Kittens and Zoos

We have an open space down the street from our house. On Sunday my neighbor was walking her dog there and came across a box. Inside the box was a momma cat and 7 kittens. The kittens are about 6 weeks old, except for one who is about 6 months but seems to belong to the momma, too.

I could take this opportunity to lecture about responsible pet ownership and the absolute NECESSITY of spaying or neutering your pets unless you are a breeder. I could also lecture about the purpose of animal shelters. But since I believe my readers are smarter than all that, I'll refrain.

But THIS REALLY GETS MY DANDER UP!

In my life I have either lived with (as a child) or owned 8 cats, 7 dogs and 4 birds. I know it's expensive. I know it's a nuisance, but please please have your pets fixed.

We presently own two Siberian Huskies (Suka and Kai)

a tortoiseshell & white calico (Olivia)

and an orange tabby (Oliver).

Because I am a sucker for a furry face, we now are also the proud owners of Owen:

Call me crazy but I take after my mom. Pets are great, a Zoo is greater!

All our pets (cats too - except Owen - he's still too little, but you better believe he will be when the time is right) are altered and licensed. Up to date on shots and all that. Microchipped. It's so important.

Anyhow - the remaining kittens:

• two orange tabbys (the twins - males)
• one light cream (male)
  
• one black on black tabby (the runt - female)
• one black and white (male)
  
• one tri calico/torbie who is about 6 months old (female of course) and was with the momma and the kittens
• and their beautiful, sweet, gentle momma - a gorgeous black tortie

are off to a no-kill shelter today.

If I didn't already have two others, I'd take another.

I'm very tired today because this baby wanted to play half the night. Now I'm typing one-handed because he's asleep in my arms, so forgive my typos.



Okay, I have to get it off my chest - I can't believe some people! Arrrgggghh! How freakin' hard is it to take them to a shelter instead of leaving them in the forest to fend for themselves against coyotes and raccoons?

HOW HARD?

Sheesh...

Over and out.

Blogger Beta

Well Blogger Beta just double posted my last post. I am hesitant to try to delete one because I don't know if Beta will delete them both.

So I'm just going to leave it.

Rain and Military life

I guess it's been over a week since I posted anything meaningful. Sorry.

It's raining here today. I don't know how long it's been with measurable rainfall here in the webfoot state, but I think it's been awhile. It's refreshing because it won't last this time of year. Another time of year it might last for weeks, but for now we will see dry and hot again in a few days. So I'm not too melancholy for the summer - yet. I'll save that for later.

The kids and I spent 4 days last week with some good friends who are in the Air Force. They are stationed at McChord AFB in Tacoma Washington. They have been there about 4 years but will be relocated early next year.

This is one of my bestest friends. We have known each other since we were - I don't know - 10 or 11 or so? Most of forever. Her husband had been in the military before they met. Around the time they were married, he went into the reserves. Over the years they had a house, two kids, the whole nine yards. But about 4 and a half years ago, he decided to return to active-duty.

It was a rough transition, a transition that will probably never be entirely complete for my friend - someone who has lived a civilian life until into her 30's, then been thrust into a military one. Her husband has been deployed - well, after this current deployment - a total of about 18 months out of 48. Their kids are grade-school aged, which is enough said as to how this affects the family.

I know I haven't been there for her like I should have been at times. There is a sense of not knowing what to say. And I have been caught up in my own life, my own struggles for much of the last year. I know in many ways she would not fault me for that. I know she doesn't sit and think how selfish I am. But when she cried the other day - out of loneliness for her husband and out of some level of fear for his safety on his current mission - I knew I couldn't do anything to make her burden easier, but I did know I could hug her, and the only words that came out were "I'm SO proud of you and I love you".

I have loved her and listened to her through this. I have lain awake nights thinking about her life and what it means. I have prayed for hours for her husband's safety, for her children's happiness, for her "sanity" (I'm speaking facetiously - meaning her sanity after being home alone with the kids and running the household for months on end). I hope my pride isn't a superficial pride. It's a pride for the reality of the sacrifices that have been made by my friend and her family and countless others. I now probably have a better grasp than many civilian Americans about what this life means for the people who actually live it. I don't want to be the type that pays lip-service to that sacrifice with no clue what it really means - I want to look at not just the beauty and pride of people willing to protect their county, but the ugliness and pain many other aspects of that life entail.

I have only seen a glimpse of this life - I am by no means an expert. And I'm not saying that this is a harder life than any other. But I want to comment on some of the things I learned that I had not really ever thought about - things that impacted me and stirred up in me a genuine love and a thankfulness for our military families.

• I see children that will start the school year next week (or already have) just like millions of other American children. They will pack their lunch boxes and do their homework and play sports. But unlike most of the other children, they don't know where they will be finishing the school year. They don't know where they will be living come June. They might not even know yet that they will be having to move before the school year is over. They will try to live like normal kids, but one day dad will come home and say he got orders and they are moving next month.
  

• I see women (the majority of military families - according to my friend - are families where the husband/dad is serving and the wife/mom stays home with the kids) trying to be a rock - the stability that their kids might not otherwise have. Often they are being the "rock" all alone, with no one to support them while their husbands are away. I see them doing all the things their husband's would normally do. Fixing bicycles, mowing the lawn ... all the while doing all the things they have to do, as well. Now I know it's not that different from the lives of all the single mom's out there. But there is a difference when your husband is serving in a hazardous area halfway around the world and your children are having nightmares about it.

• I see these women who are unwilling to get deeply involved in each other's lives. While there may be a sense of "we're all in this together" - that doesn't go far in forming friendships. There are so many reasons this happens- stemming from the understanding that these other people will only be in your life for a short time - a year, two, maybe four, if you're lucky. Then it all starts over again. They will get orders to move. Sometimes they will have months to mentally prepare for a move. Sometimes only weeks or even days. Their husband, if he is not deployed, might have to report to his new job at their new base/home weeks before the family has moved. So mom will be overseeing the packing and the good-bye's and preparing the kids and moving - all by herself. Even though the physical aspects of moving are performed by the military - they pack the stuff and load it and drive it and unload it - it's still a huge and difficult endeavor for the family.
  

