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12.31.2006

5 Posts



In closing for 2006, I want to list here my 5 favorite posts and then the 5 most popular based primarily on comments and then on number of hits.

It's interesting how the posts I think are the most profound and amazing usually aren't the most popular. I think this is due to the fact that when we think we are being smart, we usually aren't; it's when we are just being ourselves that people really respond.

My 5 Favorites:
The 5 you liked best:
  • So Here I Am 2-24-2006 The diagnosis that rocked my world. Not the most interesting post, but where I felt the most love with all your comments.
  • Comment Shy 7-27-2006 I had never had this much discussion before. Maybe we aren't as shy as we think.
  • Worship 9-12-2006 In response to a post by Cindy Bryan.
  • Winter's Moody Blues 12-8-2006 Suddenly I didn't feel so alone, knowing so many of you struggle with this too.
  • I'm It - 5 Things - 12-20-2006 This was a lot of fun. I'm not usually into meme's, but I really enjoyed it that so many people I know participated in this. It was a blast to learn a little more about you guys. However, I still don't get why everyone was so surprised I was a cheerleader ;-)
So, Happy New Year!

I look forward to getting to know you all better in the coming months. Thanks for being my friends.

Happy New Year!



I know for some of my readers, this post will find you already in 2007, but for me it's still more than 10 hours away.

I have had a nice week, and although I have missed my blogfriends, I have spent some nice time doing things other than being glued to the computer (which is my favorite pastime). I still technically have one more day to my week off, but I couldn't stay away from the blog any longer.

Facts about my week off:
  • On Wednesday my husband badly sprained his ankle. He also had quite a cold this week, so that did slow things down a bit around here. Unfortunately, due to my husbands cold and injury we haven't got cracking my my new blog yet. It will come, it will come. I'm just being impatient.
  • I am reading "A Hertics Guide to Eternity" by Spencer Burke. Almost done, it has to go back to the library on Tuesday - there's a hold on it - so I better get on with it.
  • On Thursday, I had lunch with Pam and Donna at McMenamins on the Columbia (and they treated me for my birthday!). Situated right on the river, this would be a great place to go back to when the weather is nice and we can sit outside.
  • Friday afternoon my husband and my kids had a "party" for me, complete with cake, balloons and cards. My boys did the dishes and picked up the house for me. Yay!
  • Friday night I went out with my husband, we ate at Typhoon! and saw "A Night at the Museum". Ben Stiller plays Larry Daley, who takes a job as the night watchman at the Museum of Natural History. Little does he know, the museum holds a very interesting secret. I would unreservedly recommend this movie, even (especially) for kids, although the very youngest set (under 5) might find parts of it to be a little scary (think Jumanji). It was funny, educational, entertaining and appropriate for the entire family. I was impressed.
  • Saturday night I went out with 4 of my closest girlfriends. They treated me to dinner at Oba! in Northwest Portland.
  • Tonight, as tradition holds, my parents will come over to ring in the New Year with us. We will have Chineese food and probably watch a movie with them and the kids.
All in all it's been a great, fun, relaxing week.

I wish you all the very best in the New Year. Thank you for helping me grow, challenging me, and making me feel safe. Here's to many more blog posts, many new friends, and maybe meeting a few of 2006's new friends for the first time.

*** And a side note for anyone who might not know. President Bush has asked federal agencies, including the USPS , to be closed on Tuesday in honor of former President Ford. So that means the post office and regular mail delivery will be unavailable not only today (Sunday) and tomorrow (federal holiday of New Years Day) but Tuesday as well. FYI.


12.29.2006

Another Year Older...




... but not necessarily wiser. ;-)

Happy Birthday to Me!

12.26.2006

Blog Break


The week between Christmas and New Year's is usually (deliberately) one of rest for me. This year is no different. It's a ritual I started about 6 years ago, and I look forward to it every year.

