My Theology

You know several times over the last year, I have promised to write something about my theology, and I never have. So here is making good on that promise, even if it's a bit "simple minded".

So many preachers
So many churches and denominations
Got their opinions
And their documents and statements
And beliefs
And sometimes there's a miscommunication

And we complicate the truth
And convolute the story
But as far as I recall
I do believe it all

Comes down to a man
Dying on a cross
Saving the world
Rising from the dead
Doing what He said
He would do
Loving everyone He saw
When it's said and done it all
Comes down to a man
Dying on a cross
Saving the world

It isn't a secret
And maybe I'm just being simple minded
But it's about Jesus
And a way, a truth, a life
That can change a heart and a soul forever
And we need to be reminded

It's the power of the blood
That brings us to redemption
We can rise above the fall
And the reason for it all

Comes down to a man
Dying on a cross
Saving the world
Rising from the dead
Doing what He said
He would do
Loving everyone He saw
When it's said and done it all
Comes down to a man
Dying on a cross
Saving the world

All the people beneath the steeple are just reaching
For the truth that can save a helpless soul
We wrestle with the mystery in the teaching
But the news is all good
I think that we should
Remember one thing

It all comes down to a man
Dying on a cross
Saving the world
Rising from the dead
Doing what He said
He would do
Loving everyone He saw
When it's said and done it all
Comes down to a man
Dying on a cross
Saving the world

Saving the World - Clay Crosse

Please Read...

I'm in a strange mood, but it's meaningful for me - so humor me ... I'd really appreciate it if you all would read this post and let me know you whatever thoughts you might have, if you have the time.

I'm beginning to be really anxious, strangely, for a new thing. I feel like this last weekend cemented my desire to start anew. I can't explain it - except to say I tired last weekend (at Convergence) of explaining who I was to people who know me in the blogosphere as 'Lily' but read my nametag as saying 'Erin'.

I don't know why, but I have long ago learned that God only shows me a step at a time, and all I have to do is follow. I don't know why He is calling me to move on - I'd be content to stay right here in relative comfort, where all my friends are - rather than move on to the unknown. It's scary to start over because I'm afraid some of you will let me go - but that's something I have to face.

In some ways I feel something I have never felt before - like I am edging my way into what He has been preparing me for my entire life. That's not meant to be some grandiose vision - maybe it's just PMS or the Thai food I had for lunch, but I think it's also the truth. I think my new blog has a part in that - but maybe I'm wrong. I can't say I understand it. I just have to follow where He goes.

Like anything, God doesn't like us to camp out any one place for too long. I'm not saying that every blogger should move on to something new whenever they feel so inclined - not so. But we are all moving all the time, and for me this move is largely symbolic of something He is doing in me, and I feel like I need to leave Lily behind. She has served her purpose - that was to give me safety and confidentiality in airing my ugliest and angriest emotions after a season of tremendous hurt. I needed to yell and scream and complain and jump up and down and throw tantrums over my experiences. Suffice to say, I believe I have more than thoroughly covered the full spectrum of those things on this blog. It was a process I had to undertake, and without this venue by which to voice myself and hear myself speak, I don't know if I could have gotten through it. You know us writers always see ourselves most clearly in the written word. It's how we communicate. I have definitely learned more about myself here than I would have if I hadn't ventured into this.

When I started this blog, I had no idea where it was going. I had no idea why I was doing it. I only knew I had to do it. I had two false starts (blogs I started but never published to) before I got up the guts to use my voice. I'm glad I did.

In reflection, I can't even begin to sum up how healing this place has been for me. Not so much what I have written but how everyone has responded to what I have written. I have been validated and encouraged and loved on when I have needed it most.

I have laughed and cried over this blog. Some of you have brought a sense of humor that I can't tell you how I have appreciated, especially during the dark times. Some of you have brought wisdom, either through the comments here or through your own blog. I have gained a sense of community when I had none, a sense of peace when I felt like my spiritual life was a hurricane. Some of you have said things that have provoked me to reexamine myself. Sometimes you have touched a cord that was deeply buried.

I know there are discussions afoot about the problems with having a blog as part of your community and how it's not 'real' and how it's not a good idea to put too much stake in it. But I have to argue against that point - as long as we are being realistic. I have had nothing but good experiences here - even in the tough lessons I have had to learn about functioning in a virtual community. The rules here are somewhat different than the 'real' world - for one, when people can't read your body language, you have to be more careful what you say - but that doesn't mean a virtual community is of less value than a real one - just a different kind of value. I know I would have struggled to survive - for my faith to survive - without the internet and the people out there. For so long I thought I was "the only one". You all know what I'm talking about - finding there are other people like me - WOW! Without someone to tell me that it's possible to have questions and still have faith, that it's possible to be progressive and still believe in Truth, that it's possible to question the abuse of authority without advocating total anarchy - I don't know what would have happened.

