Blog Addiction: 87% This post is about why.
In part, I've been thinking about some things since Brother Maynard's post on introversion. I have always marveled at the sheer percentages of innies I meet in the blog world, and I have wondered why this is. Obviously, blogging gives us the ability to interact with the world on our own terms, without having to deal with that energy-sapping face-time.
Sometimes I feel goofy talking about my online life to people in my real life (IRL). I have few people IRL who even know what a *blog* is, much less have one. I struggle to explain, especially to extroverts who have no need for such nonsense, why I so value this world.
Wonderful friendships I have gleaned in this world notwithstanding, it has been an amazing outlet for me. I have been encouraged, educated, and had eye-opening conversations. I have had goofy chats with some cool new friends. I have found space to truly explore what it means for me to be a Christian - and found voices just like mine.
All this things should be evidence of the value of this world.
But many people - those who don't participate in this environment and especially those who look at me blankly - blink-blink - because they cannot fathom interacting with someone they can't see - make me feel silly.
If you're an introvert, you know that interacting with people saps your energy and being alone energizes you. Ever thought about why?
I used to think it was because being in present company forced me to think of things to say, forced me to make conversation. But truth is, I have no trouble at all talking with people I know well.
Maybe it's just because I'm an intuitive (N), or maybe it has to do with insecurities - I'd be interested to know you other innie's takes on this -
But I have noticed that when I am with other people - either strangers, acquaintances, or even friends who I don't know really well, my intuition and perception goes into overdrive. I am constantly reading nonverbal cues - both body language and that more vague sense of discernment or intuition - are they being honest, did what I said offend them, am I being too opinionated...and all this information - both compiling it and processing it - all while having a conversation - is overwhelming and exhausting.
And you extroverts or non-intuitives might say - "Well then, stop" - but it's not that simple. This is who I am, not a behavior I engage in. I sometimes wish I could stop - but I can't. Sometimes it's a curse - my husband asks me why I am always reading into what people say. Often, this proves to be accurate, but it's true, some extroverts say exactly what they mean, no holds barred, and trying to read some inner truth is often frustrating.
I am an information junkie - all kinds of information is helpful in assessing a situation, for engaging in conversation, for seeing a person for who they really are and not who they portray themselves as and for hearing the heart or spirit behind what they are saying.
With that, sometimes people will tell me it seems as if I'm not listening when they are talking - when in fact I am more than listening and can often not only tell them what they have said, but what they actually meant. This is why so often people come to me for counsel, I guess.
In any case, I guess what I'm getting at - is the blog world provides me with a break, a chance to interact with people while being free of the need or ability to intuit them. When interacting with people in text-only, yes, something is lost in the translation. But then again, for some of us this is a good thing. I have to learn about people from their words, and this stretches me, for I sometimes choke when I can't see someone's eyes to know what they are really saying. It's a learning process, and one I need. Because in being an intuitive there is also insecurity - learning to trust and take people are face-value, rather than trying to dig deep into their motives, is an important confidence builder for me.
I thrive on the chance to give my innie a rest from perceiving. Also, when writing, I am not having to both converse and perceive at the same time - and this is much less exhausting and resource-sapping than having to convert-on-the-fly. I can write something, then read a response, then think about that response, then write my own response. I have times to process apart from having to think about what I'm actually hearing and saying.
Of course there are other reasons I like blogging - for one I have met people whom I value that I would never had otherwise met without the net. I have also engaged with a wide variety of beliefs and perspectives, while IRL it's easier to interact with people just like me.
Any thoughts?
In part, I've been thinking about some things since Brother Maynard's post on introversion. I have always marveled at the sheer percentages of innies I meet in the blog world, and I have wondered why this is. Obviously, blogging gives us the ability to interact with the world on our own terms, without having to deal with that energy-sapping face-time.
Sometimes I feel goofy talking about my online life to people in my real life (IRL). I have few people IRL who even know what a *blog* is, much less have one. I struggle to explain, especially to extroverts who have no need for such nonsense, why I so value this world.
Wonderful friendships I have gleaned in this world notwithstanding, it has been an amazing outlet for me. I have been encouraged, educated, and had eye-opening conversations. I have had goofy chats with some cool new friends. I have found space to truly explore what it means for me to be a Christian - and found voices just like mine.