I will spend this week catching up on reading, hanging with friends, watching movies, celebrating my birthday, and not doing a whole heckuvalot else. Well, the dishes and laundry can't be avoided, but not much beyond that. We will eat fast food and sandwiches abnd leftovers from Christmas, to minimize my cooking. We will not restrict the TV or video games or the kids having their friends over. We won't insist on room-cleaning. It's the week of celebration, fun, relaxation and (reasonable) freedom from responsibility.

This is my version of Shabbat, my time to rest and reflect. Hubby always has this week off, so we try to spend time together as a family; this also makes it easier for me to take a break.

So don't be alarmed if you don't see me too much this week.

Anyhow, you shouldn't be here, either, you should be spending time with family, celebrating, or doing whatever YOU enjoy...but definitely not hanging out on my blog.


The Aftermath and My Grandmom


It's OVER. The mess is incalculable, but so is the joy. On Saturday I passed out homemade cookies to many of our neighbors. We hosted Christmas eve for 15 of my family, and I managed not to experience one moment of stress because of it. We spent countless hours in the company of family and friends, ate a ton of great food. My boys got what they wanted and loved and appreciated every bit of it all. They passed out hugs in enormous supply, they were thankful and made their momma proud. Never a moment of "Is this ALL there is?" or "I want what HE got!"

We found out our young nephew got engaged on Christmas Eve, we got to meet his fiance yesterday. My mom's parents, who are both in failing health, were able to come to Christmas, probably for the last time. It was bittersweet. The circle of life.

All in all we had an amazing Christmas. Which, of course makes it ever so much harder to really remember the reason and purpose of it all.

But yesterday, I had a quiet moment with my Grandmother. She has been in and out of the hospital in recent weeks, and my mom and my aunt have been splitting caring for her 4 days at a time. It's an amazing venture by these daughters, who are expressing their appreciation for all their parents have done for them by caring for them in sleepless nights, pill counting, giving showers, cooking, cleaning and shopping...

So I hugged my Grandmom and told her that I loved her and I was glad she could come to Christmas, and she began to cry. She hadn't been feeling well all day and thought that she had been complaining too much.

She says "I'm so sorry to be such a bother and ruin everyone's Christmas".

I said "Grandmom, this is what Christmas is all about: loving on the people you care about. That's all that matters."

She nodded her head and cried a bit more.

She is a special Grandma, I am her first grandchild and we have always had a bond. It's hard to see her this way, hard to accept that it's just nature taking it's course. Hard to accept that soon she will be moved away from the home that she has lived in all her adult life, the home her husband built with his own hands; moved into a strange place with strangers, but at least my Grandparents will still be together. For now.

Moved from the home where she raised her children, where we had countless family gatherings over the decades: Christmases and New Years parties, Mother's Day bar-b-q's , birthday parties....the home where I lived as an infant with my mother for 18 months while my father had a short-term job far away. The home where I lived with my parents and my baby sister for 9 months while my parents shopped for a house in the area.

Over the decades, my Grandparents and my mother and aunt had many adventures in their 1954 Airstream travel trailer. They drove the Alaska highway before it was paved. They saw the Redwoods, the Grand Canyon, Yellowstone. The same travel trailer where I slept in the upper luggage storage compartment as a little girl. The same trailer that still parked in their shop in the back of the house.

My Grandma taught Sunday School to 4 year olds in a little Lutheran church for 40 years. My Grandmother is an artiste, she was always making or creating something crafty. My Grandmother and her sister are 16 years apart, so my Grandmother helped raise her younger sister, because their parents were aging by then. My Grandmother also lost a number of pregnancies, at least 3, I think, and was always amazed that she was able to have two lovely daughters.

My Grandma has a legacy of making these Advent Calendars out of felt. She hand makes all the ornaments, too. My parents and many of my family members have one now. This is ours. --->

My Grandma collects things: lots of things. She has a collection for every month of the year: January is Snowmen, February is Cupids. Shamrocks, Easter bunnies, Flowers Baskets. Brides and Grooms, Uncle Sams, umm I don't remember August or September, maybe it'll come to me, Ghosts, Turkey's, Santas. These collections consist of hundreds of items each, set out all throughout her house each month. She hasn't been well enough to do it the last couple of years, but growing up, my friends would always want to see my Grandma's collections.

