Had a meal with a good friend last week, and for the first time in awhile, the subject of our friendship came up.
This friend and I have been through a lot together in the last [almost] 3 years, not the least of which is leaving our church. We have also clung to each other through various other personal issues. The last few years have been some of the most difficult for each of us. We have had to fight many obstacles in our lives during this time, and have at times only had each other to share the full details of our struggles with.
I believe in Jesus' example about relationships [I learned this from Beth Moore]. To keep it simple, Jesus had His 72, His 12, and His 3. He had different levels of relationships with these groups of people. Peter, James and John were Jesus' closest friends, the only ones allowed to witness the Transfiguration. In other words, they could go places with Jesus that no one else could go. They were special. Jesus' trusted them with things that He may not have trusted anyone else with.
Well this friend is one of my 3.
We are not drama queens ... we have just been through a lot of the same stuff over the last few years. I believe God brought us together because He knew we each needed someone who could thoroughly understand what the other was going through, and someone who could love us unconditionally no matter what. I can tell her anything. I mean that. When we say that about someone, we have to stop and think if we really mean it. And I mean it. She has laughed with me and cried with me and endlessly encouraged me. She has called me on my wrongs (even when I don't want to hear it) and never been afraid to tell me when I'm lost.
So we have both been feeling a little distant from each other recently, and through the course of conversation we realized that this is because neither of us in in crisis at the moment (a first).
Now what do we do? It's like we don't know how to define our relationship anymore. We don't need each other so desperately because things have straightened themselves out quite a bit for each of us, mostly in the last 6 months or so.
So we talked about it. [I know, we women are strange in that way. We actually TALK about our relationships when they are feeling weird.]
I told her that I believe we are evolving ... we have both grown in huge ways recently and we have to readjust our attitude towards our relationship.
This wasn't something we could resolve in just one sitting. What we did decide is that we are both committed to our friendship and are not interested in moving on. We decided we are willing to evolve ... to continue to pursue our friendship and see what happens. We did admit that it feels different and that we would have to continue to examine whether or not we are outgrowing each other.
I think being willing to examine a relationship from time to time, whether it be a relationship with a person, a church, or even a job, is a really important sign of maturity. It's a scary thing to do, because we might have to face truth that we don't want to hear.
We could have just left the relationship feeling weird, chosen not to talk about it, and neither of us would have known for sure if the other person was still in this thing. We would wonder if the weirdness was because the other person was mad or hurt (not). We would wonder if we had done something wrong (not).
I think it's better to admit the truth ... that lives change, feelings change. This doesn't have to mean heartbreak for anyone, if we are able to see the purpose in change.
Change is to move us. Graham Cooke says
Change is to move us.
This friend and I have been through a lot together in the last [almost] 3 years, not the least of which is leaving our church. We have also clung to each other through various other personal issues. The last few years have been some of the most difficult for each of us. We have had to fight many obstacles in our lives during this time, and have at times only had each other to share the full details of our struggles with.
I believe in Jesus' example about relationships [I learned this from Beth Moore]. To keep it simple, Jesus had His 72, His 12, and His 3. He had different levels of relationships with these groups of people. Peter, James and John were Jesus' closest friends, the only ones allowed to witness the Transfiguration. In other words, they could go places with Jesus that no one else could go. They were special. Jesus' trusted them with things that He may not have trusted anyone else with.
Well this friend is one of my 3.
We are not drama queens ... we have just been through a lot of the same stuff over the last few years. I believe God brought us together because He knew we each needed someone who could thoroughly understand what the other was going through, and someone who could love us unconditionally no matter what. I can tell her anything. I mean that. When we say that about someone, we have to stop and think if we really mean it. And I mean it. She has laughed with me and cried with me and endlessly encouraged me. She has called me on my wrongs (even when I don't want to hear it) and never been afraid to tell me when I'm lost.
So we have both been feeling a little distant from each other recently, and through the course of conversation we realized that this is because neither of us in in crisis at the moment (a first).
Now what do we do? It's like we don't know how to define our relationship anymore. We don't need each other so desperately because things have straightened themselves out quite a bit for each of us, mostly in the last 6 months or so.
So we talked about it. [I know, we women are strange in that way. We actually TALK about our relationships when they are feeling weird.]
I told her that I believe we are evolving ... we have both grown in huge ways recently and we have to readjust our attitude towards our relationship.
This wasn't something we could resolve in just one sitting. What we did decide is that we are both committed to our friendship and are not interested in moving on. We decided we are willing to evolve ... to continue to pursue our friendship and see what happens. We did admit that it feels different and that we would have to continue to examine whether or not we are outgrowing each other.
I think being willing to examine a relationship from time to time, whether it be a relationship with a person, a church, or even a job, is a really important sign of maturity. It's a scary thing to do, because we might have to face truth that we don't want to hear.
We could have just left the relationship feeling weird, chosen not to talk about it, and neither of us would have known for sure if the other person was still in this thing. We would wonder if the weirdness was because the other person was mad or hurt (not). We would wonder if we had done something wrong (not).
I think it's better to admit the truth ... that lives change, feelings change. This doesn't have to mean heartbreak for anyone, if we are able to see the purpose in change.
Change is to move us. Graham Cooke says
"There is no standing still in God. If you aren't moving forward you are backslidden".He also says
"What is true in the natural is true in the Spirit".Does that go both ways? I think so. If what is true in the Spirit is true in the natural, that means there is no standing still in human relationships, either.
Change is to move us.
Remember, that Jesus embraced all He loves equally. Never did he use an excuse of "I'm outgrowing you", or vice a versa. He embraced all His disciples, who were His only friends at that time. Even when "they" outgrew Him. (the crucifiction). It is normal for relationships to evolve. One grows more than the other, and the other way around, depending on the time in their lives. True friends accept one another, and stick by eachother through it all.
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