When it comes to being neighborly, how much is too much?
I was reading at Emerging Women today, and there's a post about someone who has neighbors who seem to have a new need every day - from baby formula, to using the phone, to borrowing a saw or a pot or a cup of sugar. This neighbor has made reference to needing to call his parole officer, and the person posting is feeling uncomfortable with this situation.
If you can, read the post there, it's not very long. If you have a chance, read the comments, too.
Then read the rest of this.
::::::::::
One day a man I had never seen before, about 40 years old, came to the door asking if we had any pop cans. We did and I gave them to him.
About a week later he was back. And again. This was fine, we do *happen* to drink soda and almost always had at least a few cans for him. One day I asked my neighbor, out of curiosity, if she knew who he was. She told me he was mentally disabled and lived with his parents on the next block over.
He continued coming to the door on a regular basis, but his visits began to make me a little uncomfortable. He began trying to have long conversations with me, telling me about his daughter or his parents. Then he began telling me things about himself that, while not *crude* were *inappropriate*. Then he began to ask me every time he came to the door if I was married to the man who lived here, how old I was, if I had been married before, how old my kids were. He began to ask if "that man who lives here" was home and what hours he works. This went on, the questions becoming more uncomfortable all the time.
I began to choose not to answer the door when he knocked. I know this is rude, but I have children to think about.
Then one Saturday when my husband was home, this man came to the door. I asked hubby to answer it and tell him that from now on, if we had any cans we would leave them out by the garage. We began to leave them out about once a week, and still do.
It turns out over time that we have come to realize he is relatively harmless, and has trouble with social skills, hence the inappropriate comments and questions. His parents are financially comfortable and able to care for him, it seems his can-collecting is more of a hobby than anything. He collects from all over the neighborhood, I see him making his "rounds" a couple times a week. I have not felt that it was safe to befriend him, having young children and not knowing his background, but this didn't mean we couldn't continue to support his *habit*.
::::::::::
Do you think that personal safety ought to be a factor when aiding someone, or should we just trust God that if He puts someone in our path who has a need we can fill, that God knows what He's doing?
Was there ever a situation when you chose not to help someone, even though you could, because you felt uncomfortable with the person or situation as far as your safety was concerned? For instance a homless person or a hitch-hiker?
Is there a limit to how hospitable or charitable we should be to near-strangers? If a neighbor repeatedly asks you for things, is there ever a time to begin saying no?
Do you have homeless or jobless people who stand on street corners or freeway exit ramps, hold ing signs asking for money or work? Do you ever give them anything? I have always hesitated to give them money because they might be supporting a drug or alcohol habit. Do you think that is judgemental? My sister always give them money, telling me it's about helping someone, regardless. Someone once suggested keeping some McDonald's gift certificates in the car so this person could get something to eat. What do you think about that?
What is your approach to helping strangers? What about helping neighbors that you might not know very well?
::::::::::
Speaking of strangers, we have taught our kids that there are three kinds of people.
"Safe people": people we know well enough to trust them with our children's safety. These are the people the kids can open the door to without asking. I tell them that if it's someone who we have left them (the kids) with, then they are a "safe" person. Basically family members and close friends.
"People we know": These could be neighbors that we might not know very well, but know well enough that if there was an emergency our kids could go to them for help. The kids aren't supposed open the door to these people without asking, but if they tell us who it is, we will either say "you can open it" or "let me open it". With the pop-can man, we tell the kids they are not allowed to open the door for him. While he is *probably* perfectly harmless, we are not comfortable enough to take the chance.
"Strangers": People we don't know anything about. This could be a grocery store clerk that makes small talk, someone standing on a street corner that we have never seen before, or a solicitor who comes to the door.. These people the kids are never allowed to open the door to.
Does that make any sense? Does this seem judgemental or unfriendly to have this kind of policy?
Do you have (or had when your kids were small) a policy about who they could open the door to? What was it?
What do you think about Police and Fire people? Should kids be taught to trust them, open the dor to them? It's so hard to know these days, around here we have had child molesters dress up like them.
0 comments:
Post a Comment