2008

I never thought it would be 2008. I remember when I was a girl... because I was born in an even numbered year, it was easy for me to figure out how old I would be in any given year. I never imagined so much time would pass...it didn't seem possible.

Years have gone by, time has changed me, and experience has brought wisdom. I so appreciate all the blog world has shared with me, and I wish to thank you for being there for me this last year.

As a New Years Recap, these are my Favorite Posts of 2007. In case you missed them or are new to this blog, this is a bit of a cross-section of who I am and what I write about.


(For the first few months of this year, I wrote under the pseudonym of Lily.)

Is it Evil to be Freaky? - January 12
Scars - February 13
The Athlete and the Artist - March 9th
Reading for the Macro - April 24
The Elephant in the Room - May 1st
Clean Enough - June 4th
Introverts and Intuition - July 24th
Prayer = Sex with God - August 26
Still so Much Bondage - September 13
I was an Addiction Whore - October 3
WWJDWTC Week 3...uh 4 ? - November 11
Do YOU Know it's Christmas? -December 17


Thank you for reading here; for inspiring me with your conversations and encouraging me with your presence.

Here's to a GREAT 2008!

Happy Birthday to Me!

First thing this morning, this was in my inbox:

Erin - Your blog's RSS feed was added to the Scribe aggregator!

It was a very nice birthday present, my friends. You know who you are, you who made this gift possible. You will soon find on my blog an appropriate banner or graphic.

Transformation

I want to introduce you to my friend Jarred. Some of you already know him; I met him back when the Paganism and Christianity synchroblog came up back in September and he commented on my post. Jarred was raised as a Christian, but is now a practicing witch, and he has been nothing but kind and gracious in addressing my questions about his spiritual tradition.

His post today spoke of the struggle to accept himself, especially the parts of himself that his formerly Christian self wouldn't have accepted. While my story is different than his, I, too, have been down that path; I have had to grow to accept the parts of me which are not welcome in traditional Christianity; parts of me which I struggled to admit and accept. Things which are just part of who I am.

In this post, Jarred said something that was deeply encouraging to me, especially in light of the recent situation I mentioned that sent me reeling, because that situation has to do with a person (or people) who have been unable to accept the spiritual changes in me.

He said:

"May the gods bless those who accept that we may not be the same person today as we were yesterday. It grants us the freedom to continue that transformation tomorrow."

Amen. This spoke to me, made me cry. Transformation has no rules; Christianity likes to think it does. As far as I'm concerned, if I'm more loving tomorrow than I am today, I am being transformed. If loving means acceptance, generosity, and grace; I only wish to increase in those day by day.

This whole transformation thing is precisely why I have a tattoo of a butterfly on my arm...not because it's trendy or cutesy, but because it is the most powerful imagery I know for what I have undergone these last three years.

On a related note of transformation and growth....as Barbara so sneakily mentioned in the comments of my last post, yes, tomorrow is my birthday.

But Sue is still older than me, if only by a few weeks.

Thanks to everyone for your encouraging comments on my last post. It meant a lot to me.

Christmas Reflections

I spend the last few days thinking what I should say in my post-Christmas post...but the truth is I have nothing profound to say.

This year, Christmas was lost in the hustle and bustle...much time spent with family, many gifts opened and much food consumed. The kids got what they wanted, and even Randy and I were able to have a nice Christmas. I feel as though I should harbor some guilt for such a beautiful Christmas. But I don't. I don't have the emotional energy to feel guilty right now...and anyhow, I know there are enough of you worrying praying about the less fortunate so that I can take a break. Is that selfish of me?

So, Christmas. Wow. We even had snow. It's been many years since we had snow on Christmas Day in these parts. I don't know how many...20 maybe? It was nice, but it didn't stick around. Sigh. Somehow watching the white stuff fall out of the sky at noon on Christmas made me happy. Made me think, like, manna, or something. Encouraging to me that something so pretty can come out of weeks and weeks of dreary cold and rain.