On Christmas eve, my mom said "I'm sorry I wasn't able to do more this Christmas, I'm sorry I didn't buy more gifts for everyone or contribute more to the food or preparations." She's been living on and off at my Grandparents house for several weeks. Caring for ailing adults is a taxing, double-time job.

I said "Mom, your children are all grownups, we aren't going to be disappointed 5 year-olds because Mom didn't meet our usual Christmas expectations. What you're doing caring for your parents instead of preparing for Christmas; that is the greatest gift to us, it's the gift of a good example, it's the gift of family."

My Grandmother has a journal for every year at least as far back as the year I was born. Not too long ago, she asked me what I would want from their house full of treasures collected over the decades of marriage and children and grandchildren.

I told her I want her journals. All of them. I want to write her biography. She is amazing and deserves to be remembered.

That is what Christmas was about for me this year.


12.23.2006

It's a Twisted Christmas


So my husband and I are up late watching VH1Classic. I'll withhold comment for your consideration, but please give this video just a moment of your Christmas attention.


12.22.2006

Merry Christmas!


I have thought about trying to post something profound for Christmas this year, instead I decided to make the rounds and wish everyone a personal Merry Christmas on their blogs. I hope I didn't miss anyone, if you didn't get a Christmas greeting from me in your comments, please know it's not intentional! Call me on it!

This year has been especially meaningful for me - all the people I have met in the blog world have greatly enriched my journey - from a disillusioned ex-churchgoer to an excited, impassioned lover and seeker of the unchurched! It so fun and amazing to meet like minds, especially when you feel like you're the only one who thinks a certain way.

Thanks to you all for enduring my ranting, my bitterness, my sometimes PG-13 posts and language, my strange taste in music. Thanks to you all for encouraging me and preventing me from giving up altogether on this thing called Christianity.

If you're familiar with the song "Christmas Wrapping" by the Waitresses, this will make sense to you. If not, look it up. For the original lyrics, go here.

"Bah, humbug!" No, that's too strong
'Cause it is my favorite holiday
But all this year's been a busy blur
Don't think I have the energy

To add to my already mad rush
Just 'cause it's 'tis the season.
The perfect gift for me would be
Completions and connections left from

Last year, Blogger
Encounters, most interesting.
Can't believe the people I've met
And there are many more I'll bet

So deck those halls, trim those trees
Raise up cups of Christmas cheer,
I really need to catch my breath,
Christmas coming soon this year.

Calendar picture, frozen landscape,
Chilled this room for twenty-four days,
Evergreens, sparkling snow
Get this winter over with!

Flashback to springtime, went back to church,
Once or twice to aid in my search,
Couldn't agree where it would be,
I tried but I didn't learn much.

Hanging out in summertime,
Out to the beach with the kids, sublime
Swimming, driving me crazy,
Sunburns and sandy feet.

Now the calendar's just one page
And, of course, I am excited
Sunday's the night, but I've set my mind
To focus mostly on being kind.

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
To you and all those you hold dear.
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
To you and all those you hold dear.
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
To you and all those you hold dear.
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
To you and all those you hold dear.

Hardly dashing through the snow
Cause I bundled up too tight
Last minute have-to-do's
A few cards a few calls
A few gifts left yet to wrap
Oh no! I forgot the lights
Preparing to host 20 people
Can't wait to get into bed tonight.

Forget it, it's cold, it's getting late,
Trudge on home to face my fate
12 dozen cookies and a mop
So tomorrow I can shop.

All my new friends have provided me
With insight, laughter, all for free
I'm so glad I have this blog
To you all I lift a glass of eggnog!

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
To you and all those you hold dear!
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
To you and all those you hold dear!