• I see women making home out of whatever abode they land in. They hang their pictures on the walls and set their decorations out, trying to make it seem like home - more for the kids sake, I suppose, than anything. They may be unwilling to paint the white walls with some color because they will have to paint them back to white when they leave. That would be one more unwelcome thing to think about when in the midst of a move. They may try to keep the furnishings somewhat sparse, because when they move they will have a weight limit. Anything over the weight and they have to pay to move it. So they might not have an overabundance of "things". We civilians might pack our closets and basements and attics full of things "just in case". Our kids might have rooms brimming with toys, our kitchens full of all shapes and sizes of pans and gadgets and utensils. Our garage might be full of tools and car parts and all that other homeowner junk we accumulate. We take all that for granted. What if we could only own 5000 lbs. of stuff (not including cars)?
  

• I see families that are forever inundated with a media that constantly spins the negative side of this time of war. Media that gives a voice to those who are opposed to what the American military is presently doing overseas. I can sense the pain and imagine seeing the women flinch when I hear about people who are protesting the funerals of service -men and -women who have paid the ultimate sacrifice for this time of war. I see such a lack of respect for this lifestyle. Let's never forget that it was our elected Congress who sent us into this conflict; the people who are serving overseas are under orders to do so. Let's not be angry with those who are living the reality of this war; let's be angry, if necessary, with our elected officials who made this war a reality. Let's love the military and their families unconditionally and generously for the sacrifice they make; even if we don't agree with the current conflicts.
  

• And I see the assumptions that life is pretty much "taken care of" in the military. That bills are paid and healthcare is comprehensive and retirement is secure. While some of that may be true and I don't want to go into details, I will say "think again". I'm sure it varies a great deal, but I see there being a very different picture for many military families than the one we are led to believe. These families are expected to "put on a happy face" for the benefit of the American people, even if it's not an accurate reflection of life.
  

After having spent these days with them in their life, I have so much greater appreciation for the lives our military lead. I know she's just one example - but it still impacted me deeply.

And I would like each of you to take a minute and pray for these people. Not the standard prayer for their safety or thankfulness for their service. Those prayers are certainly important too, but think of something more specific. Pick one, or two even:

• That when someone is relocated, their family ends up with better housing than before.
• That someone who is expecting to have to relocate but doesn't want to will suddenly be told they are staying put for several more years.
• That a long-awaited promotion will be granted.
• That a child will cease to have nightmares.
• That a wife will make a valuable friend.
• That someone will be reunited with an old friend.
• That somone's loneliness's will improve.
• That the media will have something nice to say about a member of the service.
  
• That a woman who's husband is deployed will be able to sleep at night without the TV on.
  
• That someone's kids who are having trouble dealing with dad's deployment will find constructive ways to cope.
  

• And please pray for all the reserve families who have members deployed, especially those who are sent out for long periods of time - 12, 18, 24 months. They don't have the same benefits that active-duty families have. They are usually sent out for much longer periods of time. They aren't surrounded in their neighborhood by people who know what they are going through. They may have more financial and healthcare needs that aren't being met. And they have the burden of the unknown - not knowing when they might be deployed or how often, or when they will return.
  

Thanks for listening.

Lily

Rain and Military life

I guess it's been over a week since I posted anything meaningful. Sorry.

It's raining here today. I don't know how long it's been with measurable rainfall here in the webfoot state, but I think it's been awhile. It's refreshing because it won't last this time of year. Another time of year it might last for weeks, but for now we will see dry and hot again in a few days. So I'm not too melancholy for the summer - yet. I'll save that for later.

The kids and I spent 4 days last week with some good friends who are in the Air Force. They are stationed at McChord AFB in Tacoma Washington. They have been there about 4 years but will be relocated early next year.

This is one of my bestest friends. We have known each other since we were - I don't know - 10 or 11 or so? Most of forever. Her husband had been in the military before they met. Around the time they were married, he went into the reserves. Over the years they had a house, two kids, the whole nine yards. But about 4 and a half years ago, he decided to return to active-duty.

It was a rough transition, a transition that will probably never be entirely complete for my friend - someone who has lived a civilian life until into her 30's, then been thrust into a military one. Her husband has been deployed - well, after this current deployment - a total of about 18 months out of 48. Their kids are grade-school aged, which is enough said as to how this affects the family.

I know I haven't been there for her like I should have been at times. There is a sense of not knowing what to say. And I have been caught up in my own life, my own struggles for much of the last year. I know in many ways she would not fault me for that. I know she doesn't sit and think how selfish I am. But when she cried the other day - out of loneliness for her husband and out of some level of fear for his safety on his current mission - I knew I couldn't do anything to make her burden easier, but I did know I could hug her, and the only words that came out were "I'm SO proud of you and I love you".

I have loved her and listened to her through this. I have lain awake nights thinking about her life and what it means. I have prayed for hours for her husband's safety, for her children's happiness, for her "sanity" (I'm speaking facetiously - meaning her sanity after being home alone with the kids and running the household for months on end). I hope my pride isn't a superficial pride. It's a pride for the reality of the sacrifices that have been made by my friend and her family and countless others. I now probably have a better grasp than many civilian Americans about what this life means for the people who actually live it. I don't want to be the type that pays lip-service to that sacrifice with no clue what it really means - I want to look at not just the beauty and pride of people willing to protect their county, but the ugliness and pain many other aspects of that life entail.

I have only seen a glimpse of this life - I am by no means an expert. And I'm not saying that this is a harder life than any other. But I want to comment on some of the things I learned that I had not really ever thought about - things that impacted me and stirred up in me a genuine love and a thankfulness for our military families.

• I see children that will start the school year next week (or already have) just like millions of other American children. They will pack their lunch boxes and do their homework and play sports. But unlike most of the other children, they don't know where they will be finishing the school year. They don't know where they will be living come June. They might not even know yet that they will be having to move before the school year is over. They will try to live like normal kids, but one day dad will come home and say he got orders and they are moving next month.
  