In any case, I have also made some wonderful 'real life' friends through this place - people I treasure immensely. Not that I don't treasure all of you - but there is something to be said for tangible friendships - and hugs.

Funny how I feel like crying over closing this chapter. It's only been 16 months but it seems like decades. I have been through so much since starting here. When I look back to the past - I can barely see where I began - it's distant on the horizon. I'm feeling a bit melancholy about it. I am a different person than when I began. By a long ways. But I guess that is what life is all about - the evolution that goes on within us.

That thought makes me wonder - if we as human beings are more capable of slow emotional or spiritual evolution - rather that sudden massive changes - I wonder if that isn't evidence as to how God creates change in the world, as well. I don't think we ever wake up one day completely transformed, permanently. I think it's one day at a time for the rest of our lives, and we will grow and change gradually, almost imperceptibly, like the changing of the tides.

The ocean has an incredible gravity for most of us - I wonder why? Maybe because it signifies movement and change as a slow gentle motion, even though that motion might be violently powerful at times. And it's a motion that never ceases and that gives us hope.

So now I find myself crying. It's so strange. I am going to have to publish myself a hard copy of this blog before it disappears into oblivion one day - as most things on the net do eventually. I know I'm going to need to go back, from time to time, and see from whence I came.

I'll still be around here until the new thing is ready. I just might not have anything much to say. I've already moved on in some ways - and I'm saving most of my new writing for the new thing. I do have an idealistic vision for the place - a vision of unity and safety - but who knows what will happen there - maybe it will go in a very different direction than what I imagine. I'm open to whatever happens - I just hope to see you all there.

And as a closing reminder for myself as much as for anyone...

My friend Barbara posted this quote the other day:

"Writers don't write about themselves because they think anyone actually cares that much. They are banking on the fact that in the process of wrestling something out of their own darkness, they can connect with that which is common to someone else. Doesn't have to be everybody, either. Just somebody."

- John Fischer

So if just one somebody out there has connected with some of my pain or process, then I have done what I meant to do.

We've Officially Converged

I guess I'll begin by recapping what went on today.

We had breakfast and worship, then we did something called "Artful Prayer Meditation". The idea of this definitely rubbed me the wrong way. I have a major artistic inferiority complex. I have no art skills whatsoever. Well, you can call writing an art form, for sure, but I'm talking real artistic expression. No can do. I'm a good thirty-something years old, and I have never succeeded at any art venture ever in my life.

So I cringed inside, and tried to think of how I could get out of it. Could I feign illness? Maybe sit aside with my laptop and pretend to answer a critical e-mail? Sigh. Art stuff makes me want to hide in my shell in shame. No. I had to dive in.

The idea was to read some meditative poetry, and then create something artistic as inspired. Our tools were construction paper, tissue paper, magazines, glue, pens and crayons. One suggestion was to rip tissue paper and glue it onto a sheet of construction paper to make something that signified what touched us about the poetry we read.

Deep breath. OK, maybe I can do this. And I did it. And Survived. But then we had to go around the table and share. Bugger, now everyone had to look at my terrible beautiful creation. With a little bit of apprehension, not wanting everyone to know how uncrafty I am, I mustered up some vague explanation of what I had created. Oh, please don't think poorly of me because I am so untalented. But oh well, I guess I'm not perfect. If it's not OK to be imperfect at the Northwest Emerging Women Leaders Convergence Gathering, where is it OK?

After the art escapade, we had more worship, we 'passed the peace', we took communion, we lit candles, and everyone shared what the weekend meant to them. Tears were shed and amazing experiences were shared.

What did I say when it was my turn? "I have been so encouraged hearing all your stories of success as women in ministry, especially considering how many challenges some of you have faced in doing that."

I want to share a couple things other people said that resonated with me. One woman said that before this weekend, she had never imagined a Christian women's event to ever be a safe place. Isn't that funny - I bet every one of us Christian women who hang around this blog understand that sentiment; even as illogical as it may seem. Another woman said, when her turn came, "I'm not crazy!". This is a sentiment that, I believe, is shared by all.

One interesting observation I made as I was listening to everyone share:

What is it that makes us, collectively, "emerging" women?

I thought hard about this. Obviously we all identify ourselves as being "emerging", or else we wouldn't be at an emerging women's conference. But what does "emerging" really mean? We already know there is no one identifier, no set of criteria that makes us so. It's not like we were all single, married, divorced...lutheran, baptist, catholic, episcopalian, quaker...children or no children, 20's, 30's, 40's...We don't subscribe to any one theology, ideology, or faith practice. Some of us refer to God as "she". Some of us don't belong to a church community of any kind. Some of us have been deeply wounded by church and are in the lengthy process of healing. Some women are Pastors, officially ordained. Some of us are church planters, many of us aren't but aspire to be. Some of us are interested in intentional missional community. Some of us are interested in house church. Some of us go to church in a bar.

