment with bookmarking and comment-feeds. Thanks for all the comments, maybe I'm just an anomaly in the blog world, but I really like to keep track, and hate to forget to re-visit a post where I'm interested in following the conversation.



*************************************
[Begin original post]

I have posed this question before, a long time ago, and thought I had a solution...but am suffering in frustration again and looking for suggestions. I am using not one but TWO comment tracking clients, and they still fail me about half the time.

How do you keep track of posts you have commented on? Do you just bookmark the pages? Subscribe by e-mail? Use a client like Co.comment, Commentful or Co.mments? Subscribe to comment-feeds?

So if I've ever seemed to leave a drive-by comment on a post where I should have followed up, this is why. I'm sorry. It's not because I'm ignoring you.

**Update** A Favor

Update: My friend is doing much much better. She came home from the hospital this weekend and has been on the upswing ever since. She even was able to get out and do some fun things today. Thanks everyone for your prayers. If so inclined, please pray for her continued recovery. Thank you very much!



A very good RL friend of mine had relatively routine surgery just over four weeks ago. This was supposed to be an overnight stay and two weeks to complete recovery.

Well, I don't want to make a long story long, but she has had nothing but complications since. I don't accurately know all the details, but she has been in and out of the hospital 5 times since the surgery, for a total of about two weeks, and she's there again now.

All I can tell you is one thing has gone wrong after another. The way I understand it is that she had a huge complication initially, which has been treated, but the treatment of that led to other problems, and the treatment of those problems has led to even more problems. The complications have been a downward spiral, each one worse than the last, and now she is facing kidney failure on one side, along with another serious issue they are working to treat.

Please pray for her. She is my age with two small children. Fortunately, her mom has been able to be there, very involved and taking care of the kids and the house. Her husband has also been able to take some time off work. But at this point, everyone is worried about what might happen next, her children are becoming tired of mommy having to go to the hospital (at least one time required an ambulance) and grandma is also becoming fatigued, both emotionally and physically.

Would you please send up a prayer if/when you think of it. She really just needs to be well and home and on the road to recovery. This "short recovery" procedure has drug on for almost 5 weeks now, and everyone is hoping she has seen the last of any new complications. Also pray for her Dr.'s that they are able to make accurate diagnosis of and choose appropriate treatment for whatever is going on.

Thank you. I know I can count on you guys. That means a lot.

International Women's Day

Today is International Women's Day.

"International Women's Day has been observed since in the early 1900's, a time of great expansion and turbulence in the industrialized world that saw booming population growth and the rise of radical ideologies."

I have not had time to write anything on the topic, but I wanted to point you to a few who did.

Julie writes:

"For women to have a voice is of utmost importance. Without women using their voice and demanding to be heard those calls for labor reforms of 100 years ago would never have been heard. Women knew what needed to happen and were in the position to effect change, I shudder to think what would have happened if they had been silenced. Many sought to silence them - appealing to assumptions about nature and what was appropriate behavior for “nice” women. Thankfully enough people believed that we are people too (as opposed to property to be managed or protected) and the voice of women was eventually heard."

Sonja says:

"Now there have been whole civilizations that rose up and were quite successful where the men were not afraid of women. Native American cultures, ancient celtic cultures, African cultures to name a few. But the predominant culture that has consumed the globe is one in which the dominant men were afraid of women."

Grace comments:

"I am as familiar as most with both sides of the complementarian/egalitarian coin. I could list the 26 different scriptures that are typically raised about this issue and give you the interpretation from both sides of the debate. I also know that if you are entrenched in the complementarian view that hearing an alternative view will not persuade you. If defending the tradition of hierarchy is important to you, you will not listen to anything else."

Pam emotes:

"I know a woman whose published bible study was pulled off of shelves when it was discovered that she was a (gasp!) pastor. For real. I'm not making this up. I know about a woman who served faithfully in cross-cultural missions in a foreign land as the leader in charge until her missions board could finally find man willing to go over and lead. When asked if she thought this was unfair, her reply, "No. It doesn't matter." I once listened to a woman explain to a room full of churched women why women ought not to pray publicly when men are present and should do all the praying instead."