All this things should be evidence of the value of this world.
But many people - those who don't participate in this environment and especially those who look at me blankly - blink-blink - because they cannot fathom interacting with someone they can't see - make me feel silly.
If you're an introvert, you know that interacting with people saps your energy and being alone energizes you. Ever thought about why?
I used to think it was because being in present company forced me to think of things to say, forced me to make conversation. But truth is, I have no trouble at all talking with people I know well.
Maybe it's just because I'm an intuitive (N), or maybe it has to do with insecurities - I'd be interested to know you other innie's takes on this -
But I have noticed that when I am with other people - either strangers, acquaintances, or even friends who I don't know really well, my intuition and perception goes into overdrive. I am constantly reading nonverbal cues - both body language and that more vague sense of discernment or intuition - are they being honest, did what I said offend them, am I being too opinionated...and all this information - both compiling it and processing it - all while having a conversation - is overwhelming and exhausting.
And you extroverts or non-intuitives might say - "Well then, stop" - but it's not that simple. This is who I am, not a behavior I engage in. I sometimes wish I could stop - but I can't. Sometimes it's a curse - my husband asks me why I am always reading into what people say. Often, this proves to be accurate, but it's true, some extroverts say exactly what they mean, no holds barred, and trying to read some inner truth is often frustrating.
I am an information junkie - all kinds of information is helpful in assessing a situation, for engaging in conversation, for seeing a person for who they really are and not who they portray themselves as and for hearing the heart or spirit behind what they are saying.
With that, sometimes people will tell me it seems as if I'm not listening when they are talking - when in fact I am more than listening and can often not only tell them what they have said, but what they actually meant. This is why so often people come to me for counsel, I guess.
In any case, I guess what I'm getting at - is the blog world provides me with a break, a chance to interact with people while being free of the need or ability to intuit them. When interacting with people in text-only, yes, something is lost in the translation. But then again, for some of us this is a good thing. I have to learn about people from their words, and this stretches me, for I sometimes choke when I can't see someone's eyes to know what they are really saying. It's a learning process, and one I need. Because in being an intuitive there is also insecurity - learning to trust and take people are face-value, rather than trying to dig deep into their motives, is an important confidence builder for me.
I thrive on the chance to give my innie a rest from perceiving. Also, when writing, I am not having to both converse and perceive at the same time - and this is much less exhausting and resource-sapping than having to convert-on-the-fly. I can write something, then read a response, then think about that response, then write my own response. I have times to process apart from having to think about what I'm actually hearing and saying.
Of course there are other reasons I like blogging - for one I have met people whom I value that I would never had otherwise met without the net. I have also engaged with a wide variety of beliefs and perspectives, while IRL it's easier to interact with people just like me.
Any thoughts?
38 comments:
"Any thoughts?"
yes!
First- ditto almost all of that.
except- i'm a strong S rather than an N and most of what you said about being with people also describes my experiences very well. I think a lot of my energy also goes into not exposing too much of myself. i probably come across as aloof and calculating to some people. it's just that i don't feel comfortable wearing everything on my sleeve. (that is possibly a learned behavior as well as an innate one.) my trust level is very low. like you said (i think), interacting on blogs gives me time to consider what people say in order to form an idea of who they really are. i probably trust many of my blog friends more than the casual friends i see regularly in person.
I had never thought about blogging as a "rest from perceiving." interesting. i'd always seen a connection between blogging and introversion, but i've never tried to figure exactly what that connection is. i'll be thinking on this one for a while.
after 2 1/2 years of blogging, i rarely tell anyone in person about my blog. i told lots of people at first, but later realized i prefer not having many of my skin friends in this part of my world. in fact, when the rare occasion arises that someone says, "Oh, i read fill in the blankon your blog," it kind of freaks me out because i forget that any of them ever read my blog! happily, most of my skin people have forgotten about it. :-/
Myers-Briggs, what a wonderful self awareness tool. ENTJ, extrovert and intuitive, rare combo, that makes me misunderstood often. Also it is a 51% extrovert and 49% introvert. I do well with people, but need tIme to myself to reengergize. I like blogging just for the community of it. " I have found space to truly explore what it means for me to be a Christian - and found voices just like mine." For me that means the ones who have moved beyond the churches. My biggest issue with established doctrines are once you have learned what they teach, there is no more to learn. That is why 99.5% of all church leaders do not study on a continuing basis. If we follow the "hide his word in your heart". We quickly learn more than the pastors who only spent two to four years in study, and then did not do it once they left seminary. We are not allowed to speak these learnings in church, and are allowed only the freedom here. It is the only reason that I blog. To ask questions that are consodered heretical in the church. But for me they need to be answered for my faith to grow as God would have it. That also is a thing that introverts normally do not do, get involved in conflicts. Here on the blogs we are much more open and willing to accept. Depending on where you go. Beware the Calvanist sights. LOL But it is nice for me to contemplate God on a daily basis with challenged thoughts running through my head.