I loved the diversity, I loved the beauty in all, I loved the freedom of expression of faith in Christ. I love the gentle way we treated each other with love and respect. I love the safety of being able to share my story and have other women nod their heads, not in feigned empathy, but in true UNDERSTANDING. As in "I've been there".
It's absolutely fascinating to me that such different people, ESPECIALLY people of faith, can converge together and unite by our similarities, rather than divide by our differences.

This is how it should be in the Christian world. Hell, this is how it should be in the ENTIRE world. Rather than "I love Jesus, you love Allah, so we are obviously very different", it should be "I love my children, you love your children, so we are obviously very much the same. How can we work together to make a better world?" I know that many people will suggest that this idea is a slippery slope to the "end times". If you think so, I can be OK with that. But I disagree. I think the Kingdom of God is about peace and love in this world, not in the next.

Ideological, I know. But I had a beautiful taste of the possibilities for that peace this weekend.

So back to my question about what makes us "emerging". The one obvious commonality: we all love Jesus. The other: we are all women. Beyond that, there are no observable "givens". So what is it that motivates each of us to describe ourselves as "emerging women"?

I think it's this: the willingness to accept and love people of the diverse variety of Jesus-centered faith traditions without judgment, criticism, or exclusion. In a nutshell: we are emerging from the invisible boundaries that used to divide the different faith traditions; we are emerging into freedom to believe, freedom to worship, freedom to accept, Jesus in whatever way we are so moved to.

Or, I think the really postmodern answer to that question could be this: there is no defining "emerging". There are no real parameters, not set ideas or beliefs. It is quantified by each of us individually for ourselves. And yet we are all so much the same in our dreams of being mighty women of God, in our passion to provide safety and healing to others, in our vision to see peace and justice and freedom from oppression for all peoples of the world.

I want to close today with something said in a small group discussion. I will never forget this. She related her experience and feelings in the moment she first discovered the "Emerging Women" blog by saying:

"My PEOPLE. I have found MY PEOPLE."

That about sums it up for me.

Overheard at Convergence

Emergespeak I learned today:

The Church alumni association: People who have "graduated" from church.

Being equipped for ministry: possessing male reproductive parts.

What's next?: Where we are going from wherever we are.

Between the cracks: People who are in caught the space between old church and new church.

The stained-glass ceiling: the Church equivalent of the corporate glass ceiling.

So, what do I have to say about the conference? Hmm...

I have thoroughly enjoyed meeting Rosalie, the woman who I'm driving to/from the conference. She is fascinating, wise and experienced, and we have had many an interesting conversation in our two hours in the car (so far).

Something new I learned: at least four ladies at this conference are certified "spiritual directors" (Rosalie is one of them). I had never even heard of such a thing. At least one of them has been through the certification program at Trinity Episcopal Cathedral's Center for Spiritual Development, here in Portland.

Last night was simply an informal gathering in the restaurant at Edgefield. It was an opportunity to meet and socialize with each other. I had a great time, it was wonderful to just sit and visit with all these interesting women over a McMenamin's cheeseburger. No greater way to meet and greet. We stayed 3 hours. Does that tell you anything about how much fun it was?

This morning, we did the "church ladies" version of speed dating. We were to each hook up with someone we did not know, then a question was asked for all of us to share with the other person. We had two minutes with each person, then we moved on to someone else. Each time the question was different, and we did this 15 times. It was a great way to meet a number of people really quickly.

Later this morning we had small breakout groups, a safe place to tell our story. We all know that women need to talk - so we were all given the opportunity. Each person was given 15-20 minutes to share. After sharing, each group was to come up with one observation and one question out of their time and share those things with everyone. In our group of four, we found that God had spoken to each one of us and led us into territory we were not expecting. We also found that each of us was passionate about the spiritual healing of others.

It's so cool to me that although we are all from such diverse backgrounds and faith traditions, serving God in such diverse ways, that we can all be so much the same as women and as leaders.

This afternoon we broke up into interest groups that were created and led by whoever wanted to. People who wanted to facilitate a group just wrote their name and interest on a sheet of paper, and then we all signed up for whichever group we wanted to join.

I went to a group about church planting. Most of the women there are actively involved in a plant, but I wanted to just go and observe and absorb. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but I did find I'm not the only one with a (albeit idealistic) vision of creating a safe place for people who have left church - but haven't left Jesus - to congregate.

Later today, a generational panel was held. The women were a wide range of ages, with a wide range of ministry involvement, and shared about how they became involved in ministry, some of the successes they have achieved and challenges they have faced for being women serving in what has until recently been primarily a "man's" world.

Personally this event has had a great impact on me. I won't fully know what I have gained until I have time to "decompress", but two observations:

Everyone is so NICE. I have yet to meet someone who isn't genuine and kind. I have never been to a women's event where there just seemed to be no "cliques" and no segregation. You ladies all know what I mean. I have had a number of wonderful, engaging conversations with complete strangers.