I had a situation a few days ago that sent me spinning. Nothing serious, in- and of- itself; but it had a tremendous affect on my emotions. I would love to elaborate, but am unable to here in this public space. One drawback to blogging under one's own name...anyhow, I could use some prayer for this; it set me back a bit. It was just one more thing to add to my stress level, which centers on some other things I cannot talk about here. I'm sorry for being vague; but to sum it up, I ended up having a panic attack on Sunday...haven't had that happen in quite some time...thought I was over it entirely, in fact.

Yes, when I was embedded in church culture, I used to have REGULAR, debilitating panic attacks. It started while at our Church-Left-Behind and continued for about 5 years. My husband is the only one who knows, and he doesn't know the frequency or severity (until now, Hi honey). I didn't know they had meds for that at the time...no matter, I was completely against meds for mental/emotional health issues back then...I was into FAITH...you know? In fact, I thought my panic attacks were actually DEMONIC and could be prayed/fasted away. Who fed me that bullshit? So I never talked to anyone about it, for it obviously meant I wasn't fully submitted or some such nonsense, and anyhow, I was supposed to be able to handle the demonic, highly trained warrior and intercessor that I was.

I didn't mean this to turn into a post about BS in charismatic Churches, but today I read an article on CNN about a lady who has spent every last penny giving money to televangelists like Joyce Meyer, Benny Hinn and Paula White.

"The message flickered into Cindy Fleenor's living room each night: Be faithful in how you live and how you give, the television preachers said, and God will shower you with material riches.

And so the 53-year-old accountant from the Tampa, Florida, area pledged $500 a year to Joyce Meyer... She wrote checks to flamboyant faith healer Benny Hinn and a local preacher-made-good, Paula White.

Only the blessings didn't come. Fleenor ended up borrowing money from friends and payday loan companies just to buy groceries. At first she believed the explanation given on television: Her faith wasn't strong enough.

"I wanted to believe God wanted to do something great with me like he was doing with them," she said. "I'm angry and bitter about it. Right now, I don't watch anyone on TV hardly."

Now, I'm all for personal responsibility and I see a huge mistake there; but I'm also well schooled as to the hold these preachers have on people. I can't tell you how sad it makes me, because it is so evident of what is wrong with how charismatic beliefs are taught today. And it goes right along with my beliefs about my panic attacks, which interestingly enough, subsided completely when I left the church. Until now. Today, I am under more long-range stress than I have ever been, more worries and tears and struggle....so it's no wonder anxiety is rearing its ugly head.

As an aside, there was this, also on CNN. Did no one ever tell them that Jesus doesn't live there anymore? Why does it matter so much? And then they believe Jesus wants us to beat each other up over it? Sheesh.

My profound Christmas revelation, I suppose, is the information that some real-life people, several, in fact, have been deeply encouraged by the Christmas card I sent this year. It was a variation of the one I posted here....something about real peace, which I wrote before the panic attack. Oh well...it's really more about trust than peace at this point.

Sigh. I'll probably regret this post tomorrow, but there it is.

Merry/Happy Christmas/Yule

Thank you.
I have learned such love and grace and freedom from each of you,
My friends.
Thank you for sharing part of your lives with me.
I pray bountiful peace, joy and encouragement for you.
Blessings to you all!

Do YOU Know It's Christmas?

"Where the greatest gift they'll get this year is life..."

Barbara posted one of my favorite videos of all time. If you recognize the above line I quoted, you will know what I'm talking about.

This year, as I contemplate the coming celebrations, I feel something altogether foreign.

Peace. Real, enveloping peace.

Not peace that I'm getting what I want for Christmas, or peace that I'm giving what the people on my list want. Not peace that the baking and cleaning are done or peace that the gifts are wrapped; don't I wish.

Not even peace that everything is right in my world, because everything is not right in my world. Not this year. For the first time in a long time.

This peace is something deeper, the peace of powerlessness, a peace which surpasses understanding, a peace I have only ever found in God. I don't pretend to understand what is happening, I only know He is there.

