Rain and Military life

I guess it's been over a week since I posted anything meaningful. Sorry.

It's raining here today. I don't know how long it's been with measurable rainfall here in the webfoot state, but I think it's been awhile. It's refreshing because it won't last this time of year. Another time of year it might last for weeks, but for now we will see dry and hot again in a few days. So I'm not too melancholy for the summer - yet. I'll save that for later.

The kids and I spent 4 days last week with some good friends who are in the Air Force. They are stationed at McChord AFB in Tacoma Washington. They have been there about 4 years but will be relocated early next year.

This is one of my bestest friends. We have known each other since we were - I don't know - 10 or 11 or so? Most of forever. Her husband had been in the military before they met. Around the time they were married, he went into the reserves. Over the years they had a house, two kids, the whole nine yards. But about 4 and a half years ago, he decided to return to active-duty.

It was a rough transition, a transition that will probably never be entirely complete for my friend - someone who has lived a civilian life until into her 30's, then been thrust into a military one. Her husband has been deployed - well, after this current deployment - a total of about 18 months out of 48. Their kids are grade-school aged, which is enough said as to how this affects the family.

I know I haven't been there for her like I should have been at times. There is a sense of not knowing what to say. And I have been caught up in my own life, my own struggles for much of the last year. I know in many ways she would not fault me for that. I know she doesn't sit and think how selfish I am. But when she cried the other day - out of loneliness for her husband and out of some level of fear for his safety on his current mission - I knew I couldn't do anything to make her burden easier, but I did know I could hug her, and the only words that came out were "I'm SO proud of you and I love you".

I have loved her and listened to her through this. I have lain awake nights thinking about her life and what it means. I have prayed for hours for her husband's safety, for her children's happiness, for her "sanity" (I'm speaking facetiously - meaning her sanity after being home alone with the kids and running the household for months on end). I hope my pride isn't a superficial pride. It's a pride for the reality of the sacrifices that have been made by my friend and her family and countless others. I now probably have a better grasp than many civilian Americans about what this life means for the people who actually live it. I don't want to be the type that pays lip-service to that sacrifice with no clue what it really means - I want to look at not just the beauty and pride of people willing to protect their county, but the ugliness and pain many other aspects of that life entail.

I have only seen a glimpse of this life - I am by no means an expert. And I'm not saying that this is a harder life than any other. But I want to comment on some of the things I learned that I had not really ever thought about - things that impacted me and stirred up in me a genuine love and a thankfulness for our military families.

• I see children that will start the school year next week (or already have) just like millions of other American children. They will pack their lunch boxes and do their homework and play sports. But unlike most of the other children, they don't know where they will be finishing the school year. They don't know where they will be living come June. They might not even know yet that they will be having to move before the school year is over. They will try to live like normal kids, but one day dad will come home and say he got orders and they are moving next month.
  

• I see women (the majority of military families - according to my friend - are families where the husband/dad is serving and the wife/mom stays home with the kids) trying to be a rock - the stability that their kids might not otherwise have. Often they are being the "rock" all alone, with no one to support them while their husbands are away. I see them doing all the things their husband's would normally do. Fixing bicycles, mowing the lawn ... all the while doing all the things they have to do, as well. Now I know it's not that different from the lives of all the single mom's out there. But there is a difference when your husband is serving in a hazardous area halfway around the world and your children are having nightmares about it.

• I see these women who are unwilling to get deeply involved in each other's lives. While there may be a sense of "we're all in this together" - that doesn't go far in forming friendships. There are so many reasons this happens- stemming from the understanding that these other people will only be in your life for a short time - a year, two, maybe four, if you're lucky. Then it all starts over again. They will get orders to move. Sometimes they will have months to mentally prepare for a move. Sometimes only weeks or even days. Their husband, if he is not deployed, might have to report to his new job at their new base/home weeks before the family has moved. So mom will be overseeing the packing and the good-bye's and preparing the kids and moving - all by herself. Even though the physical aspects of moving are performed by the military - they pack the stuff and load it and drive it and unload it - it's still a huge and difficult endeavor for the family.
  

• I see women making home out of whatever abode they land in. They hang their pictures on the walls and set their decorations out, trying to make it seem like home - more for the kids sake, I suppose, than anything. They may be unwilling to paint the white walls with some color because they will have to paint them back to white when they leave. That would be one more unwelcome thing to think about when in the midst of a move. They may try to keep the furnishings somewhat sparse, because when they move they will have a weight limit. Anything over the weight and they have to pay to move it. So they might not have an overabundance of "things". We civilians might pack our closets and basements and attics full of things "just in case". Our kids might have rooms brimming with toys, our kitchens full of all shapes and sizes of pans and gadgets and utensils. Our garage might be full of tools and car parts and all that other homeowner junk we accumulate. We take all that for granted. What if we could only own 5000 lbs. of stuff (not including cars)?
  

• I see families that are forever inundated with a media that constantly spins the negative side of this time of war. Media that gives a voice to those who are opposed to what the American military is presently doing overseas. I can sense the pain and imagine seeing the women flinch when I hear about people who are protesting the funerals of service -men and -women who have paid the ultimate sacrifice for this time of war. I see such a lack of respect for this lifestyle. Let's never forget that it was our elected Congress who sent us into this conflict; the people who are serving overseas are under orders to do so. Let's not be angry with those who are living the reality of this war; let's be angry, if necessary, with our elected officials who made this war a reality. Let's love the military and their families unconditionally and generously for the sacrifice they make; even if we don't agree with the current conflicts.
  

• And I see the assumptions that life is pretty much "taken care of" in the military. That bills are paid and healthcare is comprehensive and retirement is secure. While some of that may be true and I don't want to go into details, I will say "think again". I'm sure it varies a great deal, but I see there being a very different picture for many military families than the one we are led to believe. These families are expected to "put on a happy face" for the benefit of the American people, even if it's not an accurate reflection of life.
  

After having spent these days with them in their life, I have so much greater appreciation for the lives our military lead. I know she's just one example - but it still impacted me deeply.

And I would like each of you to take a minute and pray for these people. Not the standard prayer for their safety or thankfulness for their service. Those prayers are certainly important too, but think of something more specific. Pick one, or two even:

• That when someone is relocated, their family ends up with better housing than before.
• That someone who is expecting to have to relocate but doesn't want to will suddenly be told they are staying put for several more years.
• That a long-awaited promotion will be granted.
• That a child will cease to have nightmares.
• That a wife will make a valuable friend.
• That someone will be reunited with an old friend.
• That somone's loneliness's will improve.
• That the media will have something nice to say about a member of the service.
  
• That a woman who's husband is deployed will be able to sleep at night without the TV on.
  
• That someone's kids who are having trouble dealing with dad's deployment will find constructive ways to cope.
  

• And please pray for all the reserve families who have members deployed, especially those who are sent out for long periods of time - 12, 18, 24 months. They don't have the same benefits that active-duty families have. They are usually sent out for much longer periods of time. They aren't surrounded in their neighborhood by people who know what they are going through. They may have more financial and healthcare needs that aren't being met. And they have the burden of the unknown - not knowing when they might be deployed or how often, or when they will return.
  

Thanks for listening.

Lily