The Aftermath and My Grandmom

It's OVER. The mess is incalculable, but so is the joy. On Saturday I passed out homemade cookies to many of our neighbors. We hosted Christmas eve for 15 of my family, and I managed not to experience one moment of stress because of it. We spent countless hours in the company of family and friends, ate a ton of great food. My boys got what they wanted and loved and appreciated every bit of it all. They passed out hugs in enormous supply, they were thankful and made their momma proud. Never a moment of "Is this ALL there is?" or "I want what HE got!"

We found out our young nephew got engaged on Christmas Eve, we got to meet his fiance yesterday. My mom's parents, who are both in failing health, were able to come to Christmas, probably for the last time. It was bittersweet. The circle of life.

All in all we had an amazing Christmas. Which, of course makes it ever so much harder to really remember the reason and purpose of it all.

But yesterday, I had a quiet moment with my Grandmother. She has been in and out of the hospital in recent weeks, and my mom and my aunt have been splitting caring for her 4 days at a time. It's an amazing venture by these daughters, who are expressing their appreciation for all their parents have done for them by caring for them in sleepless nights, pill counting, giving showers, cooking, cleaning and shopping...

So I hugged my Grandmom and told her that I loved her and I was glad she could come to Christmas, and she began to cry. She hadn't been feeling well all day and thought that she had been complaining too much.

She says "I'm so sorry to be such a bother and ruin everyone's Christmas".

I said "Grandmom, this is what Christmas is all about: loving on the people you care about. That's all that matters."

She nodded her head and cried a bit more.

She is a special Grandma, I am her first grandchild and we have always had a bond. It's hard to see her this way, hard to accept that it's just nature taking it's course. Hard to accept that soon she will be moved away from the home that she has lived in all her adult life, the home her husband built with his own hands; moved into a strange place with strangers, but at least my Grandparents will still be together. For now.

Moved from the home where she raised her children, where we had countless family gatherings over the decades: Christmases and New Years parties, Mother's Day bar-b-q's , birthday parties....the home where I lived as an infant with my mother for 18 months while my father had a short-term job far away. The home where I lived with my parents and my baby sister for 9 months while my parents shopped for a house in the area.

Over the decades, my Grandparents and my mother and aunt had many adventures in their 1954 Airstream travel trailer. They drove the Alaska highway before it was paved. They saw the Redwoods, the Grand Canyon, Yellowstone. The same travel trailer where I slept in the upper luggage storage compartment as a little girl. The same trailer that still parked in their shop in the back of the house.

My Grandma taught Sunday School to 4 year olds in a little Lutheran church for 40 years. My Grandmother is an artiste, she was always making or creating something crafty. My Grandmother and her sister are 16 years apart, so my Grandmother helped raise her younger sister, because their parents were aging by then. My Grandmother also lost a number of pregnancies, at least 3, I think, and was always amazed that she was able to have two lovely daughters.

My Grandma has a legacy of making these Advent Calendars out of felt. She hand makes all the ornaments, too. My parents and many of my family members have one now. This is ours. --->

My Grandma collects things: lots of things. She has a collection for every month of the year: January is Snowmen, February is Cupids. Shamrocks, Easter bunnies, Flowers Baskets. Brides and Grooms, Uncle Sams, umm I don't remember August or September, maybe it'll come to me, Ghosts, Turkey's, Santas. These collections consist of hundreds of items each, set out all throughout her house each month. She hasn't been well enough to do it the last couple of years, but growing up, my friends would always want to see my Grandma's collections.

On Christmas eve, my mom said "I'm sorry I wasn't able to do more this Christmas, I'm sorry I didn't buy more gifts for everyone or contribute more to the food or preparations." She's been living on and off at my Grandparents house for several weeks. Caring for ailing adults is a taxing, double-time job.

I said "Mom, your children are all grownups, we aren't going to be disappointed 5 year-olds because Mom didn't meet our usual Christmas expectations. What you're doing caring for your parents instead of preparing for Christmas; that is the greatest gift to us, it's the gift of a good example, it's the gift of family."

My Grandmother has a journal for every year at least as far back as the year I was born. Not too long ago, she asked me what I would want from their house full of treasures collected over the decades of marriage and children and grandchildren.

I told her I want her journals. All of them. I want to write her biography. She is amazing and deserves to be remembered.

That is what Christmas was about for me this year.