I have beautiful, priceless gifts this year: my children are healthy, my husband and I are healthy. We have a home, with running water and power. I have loving family whom we will be spending our holidays with. I have friends who have coffee with me, who send me CD's in the mail and who e-mail to ask how I am.

I am celebrating Christ this year. Celebrating Him in both wonder and fear. Celebrating the season of unknown. Celebrating the timelessness of Immanuel. Celebrating the cold and the dark and the need. The stars and the wind and the lights. The life, the love, the calm and the Coming.

"Tonight thank God it's them instead of you." It is rumored Bono wanted that line stricken, but decided that although it may not be ideal, it's true.

I will pray, nonetheless; this is the only real gift I have to give this year.

I am rich.

Seventy Times Seven

Will you all forgive me for reviewing a metalcore band?

Last Thursday, Randy and I "seized the day" to witness an act of rock called Avenged Sevenfold (A7X). I'm sure a few of you know who I mean...probably many more of you have never heard of them. In the Fuse best of 2007, they have beat out Velvet Revolver, Avril Lavigne and Linkin' Park, and are now up against Korn in the final four. Does that tell you anything?

We first discovered them about two years ago when we happened across The Beast and the Harlot, and we were both hooked. For me, the draw was simple; they sometimes take an incredibly sarcastic tone about religion, and I get a hugely sinister thrill out of it. Their band name and lyrics are clearly influenced by the Bible, however the significance of that is still up for debate, with the band not publicly claiming any loyalties. One could easily look at it either way; saucily irreverent or savagely reverent. Maybe a little of both?

These tickets were our anniversary present to ourselves back in November, and we have been looking forward to it ever since. The night started with Black Tide...totally 80's, complete with long hair and skinny jeans and harmonic vocals, but my husband enjoyed them. Next up was The Confession; produced by A7X frontman M. Shadows, whose influence can definitely be heard here. Then we had Operator...whose song Soulcrusher you may have heard in recent airplay. Randy described them as metal with a fighters attitude, I describe them as blinding...the amount of flashing lights they used during the show made enjoyment impossible for me. Maybe they say, "If it's too bright, you're too old", but I will retort, "If it's too bright, I will get a migraine and walk out of your show, taking my souvenir money with me." Fortunately, I didn't, only because I completely covered my eyes through their entire set. Nonetheless, Randy got an autographed poster from them, which we will put in a safe place until we can sell it on e-bay to fund our retirement.

We sat in the low balcony, with all the other old farts who weren't into the mosh pit. Surprisingly, we were far from the oldest people there. I was wondering how many 60 year olds have nothing better to do on a Thursday night than see Avenged, but who knows, maybe those of the Zeppelin era actually like it. On the flip side, this being an all-ages show, I also saw some grade-school kids there, as well. Hope they had earplugs.

The insanity level of the evening was defined by the stoned, or just stupid fool who took a flying leap off the balcony into the mosh pit. Honestly I don't care much about his condition, but the poor people he landed on without any warning...I sure hope no one was seriously injured. Way to be selfish and ruin someone else's experience, loser. Also, the chick behind us was completely drunk (alcohol was served in the balcony at this show), and she kept screaming slurred and sloppy solicitations at the band members, as if in this 120db show they could hear her. Keep your bra on, sister.

Finally the headliners were on! To my musically untrained ear, they were brutally faithful to their recorded sound. There is nothing more disappointing, in my mind, than paying cash money to attend a gig for a band who can't recreate in their live shows what they record in the studio. I thoroughly enjoyed A7X's set, with all my favorite songs and a few I didn't know. They do this amazing low frequency bass, down to the point you can no longer hear it, just feel it. (Yes, we wore ear protection; we're not stupid. Been there, done that, don't enjoy temporary hearing loss).

The sing-alongs were Seize the Day, Bat Country and The Beast and the Harlot...which even had the retirees in the balcony dancing in the aisles. There was a great deal of "fuck" and "fucking" thrown about, so this gig is not for the faint of vocabulary...but I don't imagine anyone who is easily offended having been there in the first place. They were high voltage and true, and easily meeting my expectations. Unfortunately for me, fortunately for them, I expect their next tour tix to reach into the unaffordable range.