Also, I can't believe what can be learned just by spending time in a place where we talk to each other. I have never been to an event where conversation was so encouraged. Time specifically set aside to simply "converge". You know?

We meet again tomorrow. I certainly expect to find some new growth rings on my trunk next week. ;-)

Over and Out.



Note 1: Julie Clawson is blogging a bit about the conference over at EmergingWomen.

Note 2: One of the attendees fell ill today. I don't believe it was anything too serious, but I don't know any details. Please pray.

Public Service Announcement

If you have automated backups for your computer onto another computer, it would be wise to thoroughly check the backup log file on a regular basis. We now have a server we backup to - because we have both suffered the agony of losing absolutely everything in a hardware failure.

So I checked my logfile yesterday and found out my computer hadn't backed up since the first week of January - apparently the backup file got too big - since it's backing up to a zip file, it can't be more than 4 gigs. So my backup was failing to write. But I didn't know. The thing is, I have it set to show me the logfile each AM. Well the cute little dos window was there every day, but I didn't check all the way through it, and at the very, very bottom, there was an "error - backup failed".

Ugh.

So go therefore into the backup and check ye salvation file.

If you don't do automated backups to another computer, then be sure you're doing them manually, either onto another computer or onto media, on a regular (weekly?) basis.

If you're not doing any backups at all, I feel sorry for you.

Backup your e-mail folders, your application data, your documents, your registry, your photos, any financial software you run, and anything else you can't afford to lose.

If you have a lot of mp3s, you can burn them, preferably onto dvd's (more space), simply as data files, NOT as audio files. They don't take up as much space that way, and you can always restore from them. If you have a lot of drm music, though, I am not sure how to do that. I don't work with drm very often.

This has been a Public Service Announcement.

Do We See God Through or In People?

Yes! I'm on a roll tonight! I've finally pulled my head out of my butt - er- HTML code long enough to post something.

One thing I've been thinking about lately is whether or not we should ever expect to see God through other people?

Other people are dirty windows. Like my favorite song says:

"Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find"

What we see of God when we try to peer at Him through other humans is distorted and dingy and dark. We won't see what is on the other side clearly at all.

I wonder if instead we are to see God reflected IN other people. Even dirty glass reflects light, and shines the best of it back at us. If we choose to see the best of God IN people, rather than looking for our interpretation of God through people, we might have better luck seeing God accurately. Not that we ever will, but we will be closer.

Maybe if we let the Son illuminate what we can't otherwise see, we will begin to love others more.

Or something like that. Sorry about the cheesey metaphor - but this just made sense to me the other day.

G'night.

The Opposite Spirit

Graham Cooke, one of my favorite teachers - says something like this:

"When something comes against you, react in the opposite spirit."

I have always loved that quote, but until recently I didn't really know what it meant in practical application.

I know for the better part of two years, I've been reacting in the same spirit as what was against me. I was reacting in anger and fear and self-righteousness against anger and fear and self-righteousness.

In my son's class today they were talking about bullying. The Who What When Where Why's of bullying. Anyhow, one thing that stuck with me was the kids' realization about the temptation to bully back when you've been bullied.

I think any of us who have been hurt by the church are at risk of this same thing. It's so easy to want to push back - and push HARD - and if you haven't been reading here long - I've done far and away more than my fair share of pushing back at the church and whatever else I perceived to be against me. It's been downright ugly at times. I've been bullying back, somewhat foolishly at a bully that's way bigger than me. It's a waste of energy, but still, I had to get it out of my system. Anyhow, never bully a bigger bully, they will always win. Or, as Beth Moore says, never argue with a pharisee, you won't ever win.

I have felt a turning of a corner recently (Yeah, another corner. I better be careful or I'll end up right back where I started - scary!)

For some of you, what I'm going to say is old hat. But we all have to learn stuff in our own time. I had so many obstacles, so much healing, such deep pain, and I had to work through all that before I could get to the real learning process, the real stuff Jesus wanted me to learn. And He's been so damned patient!

But I'm beginning to feel a new freedom - the things that irritated me or put me on the defense even 6 months ago, don't anymore. I'm not perfect and I'm still in process (always will be). I do know that I'm at the threshold of understanding what the opposite spirit might look like for me. I almost feel like I could go back to my old church and actually be gracious. Well, not quite. But the fact that I would even entertain such a notion is progress, for sure. ;-)

I just feel different. I think to put it simply - in any process out of something there has to come a time when you are moving towards something new more than you are moving away from something old. You are closer to the new than the old, or maybe you begin to look forwards rather than back. Lately my thoughts have been much more tuned towards what God is doing in me and thru me now and for the future than I am preoccupied with where I've been - all the bad, all the hurt, etc. The bad just doesn't seem to matter as much any more, because there is so much good out there on the horizon.

