Just wondering: at what point is it OK to question your faith? What kinds of questions are OK? What question (or questions) indicate that you have fallen into the abyss? As long as you are still asking questions of God, even if they are about His existance, are you still a Christian?
So I heard, once upon a time (might've been a bumper sticker) this statement:
OK, where is the unbelief in that? Why bother telling God that you don't believe in Him if you don't believe in Him? And how do you know He answered back if you don't believe in Him?
So as long as you are still there, in that place of dialogue, is there still hope?
I have been having to really pick it apart lately. Am doing a little Bible study with a friend, the first study I have chosen to embark on in 18 months. I was a little nervous to begin examining my faith in this way again, with very good reason. I have never, until now, had the boldness to really be willing to ask the tough questions.
What am I seeking on this journey of mine? Not only on the journey of Christian faith, but this journey of detoxing and wandering. What do I hope to find? Peace? Acceptance? What aspects of faith am I certain I believe? What do I doubt and why? Do any of those doubts render my faith impotent?
Or the toughest question.
Why do I even believe at all?
Don't get me wrong. There is no doubt that I believe in Jesus.
But then again, even satan believes in Jesus.
Kidding.
But I truly do claim a saving relationship with Jesus. I can't deny that even if I try. (I have tried. It lasts for about 10 seconds.) I am just too stubborn or too starry-eyed to let it go. So this I know because I know that I know.
But Peter says to always have an answer for the hope that you have. What kind of answer? Does my answer need to be personal and testimonial? What qualifies as a "good" answer?
Why do I believe? I have realized recently that I don't have a good answer. I know all the textbook answers, and I fully believe in the Spirit's ability to provide apt words of wisdom for any given situation, but shouldn't I be prepared in some way? If I can't, in this very moment of my life, answer that ONE momentous, defining question, can I really claim to have any faith at all?
Why do I believe? Is there even an answer for such a question? I can easily lean on the Bible, but what good does that do if I'm speaking to a person who does not recognize the Bible as any kind of authority? I can provide personal testimony of how God has worked miraculously in my life, but then I am asked how do I know it's not just "coincidence"? There are many specific miracles in my life, but what about an unbeliever who can provide similar "miracles" in their life? I can tell them that those times are God working in their life (for He can work in whomever He chooses), that He was trying to get their attention, but that doesn't seem realistic that they would believe that.
Then there's the question of "what do I believe"? Well, do I have to know specifics? Do I have to be able to outline the tenets of my personal faith; i.e. where I stand on the issues of predestination or original sin or eschatology, or abortion for that matter? Should always be prepared with my answers to these things? Because I'm not prepared at all. I find that the more I know, the more I know I don't know. And just when I think I have it figured out, tomorrow I will change and today won't mean a thing. *
I find that I am usually short on answers, and when I do have them, my answers only lead to more questions that I don't have answers to.
So, if I say when asked why I believe, "I don't bloody well know. But I do.", what kind of Christian does that make me?
I hope it would make me an inquisitive one, like a child, for not having an answer.
An honest one, for telling it like it is.
A faithful one for still believing even if I can't say why.
And a human one, for being so weak as to use foul language in the delivery.
And a prayerful one, for hoping at this point the Spirit would see fit to rescue me with some timely and appropriate wisdom.
Am I crazy? Just wondering.
So I heard, once upon a time (might've been a bumper sticker) this statement:
I told God I don't believe in Him.
He said He still believes in me.
So as long as you are still there, in that place of dialogue, is there still hope?
I have been having to really pick it apart lately. Am doing a little Bible study with a friend, the first study I have chosen to embark on in 18 months. I was a little nervous to begin examining my faith in this way again, with very good reason. I have never, until now, had the boldness to really be willing to ask the tough questions.
What am I seeking on this journey of mine? Not only on the journey of Christian faith, but this journey of detoxing and wandering. What do I hope to find? Peace? Acceptance? What aspects of faith am I certain I believe? What do I doubt and why? Do any of those doubts render my faith impotent?
Or the toughest question.
Why do I even believe at all?
Don't get me wrong. There is no doubt that I believe in Jesus.
But then again, even satan believes in Jesus.
Kidding.
But I truly do claim a saving relationship with Jesus. I can't deny that even if I try. (I have tried. It lasts for about 10 seconds.) I am just too stubborn or too starry-eyed to let it go. So this I know because I know that I know.
But Peter says to always have an answer for the hope that you have. What kind of answer? Does my answer need to be personal and testimonial? What qualifies as a "good" answer?
Why do I believe? I have realized recently that I don't have a good answer. I know all the textbook answers, and I fully believe in the Spirit's ability to provide apt words of wisdom for any given situation, but shouldn't I be prepared in some way? If I can't, in this very moment of my life, answer that ONE momentous, defining question, can I really claim to have any faith at all?
Why do I believe? Is there even an answer for such a question? I can easily lean on the Bible, but what good does that do if I'm speaking to a person who does not recognize the Bible as any kind of authority? I can provide personal testimony of how God has worked miraculously in my life, but then I am asked how do I know it's not just "coincidence"? There are many specific miracles in my life, but what about an unbeliever who can provide similar "miracles" in their life? I can tell them that those times are God working in their life (for He can work in whomever He chooses), that He was trying to get their attention, but that doesn't seem realistic that they would believe that.
Then there's the question of "what do I believe"? Well, do I have to know specifics? Do I have to be able to outline the tenets of my personal faith; i.e. where I stand on the issues of predestination or original sin or eschatology, or abortion for that matter? Should always be prepared with my answers to these things? Because I'm not prepared at all. I find that the more I know, the more I know I don't know. And just when I think I have it figured out, tomorrow I will change and today won't mean a thing. *
I find that I am usually short on answers, and when I do have them, my answers only lead to more questions that I don't have answers to.
So, if I say when asked why I believe, "I don't bloody well know. But I do.", what kind of Christian does that make me?
I hope it would make me an inquisitive one, like a child, for not having an answer.
An honest one, for telling it like it is.
A faithful one for still believing even if I can't say why.
And a human one, for being so weak as to use foul language in the delivery.
And a prayerful one, for hoping at this point the Spirit would see fit to rescue me with some timely and appropriate wisdom.
Am I crazy? Just wondering.
i think it is healthy to question why and what you believe. God can handle it, he is not insecure like we are.
ReplyDeleteLet me tell you what's beeing swirling around my pretty little head lately:
take away all the props of my religion, take away gatherings, bible studies and prayer meetings, strip me down bare to my flesh and bones without a stitch of fabric to hang onto for dignity - will I, can I know that God is God on faith alone? What is my faith in? Is my faith in faith? Is my faith built on other people's faith? Or a denomination or organization, or (gasp) a personality?
Take away the outer stuff, will faith thrive in my inner world without it?
These are the thoughts that swirl around in my pretty head when I am quiet and reflect.
Is it ok to have a propped up faith? I think so, yet I have prayed for years to know the reality of who God is and what he is like.
I love the bible, but what if I didn't have a bible. Could I find God? Could he find me, and reveal himself to me without scripture, or other people? This is the reality of millions of people around the world who need God, but have no access to a bible, or any kind of book or pastor or church. Are they doomed from knowing God and Christ?
If God can reveal himself to a bushman in a primitive African tribe I think he can do the same for me.
What does my faith rest on?
I hope it rests on God and God alone, not church, not people, not my performance or spiritual maturity.
Christ and Christ alone......
(want to hook up Wed? email me.....!!!!)