• I see women (the majority of military families - according to my friend - are families where the husband/dad is serving and the wife/mom stays home with the kids) trying to be a rock - the stability that their kids might not otherwise have. Often they are being the "rock" all alone, with no one to support them while their husbands are away. I see them doing all the things their husband's would normally do. Fixing bicycles, mowing the lawn ... all the while doing all the things they have to do, as well. Now I know it's not that different from the lives of all the single mom's out there. But there is a difference when your husband is serving in a hazardous area halfway around the world and your children are having nightmares about it.

• I see these women who are unwilling to get deeply involved in each other's lives. While there may be a sense of "we're all in this together" - that doesn't go far in forming friendships. There are so many reasons this happens- stemming from the understanding that these other people will only be in your life for a short time - a year, two, maybe four, if you're lucky. Then it all starts over again. They will get orders to move. Sometimes they will have months to mentally prepare for a move. Sometimes only weeks or even days. Their husband, if he is not deployed, might have to report to his new job at their new base/home weeks before the family has moved. So mom will be overseeing the packing and the good-bye's and preparing the kids and moving - all by herself. Even though the physical aspects of moving are performed by the military - they pack the stuff and load it and drive it and unload it - it's still a huge and difficult endeavor for the family.
  

• I see women making home out of whatever abode they land in. They hang their pictures on the walls and set their decorations out, trying to make it seem like home - more for the kids sake, I suppose, than anything. They may be unwilling to paint the white walls with some color because they will have to paint them back to white when they leave. That would be one more unwelcome thing to think about when in the midst of a move. They may try to keep the furnishings somewhat sparse, because when they move they will have a weight limit. Anything over the weight and they have to pay to move it. So they might not have an overabundance of "things". We civilians might pack our closets and basements and attics full of things "just in case". Our kids might have rooms brimming with toys, our kitchens full of all shapes and sizes of pans and gadgets and utensils. Our garage might be full of tools and car parts and all that other homeowner junk we accumulate. We take all that for granted. What if we could only own 5000 lbs. of stuff (not including cars)?
  

• I see families that are forever inundated with a media that constantly spins the negative side of this time of war. Media that gives a voice to those who are opposed to what the American military is presently doing overseas. I can sense the pain and imagine seeing the women flinch when I hear about people who are protesting the funerals of service -men and -women who have paid the ultimate sacrifice for this time of war. I see such a lack of respect for this lifestyle. Let's never forget that it was our elected Congress who sent us into this conflict; the people who are serving overseas are under orders to do so. Let's not be angry with those who are living the reality of this war; let's be angry, if necessary, with our elected officials who made this war a reality. Let's love the military and their families unconditionally and generously for the sacrifice they make; even if we don't agree with the current conflicts.
  

• And I see the assumptions that life is pretty much "taken care of" in the military. That bills are paid and healthcare is comprehensive and retirement is secure. While some of that may be true and I don't want to go into details, I will say "think again". I'm sure it varies a great deal, but I see there being a very different picture for many military families than the one we are led to believe. These families are expected to "put on a happy face" for the benefit of the American people, even if it's not an accurate reflection of life.
  

After having spent these days with them in their life, I have so much greater appreciation for the lives our military lead. I know she's just one example - but it still impacted me deeply.

And I would like each of you to take a minute and pray for these people. Not the standard prayer for their safety or thankfulness for their service. Those prayers are certainly important too, but think of something more specific. Pick one, or two even:

• That when someone is relocated, their family ends up with better housing than before.
• That someone who is expecting to have to relocate but doesn't want to will suddenly be told they are staying put for several more years.
• That a long-awaited promotion will be granted.
• That a child will cease to have nightmares.
• That a wife will make a valuable friend.
• That someone will be reunited with an old friend.
• That somone's loneliness's will improve.
• That the media will have something nice to say about a member of the service.
  
• That a woman who's husband is deployed will be able to sleep at night without the TV on.
  
• That someone's kids who are having trouble dealing with dad's deployment will find constructive ways to cope.
  

• And please pray for all the reserve families who have members deployed, especially those who are sent out for long periods of time - 12, 18, 24 months - that all their needs will be met. They don't have the same benefits that active-duty families have. They are usually sent out for much longer periods of time. They aren't surrounded in their neighborhood by people who know what they are going through. They may have more financial and healthcare needs that aren't being met. And they have to burden of the unknown - not knowing when they might be deployed or how often, or when they will return.
  

Thanks for listening.

Lily

Vacation Notice

Be gone until Friday. See ya then.

Blogger Beta Part 2 - Initial Observations

Been playing around with Blogger Beta. So far: not so bad. That said, I am relatively happy with the Beta. It has been working well for me so far, at least from my end of the spectrum. Have yet to hear from anyone who is having trouble viewing or visiting my blog.

While I'm not going to try to be comprehensive, here are some feature's and bugs I have noticed. Since Blogger Beta is just that, Beta, I will add that anything I might comment on here is subject to change at Blogger's discretion.

Accounts:
When you upgrade to Blogger Beta, you will be asked to enter your Google Account info. If you do not have a Google Account, you will be asked to create one. It's easy and free. How do you know if you already have a Google account? If you use Gmail, Google Personalized Homepage, Google Reader, Adwords, Google Groups, Google Alerts or any other Google service that requires you to log in - you have a Google Account. Google is trying to connect the dots between Blogger accounts and Google accounts. If you have more than one Google Account, you may choose which one you want to associate with your Blogger Account, or you may create a new Google Account. If you have more than one Google or Blogger account, there is info elsewhere on the web about how to merge accounts.

How to know the difference between a Blogger account and Google account? A Google username is formatted as an email address, a Blogger one is not unless you used an e-mail address as your username when you set up the account.

Page Elements Template Editor:
Sure to be the most exciting and talked-about new feature. This is a much simpler way for novice bloggers and those who don't know HTML to edit their template. If you have used the Google Personalized Home Page, the feeling is similar. The ability to add, edit and rearrange template elements (i.e. the header, link list, profile, archives etc.) with simple drag and click. The edit function opens a new window and allows you to make changes simply.