12.21.2006

Sigh


The Dilemma:

Really wanting to sit and eat brownies today.

VS.

Knowing my body will have a sh*t-fit if I do.


Another Slam Dunk ...



... by Agents of Future.

My friend Pam sent me the link to this song today.

"Carry Us Over"

Jesus turn this wine back into water
So it can quench our poor and thirsty souls
The desert is dry as hell and getting hotter
The truth is only your love makes us whole

So carry us over the finish line
we can see the end but our feet are so tired
It's obvious we're useless on our own

So carry us over the finish line
we can see the end but our feet are so tired
Don't know how to be sober

Jesus carry us over

We wanna go home........


12.20.2006

I'm It - 5 Things


My friend Grace tagged me today: 5 things most people don't know about me.




1) I was a varsity cheerleader in high school. G-E-N-E-R-A-L-S!








2) I've been in 19 states, but only two foreign countries. Guess which two?







3) I still really dig a clear, booming, deep bass stereo. Goosebumps. Does this thing go to 11?








4) I'm a lefty. I'm one of those eccentric, artsy, and supremely intelligent rarities.












5) My hair is pink. As in Manic Panic Fuschia Shock pink.









Gary, Donna, Susan, Dan , and Traillady - If you haven't done this yet, you're IT!


Blogger is NOT Beta


Today Blogger announced they are dropping "beta" from the new version of Blogger.
"I am overjoyed to announce that today we have o’ficially graduated the new version of Blogger from “in beta” to “.”
So many people I know are still having problems lately, but I have noticed two improvements:
1) My own blog no longer requires me to enter the word verification

2) It seems the last day or two that I no longer have to enter the word verification two or three times when commenting on other people's blogs - it seems that once is working now.
How is the no-longer-beta Blogger working for you all? Any continuing complaints?


12.18.2006

White, Young, Suburban, Rich and Oblivious


I came across this at DJ Chuang.
"Only 8% of internet users keep a blog — but an additional 39% read them. Not surprisingly, a survey by the Pew Internet & American Life Project also finds that the most distinguishing characteristic of bloggers is their youth. More than half (54%) of bloggers are under the age of 30. Like the internet population in general, however, bloggers are evenly divided between men and women, and more than half live in the suburbs. Another third live in urban areas and a scant 13% live in rural regions. Most bloggers (65%) do not consider their blog a form of journalism and 52% of bloggers say they blog mostly for themselves, not for an audience. "
He includes a chart, which basically says that the majority of bloggers are:
White (60%)
Young (54% ages 18-29, 30% ages 30-49)
Suburban (51%)
and Rich (which is a conclusion I'm drawing based on the 79% of bloggers who use broadband, which we all know is more expensive by quite a ways than dial-up.)
Interestingly, men and women are fairly evenly split, which I didn't expect.

Based on those stats, I'm a very typical blogger.

White: Guilty
Young: Guilty
Suburban: Guilty
Rich: (based on the broadband assumption) Guilty.

So....

I just finished reading Shane Claiborne's "The Irresistible Revolution". If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it, if not only to stretch your thinking. However it's easily a "make you feel horribly guilty" book, too. Guilt is not in his tone, not for one moment; but the conviction still stands that while I am such a completely average person in America, I'm incredibly rich, healthy, and privileged according to most of the population of the world. Shane talks about how if you have two coats, you have excess and someone else has none. How if we have more than we need of anything we are robbing from those who don't have enough. His philosophy is extreme, but I think it's important for most of us average Americans to realize how fortunate we really are.

This, of course, is especially poignant during the Christmas season, when we are hustling and bustling and not really thinking about the people around us. We are shopping and spending and maybe making a mindless donation to some charity. These things aren't inherently wrong, but the more I think about my white middle-class suburban lifestyle, the more it pains me that I complain about being able to *only* spend X amount of dollars this Christmas.

I feel some thoughts forming between these two examples (the blogging stats and Shane's book), but I'm not quite sure where they are going.