When I left the concert, the spiritual impact on me was tangible. Maybe the band wouldn't appreciate this comment, but I think this is what music will be like in heaven. Screw the harps.

Miscellany

Diversity Training, because learning about what it's like to be a woman of another faith is important:

How to Wear Hijab HT Dervish.

Should Christians or Pagans be more offended? As Phil says, John MacArthur obviously doesn't know either group very well:

Emerging Christians are really Pagans according to John MacArthur. HT Phil Wyman.

Videos you REALLY ought to see:

An Arabic Christmas Carol at Matt Stone's place.
Straight No Chasers at Helen's Conversation at the Edge.

Meme's: both Rachel and Mike tagged me. I'll get to those as soon as I can...life has been a bit out of whack the last few days.

Bad Google. Following in the footsteps of the Facebook Beacon fisaco, namely immense amounts of free, albeit bad, advertising, Google has decided to share information without an opt-out. To the best of my understanding, if you use Google Reader and GoogleTalk (also Chat in Gmail), and you have Shared items in GReader, your shared items feed is now AUTOmatically shared with ALL your Talk contacts who also use GReader. They say it only applies to Google Talk, but essentially that would be all your contacts in Gmail who also have Gmail - since Talk (a.k.a. Chat) is built into Gmail. Here's the discussion. Help files HERE and HERE. Your best workaround at this point is to clear everything out of your Shared items until Google apologizes and explains how they are going to remedy it.

Julie's exciting news!

Lyn's good news!

Rick is seeking prayer for his mother.

Trailady's painful encounter.

My friend Cindi and her family relocated from Tacoma to Fairbanks this week. By car.

Bruce is BACK

The Ghost of Christmas Past

This time of year, we can be found speaking of the Spirit of Christmas...but what is this Spirit?

Is it the gift-giving frenzy?
Is it the song by Ray Charles?
Is it the quality time spent with loved ones?
Is it the ornaments, trees and candles?
Is it the ghosts who visited Scrooge?
Is it putting aside our differences?
Is it the remembrances of a Child born?

What is the Spirit of Christmas? Is it a tangible thing? Or more ethereal, like a ghost, which simply becomes more evident this season?

Thin places (or spaces) are places where the divine seems to touch the earth, or where it seems the spiritual or supernatural becomes more evident to us. Most of us, from any spiritual tradition, can attest to the existence of these places, even if it seems illogical to believe in them.

But I now wonder about the existence of "thin seasons", as well. Seasons when the supernatural makes a point to reach out to us temporal beings; where Spirit becomes almost visible...or maybe we, as humanity, are simply more receptive, when our spiritual senses are heightened.

Realizing I'm tainted by my Christian roots and my Northern Hemisphere cosmic clock, December has always been an extraordinary time of reflection, remembrance, and forward-looking in my life. I feel a communion or kinship with others, and a romance in my soul. An intense desire to be inward-looking, even as I find myself more outward-focused. It's difficult to put a name to it; it's something warm and bright, yet something deep and primal; born, I suppose, by this season of fires and lights.

I used to think this sense of spiritual thinness was due to the anticipated coming of the light again. In the Northern Hemisphere, our shortest day of the year is right before Christmas, so it would make sense that at this time of year something inside us, our circadian rhythm, would let us know about the increasing light, and correlate that with the season and spirit of Christmas. However, as I thought about that, I realized this explanation was too narrow. So I spoke with a few of my Southern Hemisphere friends, whose days will begin becoming shorter post-Christmas, and I realized this same holiday spirit still exists, even though it falls in the summer months, when light is beginning to wane.

I wonder if there is more to it than just the changing of the seasons? I wonder if there is something more powerful happening this time of year than the changing orbit of the earth?

So, then, we are tempted to correlate this Spirit with the Christmas celebration of the birth of Jesus. Surely there is something immensely spiritual about that? Yet, the thing we do know is that we don't really know when Jesus was born, and it's unlikely it was December 25th or January 6th (or the corresponding days on the Roman Calendar). So why do we feel something we call The Spirit of Christmas during this time, even if it does not really fall at the time Jesus was born? This date was simply arbitrarily selected, the reasons seem to be vague.