Caveat: when you upgrade an existing blog to Beta, if you want to use the new Template features you must upgrade your template. In doing so you will lose your existing template and *all* your editing of it. In other words, starting from scratch. You can continue, at this point to use your existing template and continue managing it the old way: HTML. Don't know if eventually Blogger will require everyone to upgrade their template so they don't have to support both, but if so I imagine it's still a long way off.

Font and Color editing is somewhat limited, but fairly useful. Helpful: for instance, when I wanted to change the color of my title text, I was given some color suggestions based on the color scheme of my template. Unhelpful: there still are only 6 available fonts. Also, in at least one template, changing the font affected the text of the entire blog; but with other templates I was able to edit the font for each individual element.

Adding elements seems to be buggy. Sometimes when I try to add an element I get an error message and am unable to add it, but then if I reload the page the element appears just as I formatted it.

HTML editing is not yet available for the template as a whole, a sure frustration for those who like to have more control over their template using HTML. The ability to fully edit HTML is assumed to be introduced as the Beta rollout progresses.

However, HTML editing is available for some of the individual template elements. I added an element of text to my template and was able to use HTML to edit the font, appearance and color of the text.

I have noticed the fonts and colors editing options seemed to vary somewhat depending on the template I used.

Also, it seems the template editor is good about automatically saving changes. Several times I have made changes I have forgotten to save, and yet the changes have been remembered. Don't know if this is a bug or a feature, and I wouldn't rely on it, but it is helpful.

Edit Posts Page:
You not have the ability to sort your posts by All, Drafts or Posted. Also it seems there is no longer the 300 post limit on the Edit page, since I have about 309 and they all show now.

Site Feeds:
The ability to set the amount of text that appears on your blog's feed is something I have heard talked about a lot. This is now possible in Blogger Beta. You can select None, Short (paragraph), and Full (full post text). Using the Advanced mode, you can also set the feed text amount individually for each feed: Blog Posts Feed, Blog Comments Feed, and Per-Post Comments Feed.

Permissions:
Allows team blogs as before, but also has some new features. The ability to set who is able to view your blog (i.e. MySpace) is one new feature. Your choices are Anyone, Blog Authors Only, or People I Choose (who you send e-mail invites to).

Labels:
Finally it's here - the ability to *categorize* posts. Blogger calls it *labels*, but same dif.

Archives:
The ability to set your archive to be a Straight list, a Hierarchal list, or a Dropdown Menu - all without having to tinker with your code!

Spell-check:
This sometimes well-used feature is much quicker, and rather than opening a spell-check window, it just highlights any possible spelling errors. Then you right-click to see a list of spelling suggestions to choose from, or you can just retype to correct errors. When you are done with spell-check, you click a *button* that appears below your formatting buttons that says "Done Spellchecking".

One problem, right-click also activates my context menu, which sometimes covers up the spelling list. Also, the old spell-check could *learn* words that it didn't know. I have yet to discover this feature in the Blogger Beta spell-check.


These are just my initial observations. I will post more info as I come across features or bugs.

Reciprocal links

Hey ... I usually try to add people to my blogroll as soon they comment here or link to me, but I'm a *little* behind. I love to read what other people are saying, especially if they have taken the time to read my little corner of the blogoshpere.

If you are one of those people - and you know who you are - please, please forgive me. I will try to get it updated soon. And thanks very much for the links.

Lily

Blogger Beta

Well, I made the switch to Blogger Beta. This means that some of you who are with Blogger but have not upgraded may not be able to comment here using your Blogger account - you may have to comment anonymously - but I still want to know who you are - so say so in your comments.

I debated about the switch while there are still so many bugs, but some of the features were enticing and I had an "upgrade" button on my dashboard so I decided to give it a try. Fortunately (or unfortunately) this blog is no so precious to so many people that I can't risk some bugs or downtime in the name of good ol' progress.

So if you find issues with my site or run into problems - let me know by e-mailing me at lilyladyblue at gmail dot com. I probably won't be able to do anything about bugs or problems, but I will want to know about them so I can research it or e-mail Blogger about it.

I'm also working on creating another blog - this one written by the "real" me. When I started Decompressing Faith, I was concerned about my identity and the risk of people who know me reading what I had to say about the church I left and the circumstances under which I left.

But now I am longing to be myself and my worries have stilled. There are so few of you who actually read here, and there is no one who comments here that I am concerned about knowing who I really am. Also, if I want to become a legitimate "writer" I will need to put my name behind my thoughts.

In any case I will be working on the new blog over time, but I won't be leaving this blog in the dirt, expect to continue to see me here for some time. When I am satisfied with my template and am ready to start posting, I will let you know and you will be able to e-mail me to get the address of the new blog. I will not be linking to it from this blog for obvious reasons - since I am planning to use my real identity on the new blog. But I will have no problem with providing the link to anyone who has commented here more than once or twice.

I have not yet decided if I will continue this blog once the new one is established, but that decision is a long way off. We're talking months and months. This new blog will probably be some time in the making since I don't see myself being able to manage more than one blog until the kids go back to school, at least. It will depend on my free time and the amount of bugs I run into in Blogger Beta. Also, I am *hoping* (with hubby's help, him being a web designer and all) to create a unique template - not one of the off-the-shelf ones Blogger offers. This will take awhile, I imagine. I am also *hoping* to get my own domain and have my brother host it - since that's one of the things he does for a living.

I suppose the biggest reason for the move is that I am desiring to leave most of my whining behind, hoping to begin to be more constructive. I created this blog so I could whine anonymously, and it certainly has served that purpose smashingly. I have felt so free and safe during my ugly process of decompressing and healing. However, I might decide to continue this blog just for that purpose - so I can whine, anonymously.

Expect it to be business as usual around here until further notice. If I am short on posting in the next few days or week, it's because I'm trying to get through The Secret Message of Jesus (for the second time) and The Great Giveaway before they are both due back at the library.

Miracles

Sorry, but I'm feeling long-winded today.