My son's class is studying the explorers of the New World - Christopher Columbus and the like. In thinking about that, I realize that when they embarked on their journey, they could see the place they were leaving, until it was a spot on the horizon. Then for awhile, they could see nothing but water. It was discouraging, day after day, misery after misery, but they held out hope. Then one day, suddenly, they could see the horizon of where they were headed instead. I don't believe we ever arrive at where we are going in this spiritual life, and I know we are always trading one horizon for another, but it's nice after all this time to see something that's in the future instead of something that's in the past.

As another analogy - I bought new running shoes yesterday. I actually went to a technical running store and got fitted. It was really nice. If you are in the Portland area, I would recommend Pacesetter Athletic - they are on 43rd and Woodstock. Anyhow, so I ran in these new shoes for the first time today. Why didn't anyone tell me that new shoes make you HURT?! I mean my feet felt great, but I hurt in places that I haven't hurt since I started running. I know it's the better fit and the better shoe and I probably got a "better" (read: harder) workout in the same amount of time. Or something.

Anyhow - I am being fitted with new spiritual running shoes and while I'm dreading the initial hurt, I am looking forward to the increased efficiency of my workout.

I maybe can't articulate it in words any better than what I've said here. I just know the opposite spirit, or the looking forwards rather than back, or the new shoes are all really cool.

I kind of like it here.

Help Me Out? And About Passion.

As you may have noticed, I haven't had much to say lately. That's not because I'm mute, but because I'm otherwise occupied (still) with the great blog relaunch. In retrospect this turned out the be a long post - so bear with me. I'm just ranting.

First - one technical question, then I'll get on to the good stuff. Does my new 3 column template cause side-scrolling for you? It's 900 pixels wide, and the new blog is 950. So tell me, does this template fit on your screen horizontally? With space to spare? Or not?

Ok, OK. So what's new? Hm. Going to Convergence this weekend - really looking forward to it even though I have no idea what to expect. At the very least I will meet some new people and have some interesting conversations. I'm going to be driving a lady I have never met, and I'm really excited about it.

Had lunch with Pam today - we talked blogging and geeky stuff and worked on the possibility of putting an mp3 player on her blog.

In conversation, she sort-of asked me about my direction for this new blog - to the point - she asked me what kinds of conversations I love to have with people - what would I "talk all night about". Leave it to this lady to always stretch my thinking.

I answered with this - I love to talk about how we have castrated God. I know that's a little profane, but sometimes it's how I feel. We try to take so much power away from Him, the power to save who He chooses, the power to intervene, the power to LOVE. Unconditionally

Conversely - I hate the chains we have added to Jesus - we have added this rule and that rule and now he's dragging around thousands of links that are all the ways people have "added" to Jesus. We've added beliefs and obligations and disciplines and whatever the heck else. You know what I mean. I would love to see Jesus stripped of all we have made Him NOT to be - of all the "exceptions" we have added to his rule of LOVE - and see Him returned to who HE really IS.

So I related this joke to Pam - at the time I couldn't remember where I heard it, but I found it. It's a quote by Shane Claiborne - and I heard it on Out of Ur.

"I figure anytime you are about to talk about hell it’s good to start with a joke, so here we go….It was a busy day in heaven as folks waited in line at the pearly gates. Peter stood as gatekeeper checking each newcomer’s name in the Lamb’s Book of Life. But there was some confusion, as the numbers were not adding up. Heaven was a little overcrowded, and a bunch of folks were unaccounted for. So some of the angels were sent on a mission to investigate things. And it was not long before two of them returned, “We found the problem,” they said. “Jesus is out back, lifting people up over the gate.”

I think I read it on someone else's blog recently, too, but I can't remember where. If you know, tell me and I'll link it.

Anyhow, that's the bottom line for me - Jesus is out there in the back 40 letting people in - people that the "keepers" of the gate (as Spencer Burke says - which I related toward the end of this post) would never let in.

I'm not saying anyone gets in. I'm saying I think some people would be seriously surprised to discover who Jesus is letting into the Kingdom - both the kingdom here on earth and in heaven.

So the other day Bruce at Bit of Smoke blogged about passion. No, not that kind of passion - the kind of passion that motivates you.

What is that for me? I'm only beginning to find out - but I want to give people permission to be followers of Christ - people who some Christians wouldn't ever let in. I want to be in the back lifting people over the gate.

Was talking a little the other day with Traillady - on her post A Faith Experiment:

"I have recently been inspired by a movement in Manhattan called the 'Faith House' project. This is a place where Christians, Jews and Muslims who are tired of conflict and predjudice come together to pray and worship the Almighty."