And, then, why are so many other traditions called to celebrate this time of year, when their celebrations have nothing to do with Jesus? Some of these other traditions were in place before the birth of Jesus, so we can't attribute them to that event.

I know I'm not the only one who feels the depth and beauty which is unique to this time of year. I believe there is a common spiritual thread running through the people in all time which has determined our desire to celebrate this time of year. I believe this time of year is a thin season...because so many spiritual traditions have a major celebration or holy day during the month of December.

I wonder if something was born for us at the dawn of time, long, long ago; a ghost of a season, for humanity to more powerfully and gracefully experience the divine, together, unified, even as disunity prevails?

I wonder if part the Creator's plan was to simply provide a season when we all are inclined to open our hearts to that which we cannot touch or see, so the many spiritual traditions which exist might celebrate together, in one month or season? Once upon a time, the Spirit of Christmas, and Hannukkah, and Kwanzaa, and Yule, and many other spiritual traditions which take place this time of year, was born for us all? I wonder if it flows in the blood of our souls and unites us as humans?

I wonder, could we learn to celebrate the common thread of spiritual wonder and power which occurs this season, even as different as our traditions might be?

I wonder.

I wonder.





Redeeming the Season is the Topic for this month's SynchroBlog. There are a variety of seasons being celebrated at the end of each year, from Christmas to Hannukah to Eid al-Adha and Muharram, from the Winter Solstice to Kwanzaa and Yule. Still, some people celebrate none of these seasonal holydays, and do so for good reason. For more holidays to consider see Wheel of the Year.

Below are a variety of responses to the subject of Redeeming the Season. Some links are active, some are inactive but will become active when published, others will be updated as they become available.

Recapturing the Spirit of Christmas at Adam Gonnerman's Igneous Quill
Swords into Plowshares at Sonja Andrew's Calacirian
Fanning the Flickering Flame of Advent at Paul Walker's Out of the Cocoon
Lainie Petersen at Headspace
Eager Longing at Sam Norton's Elizaphanian
Redeeming Not Just the Season at Brian Riley's Charis Shalom
Secularizing Christmas at JohnSmulo.com
There's Something About Mary at Hello Said Jenelle
Geocentric Versus Anthropocentric Holydays at Phil Wyman's Square No More
Celebrating Christmas in a Pluralistic Society at Matt Stone's Journeys in Between
Season of Redemption by Steve Hayes
Remembering the Incarnation at Alan Knox's The Assembling of the Church
What's So Bad About Christmas? at Julie Clawson's One Hand Clapping
The Obligation of Christmas by Jonathan Brink
A Biblical Approach to a Secular Christmas at Glenn Ansley's Bad Theology
Happy Life Day at AgentB's The Agent B Files

Comment of the Day

It was reported at The Consumerist today that Wal-mart has sold completely out of the Talking Jesus Action Figure, and Target is close behind.

"Walmart has completely sold out of the toy and Target.com has "very limited supply," according to the manufacturer's spokesperson, Joshua Livingston.

"We feel blessed that the toys are now in the hands of thousands of children, teaching them the word of God. We knew that the toys would make great Christmas gifts, but to see them sell so well before the Christmas buying season begins proves that parents want alternatives in the toy aisle," says Livingston."

My favorite comment on this post was:

BY FORGOTTENPASSWORD AT 05:34 PM You know.... I just cannot WAIT until there are reports of this doll saying obscene things! Because you just know it WILL happen! A talking jesus doll would be the ultimate target for these type of pranks!

Fuck Yeah! And then we'll call it the Emerging Church Talking Jesus Action Figure!!



(Shh, don't tell anyone, but they are still in stock at Amazon. Be sure to get yours!)

Spiritual Healing through KoЯn

Growing up, I was an enormous music fanatic...pop, punk, wave, metal, you name it...80's music was my LIFE - I knew it ALL. My obsession with music continued well into adulthood, but somewhere along the way, my freedom was stolen.