Today at Signposts there is some discussion about this article.

A couple quotes from the article:

"American missionary Heidi Baker is not a normal preacher. When she spoke at a conference last week in Ohio, she delivered half of her sermon while lying on the floor. She was clutching the microphone while her forehead was resting on the carpet.

"... She interrupted her message several times with the high-pitched giggling that has become her trademark.

"... Baker easily could have positioned herself as a Christian superstar. Fluent in several languages, she is a gifted communicator with advanced educational degrees. She also has seen astounding miracles during her 30 years of ministry, especially in Mozambique, where she and her husband, Rolland, have planted more than 7,000 “bush churches,” five Bible schools and four children’s feeding centers since 1990.

"Just days before she arrived in Cincinnati, Baker prayed for two blind beggars who wandered into her tent meeting at her base in Pemba, Mozambique. Both men instantly received their sight after Baker wet her fingers with saliva and touched their eyes.

"Such astounding miracles are common to Heidi and Rolland. They have seen God supernaturally multiply rice and chili to feed hungry orphans. Heidi has watched paralytics walk for the first time after they received prayer. And indigenous pastors the Bakers trained in Mozambique have raised 53 people from the dead so far."

The article is posted at Charisma Magazine Online, but I also got it in my e-mail inbox yesterday via NextReformationNews and when I read it, it raised my hackles - or shall I say "My spirit of discernment became quite shaken." [To be fair, I will also reference the Baker's website, Iris Ministries.]

Dan at Signposts says this about the article:

"I have a whole series of books on people trying to prove that miracles occur and trying to document “miraculous” happenings. It must be the sceptic in me that reaches out to these kinds of things. What do others think?"

Well, this is what I think: 7,000 bush churches? That's a feat, considering that's averaging 1.2 churches each day for those 16 years. And 53 people raised from the dead but the Western media has not caught wind of it? I sense a conspiracy.

I am woman, hear me scoff.

Articles like this make me (a charismatic) chringe (typo intended). Now I'm not going to go so far as to say these things never happened. I wasn't there so I can't claim to know for *sure*.

But let's be serious here ...

In the circles I run in we hear stuff like this all the time. Experiences of mass miracles, miraculous healings, risings-from-the-dead etc. We hear of them from well known and well *respected* teachers.

To be totally honest, we never (in my experience) actually see them, but as charismatics we are expected to believe in them.

That's not to say I haven't witnessed miracles.

I have not, in a lifetime of being a *signs-n-wonders* christian ever witnessed a miraculous healing that didn't involve Doctors. But I have heard of people who are being treated for cancer suddenly being healed with no medical explanation. I have not seen cash fall from heaven, but I have personally had a financial struggle, prayed for help and seen a check appear in the mail from some legitimate source (like I overpayed on car insurance or some such thing) for the exact amount that I need. I have not seen 5 cheeseburgers feed thousands of people, but I have seen someone who was desperately in need pray for food and have a stranger leave a box of food on their porch 10 minutes later.

No Christian will say that God does not take care of us.

But as far as the kinds of claims Heidi Baker makes, I too, as Dan from Signposts, am a skeptic.

A couple interesting points from the comments at Signposts:

Lionfish says: "The healing process that occurs naturally coupled with the intellect of our medical practioners is wonderful witness in itself. Look at the fringes of the natural and you will witness the wonder of what I would term ‘common’ miracles that occur all the time - all around us."

Stu says: "i’m left asking myself, “where do miracles happen and would i believe it if i saw it?” and then “would anyone here else believe me if i told them?” in which case “is it only a sign for the witnesses to the miracle?” which leads me to, “why throw cold water on these stories we hear from yonder when it isn’t meant to make a difference for me anyway?”

The Rev says (emphasis mine) : "I have seen miracles first hand. We will be having a discussion on miracles at the Cave on Sunday night. We will be looking at a passage in Acts and talking about how it applies to us. I hope we can look at a healthy practical position in between the two extremes: If it cannot be duplicated in a double blind scientific test it didn’t happen and the extremes of the word faith movement and the lusting after signs and wonders to somehow make our faith real."

That last part that I bolded is where I stand. Both claiming that miracles DO NOT exist and calling down miracles from heaven on demand are a far cry from how we're supposed to approach this.

• God performs miracles.
• Jesus performed miracles while He was on earth and I'm sure He has a hand in present day miracles, too.
• The Holy Spirit assists in the manifestation of miracles.
  
• The disciples performed miracles as documented in the NT.
• Mother Theresa performed *miracles* by the tangible, active difference she personally made in people's lives through her selflessness and sacrifice.
• We DO NOT perform miracles. We witness them.
  

I have a hard time when we claim to be purveyors of the miraculous. I know these people attribute miracles to God, but really, who gets the glory in the end?

We ARE supposed to believe that God is capable of intervening in our real-time lives. We are to seek Him at all times, not just in times of need, and we are to believe He cares about our welfare. We are to praise Him when He chooses to advocate for us, change our circumstances, or provide for us in unexpected or unexplainable ways.

Back to the comments at Signposts:

akevin says this (emphasis mine) : "Most people miss the miraculous because they are looking for the spectacular. And, What IS a miracle - it is anything that God does for you that you cannot do yourself… (my take anyway) - That’s why miraculous things happen and we MISS it, because it wasn’t BIG or NOTICABLE or WOW!"

I will admit that the *signs-n-wonders* system does "feel good". I can't say that I haven't heard a powerful prophetic word or experienced intense and moving worship. I can't say that every well-known person who claims to perform or witness large miracles on a regular basis is entirely full of shit. But I tend to lean into the teachers who say "Ya know, every day is a miracle", or "God put food on my table today when we prayed for it", and away from the ones who say "I raised 12 people from the dead last month."

When someone defines their ministry by the miraculous, expecting God to perform on demand like a monkey on a string is wrong [I hesitate to say *evil*] and contributes heavily to the mass exodus from church that we are seeing today.

