6.13.2008

I wept.

So I have been worrying this post about my Grandfather's funeral since Tuesday, and still it hasn't taken form or style. I have wondered how to do him justice, but I cannot. Any attempt I have made to pen something of his life and death has failed. I will simply, as usual, share my heart. It may not be profound; it may not even be intelligent, but it is what it is.

I could tell you infinite details about the man he was, the life he lived or what was said about him in his death...but I will not. If you would like to know more about the man he was, you may visit THIS LINK. Instead, I have to tell you about family ties, the power I felt with so many kin under one roof. You may think I wax nostalgic, and I confess, I do.

The service was held at a traditional Lutheran church, the church my Grandfather's father helped build, the church where my Grandparents more-or-less grew up, where my Grandparents, great aunt, great uncles, mother, aunt, cousins and many others in my extended family were married, the church where my sister and I and many of our cousins were christened, the church where many of my family have been celebrated in death. My Grandfather helped build the annex in the 1950's and my grandparents worshiped, served and celebrated there for 60 years, and more.

I share all that to show you a glimpse of the history in this place. While most of the extended family has long since moved on from this church, there is a sense, probably for all of us, of coming home to this place. It is a fitting gathering for my patriarch that so many of the people he is related to by blood or by love come to say their final goodbyes to him here.

The service was beautiful. There was the singing of hymns, the presentation of a wonderful and humorous eulogy and slideshow by my father and my uncle (the sons-in-law), a recording of my brother (a classically trained vocalist) singing the 23rd Psalm, and kind and hopeful words shared by the Minister. There was also special, albeit spontaneous, recognition for Cindy, my grandfather's caregiver, for her tireless and extensive effort to keep him comfortable at home with my grandmother rather than having him admitted to a nursing home. She was embarrassed by the applause, but very deserving for the quality of life she gave to him in his last year.

After the service a reception was held in the same fellowship hall where countless other family events have been celebrated. While we all appreciatively ate the lunch prepared by the hospitality team, I mingled, enjoying the chance to catch up with cousins and other extended family and friends, many whom I have not seen in some years. At the same time, my children and their cousins went exploring in this mysterious building with all its hallways, basement rooms and secret nooks, precisely the same as I had done as a girl, and it made me feel the turning of time, the passing of a sort of ritual on to the next generation.

And it has recently become increasingly apparent to me that I am buffered from the eventual passing of my own parents by only one remaining grandparent...and as I reflected on the circle of life I realized that as I passed the rite of church-basement-exploration on to my children, I, in turn, inherited a new place in the passing of generations, one of which eventually will be mine.

So in this church, with all it's history, which could be tangibly felt in my opinion, something in my understanding of a role of a church shifted.

On this blog I have railed against all that I perceive to be wrong with the institution, and I still hold to those things, theologically speaking. However, I have failed to champion the churches all across America as the tie that binds that they are; for many people they are as much a part of the family as any living, human member. Maybe we, of my generation, are losing something in the evolution away from the "family church". Unfortunately, I fear too many churches are caught up in some directive to be the spiritual and moral authority in people's lives, rather than a place of stability and love I believe they are meant to be. In my grandparents case, it has been the latter, and the value of that to my extended family is priceless.

My roots runs deep in this place, close to 100 years have passed that this church has been a fixture in my family. The realization had an affect on me...it saddened me that in this day and age we are far too content to let family ties wither, and only something like a funeral will bring us all together again. Family is far more important than we realize when we are young. I know that now.

Monday afternoon, we went to the cemetery to bury our patriarch, and we were met with an honor guard. Seven soldiers who bear the duty of celebrating the life of American Veterans with guns, a trumpet, a flag, and most importantly, dignity and honor as fitting for their service.

As the shots were fired, it didn't escape me that we are even free at all to have religious beliefs in this nation only due to the service of our fathers. grandfathers, or great-grandfathers in WWII.

As the trumpeter played taps, I thought to every veteran who has died, especially those who do not have the benefit of a long and beautiful life, and I quietly thanked them.

And as they solemnly and precisely folded the flag that had draped his casket, handing it to my Grandmother with the words "On behalf of a grateful nation, we present to you this flag in honor of your husband's faithful service", I wept.

