WWJDWTC?

This is my post for the What Would Jesus Do With the Church synchroblog. For more information, see this post HERE. The concept is simple: decide on something you want to change in the church, and then take action on that change for 30 days. And write about it.

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I have struggled with this post, for it puts me in a huge discomfort zone. But first, a disclaimer. Every journey is different, and because of this, I want to emphasize that my post here is simply a stage in my journey. In no way whatsoever am I suggesting that this is a place other people should be arriving at, as well. Your journey is your own. Likewise, if you are a church-leaver like I, please don't feel abandoned by me...this is all baby steps, in due time.

Church is still a horrifying place for me. A place full of standards I cannot live up to, people who will judge me, or if they don't judge me, they will betray me. However, in recent months there has been an aching in me to move. It's as though I have been standing still for so long that I have developed overwhelming muscle cramps, and I must stretch now or fall.

There are many ways I need to stretch, but the one way I need to act is simple.

I need to go to church.

For some of you this may sound like a cop-out, for others, you might wonder how this action relates to the goal of this Synchroblog. However, any of you who know me know how huge this is; and my goal in this action is not to change the church by blessing it with my presence, and it's not about attendance at the institution.

Rather, this is about Jesus wanting to love on people and change lives. I have long ago abandoned the idea that Jesus' primary concern is salvation...His primary concern is sharing a Love which Transforms. For nearly three years, I have been participating in that mission in a variety of unchurch ways...but now I feel He wants me to participate in His mission in this way; not replacing the other ways, but in addition to them.

I don't know what the result will be, I don't know how long this will last or how I will feel...I am very uneasy about it on a human level, and very much at peace with it on a spiritual level. For the record, I do not intend to go to my previous church. I will share more about where I'm going once I've actually been there. To some of you, the answer to that will be obvious. It is, to be sure, No Ordinary Church.

I cannot explain what has brought me to this place. Maybe it is a feeling that I have moved beyond self-preservation and self-protection into selfish....where my healing has come so far that I no longer need to be solitary except out of fear...I fear the scab is not healthy enough to protect me from more pain. However, there is a sense of peace with the risk involved.

Almost three years ago, I spun a cocoon...a place to safely hide while God changed me from something creepy-crawly to something with wings. Months ago, I felt this chrysalis begin to crack open and the winds of change blow on me. For weeks, my wings have been drying in the sun, and now I fell a call into the wild, to spread my wings and try to fly. Somehow, I no longer feel this flight path to be a box or a prison...it feels more like an updraft.

So for a month, 30 days, I will release the fear of falling, stretch out my wings and try to fly.

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Update 1: My Week 1 Post
Update 2: My Week 2 Post
Update 3: My Week 4 Post

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WWJDWTC Participants:

Glenn Hager
Gary Means
Alan Knox
The Refuge
Nate Peres
Sally Coleman
Barb
Rick Stillwell
Jeff Greathouse
Dan
Barbara Legere
Jonathan Brink
Jason Ellis
Rainer
Cynthia Clack

If you are participating in this event but are not listed here, please leave the link to your post in the comments and I'll add you to the list. I'll also be updating the listed blog-links with post-links as they become available.