Erin
this is a great analysis of why blogging is so good for many of us.
I am distracted many times by body language and dress too...
it's refreshing to just read the words and not try to read between the lines all the time.
:)
You said, "But truth is, I have no trouble at all talking with people I know well." Same here. In fact, I am a chatterbox.
You said, "Wonderful friendships I have gleaned in this world notwithstanding, it has been an amazing outlet for me. I have been encouraged, educated, and had eye-opening conversations. I have had goofy chats with some cool new friends. I have found space to truly explore what it means for me to be a Christian - and found voices just like mine." So true! That's why I keep coming back to this blog. I may never meet you F2F, but that doesn't make you any less a valued friend.
You said, "I can write something, then read a response, then think about that response, then write my own response. I have times to process apart from having to think about what I'm actually hearing and saying." Yeah. Me too. I find that I process things better if I write them out. That's why my posts and comments are often long-winded. I'm sorting out facts, concepts, feelings, etc. Often my blog would be well served by a serious edit before I post. Unfortunately, the editing usually happens the twenty times I read it after I post it.
You said, "Of course there are other reasons I like blogging - for one I have met people whom I value that I would never had otherwise met without the net. I have also engaged with a wide variety of beliefs and perspectives, while IRL it's easier to interact with people just like me." Same here. Add to that the fact that there are so few people like us IRL. I don't feel like quite as much of a freak online. Here my expectations, hope, and dreams are understood and affirmed. Here there are other people who have an "alternative" view of what it means to be a follower of the risen Christ.
Cindy - I come across as aloof, too - people tell me that - I seem closed...I too trust some of my blog friends more than many people IRL.
i do believe there is a connection between blogging and introversion...been trying to figure out what that is aside from the obvious (it let's us innies be alone and with people at the same time.)
I cracked up at your comment at Brother Maynard's post about printing copies of that article and papering your walls with it - then locking the door.
I just started allowing my RL friends access to my blog - save for a few who have always known. And it does freak me out to know that they read.
Nate - A blogging extrovert - what a rarity!
"That also is a thing that introverts normally do not do, get involved in conflicts. Here on the blogs we are much more open and willing to accept."
I do think that's true. I am way more outspoken here than IRL.
And I agree with blogging as a place "To ask questions that are considered heretical in the church. But for me they need to be answered for my faith to grow as God would have it."
Good thoughts.
Rhonda - Exactly what you said:
"it's refreshing to just read the words and not try to read between the lines all the time.
How's your mom?
Gary - We are a funny breed - us bloggers - my non-blogging friends raise their eyebrows when I talk about my blogging friends - they ask "How can you be friends with someone you have never met?" Incidentally my RL friendships with Pam and Donna - whom I both met through blogging - do lend credibility to the idea of "virtual" friends.
I love your long-windedness - because it makes me feel better about MY long-windedness...
And I wasn't going to say it but since you did - yes there ARE a shortage of people like us in real life - or at least because we are scattered (church leavers like me) that we struggle to find each other locally - that's what's so amazing about the net - connecting people who are alike but don't live in close proximity or wouldn't otherwise connect.
"I don't feel like quite as much of a freak online. Here my expectations, hope, and dreams are understood and affirmed. Here there are other people who have an "alternative" view of what it means to be a follower of the risen Christ." Exactly.
And who knows - maybe we will meet one day. You met Robert, didn't you? Maybe you'll attend the Off-The-Map conference this fall - it's in your neck of the woods - and I think I'll be there.
I keep plotting in my head how to meet Grace, Cindy, Makeesha, and Sonja...
Geez Louise, woman! I think you took
the thoughts right out of my mind. I can relate to this almost to a "T". Its so good to know that others understand since so many don't get it.
