The Tribe

You may have noticed I'm not here much these days. Initially, I chalked this up to being overwhelmed with life issues that were difficult to deal with, and it's true I haven't had much time or the emotional wherewithal to write in recent weeks. But in all honesty, even as things settle down a bit, I just haven't had anything much to say here. I'm sure that will change, and I'll be wordy as ever once again. But for now, be patient with me.

It used to disappoint me when I had nothing to say. I used to feel as though I had let my readers down or some such nonsense. You see, for much of the time since I started this blog, I desired it to be a springboard to my writing career. Well, it didn't start out that way. It began as simply a place to unload, to vent my frustrations, to process my pain. But over time, my motivation changed. In the last year and a half, I have often caught myself writing a certain way, hoping my blog hits would increase, meaning I was gaining notoriety. In a nutshell, I wanted to become important as a blogger, because I desired for my bitter voice, my bad experiences, and my reasons for leaving church to be validated. However, the time I have spent putting my energy into that goal caused me to miss the point entirely. I couldn't see the forest for the trees, so to speak. I foolishly believed the best way for my experiences to find validity was to write, and then for lots of people recognize me for it.

Strangely, I have learned in recent months that the posts I put the most effort into, the ones I think really rock, well, usually don't. Or don't get responses that way. The ones where I'm real, just letting it all out, those are the ones you relate to. Those are the ones where I find that so many of us hurt the same ways, for the same reasons. We validate each others' pain, encourage each other through healing, and dream together. I recently realized I have found the validation I sought among the people I have simply met along the way. I have found a tribe who will share this journey with me, who accept me as a follower of Christ regardless of my church attendance or my theology. Divinely orchestrated, a healing has taken place for me simply because I have a blog.

So now I write because I need to share in the journey, not because I want to be famous for my role in it. Being a famous writer is so yesterday; I now believe the world will change by organic means, grassroots efforts, person to person, each acting as an organism rather than by collective organization. I simply desire to encourage even one single life, one day at a time. A life upheld is more valuable than any salary or notoriety, and I'll do it even if there isn't a dollar in it and no one notices me for it.

Another thing I have learned: I have no special knowledge. I am learning every day from you, my friends, and you each know something I don't about this journey with Christ. And I love you all for it.

See, this is it, this is my tribe.

This tribe is not bound by collective adherence to a doctrine or by a building, but in mutual love for each other and a desire to set each other free from the things which have chained us. My tribe is not a place where anyone has to justify their experiences, but a place where we learn from a myriad of voices. My belief in the value of Jesus in my life is unwavering; many other aspects of my faith are in constant flux as I learn and grow. This I am able to do in a community where boundaries are elastic and belief is defined only by a love for Christ. Searching together for ways to better love on the world and on others, as Jesus exemplified, is the common thread we share.

Because of my tribe, the support they have been and the validation they have given, I know my purpose these days. It is not permanent, but it is who I am for now. There are so many people who are still hurting, who don't feel or understand that they are truly free, anytime they choose to exercise that freedom. Free from the bounds of organized religion, from legalism and law, from being told how to vote or where to spend their money or who they should associate with. People who don't believe it is their right to question authority in the church, who don't know that the bible does not always say what we have been taught to believe it says.

These people are out there in far greater numbers than I ever realized...and I come across someone every day who believes they are the only one. They need to KNOW. I want them to know. There is something in this that aids in my healing.

Thank you, to my tribe, for giving me the strength to be who I am.