Makeesha shares a beautiful work of poetry:

"The voice.
loud
quiet
strong
timid
high
low
vulgar
pious
…from deep in the belly
…from the shelf of the womb
…from the seat of the soul
…the voice forms"

Liz at The CBE Scroll quotes Ellen Alexander:

"We look forward to a day when we don’t need an International Women’s Day. When men and women will walk side by side, as God intended them to. Until then we will work toward it and live in hope of a better tomorrow."

Please take time to read their thoughtful posts in their entirety. I will add more posts to this list if I come across any throughout the day.

The Purposeless Driven Life?

There's this guy called Ken Loyd. He's belongs to the chick who Pastors The Bridge. They planted it together, but now he is off into a new thing called HomePDX. He hangs with people-without-houses, because they are his friends. I've written about Ken and HomePDX before.

My friend Pam loves Ken for what he's doing, and she writes about him frequently. Most recently she wrote about him in the February Porpoise Diving Life. If you want to know more about Ken's ministry, just go to Pam's blog and type "Loyd" in the search box in the top left corner.

Another recent interview with Ken was done by Karlene Clark, published at Off-the-Map's Justice and Compassion blog. I'm going to quote from that interview further on.

So now I'm going to shift gears for a minute; we'll get back to Ken.

In Christianity we have labels. In the "emerging" church we have missional, incarnational, holistic, monastic, postmodern, post-this or -that. Early on in my season of detox, I was eager to grab on to something, anything, that wasn't "evangelical", and so I labeled myself as emerging, postmodern, missional, etc. However, as time has gone on, I have almost entirely ceased identifying myself as anything, even "Christian", very often.

Spiritual labels don't work; at least in my perception. They only serve to define a perceived normative behavior for some form of Christian living, a behavior that might not be appropriate or normative for everyone who otherwise relates to said label. Oftentimes, labels also describe a pattern of action which will work in one give situation, a pattern people try to copy into other situations with less success...and it becomes a formula for something.

Take "missional" for example. I thoroughly relate to an account Jonathan Brink shared of an encounter he had over the weekend at the New Conspirators conference:

"I was privy to a conversation with a guy who was really struggling with the weight of so many issues. He was worrying about the war in Iraq, the election of our President, the cost of his job, reaching the poor....His desire to be missional was literally leading him to despair. And to a certain extent I could feel his weight. The tension was clearly evident."

"I’ve often thought of throwing it all to the wind and serving as a missionary in a war torn country. I’ve actually looked into work for NGO’s and positions at the UN. But ultimately I didn’t feel called. And as I stood there listening to my friend, I began to wonder if Jesus was somehow taking a weight from us when he said, “Love your neighbor.” What if we needed the reminder that we’re not called to solve every problem. We can’t. He’s simply asking us to love right where we’re at, to bring love to those we are already in relationship with."

I relate to the heart of "missional", however, my life doesn't look very much like people describe "missional" to be. Translated for my own life: how can I, suburban middle-class housewife, compete with the Shane Claiborne's of the world? That's not a slam, not in the least; instead, that's a heart-cry. I have suffered with increasing "missional guilt", and haven't understood how to overcome it. I have this idea in my head, based on the conversation, of what "missional" is supposed to look like, and I end up feeling bad because I'm not it. For instance, I truly and completely understand and support Julie's desire to find a "justice bra". However, what happens next is that I end up wondering, well, if I don't have a "justice bra", does that make me less of a missional person? Again, not meaning anything negative about Julie's search, but about how I perceive myself because of it.

So back to Ken. I'm not sure what his label would be, but you can be sure he doesn't want one. I hope he never has one, other than "friend", maybe. But if Ken had a label, it might be "purposeless".

