It was inevitable.
Last night, after several weeks of complaints from our resident 7 year old about how we always "boss him around" and "make him do everything around here" (how's that for drama?), I finally had HAD it last night. I have tried in recent weeks to have reasonable conversations with him about how asking him to take out the trash or clean his room or unload the dishwasher does not translate into "mean".
So last night our conversation - which began with me yelling "I'm your mom and you will do what I say!" - evolved into a conversation about how good he really has it, including a healthy dose of reality for me.
Maybe some of you will think 7 years is too young for this conversation. Maybe some of you will think badly of me as a parent. But this is the honest truth. These quotes are just the gist of the conversation, not verbatim:
"Be thankful you have trash to take out and a house to take it out of. Some children in this world eat trash and live in boxes."
"Be thankful you have to do the dishes or unload the dishwasher, because it means we have food to eat."
"Be thankful you have a mom and dad to 'boss you around', because the alternative is so much worse. "
"Be thankful you have a room to clean and toys to clean up. Be thankful you have a bed to have to make."
"Be thankful you get to go to school each day, because some children go to work in a factory in order to be able to eat."
I went into long explanations about poverty and drought and famine an child labor. About dictators and war and refugees. Aids even got a mention.
I know it smells manipulative, but it really wasn't. Honest.
It's more for me than for him, anyhow. I need a painful reminder every so often of just how unfair this world really is. It makes my heart break that I don't do more...I have so much to give and yet I complain that I can't afford a car newer than a decade, that I can't afford to pay my health insurance deductible. I complain that I have to do the dishes or laundry or mop the floor on a regular basis. And awhile back there was something called the Pantry Challenge going on among some bloggers. The point was to go as long as you could without buying any food other than staples like milk, eggs or butter. Then live off the food you had in your pantry, freezer, and cupboards. The winning couple made it 18 days. Nothing to make you think like realizing how much food I have in my house. I complain "there's nothing to eat," when I know it's not the literal truth.
So, I remember having this same conversation with my 11 year old when he was 7 or so. Even so, he listened last night, enraptured and asking "Is all that really true?"
Yes, unfortunately. We are so sheltered here. I mean I will be the first to admit (since I volunteer in the school) that some of the kids in my children's schools don't have enough to eat or are abused. I don't know of any who are homeless, but I'm sure there are. It's heartbreaking. My kids are aware of this and we do try to make a difference in some children's lives. But my children can't even imagine children living in a box, with no mom or dad, no food, no clean water. It's just not something we see in suburban America.
And so my 7 year old asks with huge tears in his eyes and trembling lips, "But Mommy, why does Jesus let it happen...?"
"Oh honey, I sure wish I knew."
I hate that the reality of the world around us could make my 7 year old doubt the love and power of Jesus.
I told him, "We are to be Jesus to the world and we aren't doing a good enough job. I'M not doing a good enough job."
I shook with the feelings of humility and helplessness.
And I cried too.
I remember driving through Tijuana, Mexico with my son when he was about 7 years old. He saw with his own eyes what poverty and homelessness looked like. Then we spent the day at a boy's orphanage. Each boy had a bunk to sleep on (stacked three hig) and one small trunk to keep his clothes in. There were about 50 boys. There was one bathroom with one toilet. The "yard" to play in was dirt, but there was a nice park down the street. The boys were dirty and a lot of them were sick - BUT they had huge smiles on their faces. The put their arms around my son, called him "Amigo" and proceeded to spend the rest of the day at the park kicking soccer balls and laughing and playing, even though they didn't speak the same language they had a great time.
ReplyDeleteDriving home that night Keven was so quiet. He told me later how lucky he was to have all that he had.
All this to say - I think it's good that you had that talk with your son.
There is so much to be done I get overwhelmed. Even in and on a local level....our church has just been given land by a chief in South Africa for us to come over and build ...everything with and for them...they want to know Christ, they want a church....our first thing is reaching out to our community asking for help, looking for people with interest and qualifications in sanitation, agriculture, business...it's a huge undertaking....this is a village of 7000 people with 3 spigots of water and probably 120+ orphaned children from the aids epidemic. At first glance it's hopeless....but as we begin to talk about it and pray about it and let our youth dream of HOW they could help....well who knows...you know....they are the ones who are going to change our world and we are responsible to empower them to do it....
ReplyDeletei linked to you today :)
ReplyDeleteBarbara - Sometimes I wonder if my boys should have some exposure to something "real", but I think it would be harder on me than on them. It sounds like it was a good experience for your son. Thanks for the link :-)
ReplyDeleteBJK - WOW what an undertaking. That's a huge deal ! I will pray that you guys get whatever you need to make this a reality!
I agree with what you say about youth, I just hope I will do a good enough job of teaching them to care about others.
puLily- my daughter is 7. We've had lots of those discussions lately. I keep hoping something- anything- will sink in. Nobody told me about the terrible 7's. :-(
ReplyDeleteIt's like this small tyrant moved into the house and is now making us pay for the privilege of sharing it with her. We keep asking ourselves what we've done to teach her that she's so entitled- to whatever she wants or doesn't want, as the case may be. Tough issues. There's some tough love going on in the Bryan residence lately, too.
a couple of years ago when my kids were about 10 and 8 I was watching a show on OPB about enslaved families in India who work the quarries. As I served them up frozen pizza for dinner I kept the tv on and as I watched a young child haul rocks in the quarry with his parents my kids began to squabble over who had a bigger piece of Tony's pepperoni pizza. I became livid! My poor kids didn't see it coming, me lecturing them about ingratitude and privileged living versus the rest of the world. They could not connect the dots at all.
ReplyDeleteBut this fall our family will travel to Asia. We will see all kinds of things, and yes, I am hoping that as my kids see poverty up close that it will make an impact on them...and remind me,too, of how wealthy our family is in light of other nations. And this will of course result in many conversations of how we,who are the haves, can share in a way that makes a real contribution to those who have not.
(good to be back on the blogs!)
Cindy - I hear ya! It's so challenging when our kids grow up with good homes and food and things - and media is much to blame - our kids can't comprehend things being any other way.
ReplyDeletePam - I'm sure your trip will be an eye opener. Want to take my kids, too?