Disclaimer: This is probably the most transparent post I have ever written, and as such, it is rated PG-13 and may not be appropriate for all audiences.
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I am passionate about prayer; there is nothing more awesome, more amazing, more fulfilling, more intimate. In it's most natural and most powerful state, it is beautiful and raw, unrefined.
If our relationship with God is likened to earthly marriage, prayer is akin to sex in that earthly marriage, and we know sex is the most intimate earthly union between two people. So, prayer is like spiritual sex with God. (And yes guys, God is genderless, a Power, not a Person, so don't get too heebie-jeebie about that.)
But in order to have sex, you have to get naked, wrinkles and cellulite and all. In fact, in all honestly, prayer is like sex with God with the lights on. So often we are afraid to let God truly "see us" because He might think we are ugly, and leave without even so much as having a cigarette. Even Adam and Eve feared being naked before God.
It's easy to talk with God when we are feeling good about ourselves, feeling sexy and healthy. Something we often miss, and I'm convinced it is key to true communion with God, is praying when we really don't want to draw God's attention to our imperfections - when we are in sin, feeling guilty or ashamed, feeling ugly, feeling fat. If we don't pray when we don't want God to see us, we do two things: a) we perpetuate a sense of shame before God that began in the garden, and b) perpetuate a disbelief in God's unconditional love.
When we think we can hide any part of ourselves from the Great I Am, when we think that His love is dependent on our actions - even for one second - when we let our spirituality function in a place of shame, even for a moment, we will begin to doubt God's ability to love us.
This is where Adam and Eve (whether you view the story as literal or metaphorical) messed up. Not that they sinned, but that they thought they needed to hide it. Not that they disobeyed God, but that they believed His love was conditional on their obedience. Rather than simply being honest with God, they first hid their actions, then they made excuses for their actions. I believe their total misjudgment of God's character was the true problem, their sin of doubt is what separated mankind from God.
I follow God simply because even in my deepest, darkest humanity, He has never left me. Even in my promiscuous years, I could talk to God while having sex with a relative stranger, saying "OK, God, I don't know why the hell I'm doing this, but here I am", and hear Him say "And I am with you". Even in a a friends apartment getting completely drunk, you could hear me say, "OK God, don't let me crash my car on the way home, or at least don't let me kill anyone. Please. Thank You". And hear Him say, "Still, I am with you". Even during the night when one of my best friends was cheating on her husband and I could have stopped her but chose not to, I was saying to God "She has a crappy marriage, who am I to judge?" and hear Him say, "I am still with you." Whatever you might think about my behavior or prayers in these situations, the point is not what I said but the fact that I prayed at all.
I'm not prescribing a formula. I'm not saying that as long as we "talk" to God in our sin, it doesn't matter what we do. Our actions still have unpredictable earthly consequences. My drinking as a teenager caused me to make a number of terrible decisions, however, I am choosing not to go so deep as to get into my personal consequences in this post.
I AM saying our willingness to be naked, and to be honest in our nakedness (to have the "lights on"), prevents our sin from having spiritual consequences. God doesn't punish us for our mistakes, we do a damned well enough job of that ourselves. When we are ashamed, we hide from God, we roll over and pull the covers up, hoping He won't notice that we are hiding. When He calls us on it, when he turns on the lights, we will blame others, make up excuses or simply walk away, ashamed of our ugly. Thing is, this behavior simply leads us to believe that God can't handle our nakedness. Then we begin to feel shame. Then we begin to doubt.
Prayer is the natural product of a love affair. It is having confidence in the strength of that love to the point that I no longer fear it can be broken for any reason. Even when having sex with the lights on, God won't be turned off by my imperfections.
Only in my nakedness will I become united with God.
After all, you can't have an intimate marriage without sex.
Please visit the many other "How Do You Pray" Synchroblog participants. The list can be found HERE.
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