Charismata

Was reading RobbyMac this AM titled "The End is in Sight", which led me to "Post-Charismatic" over at Next Reformation.

Earlier I stated that I was "post-charimatic". Let me define what that means for me.

I am not rejecting the charsimata, I am rejecting their abuse, sometimes referred to as charismania. I am rejecting the on-demand approach to miraculous "sign and wonder" gifts. I am rejecting the ridiculous shows of being slain-in-the-spirit, travailing prayer, holy laughter, etc. I am not rejecting that these sometimes are authentic, I am rejecting the sensationalized and seeking approach to it.

I am a toungues-speaking laying-on-of-hands miraculous-healing type believer, but I have failed to understand (no matter how many times it is explained to me by my charismatic leaders) why we should feel that we have the right to DEMAND such miracles and wonders at our own bidding. It's my belief that God chooses to grant "signs and wonders" at His own perfect discretions. What the charismatic belief dictates causes us to feel as though WE have somehow failed if God chooses not to show up in a miraculous way.

What I do fear, though, is a return to a cessationist doctrine in the emerging/postmodern church. Can we say that the charismata are like beer...not forbidden, some is good, more is not better?

And if you want more info about being "Post Charismatic", check out Jason Clark.

A comment posted by Jason sums it up:

"...I know that it has gone into the extremes but can't we remove the extremes and wrong attitudes thus keeping the wonderful theology that is very Scriptural?

One of my lines I love is sometimes we overreact to the mistakes of the past in such a way that the overractions are just as bad as what we are reacting from."

Case in point: Charismania in response to cessationsim.

What kind of food are you?

Just because you asked...

Someone asked me to define, in my own words, what the emerging/postmodern church is. I hope I'm not being presumptuous by throwing my thoughts into the pot with all the many more articulate explanations. Please realize that I don't necessarily speak for all postmoderns or emergents, this is just an explanation from my experience and perspective.

Picture the church as food. In order to stay healthy, the church should consist of all kinds of consumables, and there should be a healthy balance.

Now, if you would, picture the modern evangelical church as the fruit. Imagine each different denomination and affiliation and style of traditional church as a different fruit...apples, bananas, oranges...mangoes, pineapple, even ugli and tomatoes...all are awesome and amazing and unique...but still, they are fruit.

Now imagine the emerging church as anything/everything that's not fruit. You'll have dairy, grains, meat, legumes, vegetables...then you have spices and seasonings...sweets and oils...and all different varieties of each.

Please don't draw any further analogy from the example foods I chose to name...I mean none. It's just an example. The emerging church isn't any one thing, it's everything aside from the modern or traditional styles/methods of worship/relationship. Christ's church needs each to remain balanced.

The process of emerging is the knowing that you are NOT a fruit, but not yet knowing what you ARE. Some emergents may then see themselves as granola, some as jalapenos, some as lobster, some as tofu, some as ice cream. Not that emergents are in the habit of identifying themselves with food, but with different styles of worship, meeting, mission, leadership, and relationship that may fall outside the traditional church norm. And the key is that any gathering of emergents will (hopefully) consist of some people from each category.

What we're saying is that church cannot confine itself to one way of doing things, but all ways are essential for the church to grow and thrive.

For much a more schooled and eloquent explanation, please see Andrew Jones' (aka TSK) series over at The Ooze entitled "The Skinny on Postmodernity Series", or just poke around at TallSkinnyKiwi, JordanCooper, EmergentVillage or NextReformation ...just to name a few...you'll probably find what you're looking for. If you don't find an answer, please feel free to ask me, and I'll try to point you in the right direction.

Which brings to mind...

Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield

I am unwritten
Can't read my mind
I'm undefined
I’m just beginning
The pen's in my hand
Ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else
No one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

I break tradition
Sometimes my tries
Are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes
But I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you, open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

I can't say that Natasha intended these words to have spiritual undertones, but for me, they clearly define my spirituality.

A Letter to a Friend (My Testimony)

I wrote this as an e-mail to a friend/mentor today, and decided to post it.

Hi [Name],

I am so glad you called me the other day, and I wanted to express my interest in having an opportunity to meet with you. I know this is a loaded e-mail, but I'll try to sum it up at the end.

I appreciate you. You are safe to me. You have been faithful to me and you have let me be honest and chosen not to abandon me. You are one of few people who I have really shared with about what I have been going through, and your willingness to pursue me rather than write me off as "fallen away" speaks volumes to me. I so appreciate you.

As you know, I have been out of the church for some time now. When I came to [this church], I still had a pretty raw, untamed, independent faith. I liked to make up my own mind about things of faith, not just accept a political or spiritual or moral position just because my Pastor said so. However, I was struggling with my self-esteem. Due to past hurts, past spiritual abuse, I did not feel OK as who I was. I desperately wanted to serve in the church, to "be somebody". I wanted to matter.