I do know that I am thinking real hard these days, and some of what I am learning about myself I don't really like all that much. I know I'm not called to a community like the Simple Way, but I do also know that I am not called to be an oblivious white middle-class suburbanite forever.

I know don't want to remain a statistic on a chart. I will always be white, maybe always middle-class or suburban, but hopefully I won't allow myself, or God won't allow me, to always be oblivious.


Wait.



Dan Howedel wrote this today:
"Sadly though, I have this tendency to sometimes take on other people's pain. Especially unstated pain. You know, when you can see in someone's face that they're really sad or hurting. It hurts. And I often either want to try to "fix" things, or I begin to "own" their grief... and neither one of these things are healthy, right, or worthwhile. Instead, I will try to keep their pictures in my mind and pray over them as I flip the pages. Being sure to also keep the image of hope that is what this season is all about.


Advent is waiting.
Wait. Weight. Slate.
Straight. Bait. Hate.
Validate. Skate. State.
Rate. Irate. Infiltrate.
Defibrilate. Insinerate. Escalate.
Debate. Plate. Date.
Mate.
Never late.
Wait.

Wait.

Wait."

Back on



So our power went out around 4:30 yesterday afternoon. I called PGE, they said they had no estimate.

Our 10 year old son had already gone for a sleepover at friends house, so hubby and I took our 7 year old son to Red Robin for dinner.

After dinner there still was no estimate on power restoration, which generally is a bad sign if after 2 hours they have no timeline, so we were going to go to the mall and wander around for awhile ... then it occurred to me that we could go to a movie.

So our son got an unexpected treat when we went to see The Santa Clause III: The Escape Clause.

In the following paragraphs, you will learn why I'm not a book or film reviewer. I suck at it. But here goes anyhow. Spoilers ahead, but honestly with these Santa Clause films, does it really matter?

This definitely was the worst of the 3 films. I remember that I rather enjoyed the first one, where Tim Allen as Scott Calvin accidentally kills Santa Claus. Scott puts on Santa's coat, not knowing that there is a Santa Clause that requires that in the event of Santa's death, whoever dons his coat first will become the next Santa. This first film centers around the transformation of Scott Calvin into Santa Claus.

The second film was about Santa, a.k.a. Scott Calvin, being lonely and then meeting a woman who would eventually become Mrs. Claus.

This third film (spoilers here) involves Mr. and Mrs. Claus expecting a baby. Mrs. Claus is missing her family, whom she doesn't get to see often because they can't keep a secret, and the most important thing about being Santa is the S.O.S. (Secret of Santa). Scott manages to figure out a way to bring her folks to visit while making them think they are in [cough] Canada, eh?

Meanwhile, Jack Frost (Martin Short) is feeling jealous of "The Red Man" and all his holiday splendor, so he schemes to de-suit Santa. He finds out about "The Escape Clause", where if Santa holds a special snow globe and says "I wish I had never become Santa Claus", everything will go back to the way it was before Scott Calvin became Santa, giving Jack Frost a crack at it.

Jack Frost manages to get Santa to invoke The Escape Clause and Jack becomes Santa. Jack turns the North Pole into a theme park and wreaks havoc on the entire system. However, his success is only temporary. Meanwhile, Scott Calvin is working to return to the North Pole to reclaim the suit from Jack. In the end, Scott a.k.a. Santa wins, Jack Frost is thawed into a kind and gentle guy, a baby is born (hm) , and all is well in the world of Christmas.

Um. Hopefully this is the last in the series. I guess it was a pretty good way to spend a couple hours when our power was out, extenuating circumstances and all that. But please don't voluntarily choose to pay $23 to see it like we did.

Anyhow, when the movie was over I called PGE and the recording said most power in our area had been restored, but that some customers were still out. So I called my neighbor across the street (who incidentally had never lost her power) and got a visual verification that our lights were on, so we returned home, never the worse for having our power out for 5 hours. We were very lucky, considering the freezing temps here in the Rose City lately.