My IRL people kind of patronize me about my blog. I actually avoid discussing it but often find myself talking about "oh my friend Erin said" ... I used to say "my blog friend" until I realized that my blog friends are closer to me than my IRL friends who would NEVER understand the closeness and sincere care and concern that can develop among Bloggers. You know what I say? Their loss!
I am an INFJ/P (my p and j are equal!)
Oh Barbara - you took the words right out of my mouth...
"My IRL people kind of patronize me about my blog. I actually avoid discussing it but often find myself talking about "oh my friend Erin said" ... I used to say "my blog friend" until I realized that my blog friends are closer to me than my IRL friends who would NEVER understand the closeness and sincere care and concern that can develop among Bloggers. You know what I say? Their loss!
Except substitute "my friend Barbara said..."
I am an INFJ/P (my p and j are equal!)
I'm an INFJ/P with equal J/P too! We are two of a kind, freaks that we are...!
Gosh I love ya! You freak me out sometimes you are so like me. You just HAVE to make a trip north one of these days...then we can BOTH go north to meet Gary...LOL.
This is really an interesting post Erin! Now I'll be wondering what you really see when we next meet up for coffee/lunch...which I think should be sometime soon by the way!!
Blogging is different for me, as it's been a tool to keep up with people irl. I've been spending more time on myspace than the others just because I know the people.
The test thing showed me as being ISFP, now I'm going to have to go and read up on you and Barbara!!
One of these days we will get her up here...she doesn't know it yet but when she does come...I'm going to kidnap her and make her stay:)Then I'll be one of those bad bloggers!!!
May I join in?
I'm pretty new to the whole blogger thing, but I am reading more and more of them as I follow links from one site to the next.
What I'm amazed at, is finally finding people like me!
I am introverted, though I don't know that exact specification like some of you...only that my perception senses seem to go on overdrive when I'm with more than 2 people!
I'd rather vacation by myself most of the time...which is good since I'm on my own anyways:).
I don't like that it's so hard to guage people from the words they write...no body language...but you are right. It's restful too.
I actually emailed a person that I have read many of her blogs...because she is the first person I've even heard of that reads as much Sci-Fi and Fantasy books as I do...and it doesn't threaten our faith!
Also, I have left the church I attended for many years...even moved my children and I a few towns away.
I did not know that there were so many emergent christians out there until I came across 'Emerging Women'. I thought I was more than a little different.
Good to read many of your blogs!
There's no point in quoting or highlighting the parts of your post that ring so true for me ... it would be the entire thing. I don't think I had identified my online communication is so much easier for me and important to me.
I am a little weirded out to find other INFJ/P personalities like me ... that just means I am not as unique as I thought I was.
LOL!!
Donna - We keep saying we're going to get together - but when? E-mail me with your schedule...
Yeah I see the ISFP in you - that's why the eye for photography comes out in you.
I would say I'd help you get Barbara to stay when she comes to the NW someday, but honestly I would rather live in Cali.
Do many of you go to conferences or gatherings where you meet?
I am in BC and I don't know of anything here.
Any helpful hints
Che - Welcome - You are among introverts here, as you can tell. I'm just now learning to be OK with it - like so many other aspects of myself (like leaving church) - by connecting with others like me online.
In answer to your second comment - for one thing I would look at Sites Unseen to see if there is anything in your area.
My other advice is start a blog - and start connecting with people online who you identify with. I have actually met a few real life friends who live in my own area through the blogs. Most people you will fined through the blogs are happy to meet new people.
Cynthia - It's kinda weird in a way - we are a very small percentage - so it is weird to meet others. Are you an Enneagram 4, too ?(I am) That would explain your disappointment at not being unique! I guess birds of a feather and all that.
Have you figured out what Muppet you are yet?
I keep seeing these MBTI acronymns showing up. I was identified as an ENFP about 17 years ago. At least that's what I think it was. Is the test available online so I could check again, or see if I've changed.
Erin, I hadn't heard about the OTM conference. I'm on their email list, but my email is really screwey right now. Yeah, that conference sounds pretty cool. Price is nice too. I'll pencil it in.