It became an issue when, about 8 years ago, we began attending our CLB. There, we were preached to about how all things secular are satan's tools for deceit, especially music, movies, and television. We were told how he is just waiting for an opportunity to pounce, and I grew terrified of opening myself up to this evil. We weren't supposed to support the secular music industry, because doing so puts money in satan's pockets. We were never to listen to secular radio because not only is it full of sexualized and demonized music, but it's full of commercials for secular products. And so on and so forth. Some of this was from the pulpit, some of it came out of classes, printed materials, or small group discussions. This mentality was everywhere.

Out of fear, I obeyed, and surprisingly, my abandon of secular music lasted over 4 years. Four entire years I subjected myself to a lot of *cough* lame and repetitive music so that I would not inadvertently expose myself to sinful thoughts. My musical options were pared down to Worship, Contemporary Christian, Gospel, and Hymns.

OK, so, confession time: Once in awhile, I'd sneak a listen to secular radio; just for a fix. In church circles, we'd talk about Third Day and Rebecca St. James; but sometimes when I was in the car, all alone, I'd listen to Matchbox 20 or Nickelback. Shame on me! I would never have admitted this to some people I knew. I wouldn't have been forgiven.

I became a liar...a huge big fat liar, while I was an embedded evangelical. Not only did I lie about what I listened to, but what I watched on TV and in film, what I read, and even how often I prayed. You can say I wasn't being transformed...but if being transformed means no more Eminem or E/R, you might as well shoot me now. It's truly sad how Christianity can force us to lie about who we are...but that's an issue for another time.

During this last season, I have come to embrace the belief that God is able to be in anything He chooses. He transcends the human boundaries we put on things, including music. Part of my healing and deprogramming from religion has been a freedom to listen to what I want. No more guilt, no more secrets, no more lies. I can clearly remember the first time I turned on a secular radio station without praying for God's forgiveness for being a weak sinner. It was a Beautiful Day. ;-)

Almost immediately, on that day, God began speaking to me through secular music. There was the obvious: U2 and Natasha Bedingfield (Unwritten); and the not so obvious: Foo Fighters (DOA) Linkin' Park (Numb), Avenged Sevenfold (The Beast and the Harlot), and KoRn (Coming Undone).

Yes, you heard me right. God spoke to me through KoRn. But the way I figured, if God could reach Brian Welch while an active member of the band, why the hell couldn't He speak to me through them?

The songs I listed above became my some of my favorite "worship" music; because, as of that day, I was worshiping an entirely different God. God taught me about the sin of a Pharisaical mindset, of being freed from people's expectations of me, of widely exploring my identity, and healing from the burdens that religion had so unfairly yoked me with. And, just once in awhile, poking fun at the machine Christianity has widely become - because I believe we have to laugh at ourselves sometimes.

This evolution in me eventually carried over into all parts of my life...and it hasn't been easy. They say animals raised in cages will prefer the security of a cage to freedom out in the wild, when given the choice. Cages provide protection from harm, predictable events and regular meals. It's the easy life. But I chose freedom, and I wouldn't go back for anything. Next week, my husband and I are going to an Avenged Sevenfold gig - and I'm actually unafraid of admitting it to my Christian friends.

I leave you with these words, which speak to me of my previous mindset about all things secular ...the fear I lived in because of it...the ways I struggled against falling victim to my "evil nature"...and the suffocation of religious bondage:

Keep holding on when my brain's tickin' like a bomb
Guess the black thoughts have come again to get me
Sweet bitter words, unlike nothing I have heard
Sing along mocking bird, you don't affect me

Wait
I'm coming undone
Unlaced
I'm coming undone
Too late
I'm coming undone
What looks so strong,
So delicate
Wait
I'm starting to suffocate
And soon I anticipate
I'm coming undone
What looks so strong,
So delicate

I'm trying to hold it together
Head is lighter than a feather
Looks like I'm not getting better
Not getting better...

