Clarification of "Questions"

I have realized that I may need to clarify some of my thougths in my post "Questions". Sorry I've had to go here. Couldn't be helped.

This really isn't about my faith or what I consider to be the foundational aspects of my faith. I have, in the course of my life, drawn some non-negotiable conclusions:

God is the creator of the universe. He is all-knowing, all-loving and all-forgiving. He saw humanity separate itself from His Holiness, and He loved humanity enough to provide a means of reconciliation. Not only that, but this means of reconciliation required the sacrifice of His Only Son. The Son willingly came to earth to live as a human, so that we might understand how much our God loves us. The Son also willingly committed Himself to crucifixion in order that He might cleanse us and reconcile us to God. He was buried and on the third day He arose bodily and walked among His disciples, so that they might believe and tell all about the miracle of who Jesus was for mankind. I believe He then ascended to heaven, where He remains at the right-hand of God, but not before leaving us the Spirit to guide us, teach us and correct us. I believe the Bible to be the God-breathed, the testimony written by men of who God was to them and what He did for them. An account of the Savior of the world, both during His earthly walk, before He took the form of flesh, and also after He returned to His father.

Is that sufficient to convince you that I am not falling into heresy? Heck, maybe I have because I left out the parts about "infalliblility" and "inerrancy" and "perfection". But then again, I know I'm not alone on that. And I'm sure my "testimony" isn't up to typical theological standards in vocabulary and content. Sorry, but I'm only me.

Part of my process of questioning was the recent realization that I do not have a sufficient answer for the hope that I have to give to those who doubt or disbelieve. So I am processing, separating the "this I know's" from the "I'm not sure's" and the "does it really matter's?" of my faith. I am wondering out loud what things really and truly make a person a Christian - and I no longer necessarily believe those things are the same things the church has taught me all my life.

If I have to adhere to some of the specifics the mainstream church has taught to be the "fundamentals" of christianity, then maybe I have fallen away. But I am not afraid, because the God I know understands my questions and my reasons and I fully welcome Him to correct me when I'm wrong. But I hesitate to be corrected by other humans who still insist on preaching to me the same things that have been preached to me since the day I was born, but that I have so seldom seen walked out in any meaningful reality. If God needs to correct me I believe He will do so convincingly, entirely without the use of platitudes.

I aim to be nothing less than honest in this blog. That's not to say that I always tell the "whole truth", but what I do tell is truth. I cannot in good conscience share every thought that crosses my mind and still retain a sense of privacy, yet I aim to share enough so that those who are on similar journeys are able to relate and maybe find some hope. I have no delusions of grandeur, I know how few people read here. But it's only my desire to be here where God has planted me, knowing that I may never know who my being here has helped.

In my desire to be transparent and voice my journey so that I might be a lamppost to those who might share my struggles or questions, I might say things that don't jive with typical and acceptable modern Christian standards. I'm sorry if this is sometimes difficult to understand.

I don't ask you to understand. I only ask that if you read here, partaking of the message of my personal experience and process, that you grace me with the courtesy to try to respect where I'm at. If anyone has a differing view than I of any subject matter, or wishes to share some insight or wisdom, please talk with me. I want to hear what people have to say. Dare to dialogue with me.

But I am not looking for someone to provide me with "pat" answers. I fully intend to find my own way, that's much of why I have left the church (the issue which in itself creates an entirely different argument, one that I do not wish to embark on in this post). I do have an open mind. I am not afraid of having answers. I only wonder if we have made "answers" the idol, blinding us to the flexibility and unpredictability of the God we worship. When we try to explain Him away, saying," Well in the Bible He did this or He meant that" we often miss the greater points He has for us:

that this walk, this journey is about knowing Him more,
not about knowing Him completely.

Because everything I know of Him is filtered through my human-colored glasses, I consider all my beliefs subject to reevaluation at any given time, as He reveals more of Himself and His ways to me each day. There are very few aspects of my faith that I dare to say will not EVER change. That's not to say that I hold NO aspects to be non-negotiable or that I have NO answers, just that I am careful how many. The rest is subject to interpretation through my daily and increasing intimacy with God.

I know He expects me to learn and grow, and in that I expect that my understanding of Him will evolve a little more each day. I also know that while God does not change, the way we understand Him through our "human" lenses, does.

Otherwise, why are we not still stuck in the dark ages, believing that laypeople have no right to the text of the Bible, believing that we may "buy" our forgiveness? Because the lense has changed.

That's a good thing, I think. Don't you?

It's always a frightening thing when the lense changes, I would think. It challenges us. We may have to refocus, and some things that we didn't want to see more clearly become more clear. We may have to admit that a simple stand of trees is instead a mysterious forest. We may have to admit that the scenery is more beautiful on the backroads than on the highway, even if it is slower going.

But I always welcome an improvement to my prescription. It's not about becoming "adjusted" to the vision I have and accepting it. It's about always wanting to see more clearly, even if it's disorienting for a time.

And I think it's perfectly OK for me to be questioning, and I hope that I will always continue to question and never become obsessed with or prideful in my answers.

Lord, change my prescription at Your will and then hold me up until I get my bearings. Please never allow me to be content with my current clarity of vision, let me always desire to see more clearly.

Amen.