So I was talking with my Father-in-law the other day. He is a Pastor and has recently prepared a teaching on "spiritual gifts". We didn't have the opportunity to get into an in-depth discussion about it, so I e-mailed him:

"I wouldn't mind reading your teachings on the Spiritual Gifts. I am very interested to learn more about what your experience has taught you on the subject. I would come to the classes you are teaching, and I appreciate your invitation, but I am still honestly not quite ready yet to return to a kind of church environment. Though I have worked my way from bitterness to forgiveness, I am still apprehensive of "church".

"But a good part of why I left is relevant to the subject - something you mentioned - the abuse of spiritual gifts. I know there are different definitions of "spiritual gifts" and to be honest, everything I know about the subject is naturally from a charismatic perspective [often centering around the gifts in 1 Cor. 12:8-10]. After experiencing certain kinds of abuses specific to the "miraculous" gifts, my perspective has changed. Though I guess the definition of "abuse" can be subjective, I believe that if it hurts people it isn't good. That's not to say I deny the existence of these "miraculous" gifts [because all the gifts can be abused, abuse doesn't disprove existance], but I hold a much more conservative view of them than I used to. "

From a charismatic standpoint, spiritual gifts include the gifts of healings, tongues, discerning of *spirits* and prophecy. There is good in these things, and I do believe they authentically manifest through the Holy Spirit on occasion, as He wills. I have also witnessed first-hand how excessive emphasis or focus on these gifts is not only not *edifying* but even harmful to the body as a whole and to people as individuals.

I guess I could go on and on about my experiences and the hurts I have seen. But the bottom line is that while the manifestation gifts do exist and miracles do occur, and I don't discount the possibility that God can perform mass miracles on demand (not because I have witnessed such, but only because I know better than to put God in a box), and I know we have all experienced the *miraculous* intervention of God in our personal lives ...

... I think we are better off focusing on the day-to-day miracles we all experience of loving laughing and living.

Been thinking more about "questions"

I have written on many occasions about having "questions". Not doubts, just things I don't understand. As I look back through my posts I find a common thread. Bear with me, because I'm going somewhere with this.

Most of my own quotes are edited for brevity.

In Answers and Humility, I said

I used to think questions of church and the bible and faith were "fact" questions, i.e. there was little debatable about the right answer. I have, of course, migrated to the position that MOST of the church/bible/faith questions are "feeling" questions, i.e. there are a variety of available answers, and most cannot be proven. I don't want to subscribe to so many "facts" that I am inflexible about my faith. I want answers that lead me to more questions. I want my questions to be part of a journey, always moving towards something more intimate with God. In other words, I don't want answers about my present faith journey. I want suggestions and movements and ideas that lead me along, one step at a time.

In The Bible Shame and Questions

I am led to believe that in each encounter with God in the Bible...that all my questions should be answered. The truth is, the more I read the Bible, the less I understand God. I will read one verse, and spend an hour asking God questions about it, and sometimes He will answer which will lead to more questions. And so on and so forth. I rarely get definitive answers. What I do get is increased intimacy and relationship. The more Bible I read, the more profound God seems and the more awed I am by His love. Why must we use the Bible as a tool to explain every facet of Christianity, and of life itself? Why can't we ever say that we "just don't know", or we "just don't understand"?

In More God and Science...and Jesus

He teases us, saying "You can't HAVE all the answers. Only I have all the answers. Any Questions?"Maybe the bottom line for me is this: Do I have to have all the answers in order to believe? No.

In my post titled Questions

I find that I am usually short on answers, and when I do have them, my answers only lead to more questions that I don't have answers to. What kind of Christian does that make me? I hope it would make me an inquisitive one, like a child, for not having an answer. An honest one, for telling it like it is. A faithful one for still believing even if I can't say why. And a human one, for being so weak as to use foul language in the delivery. And a prayerful one, for hoping the Spirit would see fit to rescue me with some timely and appropriate wisdom.

In Clarification of Questions

Because everything I know of Him is filtered through my human-colored glasses, I consider all my beliefs subject to reevaluation at any given time, as He reveals more of Himself and His ways to me each day. There are very few aspects of my faith that I dare to say will not EVER change. That's not to say that I hold NO aspects to be non-negotiable or that I have NO answers, just that I am careful how many. The rest is subject to interpretation through my daily and increasing intimacy with God. That's a good thing, I think. Don't you? It's not about becoming "adjusted" to the vision I have and accepting it. It's about always wanting to see more clearly, even if it's disorienting for a time. And I think it's perfectly OK for me to be questioning, and I hope that I will always continue to question.

And recently in What Next?

I no longer see Him as the "answer machine" I once did. I no longer expect to put in my two quarters (or tithe, be it as it may) and push a button and expect an answer to pop out. It's not that I don't expect Him to answer me, I just don't necessarily think it will be in the way I expect. I look for Him in the secret places, in the quiet and simple things, and in the wild and unusual aspects of life. Maybe He's letting me find the answers myself; even though I will end up finding His answers, I will own them more if I find them for myself.

So I have been reading The Secret Message of Jesus by Brian McLaren and came across some interesting thoughts in Chapter 5: The Hidden Message of Jesus. Brian is talking about how Jesus so often spoke in parables, and he refers to Luke 18:18-25 where the "rich young ruler" asks Jesus how to have eternal life.

"Jesus spars with him for a few minutes, questioning the way he phrased the question. Then Jesus answers his question with a question: "What do you think?"

In conversation after conversation, then, Jesus resists being clear or direct. There's hardly ever a question that he simply answers; instead, his answer comes in the form of a question, or it turns into a story, or it is full of metaphors that invite more questions. What's going on?

What could possibly be the benefit of Jesus' hiddenness, intrigue, lack of clarity, metaphor, and answering questions with questions? Why risk being misunderstood-or not understood at all? If the message is so important, why hide it in evocative rather than technical language?"

In the next chapter Brian begins to answer this question [emphasis mine]:

"Why did Jesus speak in parables? Why was he subtle, indirect, and secretive? Because his message wasn't merely aimed at conveying information. It sought to precipitate something more important: the spiritual transformation of the hearers. The form of a parable helps to shape a heart that is willing to enter an ongoing, interactive, persistent relationship of trust in the teacher. It beckons the hearer to explore new territory. It helps form a heart that is humble enough to admit it doesn't already understand and is thirsty enough to ask questions."