Where I commented:

"I wonder if God doesn't reveal Himself to a group of people as He sees fit, and as they will best understand Him. I wonder if God hasn't become who He is for these three different groups simply because of each culture's ability to understand Him, not because He's a different God. But I can't overlook the fact that Jesus is missing from Islam and Judaism."

I have been thinking about iMonk's thoughts the other day about how the blogosphere is boring - what he was getting at, I think, at least in part - is that we tend to surround ourselves with voices that are just like our own. He'd like to hear different voices.

I think that's true - but while I respect the "different" voices, the ones that would disagree with me if we were to have a conversation about salvation - I also know that I used to be one of those people. And I don't mean "those people" condescendingly. But I know the arguments - I have defended those arguments, I have weighed and measured them, I have preached them.

But in the end, with self-reflection and spiritual inventory, this girl just can't continue to fundamentally believe that ANYONE has a line in who is IN and who is OUT. We really know so little about the real criteria - we see through a glass darkly. We only know in part. Who am I to ever tell anyone that they are not going to heaven?

People NEED Jesus - but we wonder why they don't WANT him? Because He comes with all this BAGGAGE. If we could spread Jesus without the church's ideas of what being a Christian should mean, we would get a whole lot farther.

This is what the pomerganicmissiosimple church is all about. I think this is what we are emerging into or missioning towards. Jesus without the baggage.

The truth is people need Jesus - but they need Him with his balls intact and without the chains.

There, I said it.

So I was watching episode 6 (the last one) of One Punk, and Jim Bakker came to speak at his son's church. He said this: (and it's maybe not exactly verbatim because I was taking notes while watching - but this is really close)

"We try hard to be good. We try to build big churches with stained glass windows and big choirs. But Jesus is saying - all it is - the whole New Testament - is just love each other and forgive each other".

Then he went on to say how proud he was of his son - because Jay is doing something he (Jim) could never do - and that's love EVERYONE.

Me too! Me too!

I don't claim to know anything new or be special because of my revelations. Because that's what they are - MY revelations. What's new to me isn't new under the sun. But it's NEW to me. To have this freedom to love and not fear. To know that Jesus doesn't need the church to be the defender of His honor - He is perfectly capable of doing that Himself. What He needs are people who will love people - that's our job. He'll do the rest.

Maybe that's a cop-out. Maybe I'll get ding-ed on my scorecard for not being passionately motivated to cram Jesus down people's throats. But everyone has a job in this world, and that's NOT mine. I'm willing to offer up the benefit of the doubt. I'm willing to forego the rules and doctrine and ritual in order to hold the door open for someone who might otherwise run. Being kind and gentle and patient and [sigh] humble and letting Jesus do the rest.

In closing, my new blog-acquaintance Phil Wyman says this - and he's speaking in this case of leaders who don't necessarily preach heresy but who walk in it with their lifestyles; but I don't think this statement can be taken out of context, regardless:

"I am fan of sound teaching, but I find that I am becoming more of a fan of sound living."

Of course, Phil is accusing me of possibly spreading his heresy. If so, well then, so be it.

And the winner is...

Tweaking

I might be tweaking the layout here and there. I'm playing around trying to learn more about how these things are set up, and how they react to hacks and tweaks.

Forgive me if you visit and things look really funky as I experiment.

Also, from time to time I might take DF off the market to work on it. So if you visit and it says *private*, it's only temporary. It's much easier to learn and experiment on an established blog that has lots of real-life use, so I've pretty much given up on my test blog.

I don't expect to be making any major changes here, other than the three column hack, because I'm still perfecting the details of the new site. So don't expect any huge changes, but things might shift from time-to-time.

Oh, and I doubt I'm going to go back and label my posts, but if I get really bored one day, I might. I just labeled a few so I can work with the label feeds.

Sorry I've been really scarce, but when I put my mind to something I like to be thorough.

Lifepod Bags...and a Challenge

I have to give a shout out.

I have been shopping for a bag/case for my laptop for about 3 weeks. There were many practical bags, lots of basic black; all I could find anywhere that was affordable and a little bit interesting was just plain pink. Ebags has a great selection and a nifty little search feature that will tell you which bags will fit your laptop based on model, but they just didn't have anything that piqued my interest. I'm - uh - a little different, you know.

Then I discovered Lifepod, and I have to rave about it. If you need a UNIQUE laptop bag, I recommend checking this place out. Poke around there awhile and you will find they also have some PSP and iPod cases and these cool audio-equipped bags that you just plug your mp3 player right into - of course those aren't cheap, simply because of what they are. But everything else around there won't break the bank.

Just FYI, you will find very little "basic black" around there, but that's why I love it! Everything is stylin'! The website is a little tricky and a little limited on info, but the customer service makes up for it. I might be wrong, but I get the sense this is a relatively small outfit - if so, I'm glad to support them. They only accept returns within the first week, so for some people that might be an issue. I was willing to take the chance that I would like it, and I did.

