Healthy

That's what I want to be - someday.

Health has been an uphill battle since my diagnosis about a year ago. You have to understand that my eating and (complete lack of) exercise habits were formed over thirty-some years. Heck if they are going to go away overnight. Or over a year. And Type II is notorious for not wanting to let go of fat.

So I have lost 30 pounds in about 10 months. What's that average? 3 lbs. a month. That's surely not the results the diet/exercise gurus say you should have. But I have been there, done that. WW (3), Jenny, Nutri, Atkins, Zone, Sugar Busters, Weigh Down....I bought the XXL t-shirt for each. And each time it was still XXL.

I find this dieting and exercise thing suddenly making sense to me. Yes, I do have about 20 more to go, but that's Ok, I have no agenda other than to keep at it. I realize I have failed at every attempt at weight loss because I was constantly comparing my success to the "shoulds". You should lose 2 lbs a week. You should drink a gallon of water per day. You should work out 30 minutes every day.

Ok all that is pretty idealistic; in the sense that someone who has lived their lifetime choosing twinkies over carrots and doing 100 reps of remote-control lifts per day isn't going to change quickly. It doesn't help that I was a cheerleader (keep your snickering to a minimum, please) in high school and I tore my right hamstring from my butt to my ankle and blew out my right knee. I have struggled with any kind of exercise most of my adult life, between my being heavy and my injuries, which of course feed off each other.

But I got off my butt and started in on the treadmill. A little at time. And I mean a little. Now, I'm getting pretty good at it. I realize I will never be a real runner, my knee just won't take it, at least not this side of 120 lbs. But I am a pretty speedy walker these days...now when we go shopping, my friends are telling me to slow down, instead of the other way around. I wouldn't be lying to say, size 2 or not, I'm in the best shape of my adult life - and getting better all the time. But it's been a battle.

It's just now, a year later, that I think I'm beginning to get this thing down. I understand my limits, although I don't always stick to them. I know how much I have to work out to keep the numbers (and the scale) down. Granted, with Type II, and especially as we age, what works today may not still work tomorrow. Still, it's nice to begin to have a handle on it, if only for now.

Embarrassingly, there is one completely NEW thing I have recently learned (go ahead, call me slow). When they tell you junk food will just make you hungrier, they weren't kidding. But it's taken almost this long to detox my body from what it thinks it wants to eat. I changed my mind overnight about what to eat. My body didn't. I still found myself eating crap even when I didn't realize it. I thought, oh, I'll stick to the carbs and still eat the junk, just less of it. Right? Well everything in moderation and it's all well and good to eat a cookie now and then. Well, of course. But try telling that to a notorious carb and junk food addict. Yes, I know it's the truth, but putting it into practice sucks. It ain't easy.

It takes a long stinkin' time to relearn a lifetime of bad habits. Ask a former smoker. Some people don't like to say food is an addiction - they should just try to quit eating stuff that isn't healthy. It's a craving with a will and a life of it's own. It's taken me a year to even begin to lick it.

Recently I had a revelation. It came from being sick of staying within my carb parameters that my Doctor set, but still being hungry all the time. But I'm getting my carbs and protein and fiber...? Why am I still hungry?

SOO...I started reading the labels of what we were eating. Not the nutrition facts - the ingredients.

Whoa, if you aren't in the habit of that, try it. See how much of the ingredients you can pronounce - much less identify - in that cereal your kids eat - even the stuff that's advertised as "healthy". See what's actually in those meal bars or lean frozen lunches that you eat.

Ok, so this very well might NOT be news to you. But what a shocker for someone who didn't realize it. What the heck is in there? If not whole grains, soy protein, real fruit, then what the heck is all that junk on the ingredients list?

It's not that this never occurred to me, I just never cared before. But now that I have realized, I feel a lot better and eat less.

And the exercise has nearly become habit. The winter months have been hard - it's not the weather (I work out indoors) but the SAD that has robbed me of motivation some of the time. But it's all about just getting better on an ongoing basis; it's not about ever being perfect.

I don't know why I'm sharing all this. I guess it's just what's on my mind.

Some of you, I'm sure, can relate. And I'm sure some of you have never struggled with your weight, but I'll bet there's something else you've battled.

For each of you, just remember: long time habits take a long time to unlearn.