From "Coming Undone" by Korn

UPDATE - OpenID

UPDATE - Apparently, during the OpenID rollout something was broken in comment e-mail notifications. I am one of numerous people who are no longer receiving e-mail notification of new comments..., or only randomly, so I'll try to keep an eye on things around here manually.

Also, some people (not on this blog, but on Blogger in general) are frustrated at the loss of the "other" field in comments. While I understand the desire for the ability to leave a URL for comment author, I am of the opinion that OpenId is an excellent feature, overall.



Blogger in Draft has now implemented OpenID commenting. This means if you currently blog at Wordpress, Typepad, or Livejournal, you *should* be able to comment on this blog using that login information. The benefit of this feature is it will allow your signature on comments you leave on Blogger to include the URL of your blog on these other platforms.

I have set this feature on this blog as an experiment, and I would love it if those of you whom this applies to would try it and let me know if it is working properly. If it does not work for you, you can always leave me an "anonymous" comment - though I appreciate it if you sign your name - and let me know if you have had trouble with it.

Comment of the Day

On a lighter note...today's Comment of the Day comes, once again, from The Consumerist. The Gawker sites Lifehacker and Consumerist are a constant source of valuable information and entertaining comments.

Today, The Consumerist was live-blogging the Senate Permanent Subcomittee on Investigations Hearing on Arbitrary Credit Card Rate Increases:

"Today at 9:30 a.m., Senator Carl Levin (D-MI) will continue his investigation into the unfair and deceptive practices of the credit card industry. Today's topic: arbitrary rate increases for cardholders in good standing. The hearing picks up where Senator Levin left off in March, when he questioned the use of excessive fees, interest charges, and the abuse of grace periods.

"Today's hearing will feature two panels. First, three aggrieved consumers will share their horror stories. Then, the presidents of Discover, Bank of America, and Capitol One will explain that the three consumers who just testified are not at all representative of average cardholders. Right."

If you are a consumer of a major credit card, I highly recommend reading the aforementioned post in it's entirety It is a day which has been a long time coming, and I look forward to seeing what will come of these hearings.

The Comment of the Day happened to be the very first comment [emphasis added]:

BY FLYINGCHAINSAW AT 09:23 AM
First rule: you deal with a bank, all your money are belong to bank.
Any questions?

Does anyone know why this comment is humorous to me? No, it's not because it's grammatically incorrect...well, not exactly. You probably have to be a g33k to know.




[Warning: Some Gawker Media sites contain PG-13 and R-rated text and/or images. This post is not an across-the-board endorsement for all their affiliated sites. Therefore, please don't venture onto their other sites unless you are prepared for what you might run into.]

Sorry

I realized today how sometimes we can be affected by something and not really notice it.

Tonight, I noticed it.

There is an ongoing, difficult situation in my life...I would love to share it here for the support and advice, but I have made the long term choice not to share it publicly out of respect for the relationships which are involved. No, it's not my marriage which is the issue, just to be clear.

In any case, it's been coming to a challenging place as of late, especially the last month, and especially the last week. It has potentially far-reaching consequences, and I'm trying to sort it all out. Because of this situation, I have been emotionally drained for probably 6-8 weeks, increasingly.

Obviously there are many ways this affects me, but the one that is characterized by the title of this post has to do with all of you. Because there are aspects of real life which are taking my attention, and I have to try to be present there...if that means I don't have as much emotional energy to be *here*, it is simply life.

So I realized tonight there are a number of blogs I haven't been as present as normal on. I love to read and interact and encourage you, but lately there just hasn't been a lot of that coming. Instead, I read your posts, I stare at the screen, thinking I should have something to say. But I often don't.

Now, I know you all aren't sitting around wondering where Erin is....this post is saying that I have noticed that I haven't been as present in the blog world as I normally am, and because I have noticed, even if you haven't, for that I am sorry.

I value you, I value this space, I just may not have as much to put into it in upcoming weeks as some things get sorted out in real life.

And is there something strangely oxymoronic about worrying for not being present enough in the virtual world?