Theology is for Nincompoops

Or, God according to 'Bridge to Terabithia'.

I have a good friend who is seriously doubting her faith, and we have had some e-mail conversations about her possible eventual deconversion. I even introduced her to my favorite almost-atheist.

It's not a closed deal, but she is lost deep in the haze between who evangelicalism has insisted God is and the reality of God she actually experiences.

It is my distinct impression that faith is not supposed to make us utterly miserable; that would seem to defeat the purpose, and if that is the case, the interpretation or variety of a particular faith is clearly wrong for a person. Yes, I know all the most typical Christian responses to this impression, however, I surmise from personal experience that those responses are, well, wrong.

It makes me sad, not that she is doubting, but that modern Christianity has rendered many of us unable to embrace it in practice or name any longer. Is it possible to shed the dead weight while still retaining Jesus? I think so.

Through the course of conversation with this friend, I found myself saying something surprising, the gist of which was this:

"People with wide-open faith get a lot of heat from the theological busybodies, but in my mind, theology is for nincompoops. It doesn't bring us any closer to God...it only serves to make us feel smart and give us fodder to judge people by."

The fact that I thought this didn't surprise me. However, the fact that I said it aloud (in a sense) did. For it's what I really feel, and it's bound to get me into trouble.

I have to be careful here to differentiate. In a general sense, I don't mind theology, those who love it or proclaim it. I mind when theology is wielded as a weapon with which to cut people down, a method by which to minimize others' faith experiences or to by which to size God into a more manageable deity.

In other words, I dislike theology when it is used to tell me my relationship with God is not valid nor acceptable for my inadherence to some supposed theological certainty.

Last night I watched the new film version of 'Bridge to Terabithia' with my children. I hadn't yet seen it, but I did read the book as a girl, as did almost every girl I knew. Aside from the fact that childhood accidental death has a new and real meaning for us as a family, I pulled a couple beautiful spiritual nuggets out of the movie:

Leslie Burke: I seriously do not think God goes around damning people to hell.
Jesse Aarons: Why not?
Leslie Burke: (stretches out her arms) He's too busy making all this!

Jesse Aarons: You know about everything!
Ms. Edmunds: Not by a long shot. But I do try to keep an open mind, and you'd be surprised what finds its way in there.

My interpretation? God is too busy creating beauty and love to worry about our evils; I believe the earthly consequences are far and away enough punishment for them. Instead, my mind has become wide open and many Christians would be fearful of what has found its way in there. However, my increasing experience of peace, love and freedom brought by what has found its way in here is testimony enough for me that I'm on the right road.

My deprogramming out of evangelical Christianity seemed to me very much like trying to identify a species by a process of elimination....OK, so I know that I have a relationship with the divine....but 90% of Christianity is wrong for me. So then, am I a Druid? A Muslim? The question of the day: will Jesus stick with me even if I reject modern Christianity?

In the end I have settled with being what I am, and I have found I simply cannot avoid Jesus no matter how I try. I tried to drink him away, I tried to break ALL the rules to get him to stop loving me, but he was always there. Strange dude! So I am stuck with him. Beyond that, I don't have a lot of ideas about Christianity.

I do believe, however, that Jesus didn't come to create a new box, he came to say we don't NEED boxes anymore. Love is innate in all of us and that's the only thing Jesus ever really preached.

And that's all I need to know.