I'll try to catch up on comments later today.


12.17.2006

Power's Out


The power has failed in our neighborhood, no ETA on restoration. So I don't know when I'll be posting again, but more importantly I know there have been several new comments that I have not responded to. It's really difficult to blog from my Treo (which I'm doing now) so I won't be responding till I have access to a computer again. I just didn't want anyone to think I was ignoring them. Thanks, Lily

Planning a Move



It's looking like a change that I have been planning for months is going to take place soon. It's taken longer than I expected to get around to this, but we have finally registered my name as a domain and will be spending the week after Christmas building my new site and setting it up on the servers. Hopefully it will all come off without too many problems.

It will be located at myname.com, but I don't have a name for the site yet. I have a couple ideas that I'm considering, and I will be asking your thoughts on the new name a little later on. Sometime (hopefully shortly) after the first of the year, I will be moving my blogging life to the new site. At this point the plan is to discontinue blogging here, but leave DF up on Blogger as an archive. The new site probably won't seem that different as a whole, but I don't plan to import the existing DF posts into it. Of course I will let you guys know where to find the new site when it's up and hope to find you there.

This is a result of both a change over the last few months in the direction I feel I am going spiritually, and a choice to "come out" so to speak; meaning I am feeling safe enough these days to begin writing under my own name. I have begun to dislike the feeling of something less-than-honest when I interact with people under a pseudonym - not that it's dishonest in and of itself, but I am feeling dishonest about it - meaning I feel the signal of a change in me about that. I also want to establish my name in order to become more valid and authentic as both an author and as a person.

I'm not suggesting that my new blog will be that much different than DF, I am not saying I have some new and great revelation or mission to share. I think more than anything I am wanting to signify the shedding of my bitterness and the new mounting forgiveness and compassion in me towards those who have hurt me and the church as a whole. Not that I'm perfect and not that I won't have my angry moments, but they are becoming fewer and in some ways I think the tone I have established on much of this blog has been one of hostility and I am wanting to evolve out of that. I think it's more psychological than anything for me, I started this blog as a place to vent my anger and frustration about my experiences in the church, and that's not where I am anymore.

So anyhow...I guess this post is just a heads-up on.

12.15.2006

Unchurch


This is a difficult post to write because it really exposes my heart in a number of ways. Be gentle with me. This is long but I hope you will wade through it and give me some feedback.

Recently, Gary Means and I have been discussing some sort of idea we share.

It all started with his post "An Amateur Heretic", where he said,
"Perhaps it's time for me to resurrect my dream of creating an environment for dialogue about matters of faith, with the intent of pointing to hope in Christ, but without the heavy-handed evangelistic agenda. I just want to develop a community or a circle of relationships where people can explore Christian spirituality without fear or guilt, and where they feel loved and accepted precisely as they are, not as potential Christians."
and this post, where he asks,
"Is it possible for an Evangelical to work to create an environment where people are loved as they are, even if they are unlovely?" At the heart of the question was the Evangelical propensity to view all nonbelievers as potential Christians."
I encourage you to read those two posts if you want to know more about the context of THIS post.

For about a year a vision (I do hesitate to use the word "vision" because it has been so abused in my church experience, but for lack of a better word, I'm going to stick to it.) has been forming in the back of my mind that is along the lines of the two previous quotes. I think most importantly, I am realizing now that if another person sees there being a need for this type of thing, it's confirmation to me that there really IS a need. As Gary and I have not dialogued about it at length, I am not asserting that our approaches to this are identical; however there are similarities to what we each are thinking.

Here are some of my thoughts on what I call "unchurch":

There are obviously countless people like me who have distanced themselves from the church but not from Christ 9if you believe such a thing is possible) . Where are they? Are they all having church in a virtual world like I am? Are they out in the workplace or campus or neighborhood being Jesus to people? Where ARE they?

There is a great deal of research about the fact that people are leaving and why, but I have not heard a lot about where they are going when they leave.