46 comments:

  1. Erin - just now, as I was reading your blog entry, the 10 p.m. Taps began to play here on base. It's fairly loud right here at our house because one of the Giant Voice PA towers is close-by, but we have a few windows open, so it was louder than what we typically hear.

    I just smiled.

    What a fitting tribute to your grandfather and might I suggest that I felt God right at that moment. I've been having computer issues for the last 2 hours, I finally got back online, checked your blog 1st, saw it was updated and in the middle of reading it, Taps was playing in the background.
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  2. I should explain why I smiled.

    I knew that He was behind the improbable, though not impossible perfect timing. And I saw it as just that. It was no accident that I was reading your blog and right at the moment I was reading about the service and Taps being played, that Taps here on base began to play at the same time.

    :)
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  3. What a beautiful tribute to the "good" side of church.

    My grandparents and most of the extended family on my father's side have been a part of the same denomination for many many years. The churches have changed, but many of the people are the same. There is a heritage there that is thick and strong.

    Excellent post, Erin.
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  4. A very moving post, Erin, and equally moving that you are processing a balance of truth in the midst of your grieving. In all our "raging against the machine", so to speak, it's important to remember that behind the issues...the church is still the Body of Christ. Everything is not all bad about her, and in some ways she still shines from the glory God has placed in her. I think the deep, satisfying sense of connection your family feels with that church body is evidence of that truth. Thanks for sharing.
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  5. Beautiful post, Erin. You're right to point out the value of church as family, those links between generations, etc. I know what I long for is that kind of connection and relationship that I would associate with "family."
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  6. If I may ask a question--and it's a "may I," feel free to answer "no"--

    why did you not, as an adult, stick with the church of your childhood? what were you looking for as an adult that that church didn't provide, and what did you think that your CLB was providing/why did you think it was the right place when you settled there?
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  7. Erin,

    Thank you for sharing from your heart. It was beautiful and moving.
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  8. Cindi - That's so cool. I love how God's timing works. And thank you.
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  9. Brian - You are right about there being heritage...and while that can sometimes be a difficult thing, it's easy to forget that there is value in it, too.
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  10. Jeff - You know, what you said the other day about church being an "organism that thinks its an institution" was right on and I found myself nodding my head.

    But sometimes there is something about that building...and it caught me by surprise...
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  11. Maria - It got me thinking about a legacy to give my children and grandchildren...I just don't know where to begin...
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  12. Sara - No, I don't mind you asking at all. It is a complicated answer and I probably should have been more clear about it.

    The church in this post never was the church of my childhood, per se. My mom grew up there and was married there. We did attend there some when I was a small girl, but then my parents moved to a different part of town where we attended a Baptist church for awhile...then a charismatic church...then I married into a fundamentalist church...then we (my husband an I) went back into a charismatic church when our kids were small, and that is the church I speak of when I talk about 'leaving church'.

    So I don't really have a "church of my childhood", and I suppose you could blame that on my parents if there were blame to lay, which I don't feel there is...

    ...but because of my grandparents grounding in this Lutheran church, for many years of my childhood almost all our major family events (even in my extended family) were held there.
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  13. I wept just reading your post and the tribute on that link to your grandfather. A great man, thank you for sharing him with us.
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  14. Hey, mate, this was just lovely. Thanks for sharing.

    The power of family ties and of shared spaces. What a strange world we live in when talking about those things feels nostalgic.

    I just loved the evocation of your kids and nieces and nephews running through and discovering the same things you did. Wonderful :)
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  15. Hmm... thank you for sharing. As I read your post and the various comments - hmm... I envy you that sense of family and continuity. Cherish it. *smiling sadly* Hmm...

    My grandfather died about 18 months ago. The service was nice. It was at the church he had attended for 40 years - ever since he moved to that town. It was a church I once belonged to - the first church I walked away from.

    Sorry - the things I have been through lately with family and today... this reminded me of what it maybe should have been like. ;-)
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  16. Ah, I understand better now. :) Thanks for taking the time to answer. I very much had a church of my childhood--and it was a great one. I have little doubt that I'd still be there if I'd stayed in that city. But I've been learning as an adult what an atypical experience I had, so I've been very interested to hear other people's stories in this regard.
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  17. Thank you Barbara. He was part of "the greatest generation". I wouldn't want to live through WWII and the Depression, but it did create people of amazing character.
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  18. Sue - It cracked me up when my 12 year old came to me and said "Mom you wouldn't believe all the strange rooms that are in the basement" and I replied with "Wouldn't I?"
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  19. Katherine - I understand.