And today as I was going through my bookmarks of "things to read", I came across this on Prodigal Kiwi [emphasis belongs to the author]:

"Malcolm Chamberlain has the following quote from Richard Rohr on his blogsite - read the whole post here.

"Jesus is asked 183 questions directly in the four Gospels. He only answered three of them forthrightly. The others he either ignored, kept silent about, asked a question in return, changed the subject, told a story or gave an audio/visual aid to make his point, told them it was the wrong question, revealed their insincerity or hypocrisy, made the exactly opposite point, or redirected the question elsewhere!

Check it out for yourself. He himself asks 307 questions, which would seem to set a pattern for imitation. Considering this, it is really rather amazing that the church became an official answering machine and a very self-assured program for 'sin management'.

Many, if not most, of Jesus' teaching would never pass contemporary orthodoxy tests in either the Roman Office or the Southern Baptist Convention. Most of his statements are so open to misinterpretation that should he teach today, he would probably be called a 'relativist' in almost all areas except one: his insistence upon the goodness and reliability of God. That was his only consistent absolute."

We underestimate the importance of questions co-existing with faithfulness; so often we want, or think, that what is most healthy for us is certainty -– living without questions. The spaciousness that uncertainty and doubt opens up is unsettling. Having to sit with questions and listen to our inner responses can be scary.

But the reality is that good questions (and our responding to them as they are asked of them) are one significant way by which our lives, our faith, our relationships, our being church, is actually deepened. Questions, rather than certainty, help us grow, help us remain open to the activity of the Spirit, help us remain open to new possibilities, to new directions, to new ways of responding to following Jesus - a Jesus who questions and invites us to become more than we currently are; to do more than we currently do! Questions are stepping stones; they invite us on a journey."

I have in the past felt like a "lesser" Christian for admitting that I don't know everything, that there are points of faith I'm not sure of, that I have questions. Sometimes this feeling is instigated by someone, more often it's a result of my own insecurities. But more recently I have found that maybe it's not a bad thing to have questions. After all, Jesus never said He'd give us clear, concise answers, only that He was The Way. Maybe it's in seeing Jesus as The Way, not just as the "way to heaven", but as the Way of Life, where we begin to get answers. Not definitive answers, but a direction, an indication of the intention of our activity, guidance in every step. I don't think Jesus is concerned with us having all the answers for every possible aspect of faith, I think He wants us to trust that He will tell us What we Need to Know at any given moment. No more, no less.

So maybe I'm not so crazy for saying I don't have the answers and I don't want the answers. I just want relationshiphip with Jesus that continues to invite me to ask questions. I don't think He'll be offended when I say I don't know everything about Him.

Rather, I think He would be offended if I said I did.

Is it really all about me?

My Jesus
My Gifts and Calling
What I learned this week
What I got out of the sermon
How often I worship or study
How many ways I'm serving
My healing
What I heard in prayer
How in I am with leadership
How often I attend church
How righteous is my manner of dress or hairstyle?
Overcoming my tempatations
My spiritual growth
How much do I Tithe?
Who are my friends?
How important am I?

These subjects are what church is all about for many people, including me for much of my life. I realize that it's my fault for perpetuating these things in my spiritual life. But I didn't just make them up, I had to learn them somewhere.

In any case, at what point should it really become about Jesus and not about me: my needs, my salvation, my faith, my works? How do I learn this?

For me the answer was to remove myself. I'm certainly not recommending this as a solution, only sharing my experience. Not until my life was void of all those external spiritual things could I see Jesus. For the first time, really.

Dream Interpretation Anyone?

I am a person who generally remembers her dreams, so I don't necessarily think it's notable when I remember them. But when I can't get it out of my mind, usually it means that I should take a closer look. I frequently am able to interpret my own dreams, but this one I think begs another opinion.

So I'm in my parents house. This is the house we all grew up in. My parents have been there 31 years - I was a couple years old when we moved in, but my 3 siblings have grown up there. Their house is a colonial - 4 levels including the basement and attic. In my dream, my parents have sold their house - but instead of moving out, they are moving into the attic. It's almost like they have no where else to go, and they are mourning, watching the buyers moving all their furniture into the house. So my parents are remodeling the attic, adding bedrooms and a bathroom. You have to know that right now their attic is full of stuff the four of us kids have stashed up there over the last 30 years or so - so who knows what the *bleep* is up there. So in the dream, my parents have moved all us kids' stuff that we have stashed up there towards the back of the attic, and they have asked me to come over and go through my stuff and either take or get rid of all of it. Oh and I should mention that in the dream I am an adult, but my two brothers are still small, like 2 and 6 or something - even though they are now actually 24 and 28. And the attic is about 4 times the size it really is, big enough for bedrooms and bathrooms and a kitchen and stuff. So I spend time going through all this stuff, though I can't remember any specifics - I have the sense that I'm going through memories of childhood as I go through the bags of stuff. Like school papers and clothes and stuffed animals and stuff that bring back all these memories. I'm not sad, just nostalgic.

I woke with this sense that I'm supposed to do something or at least realize something important - but it's not necessarily about my childhood or my parents. I get the sense that it's probably spiritual in nature. But I could be wrong.

So beyond the ridiculously obvious (that I need to move out of my childhood spiritual home or that I need to remodel my spiritual home) this is what I want to know:

What does it mean that my parents have sold the house?
What does it mean that they are going to move into the attic instead of moving out?
Why are we watching the buyers move into the house while we're moving my parents stuff to the attic?
Why are we sad about this?
Why are my brothers still little?
Why is the attic so big?
Why am I going through all my old stuff?
Why am I not sad just nostalgic about all my old stuff?

Anything else you can think of? Any takers?

What Next?

Grace today asks some thought provoking questions.

"If I speak for anyone, I think that I can speak for the average Joe (or Jane) who finds himself out of step with church as usual.