The other thought I have is: what about people who are curious about Christ but would never darken the doors of a church because their interactions with Christians have been so negative - maybe encounters with marketing and manipulation and and coercion into "getting saved" or who have experienced intolerance either of themselves or people they care about?

So I want to qualify my thoughts here with a couple of things:

One: As I have finally been able to admit before, "church" isn't all bad. I have grown into the realization that Jesus comes to us however we need to meet Him. For many people the vital spiritual reality is still found in "church". Just because I didn't find Him there - well I did, but I guess things change - doesn't mean it's not a valid, not only valid, but amazing and awesome, expression of faith.

Something I have always believed when shopping for a product on Amazon, where people's opinions about a product are available: the bad stuff gets the most noise. You can always know that if a product sucks, you will hear about it on Amazon, like this product. But for every one negative opinion, there might be thousands of people who are perfectly happy with the product and just have never bothered to post a positive comment. But you can bet that if people have had a bad experience, they will rant about it loud and clear.

So with that, have learned that the people who have been hurt the worst by the church have the loudest voices. The people for whom church is a great, spiritually uplifting place usually don't shout about it. If that makes any sense. So it's easy to say church is all bad, just look at all the people who are miserable because of the church, look at all the problems it has, look at all the judgmentalism, etc...but in truth that is still only a small percentage of people.

And of course, our experiences shape our opinions, so if we have a bad experience with something, we will want to throw it out entirely. If a restaurant gives us food poisoning, we are likely to avoid that restaurant for a very long time, but that doesn't mean we will avoid all restaurants. Maybe we will avoid all restaurants for awhile, but sooner or later we will get over our aversion and we will eat out again.

I guess these last couple of months I'm getting over my aversion.

Two: I am coming to realize that God is still leading me into a body of some kind. I will never be one to say that if you leave church forever you can't be a "real" Christian. But I am coming to believe that those who leave the church "proper" will often be called into the body again (including me). I know this is a fearsome idea for some people, and I fully respect that. I'm not saying to worry about it. Stay out as long as you like, as long as you listen to Jesus.

And I don't want to ever invalidate the faith expression of anyone who follows Christ, as my friend Cindy has been talking about recently in discussing Scot McKnight's post "An Emerging Character: Inclusion Reaction".

One thing I learned after hearing Christine Wicker and Helen Mildenhall (who blogs at Conversation at the Edge among other places) speak at the RevCon is that some people who leave the church ARE leaving Christianity, too.

Helen is a former Christian, who says,
"These days I think I could convince people I’m an atheist. Yet I still want to live according to what I saw in Jesus’ life. I still remember what the Bible says and feel called to "respond Biblically" when I face challenging situations. Sometimes I wonder whether my strange, un-Christian practice of deliberately not cultivating a personal relationship with God hasn’t actually given him more freedom to work through me, not less."
Christine has written several books which explore a wide variety of belief systems and
"challenge to the traditional Christian insistence that God could only come to humans through a conversion experience with Jesus."
I have great respect for these women, I learned a great deal from them and I don't question their individual approaches to faith (or lack thereof) ... but I wonder if there have to be SOME church-leavers who are borderline "faith leavers" because they are unable to envision a Christian faith that is "safe" for them, but who WANT to resolve their spirituality in a relationship with Christ. What if there was a place for almost-atheist, or almost-Christian or wounded-Christian people to investigate their faith without pressure, without having rules and tenets and morals inflicted on them....

I know this might sound like UU, that's not where I'm going. I'm not at a place where I can envision living without Jesus, and I don't believe one can ultimately have a fruitful spiritual life without Him, (but I could be wrong.) Where I'm at with this, it's still all about Jesus, but respectful of where Jesus is meeting each person and recognizing that He does not deal with each of us in the same way. Likewise, I am willing to admit that all roads *could* lead to Jesus if one truly follows one's spirit. In other words, as Sunil Sardar says "I celebrate whenever a person converts to Buddhism, because it is closer to Jesus than Hinduism. And even Buddha points to Jesus". But Jesus still is the only way.

