Seduction

I knew that would get your attention.

In light of recent events, which I don't feel compelled to comment on, I had a discussion with a friend about sexual morality and faith. In this discussion, I got to thinking about what God's purpose for sex was in the first place. Procreation, obviously, right?

Is there more to it than that?

I think healthy sexuality within marriage is meant by God to be the most powerful spiritual experience available to us on earth. It's my understanding that this is how we best *see* God. It unites a man and woman in body, mind, soul and spirit. I'm not focusing on the physiological response to sex, but the intimacy that will naturally grow within this context between two people, with the physiological response being just one aspect of it.

I'm going to quote a resource I don't frequently use, because I know it is a highly respected, if not ultimately conservative, resource.

From Christianity Today (emphasis mine) :

"To appreciate how sex points us to God, it may help to understand how the ancient Jews viewed sex. The Holy Letter (written by Nahmanides in the thirteenth century) sees sex as a mystical experience of meeting with God: "Through the act [of intercourse] they become partners with God in the act of creation. This is the mystery of what the sages said, 'When a man unites with his wife in holiness, the Shekinah is between them in the mystery of man and woman.'" The breadth of this statement is sobering when you consider that this shekinah glory is the same presence Moses experienced when God met with him face-to-face (Exodus 24:15-18)."

How's that for interesting? Sexua intimacy and spiritual intimacy are deliberately intertwined.

So the problem? Simply put, why do we have nearly equal instance of sexual immorality within the church than the secular world? You can see this trend in a 2003 Barna report "Morality Continues to Decay". I don't want to waste time argue about statistics, I just see the obvious reality that Christians of all types are not immune to immorality; in this case "immorality" being sex outside of marriage, which to the best of my knowledge is a subject most christians still agree on.

I see the answer being in having a healthy respect for the spiritual power of sexuality. God created it to be powerful, and humanity has almost since day one twisted and distorted sexuality in every imaginable way, and many unfathomable ways, abusing that power.

We are spiritual beings. I don't think there is any doubt about that. Even my new-age sister admits it. So the powerful spiritual experience of sexuality, within or without the context of marriage or christianity, can be a dangerous experience if not treated with whole-hearted respect.

Shared spirituality breeds intimacy. In a place where spiritual acts like joint prayer and worship are typical, we will run into problems. There are no two ways about it, it is natural and unavoidable that when two people pray together, a spiritual bond develops. We become one in voice, one in heart as we turn towards God. Prayer also breeds love. It's Godly rather than romantic love; nonetheless, it can easily be mistaken for something altogether human.

For men and women who are not married to each other to avoid sharing spiritually intimate situations is in everyone's best interest. It's not about temptation, blame, woundedness, inappropriateness, gender inequality, the fall of Eve or anything else. It's about the intimacy that naturally develops between people in spiritual situations because God created it that way. I'm not suggesting that men and women should never pray together, never serve in ministry together, never counsel together. I'm suggesting that they NEVER do these things alone. Especially where the issues being prayed for or counselled are intimate issues: marriage, sexual abuse, love. I don't care how righteous or pure you are, you are human and therefore at risk. I'm also suggesting that unless it's unavoidable, the most intimate issues be left to be prayed for and discussed only in same-gender arenas, or ideally only within marriage when possible.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and relate a personal story. Aa married female friend of mine had a "moral failure". This couple were friends of ours, good christian people who sadly and unexpectedly found themselves in a decidedly difficult situation. During the season of fallout from this situation, her husband began calling me and looking for guidance, support and prayer. Initially it didn't bother me, I wanted to be a good friend to him, indicating that I was not "taking sides". The first time he called me we talked for maybe 15 minutes. It seemed innocent enough. The second time it was closer to an hour. I was naive and didn't see it for what it was. From my perspective I was simply being supportive, and it seemed the right thing to do. From his perspective, he was unknowingly transferring to me the spiritual intimacy usually reserved for marriage. In retrospect of the second call, even though I didn't consider myself to be at any risk, I realized the potential in this situation to become awkward at best, dangerous at worst. So the third time he called, I handed the phone to my husband. I realized that polite or not, friends or not, it was not appropriate for me to be talking or praying with him about the state of his marriage, even on the phone. He was informed as gently as possible that my husband was supportive and perfectly willing to pray with him, but that I would be unable to take his calls.

This is just one example about how we must guard ourselves. We are all - regardless of faith or even belief in spirituality - on a search for the "ultimate" spirituality. This is not what charismatics call the "mountaintop" experience - a moment of extraordinary closeness to God. Instead, in our life as a whole, we are looking for the ideal expression of our spiritual nature. This is intrinsic in our humanness; whether we like it or not, whether we admit it or not. Hopefully we will find that expression in God, but I know this is entirely too idealistic. We are not perfect, we at risk of temptation, even when we don't consider ourselves to be. Especially in the church, where we are all on that search together, all seeking that spiritual connection. Because we are human and have bad aim, our yearning can easily be misdirected from God onto another person. We are fooling ourselves if we believe it could never happen to us. In fact, it's not difficult at all, it's alarmingly easy, often rather sudden. I've seen it happen.

I don't know if I've made any sense here, and I hope I haven't stepped on any feminist's toes. Contrary to what one popular leader has said in the last day or so, I don't believe it's "all the woman's fault". Attributing a married man's sins to his wife's perceived lack of physical beauty (or anything else) is asinine, to me this is in the same ballfield as saying a rape victim was "asking for it", or a woman who is the victim of domestic violence "drove" a man to it. We need to learn not to be insulted in the name of gender equality when the opposite sex exerts boundaries on our christian relationships, we need instead to be thankful.

I believe we are equally fallible, men and women alike. We must choose to guard ourselves. This doesn't mean be rude or legalistic about it, it means using good sense and listening to the Holy Spirit to alert us to situations that might be better avoided. It means seeking to invite a third person into these situations, if these situations are necessary in our ministry. There are just some places we need not go.

Anyone want to comment? I'm interested in dialogue on this.






[Footnote: In this post, I am focusing on male-female sexuality because of the statistical reality that most people in the church, married or not, are heterosexual.]