We do need to have a Northwest Chapter of OFMIRT lunch sometime. (Online Friends Meeting In Real Time). Barbara would definitely have to make a trip up. Perhaps some Saturday afternoon and early evening in northern Oregon somewhere, eh? Late lunch, early dinner, potluck buffet, lots of conversation, assorted beverages, relatively flexible regarding time. Spread the word on our blogs, but have some sort of RSVP so we'd know where it should be. Whatever. Just a thought. Wait a minute. What was I thinking? How many INTROVERTS would show up?
ok, I just did a google, took a quick refresher. yeah, ENFP still fits, although the I and E are kind of split.
What kind of muppet? I laughed out loud when I read that.
Gary - You're an extrovert?
Hm getting introverts together...Google Chat has group chat, LOL...Some sort of semi-emergent NW cohort....I dunno...Barbara does pose a problem - I know - let's meet at HER house...
But seriously, I'm with you - maybe a gathering is in order.
As far as tests try this http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm
Or this (it doesn't have a test but links to some - and lots of great info on this site) http://typelogic.com/typelinks.shtml#tests
or this (but I think it might cost something - I can't remember)http://www.advisorteam.com/temperament_sorter/register.asp
and this one is really good, it's $5.00 https://www.personalitypage.com/get_passwd.html
I'm pretty sure I'll be at OTM - haven't cemented any plans yet but I am planning on it, so keep me posted if you decide to go.
A little bit different thought but along the same lines.....meeting people in real life can keep me from getting to know them! Okay, that sounds a bit odd, but I'll explain. I'm a very visual person, and I love to design beautiful things (web sites, skateboards, race cars, etc.). I used to (and still do to some extent) have a bad tendency to give more attention or credit to someone who is good looking. That's one reason I noticed Erin, she's drop dead gorgeous (fyi - this is your husband). I got lucky though 'cause Erin's got brains as well as looks :-) I've improved quite a bit in this area, but I still have check myself every so often.
Sorry this post is so long, but I gotta tell a funny story. Several years ago I worked for a small company that made truck parts. I spoke, over the phone, with a girl from one of our metal suppliers on a regular basis. She was very nice to deal with, always cheerful, and knowledgeable about her job. I built up this vision in my mind of what she must look like - a knockout of course.
After several months on the job, I was working away at my desk when a girl walks in the front door. She had long greasy hair that was tangled in spots, a tube top with black grease marks on it, old shorts with her belly hanging way out over the top...not a pleasant site. She walks up to me, smiles (a tooth missing no less!)and says you must be the one I talk with on the phone. It was the girl from the metal shop!
Gary - Missed your second comment there...
The Muppet Personality Test.
My Anonymous Husband -
Looks can be deceiving - or don't judge a book by it's cover.
Thanks for the compliment - less true today than 17 years ago when we met - but I'm glad you still think so.
And Re: the girl on the phone - I just learned something about you I didn't know. Hope you learned your lesson. However, was the problem for you that a nice girl didn't look like you thought she would or that a person you thought was unattractive could be really nice?
This is also why the blogs are good - we can't jump to conclusions about people based on their appearance. I know many people would avoid me if they knew how crazy I really am...
Incidentally my Muppet was Animal.
WOW!!! I read the first two comments here and then drifted off somewhere. What a great conversation I'm missing.
Well ... I'm an I too ... an INFP ... solid on all of those. And ... wahhhh ... live on the east coast.
Married to an ENFP and living with children who are solid Es. It's torture ... sheer torture. Everyone loves to talk, talk, talk. Veritable faucets of words dribbling at all hours ... gack ...
LOL ... I was Kermit on the Muppet Personality Test. It's soooo scientific!!
Erin,
I linked to this post on my blog, and tied it to a talkshow discussion that I heard today. It may be a tangential connection, but what the heck. It made sense to me at the time.
"Cynthia - It's kinda weird in a way - we are a very small percentage - so it is weird to meet others. Are you an Enneagram 4, too ?(I am) That would explain your disappointment at not being unique! I guess birds of a feather and all that.
Have you figured out what Muppet you are yet?"
Of course I'm a 4!!! LOLOLOL!
I almost wrote about that but figured it would be too weird to talk about how my Enneagram 4 was showing up and making me disappointed that I'm not unique. LOL!
and I took the test ... I am Animal. Kim/Joy thought I would be Miss Piggy ... SHE THOUGHT I WOULD be the DIVA!!! Can you believe that!?!?!