In the previously mentioned interview of Ken by Karlene, he says this:

"Don’t move to Madagascar to save the lost. Don’t let your body be burned for the gospel (is “Gospel” supposed to be capitalized?). Don’t sell your house and car and stock portfolio to give to the poor. Don’t do anything spectacular. Do mostly nothing special for and with somebody that nobody else wants till you’re dead. Someone else will take it from there."

I fully embrace every bit of the heart behind that statement. That's what I want missional, incarnational, emerging to be for me. I can't move to New Guinea and live in a hut. I can't sell my house and start a homeless shelter. For me in my life, doing those things now would be to the detriment of my first mission field: my family. That isn't to say I will NEVER do those things, but not now. However, right now, I can do mostly nothing special, especially with people who might not have very many other people who love them, and I can be damn good at it. Nothing is easy, it's flexible, and it isn't a formula.

However, I do hope and pray that we don't see a book on the shelves one day soon; a formula based on Ken's ministry titled:

"The Purposeless Driven Life"

Because that would negate the whole concept. Don't you think?

No Admittance

I wonder. In my experience of church, it seems to be of tremendous importance to keep "evil" cleanly out. It is as if church is a sanitary place that must not be contaminated. In my tradition, much prayer, fasting, warfare is vested in protecting its boundaries from evil. Anointing oil is splashed around by the gallon, as if some spiritual citronella.

I do believe this is much of why the things I experienced happened. It wasn't so much personal against me, Erin, but rather personal against the ways in which it was perceived I might contaminate the pristine environment where everyone else was living. I had spiritual germs that might infect the -- err-- hive.

Maybe, probably, it is a collective delusion, this presumed sterility. I have seen every kind of sin perpetrated by those who claim to be properly cleansed -- for all fall short. However, that doesn't preclude the fact that people will fight tooth and nail, even to the point of spiritually maiming -- dismembering, as it were -- others in order to protect this imagined sterility.

There is massive effort expended in the church preventing dirty, ugly, smelly sin from entering it's gates. Anyone who gives off the vaguest emanation of sin is either quickly assimilated and whitewashed, or, if they don't come sufficiently clean or are unwilling to submit themselves, they are goners. Sometimes they are literally *asked* to leave, othertimes they are excommunicated by the medieval practice of shunning.

In my case, I was infected with something everyone feared immensely...and I was treated (as were all those involved) as if I had a spiritual plague, highly contagious and deadly to the point of needing to burn the bodies. Is this really still the dark ages? Do we truly believe the power of evil every has a single toehold over the power of the One who is Good? Do we believe sin is contagious? Because it seems, after careful observation, that far too much effort is expended in preventing those who might not be so easily disinfected from entering the church at all.

Like an obsessive-compulsive who requires you to be swept with a wisk broom before entering their home, or like the decontamination showers given to those who handle plutonium, the church is insistent on attempting to preserve an antiseptic environment at the expense of those who need it's healing properties most.

The church locks it's spiritual doors against an invisible enemy, an enemy that if the claims of Christ are true, isn't any kind of enemy at all. Those who truly need to find Jesus' lovingkindness are prevented from receiving it. Those who already belong but fail to maintain the sinless standard are treated similarly.

For we would never want a sinner to actually set foot in a church; what they have might be catching. Cough, cough.

Be Like Jesus

The March 2008 Porpoise Diving Life is now available. This month has John Smulo guest-editing on the topic of "Be Like Jesus".

Some of this month's features:

• If Jesus Walked Our Streets by Carmen C. Dicello
• The Jesus Principle: Small is Beautiful by Paul Walker
• Jesus Versus the System by Glenn Hager
• The Quilting of Faith by Sonja Andrews
• Being Christ As Community: A Missional Model by Jamie Arpin-Ricci
• On Happiness by Dan Gilliam
• The Love Power of Jesus by Mark Van Steenwyk
• Creating Jesus In Our Own Image by Julie Clawson

Be sure to check it out!