I was cleaning in my room the other day - well, Thursday, to be exact - and I found something I had forgotten I owned:

It's NLT and almost reads like a novel. I never read much of it, I must have bought it 5 or more years ago and have barely cracked the cover.
When I was a church-junkie, there just never was time for casual Bible reading. My Bible studying time was always to get Bible-study answers or as homework for some class I was taking, or research for some "word" I was working on, or simply because I was in church listening to a sermon.
Never "just because".
I mean, seriously, I spent lots of time "in the word" but always with an agenda - there was always something I needed to accomplish. The Bible is our answer book, I was told. It is our guideline for life. It is our tool, and to know God one must know the Bible. It is the definition of our relationship with God and each other. It is Perfect, Complete, Without Error, and Entirely Inspired. It is Holy. It is God.
OK, I threw in that last sentence. It's a statement most evangelicals would disagree with in theory, even if they agree with it wholeheartedly in practice. Oops.
I have done many kinds of Bible study - I am not inept. I know how to use a lexicon. Strong's and Vine's are my friends. I'm not afraid of Greek.
However, I have to admit, I also am an expert at the art of "magic" exegesis: ask God a question and then open the Bible to a random page, preferably with your eyes closed. Aha! There's your answer. If you don't get the answer you want, then shake ... ahem ... open the Bible again.
I was never told this was wrong, and actually had some leaders tell me it was an acceptable means of God communicating with us.
God-As-Magic-8-ball. (And
we're scared of
Pagans???)
Here's my problem - I always read the Bible expecting that I should learn something profound, or at least useful. Sometimes I did, more often I didn't. Usually I didn't even understand what I read. And often I was sorely disappointed when I didn't learn anything or gain anything meaningful. This was an endless source of shame, because so many people had told me over the years that if I have the Holy Spirit, the Bible will make sense. If it doesn't, then I'm probably not saved. But the sad truth is ...
I. Just.Did.Not.Get.It.
Not, at least, unless someone else was explaining it. [As I have said
before, everything I know about the Bible I learned from Beth Moore.]
Everyone else seemed to learn amazing and profound things if they even left their Bible on their nightstand, like some gift of spiritual osmosis. I did try sleeping with my Bible under my pillow, but all that did was give me a headache.
And people were always so excited about the Bible. I wasn't. It's freakin' boring if you don't understand it. Boy did I understand why some kids struggle to pay attention in school if they don't understand the material. It was like I had Biblical dyslexia. I struggled and struggled to get "the secret", but I never really felt like I was "in on it". And the truth is, I secretly worried that I didn't "have the Spirit", even though I knew I did, because I struggled with the Bible so blasted much.
Eventually I gave up. I stopped reading the Bible except when absolutely necessary almost 6 months before I left church. I felt so damn ashamed ... I can't even tell you. I CAN'T. I didn't tell anyone, and of course whenever it was necessary to keep up appearances, I put on a good show. But inside, I was dying. I was dying because the Bible was supposed to be my lifeline and I didn't know what to do without it. Dying because I knew every moment I spent "in the word" at that point killed my faith just a little more.
I haven't read the Bible for almost 2.5 years, and I've loved and hated every minute of it. Loved the peace and joy I have felt in not having to struggle with the text, and hated because it's so WRONG not to read the Bible.
I did receive a glimpse of mercy on the subject last spring from my friend Pam as we were sitting outside a little cafe having lunch. Essentially, she told me this:
Jim Henderson of Off-The-Map has been known to say that some people should stop reading the Bible for as much as 5 years.
I thought Pam must be crazy (OK, not really, but she MUST have misunderstood ...). So I looked it up.
Well, she was right.
He did. And while these are his comments posted only informally at an E-Bay Atheist blog post, they still ring very true for me:
"I think people who have been brainwashed to treat the bible like a devotional dictionary need to go cold trukey [sic] and completely stop reading the bible for as long as it takes to get that kind of approach “purged” from their brains - it will take at least 5 years."
He goes on to say:
"Think of the bible like a movie and Jesus is the main character - watch the story in your mind - what image(s) are you left with- THAT is the story - not all the words - the words are arguable ... this is how I “saved” the bible for my head- I read it for the macro - the over arching - the themes and I walk away from anything that contradicts that image/theme/macro even if the words are reported to have come from Jesus himself."
Whoa. Macro?
mac·ro /ˈmæk
roʊ/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[mak-roh] | 1. | very large in scale, scope, or capability. |
2. anything very large in scale, scope, or capability.
Aha. The Big Picture.
So anyhow, back to me. While I did gain a sense of peace from hearing someone I respect say such a thing, it didn't immediately change my practice. I have been patiently waiting for my time to come, for my "cold turkey", my Bible exile to end.
So, I found this 1-Year Chrono Bible, and a few nights ago, I was strangely inspired to pick it up. I got into bed, turned the little lamp on, and turned to April 21st.
I bet you're expecting me to say that the reading for that day was somehow immensely meaningful, like a direct word from God, designed to encourage me to continue reading.
Nope.
It's actually was from Chronicles, about David becoming King of Israel. And since I don't expect to become King of anything anytime soon, I knew it wasn't directed towards me.
Yet I wasn't the least bit disappointed.
It was interesting reading, similar to a novel, like I said. It's really an impressive story. I wonder who owns the film rights ...
Anyhow, I loved reading it (for the first time ever), because I think I have learned over the last two 2+ years that I possess the blessing and the freedom and the liberty to:
"Read it for the Macro".
And I do . And I like it.
Thanks Jim.