They make their laptop bags in 12", 15" and 17". They don't have any actual measurements on the website, and I wasn't sure what the sizes were based on - diagonal screen size or actual laptop measurements. So I decided to call to ask their advice on what size to get - I couldn't believe it, but a real person answered on the first ring. The guy I talked to was Ken, and he took the time to take measurements and help me decide. FYI, I found out the measurement is the actual inside measure of the width of the bag.

I ordered it on Thursday last week, paid $46 with shipping, and he said it would go out the next day. It sure did, because from Brooklyn N.Y. via UPS - even with the horrible weather in the midwest, it was arrived today.

And I love it.

It's much nicer - heavier weight - than I expected, and the removable shoulder strap is great - not just black webbing like I imagined, but it's made out of the same material as the bag - so it matches! It's a pouch-style, flap-over case with an additional inside pocket. It is nicely padded, fabric on the outside, so some Scotchguard might be in order. I'm going to patch test it before I spray it, since I'm not exactly sure what it's made of.

They are made to be comfortably snug, so consider that when deciding on size. I bought the size they recommended, and it holds my laptop and my a/c charger and cables just great, with a little room to spare. If you're into bags that will hold a lot of gear and accessories, this might not be for you, maybe unless you have a smaller laptop and want to order a larger bag, or you could just remove the shoulder strap and stick the sleeve inside a larger gear bag.

So...here's the challenge...pop over there and try to guess which one I got. Let's see how well you all know me.

My husband can't answer, that would be cheating.

Ice?

This video, if you haven't already seen it, is an excellent example of why NOT to think that just because you have 4 wheel drive or SUV you are invincible when driving in ice and snow.

Big problem # 1 - we have about a million SUV's in Portland.

Big problem # 2 - it's not flat in Portland...we have hills in Portland...and all over the NW, including Seattle...and I don't mean hills, I mean HILLS. There isn't a Portlander or Seattleite who doesn't have to drive up or down a big hill every day.

This videos is precisely why we complain about driving in ice and snow. Because the combination of lack of practice, SUV drivers who think they can make it, and HILLS, slippery roads mean BIG problems.

I'm not suggesting we have it worse than anyone else - we certainly don't, because this kind of weather only comes along every 3-5 winters, and only lasts a few days. I'm trying to explain why we complain so much about it.

Needless to say, although you can't tell from the video, this intersection is on a steep hill - hence the momentum - in SW Portland, near PGE Park. FYI, no one was seriously injured in this video, thank God.

Back Online

I'm back online, still have some tweaking to do, but it's more or less all together.

Let me know if anything is goofy - I know different browsers, different versions and different monitors will render differently.

Going to finish getting the feeds up, then I'm going to bed.

EDIT: Nevermind, I'm just going to bed. Hope to get a comments feed and label and per-post feeds up soon.

Goodnight.

NOTICE

Decompressing Faith will be going offline later today so I can upgrade my template. Hopefully it will only be for a few hours, possibly most of the day but I doubt that long.

I haven't upgraded so far because my template does not translate well into the new Blogger template style. So I have to rebuild some of it. I think I have figured out what needs to be done at this point, so I'm going to give it a whirl.

So I will be making this blog private while I make the necessary changes, so you guys don't have to witness the reconstruction mess.

I'll leave this post up for a couple hours, hopefully everyone will see it.

Thanks all. Wish me luck.

And the New Word Is...

Last week, my friend Grace blogged about Liminiality:

"I know it makes some people uncomfortable that we haven't picked a team, so to speak. But what if the place of transition is exactly where we are supposed to be, and what if trying to escape that process is not what we should do?

Liminality is a period of transition, during which your normal limits to thought, self-understanding, and behavior are relaxed, opening the way to something new. (from Wikipedia)

If we recognized liminality as part of the journey, maybe we would not be as quick to rush this process in ourselves or in others."

Yesterday, Gary Means said:

"I really don't know where I fit anymore. My faith is in a state of liminality, which is a cool word that I just learned on Grace's blog...My theology has been changing over the past few years. And my sense of call is shifting."

Today I heard the word at Next Reformation:

"Contradiction is one of the elements of liminality. Is it winter, or spring? When the seasons are in transition, and the old season hasn’t quite given way to the new, we don’t know quite what kind of weather to expect or even how to dress on a given morning. When we walk out the door it might be hot, or it might be cold. Worse, it may start out warm then shift to cold while we are on the road. We are plunged into uncertainty."

And I heard it mentioned in a post at RobbyMac.

While I suspect all this isn't coincidence, but rather due to the book "Exiles" by Michael Frost, it's still interesting to me that this particular word interests so many people. And since I haven't finished the book, this post may be premature. If so, forgive me.