I know I'm not being very clear with my thoughts, they aren't all clear to me either. I'm just asking questions about whether or not it's possible to have such a "safe" place, for ex-christians, almost-christians, and mildly-curious-christians to meet and be mutually supportive of each other without judgement.

But is it truly possible to even have such a thing, a thing like Gary articulated in the quote at the beginning of this post? Is it possible to have a safe place where Jesus is still the ultimate goal? Or is it possible to have a place where people can explore Christianity without having conversion as an ulterior motive? Can I be true to Christ without trying to convert people?

I guess what I'm looking for here is the difference between a lifestyle of love and deliberate evangelism. Is there a middle ground? Is it possible for me as a Christian to truly unconditionally love (not just "tolerate") people without seeking to lead them to Jesus, and am I still a Christian if so?

I asked Gary how he would respond to someone who someone who says that if we aren't ultimately trying to evangelize or convert people then we are missing the point of God entirely.

Gary says:
"I can't find a single scripture where Christ tried to convert anyone to become a Christian. Not once did He have someone pray a sinner's prayer, or present them with the four spiritual laws, or ask them where they would go if they died that night.

On the other hand, He was extremely radical about His relationships and His actions. Today, the only way He could be as scandalous would be if He ate meals with African-American, HIV-positive gay prostitutes."
So these are some disjointed beginnings to something that has been trying to surface for awhile. i don't have any clues other than this nagging that won't go away and now confirmation from another person that such a concept doesn't make me entirely crazy.

Is it possible? I don't know? Will people want to come? I don't know. Where to begin? I don't know.

How will I know when I know? I don't know.


Laugh of the Day


12.13.2006

Lily A-Z



My friend Barbara posted this today, and I'm going to follow suit.

A - Available/Single? Nope. Married 15 years.
B - Best Friend? Hm. Corny answer - Jesus. True answer - Debbie
C - Cake or Pie? Sigh. Neither anymore. I'm diabetic.
D - Drink Of Choice? Diet Coke (I know, I know...)
E - Essential Item You Use Everyday? Computer!
F - Favorite Color? Black
G - Gummy Bears Or Worms? Neither, dang it.
H - Hometown? Portland, OR
I - Indulgence? Anything Geeky
J - January Or February? July
K - Kids & Their Names? 10 and 7, both boys, both E Names
L - Life Is Incomplete Without? Sunlight
M - Marriage date? November 1991
N - Number Of Siblings? 3, all younger
O - Oranges Or Apples? Apples
P - Phobias/Fears? Being insignificant
Q - Favorite Quote? Today it's:
"The hope of a secure and livable world lies with disciplined nonconformists who are dedicated to justice, peace and brotherhood."
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
R - Reason to Smile? Jesus
S - Season? Summer
T - Tag 3 or 4 people? Nah, I don't like tag
U - Unknown Fact About Me - I'm weird. Wait, everyone knows that.
V - Vegetable you don’t like? Cabbage
W - Worst Habit? Being addicted to blogging
X - X-rays You’ve Had? Ankle, ribs, shoulder, hand, head
Y - Your Favorite Food? Chocolate
Z - Zodiac Sign? Capricious, er, I mean Capricorn.


Links and Posts



Conversation at the Edge - Atheists for Jesus - Helen Mildenhal

Theological Musings - On Order, Leadership and Prophecy - Steve Sensenig

Tall Skinny Kiwi - Missing the Christmas Tree Farm - Andrew Jones (Incidentally the place he mentions is where we have gone for our tree in years past. Cool place! If you're in the Portland/Vancouver area, check it out.)

Purgatorio - You Supply the Caption # 66 - Marc Heinrich

Emerging Grace - Discussion: Slain in the Spirit - Grace

Blessed are the Poor in Spirit - An Amateur Heretic - Gary Means