Sonja - I haven't done my hubby or kids, that might be insightful.
I don't have a problem with talking - as long as I really know and trust the people I'm with. And, too, even though I've "talked" with you a lot, if I ever met you in person I would probably clam up for a while while I study your non-verbal cues. Just to get to know you better. Hence I've worn a banner of "shy" all my life.
You're Kermit? What did it say about that?
Gary - I will check it out. Always interesting when you link to me.
Ok - so I went and quickly read your post - some interesting food for conversation there...
Cynthia - When I read your description of yourself when you wrote about Cornerstone I knew you had to be a 4. We are obsessed with being different even though we really aren't. Then we are disappointed when we find out we aren't that unique. I do happen to know this is part of what keeps me away from church....that's another post.
And we're both Animal. LOL. It's funny to me that she would think you'd be a Diva, but us 4's are often seen that way by others - drama queens...
But we're not dramtaic - it's just that NO ONE UNDERSTANDS US!
LMAO! Hahaha...
wow- i've missed a lot!
gary- i'm reeling over the fact that you're ENFP. what? my husband is ENFP. he has learned to nod and say uh huh and really? when i tell him about my blog friends. but he doesn't get it. he never comments- correction, i think he did once. the one thing he does get is that i'm happier blogging. that's why he nods... he is solidly E, so that may be a big difference.
erin's anonymous husband- do you know that you're in a tiny minority in that most bloggers' spouses don't comment on their spouses' blogs? (just my observation) good for you and it's nice to hear from you!
I took the muppet test. it said i'm kermit! yikes- that can't be true because i really don't "get along with most everybody" ahem- trust me on that. it made me laugh out loud though!
i've vascillated on how to refer to you guys. sometimes i say blogfriends, sometimes just friends. and i don't use "irl", because honestly my bog friends are more real to me than most of the others. more reliable in many ways. somebody else said that here earlier, but i can't wade back through the 400 comments to find who it was.
sonja- ditto with an ENFP husband and solid E daughter. i just love how husband will come in and just stand in the door staring at me when i'm blogging. daughter has less experience so she comes in with tongue wagging- not that it wasn't wagging before she came in. ditto on the torture. 8-/
confession: i have tried locking the study door. with the E's in my house, it was a complete failure. they deal with the locked door by simply YELLING to me THROUGH IT.
I am a huge introvert too and one of the reason I like blogging is that it gives me time to think. I like many others who have commented here, quickly become overwhelmed with meeting lots of people because I'm processing so much information all at once.
However my son is a huge extrovert and he likes to blog too.
Cindy - I don't even know how to respond to your comment. I'm too tired. ;-)
LOL if I had 400 comments on a post I think I'd croak.
Oh and what you said about the study door, it's kind of like the bathroom door...just cause it's shut and locked doesn't mean anyone has to leave you alone.
Susan - I do know there are blogging extroverts, but I think the introverts are dominant. Or maybe just the purpose is different or something.
Cindy,
I try to comment once in awhile (Erin says not nearly enough), but not very often because I feel like I don't have anything to say that Erin didn't already say.
It also seems to take me awhile to process my thoughts because I go over it in my mind and then I disagree with myself or have to rethink it.
Some people say I'm a really good listener and easy to talk too (as I sit there saying nothing, the gears in my head are spinning 19,000 rpm) but I know it annoys Erin because I don't respond, I just sit there listening and I don't know what to say - I'll think of really great things to say an hour later after it's too late!
(Erin's anonymous husband)
Erin,
Great post and discussion. I've been meaning to comment but have been rather busy lately. As an INTJ, I can reallly relate to a lot of what you said, though.
In large groups (more than 2, hehe), I'm like a wall flower as I'm thrown into observation mode and need to recharge after a while (too...much..information...shutting...down...now). But I can literally talk with someone one-on-one for hours.
I love blogging because it gives me time to gather my thoughts and respond. In large IRL groups, I'm usually 2 or 3 thoughts behind everyone else and end up cracking myself up over something that was said 5 minutes ago and I finally had a response. But, alas, the extroverts had already moved on.
Mary - Glad you came to comment.
I like what you said about "observation mode" that is exactly true. "Introspective observer" - that's what I am. Or I prefer "deep thinker".
Post a Comment