What I'll pull from Wikipedia:

"The liminal state is characterized by ambiguity, openness, and indeterminacy. One's sense of identity dissolves to some extent, bringing about disorientation."

and

"During the liminal stage, normally accepted differences between the participants, such as social class, are often de-emphasized or ignored. A social structure of communitas forms: one based on common humanity and equality rather than recognized hierarchy. For example, during a pilgrimage, members of an upper class and members of a lower class might mix and talk as equals, when in normal life they would likely never talk at all or their conversation might be limited to giving orders."

I definitely am able to describe myself as "disoriented" in this liminal season of mine. But why do we keep changing buzzwords? Everyone is in such a rush to define what is happening in the church, primarily because we are being pressured by the established church system to do so. However, maybe in our rush to define ourselves (emerging, postmodern, missional, etc.) we are missing out on the purpose of this time of transition - that is to deliberately remain undefined for a time, while things in the church are being reorganized and restructured, while we find our bearings and can move forward again.

While I'd hate to see "liminal" become the new defining buzzword of the church in transition, I concede that it is a fairly good characterization. However, I, like everyone else, get caught up in defining myself as something or other. It's part of our humanity to categorize things, all the way down from Adam having the task of naming the animals.

Rather than rushing to define something that we cannot define because it is fluid, ever-changing, indistinct; maybe we should embrace this period of transition for what it is: indefinable. The ultimate antithesis to the existing church structure would be to refuse to apply definitions to what is happening.

Can we be postmodern enough to resist re-defining or labeling ourselves yet again?

And another question. If sub-liminal means suppressed or concealed and liminal means on the threshold or in transition, then what next? Would the next step be super-liminal, to become the church expressed or evident?

I sure hope so.

What do you think? Anyone want to weigh in? Especially anyone who has finished Exiles?

Another White Day

Woke up today to pouring snow - can it "pour" snow? Somewhere between a flurry and a blizzard?

Three hours later it hasn't let up a bit. We have about 6 inches (which I know, to those of you that have wintery winters, 6 inches is nada, but here it's an event). Our other factor is we seldom get JUST snow, we get freezing rain, then snow, then freezing rain. So at this point we have several inches of snow on top of a layer of ice. Nasty for driving.

The most lovely part - we might get up to about 35 degrees today - then back down into the 20's overnight. Know what that means? A little bit of thaw, then a refreeze overnight. Talk about a skating rink tomorrow.

It's funny, it's been so cold this week that we still had snow on the ground left over from Thursday's storm. This is really unusual - typically snowfall here only sticks around for one day.

Anyhow, my younger son's school canceled classes early this morning, but my older son goes to public school - which made a bad call today, I think. They didn't decide that the weather was bad until the kids were already on buses. Fortunately, this time of year we don't put our son on a bus, we drive him, because he has to be on the bus at 7 AM, or we can drive him 10 blocks at 7:45. I feel bad for putting him on a bus when it's still dark outside. If he was a teenager, I might not have so much sympathy, but he's only 10. So until it's light at 7 again, we will continue to drive him.

So we were still home while all the other kids were getting on buses. Since our other son's school was canceled, we decided it wouldn't hurt to keep our older son home, too. I mean, good snow events are so rare here, so now they have the chance to play in it again.

Maybe we are bad parents for keeping our son home when classes weren't canceled, but I don't care. Let a kid be a kid. Anyhow, the school district is just realizing they made a mistake - they aren't sending kids home now but are saying they should have canceled because this is supposed to continue all day and somehow they have to get all these kids home. Oops.

My husband is home, too. He works 25 miles from home, and the freeways are all clogged with people who thought they were brave enough to drive in this. As we continue to watch the news, we see people stranded, traffic at a complete standstill, people abandoning their cars...he's glad he erred on the side of caution.

So we're having a family snow day.

At least there don't seem to be reports of widespread power outages, which typically go along with weather like this. Let's keep our fingers crossed.

If you live in the northwest - enjoy! Put on a pot of coffee and read a book. Stay home if you can.

Have a great day!

Caught!

Dan caught me!

You see, I have more than one Blogger username - one I use here, one I will be using for my new blog. Well, actually I have a couple more for blogs I started and never actually created.

Well, the last few days I have been logged in under my *real* name at Blogger while working on my new blog. A time or two (or three) I have commented here under my *real* name by accident - forgot to log out and re-login.

So anywhoo, I'm not worried about it. I did catch myself twice, and deleted them only because I don't want to be confusing, not because I have a secret.

But Dan was all so very excited to have caught me in a *lie* that he had to point it out. So I want everyone to thank Dan for being the sleuth that he is. Clap Clap Clap.

However, even after being caught, I COULD have been like Dan and just deleted the stuff I didn't want anyone to see...then used my little Men-In-Black flashy thingy to make everyone who saw it forget...but I'm not DANGEROUS like Dan is.

So yeah, for those who don't know me, my *real* name is Erin. So if there is any confusion, or if I accidentally cooment at your blog under my real name, you'll know who I am.

Ta-da.