    To tell the truth I don't think I really had an appreciation for those family ties until the day of the funeral.

    But I also know that family ties don't turn out to be a blessing for everyone. I wish that it were.
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  20. Sara - I do think that's cool that you can still say you would go to the church of your childhood if you could. Not many people are able to say that. I wonder why that is, though? That so many people these days don't stick with the churches that have been a part of their family for 100 years or more? Is it simply the way our society has grown us up into autonomous people the last generation or two? It's interesting to ponder.
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  21. Erin,
    How sweetly beautiful. The honor that you give to this man is pure and true. What an awesome testimony that your patriarch leaves behind...in you and your family. Losing family is so painful. I lost my step mom last year. Bittersweet to go home and re-connect with that part far removed from me.
    Thanks for sharing such a legacy.
    Be well sister. Hugs.
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  22. This was a beautiful post, Erin.
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  23. hey hon, great post. I think it is very easy to lose sight of the fact that "church" is still a very vibrant and important part of the lives of many. We do not all walk the same path, nor should we, but we really should learn to recognise what is good and what is a blessing and not be blinded by what so often is a black/white mindset on both sides. I have found very few who can see the good in the midst of the bad. Most times, I can't either so this was a good reminder. Thanks for sharing about your grandfather :)
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  24. Erin, this was just beautiful.

    My grandfather passed away 15 months ago, and I related to everything in this post. Generations in same church (Presbyterian for us), exploring the nooks and crannies as a child and watching my children do the same last year, and the military honors at the burial. It all came back in a wave as I read this.

    I also love what you shared about family connection. He was my last grandparent. We are fragmenting, and it breaks my heart.
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  25. Thank you for sharing this, Erin. Reading it was a quietly sacred moment.
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  26. Hello Erin. Thank you for sharing what Father is teaching you thru this experience. I appreciate your seeing a positive side of the "church" experience, and how it's been used for good in this life. I think you know that I feel that as messed up as the whole church system has become, I still can't (yet?) say that I see no good, or potential for good, through it, if even despite it.

    I, for one, can point to many times (probably more than the average person, because of the quality of leaders I was exposed to all thru-out my youth - and when I say quality, I'm talking about authenticity in relationship with Father) in my life that God used what He could (the church system I was a part of, and the people I met thru it) to powerfully touch my life, indelibly. I just can't apologize for that, even if I do, now see, the overall deception and control of the IC as a whole. There are pockets of exceptions to the rule, and fortunately, I think I did experience a few. Maybe that's where I get my balance from.
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  27. Dear Erin,
    Thank you for sharing, it was a blessing to "listen."

    Kimberly
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  28. Thank you Tara. It was interesting to me now his death brought together so many people who never see each other anymore...cousins I'd almost forgotten about...etc.
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  29. Tyler Dawn...it's true. Because for me as an adult church has turned out to be such a painful thing, all in all, that it's easy to lose sight of the good that it is for many people, and for my extended family, as well.
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  30. Tina - It sounds like you could relate, for sure. He was like the glue...I still have my grandmother, but he was the cement for so much of our family. I hope we don't entirely fragment...but it's already apparent that the only time many of us will see each other is weddings and funerals. Sigh.
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  31. Thank you Gary. Thank you.
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  32. Free Spirit - I know what you're saying, there are pockets of good, probably more than we think. My grandparents (and paternal grandmother) are obviously (to me) a part of that. I wonder, is it with age that comes that gentle and peaceful faith, or is it something to do with the WWII, Depression generation?
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  33. Thank you, Kimberly. You're very welcome!
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  34. How profound! Erin, this was a beautiful tribute to your grandfather.
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  35. Thanks Mike. I didn't expect so many people to even want to read it.
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  36. Erin
    wonderful post.

    thank you.
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  37. Thanks Rhonda. Very much.
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  38. Read "the shack " recently. It was alright. But, it does have the, "God will work with the situation" in it. You are coming around full circle in this growth of faith thing. It is beautiful to see.
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  39. Nate - Full circle is a confusing place....
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