Grace today asks some thought provoking questions.
It's not that I'm not being a good evangelical, I am "seeking the Lord's will" at every opportunity. But I find in this season that my relationship with Him has changed. I no longer see Him as the "answer machine" I once did. I no longer expect to put in my two quarters (or tithe, be it as it may) and push a button and expect an answer to pop out. It's not that I don't expect Him to answer me, I just don't necessarily think it will be in the way I expect. I look for Him in the secret places, in the quiet and simple things, and in the wild and unusual aspects of life.
I see it much more as a parent-child relationship, not unlike the one I have with my children. I don't always answer their questions anymore, instead I probe and lead and guide them into finding the answers for themselves. When they were 2, almost every sentence began with "Why?". Back then I found myself talking myself blue in the face trying to answer their endless questions, and they were satisfied with my answers. But as they have grown, then no longer believe in "because I said so." If it's my answer, it's no longer a good answer. It has to be their own answer, even if it's the same answer I would have given them. So I find myself much more often asking them a question back: "What do you think?" "Why do you think that?" "What is the right thing to do?" "Will that physically or emotionally hurt yourself or someone else?" "What have I said before when you have asked me that?" They are still too young to be very rebellious, so they usually come to the *right* answer on their own. I know as they grow they more often won't, sometimes even just to spite me. So I'm trying to work with them now, while they still like me. Even so, on the occasions now when they do "rebel" initially, they generally come back to me later on and say "Mom, you were right." I still find myself saying this to my mom about things that happened years ago. There's nothing like raising your own kids to cause you to realize that your parents really did know a thing or two when you were growing up.
Maybe it's kind of like when your kids are big enough to ride the go-karts with you, but not big enough to drive it alone. So you they sit in your lap and you let them think they are driving and steering, but all along you are the one who is really in control. They get a great thrill from the freedom and independence, and you get a thrill from their thrill.
Maybe He's letting me find the answers myself; even though I will end up finding His answers, I will own them more if I find them for myself. Or maybe I know the *right* answers and I'm just being rebellious. Maybe He's just waiting for me to say to Him "You were right all along".
Maybe I'm sitting in His lap in a go-kart ... He's letting me think I'm steering and controlling the speed. Maybe I should just be confident that even though I'm getting a kick out of playing race-car-driver, He won't let me crash.
I know He's speaking to me, I feel His touch and His breath everyday. I see Him working and opening windows when He shuts doors. I know He is able to make Himself heard if He so chooses, as long as I'm listening.
So I'll just keep asking "What next?". I'm confident that eventually I'll know.
"If I speak for anyone, I think that I can speak for the average Joe (or Jane) who finds himself out of step with church as usual.I found myself saying this in response:
"Next thing you know, you are using words like resonate, praxis, and missional.
"What are you supposed to do with your desire for change, the nagging discontent with things as they are?
"Should you be the one to create something different, something that expresses the values that are in your heart?
"When is creating something different necessary?
"When is it better to just adapt, adjust your expectations, and become the change you wish to see?"
"Those are great questions, Grace - ones I'm certainly still trying to answer. I'm assuming they are rhetorical questions. For myself I put them like this: So is it time for me to buck up and be the voice of change in a "church", is it time to start something "new", or do I continue to wait it out? At what point should I know? At what point should I realize I'm just being too idealistic? At what point, if I don't feel like I have the answers, should I wonder if I'm in rebellion and not just "disenfranchised"? These are what's weighing on my heart."And so I, again, find myself asking "What next?"
It's not that I'm not being a good evangelical, I am "seeking the Lord's will" at every opportunity. But I find in this season that my relationship with Him has changed. I no longer see Him as the "answer machine" I once did. I no longer expect to put in my two quarters (or tithe, be it as it may) and push a button and expect an answer to pop out. It's not that I don't expect Him to answer me, I just don't necessarily think it will be in the way I expect. I look for Him in the secret places, in the quiet and simple things, and in the wild and unusual aspects of life.
I see it much more as a parent-child relationship, not unlike the one I have with my children. I don't always answer their questions anymore, instead I probe and lead and guide them into finding the answers for themselves. When they were 2, almost every sentence began with "Why?". Back then I found myself talking myself blue in the face trying to answer their endless questions, and they were satisfied with my answers. But as they have grown, then no longer believe in "because I said so." If it's my answer, it's no longer a good answer. It has to be their own answer, even if it's the same answer I would have given them. So I find myself much more often asking them a question back: "What do you think?" "Why do you think that?" "What is the right thing to do?" "Will that physically or emotionally hurt yourself or someone else?" "What have I said before when you have asked me that?" They are still too young to be very rebellious, so they usually come to the *right* answer on their own. I know as they grow they more often won't, sometimes even just to spite me. So I'm trying to work with them now, while they still like me. Even so, on the occasions now when they do "rebel" initially, they generally come back to me later on and say "Mom, you were right." I still find myself saying this to my mom about things that happened years ago. There's nothing like raising your own kids to cause you to realize that your parents really did know a thing or two when you were growing up.
Maybe it's kind of like when your kids are big enough to ride the go-karts with you, but not big enough to drive it alone. So you they sit in your lap and you let them think they are driving and steering, but all along you are the one who is really in control. They get a great thrill from the freedom and independence, and you get a thrill from their thrill.
Maybe He's letting me find the answers myself; even though I will end up finding His answers, I will own them more if I find them for myself. Or maybe I know the *right* answers and I'm just being rebellious. Maybe He's just waiting for me to say to Him "You were right all along".
Maybe I'm sitting in His lap in a go-kart ... He's letting me think I'm steering and controlling the speed. Maybe I should just be confident that even though I'm getting a kick out of playing race-car-driver, He won't let me crash.
I know He's speaking to me, I feel His touch and His breath everyday. I see Him working and opening windows when He shuts doors. I know He is able to make Himself heard if He so chooses, as long as I'm listening.
So I'll just keep asking "What next?". I'm confident that eventually I'll know.
Great post Lily!
ReplyDelete"I know He's speaking to me, I feel His touch and His breath everyday. I see Him working and opening windows when He shuts doors. I know He is able to make Himself heard if He so chooses, as long as I'm listening."
This is how you know it's not just rebellion. God is in it.
I have to continually remind myself that I need the lessons of "not knowing" possibly more than I need the answer to "what's next."
Thanks for the compliment!
ReplyDeleteI know God is leading me, it's just hard to justify it to others. But I also know that God will do things His own way, and that they don't have to make sense to anyone but Him.
Thanks Grace.
Lily,
ReplyDeleteI love the go-cart analogy and think it's right on. and I think God wants us to ask those "why" questions - Moses, as one example, always asked those questions. Perhaps that's why Jesus chose to teach in parables rather than just giving the answers..? to me, that's what the transformation process is all about.
my experience (which has mostly been bumpy and messy) has been that my faith grows when those answers get slowly revealed through my dialogue w/God - wondering, thinking, questioning, observing, and ultimately my choices to obey or not obey the messages I receive. Does this make any sense?
Trace - I'm reading The Secret Message of Jesus right now, and one whole section is about how Jesus taugh in parables because He wanted us to seek and ask questions and learn something in the process rather than making it obvoius and easy for us.
ReplyDeleteSo yeah!