"Next thing you know, you are using words like resonate, praxis, and missional.

"What are you supposed to do with your desire for change, the nagging discontent with things as they are?

"Should you be the one to create something different, something that expresses the values that are in your heart?

"When is creating something different necessary?

"When is it better to just adapt, adjust your expectations, and become the change you wish to see?"

I found myself saying this in response:

"Those are great questions, Grace - ones I'm certainly still trying to answer. I'm assuming they are rhetorical questions. For myself I put them like this: So is it time for me to buck up and be the voice of change in a "church", is it time to start something "new", or do I continue to wait it out? At what point should I know? At what point should I realize I'm just being too idealistic? At what point, if I don't feel like I have the answers, should I wonder if I'm in rebellion and not just "disenfranchised"? These are what's weighing on my heart."

And so I, again, find myself asking "What next?"

It's not that I'm not being a good evangelical, I am "seeking the Lord's will" at every opportunity. But I find in this season that my relationship with Him has changed. I no longer see Him as the "answer machine" I once did. I no longer expect to put in my two quarters (or tithe, be it as it may) and push a button and expect an answer to pop out. It's not that I don't expect Him to answer me, I just don't necessarily think it will be in the way I expect. I look for Him in the secret places, in the quiet and simple things, and in the wild and unusual aspects of life.

I see it much more as a parent-child relationship, not unlike the one I have with my children. I don't always answer their questions anymore, instead I probe and lead and guide them into finding the answers for themselves. When they were 2, almost every sentence began with "Why?". Back then I found myself talking myself blue in the face trying to answer their endless questions, and they were satisfied with my answers. But as they have grown, then no longer believe in "because I said so." If it's my answer, it's no longer a good answer. It has to be their own answer, even if it's the same answer I would have given them. So I find myself much more often asking them a question back: "What do you think?" "Why do you think that?" "What is the right thing to do?" "Will that physically or emotionally hurt yourself or someone else?" "What have I said before when you have asked me that?" They are still too young to be very rebellious, so they usually come to the *right* answer on their own. I know as they grow they more often won't, sometimes even just to spite me. So I'm trying to work with them now, while they still like me. Even so, on the occasions now when they do "rebel" initially, they generally come back to me later on and say "Mom, you were right." I still find myself saying this to my mom about things that happened years ago. There's nothing like raising your own kids to cause you to realize that your parents really did know a thing or two when you were growing up.

Maybe it's kind of like when your kids are big enough to ride the go-karts with you, but not big enough to drive it alone. So you they sit in your lap and you let them think they are driving and steering, but all along you are the one who is really in control. They get a great thrill from the freedom and independence, and you get a thrill from their thrill.

Maybe He's letting me find the answers myself; even though I will end up finding His answers, I will own them more if I find them for myself. Or maybe I know the *right* answers and I'm just being rebellious. Maybe He's just waiting for me to say to Him "You were right all along".

Maybe I'm sitting in His lap in a go-kart ... He's letting me think I'm steering and controlling the speed. Maybe I should just be confident that even though I'm getting a kick out of playing race-car-driver, He won't let me crash.

I know He's speaking to me, I feel His touch and His breath everyday. I see Him working and opening windows when He shuts doors. I know He is able to make Himself heard if He so chooses, as long as I'm listening.

So I'll just keep asking "What next?". I'm confident that eventually I'll know.

Vacation Notice

Hey all,

I hope to get another post in yet tonight, but just to let you know I'll be out Friday 'till at least Monday. Taking some family time.

See ya next week.

The Heart of the Matter

Steve Duin is a regular columnist with the Oregonian on many subjects. But he is also a Christian, and from time to time I find his an interesting and progressive perspective.

Today he had a column in the Oregonian titled "The Heart of the Matter at Malibu". You'll have to go there to read the whole thing, but let me quote a bit here. Pay attention to the last two paragraphs. I haven't heard something so well said about the gospel in quite awhile.

"In the last and best of the three weeks I was away, I was held hostage by a Christian community in the wilds of British Columbia. And this is the strangest thing: Over the course of an electrifying week, I didn't hear a single word about abortion, stem-cell research or the militant gay agenda. I wasn't asked to consider the end times or focus on the family. There were no altar calls for God's favorite political party.

In "Searching for God Knows What," Donald Miller tells the story of presenting the Gospel to 45 students at a Christian Bible college with the caveat that he would leave out a critical element. He spoke at length about sin and repentance, morality and Scripture, heaven and hell. Then he stepped back and asked the class what was missing, only to discover that no one noted the absence of Jesus.

He is not similarly removed at Young Life's Malibu Club. Jesus is the heart of the matter at Malibu, which explains, I think, why I have long been inspired and humbled by Young Life's ministry for high school kids. I first went to Malibu in 1972, returned to the property as part of the summer staff in the late '70s, and ventured back to the Princess Louisa Inlet in July with a dozen other adult guests.

Each time I return to Malibu, I am captivated by how forcefully and gracefully the Gospel is presented, and how utterly free that presentation is of the bitter political riffs that so frequently undercut its relational power in the more "civilized" world."

Further on, he continues...

"I remain inspired and humbled by Malibu because such religion has never found a foothold there. Each summer, teenagers are caught up and swept away by the relentless, searing love of God, and grateful alumni like me return to be refreshed by the reunions, and to reflect on the lessons of our ongoing journey:

We are saved by the cross, but not immediately healed. We surrender, but we aren't defeated. We are released from the fear of failure but we are never guaranteed success.

Instead, we stumble on, making mistakes, leaning on friends and restless prayers, forever seeking the long road home."

Tongue-Twisting

Sherman Kuek said this today:

"I believe absolutes exist, but I don't believe in absolutism. And I believe relativities exist, but I don't believe in relativism. And I believe different people believe differently about what is absolute and what is relative. It doesn't mean that there isn't anything absolute; it simply means that our understanding of what is absolute may not be as absolute as we think it is and may be more relative than we care to acknowledge pertaining to relativities in life."

Read the rest here. It's sure to make you smile.