I soon found that my undomesticated faith wasn’t going to fit at [our church]. I worked hard to conform, to be accepted. I took all the right classes, served in all the right ways. I attended the right frequency, worshipped the right way, and prayed the right way. And I began to matter. People began to compliment my "wisdom" and my "intercession", and my "leadership". Of course they did! I lifted my hands when I was supposed to; even if wasn't really "into" it. I prayed in tongues when appropriate; even when not "moved" to. What's worse, the good leader that I was…I encouraged others to do the same. I would have done anything to keep from having to be the authentic believer God created me to be. If I suddenly became authentic, people would see the difference and realize what a fraud I had been. I had boxed myself in.

Most of the way my faith played out was not what I envisioned it to be; it was what I thought I was supposed to do/be. However, as hard as I tried, I never felt that I measured up to what I wanted to be, what people expected me to be or told me I was. I could not live up to the impostor I had created, but still I strove on. Against my better judgment, I began to let myself gain esteem from these acts of service.

I managed to keep it up for several years, but last year the Lord started talking to me about "rest". He said, "stop striving". What the heck did that mean? I tried to "rest", all the while plotting new and more exciting ways I can serve the Lord and impress people. (Hey, that would make a great book title, "How to Serve the Lord and Impress People"). I worked harder, did more, faked it more, but eventually the rubber met the road, and I gave out completely. The Lord had me give up every area of ministry I was serving in. I believed I was being disciplined for either being a fraud or a failure. In my confusion, I could not bring myself to attend church anymore. I was ashamed.

"Why, Lord, do I work so hard to grow and change, why do I never gain any ground?" I would shout. "Why are You not helping me to feel better about myself? If anything, I feel worse. Before I began serving, I was blissfully ignorant of all the ways in which I did not measure up! Now I am hopeless! I have sold out the unrefined faith you so graciously gave me, all in the name of acceptance!"

At that point the Lord smacked me, in a sense, doing something unprecedentd to catch my attention.

...More tomorrow.

Bravery

I am a deconstructing, decompressing, post-evangelical, post-charismatic, post-megachurch, post-small-group, postmodern, emerging/emergent, holistic, missional Jesus believer.

There. I said it.

You can start throwing rotten tomatoes now.

Obedience?

I wonder...when people say they are concerned that I am out of church, they say no matter my hurts or frustrations are I should "get over it" and attend church, because church attendance should be an act of obedience. "Do not forsake meeting together..." and all that jazz.

I have two responses.

One, is it utterly inconceivable that my decision to be out of church IS an act of obedience? I know God is with me where I am, and He only wants to see me come to a place where I can be a functional Christian again. He knows that if I were to go to church because of some other person's concept of obedience, or for any other reason aside from Him telling me to go back, it would only set me back in my journey. I know He will tell me when and where to return. I trust Him.

Two, if you think I should "get over" the hurts that cause me to be out, you should "get over" the hurts that would cause you to say something like that. There is no compassion in that statement. Lack of compassion is evidence of a lack of Christ, at least in some ways.

My advice to someone who is concerned about an "unchurched" Christian in their life:

• DO express your concern(s) out of love in Christ. DO NOT use legalistic shame tactics to try to get me to return.
  
• DO feel free to pray for me. DO NOT ask to pray with me and then proceed to interject your own concerns about my spiritual health into the prayer.
  
• DO take responsibility for the spirit behind your concern (love or judgment?) DO NOT feel responsible for the spirit behind my churchlessness (healing or selfishness?).
  
• DO take responsibility for remaining in fellowship with me. DO NOT make all our times together about my spiritual well-being.
• DO decide whether or not I can talk to you. If I talk can talk to you, you will have to be able to listen to my hurts, concerns, and frustrations about the church without becoming defensive or telling me I'm too critical. I need someone to help me process my thoughts without judging me. DO NOT share my thoughts with anyone else without my permission. My spiritual journey is private, and I would like to have the right to chose who I share it with.
• DO let me know about anything going on at church that's of REAL significance. DO NOT bring me bulletins/handouts/flyers from church unless I ask you to.
  
• REMEMBER: If I don't go to church, even though YOU tell me to, it's no reflection on your faith. If you have expressed your love and concern, you have done what you were supposed to do. The rest is between God and myself.
• REMEMBER: Wherever two or more are gathered is "church". There is no biblical mandate to attend a weekly service with 2000 others. There is a mandate to meet together. When I meet with you, we're "doing church."

My answers to your questions:

• Yes, I am hurt and I do feel as though I have been manipulated in the church.
• No, I do not believe I have been/will be hurt by every church or church member.
• Yes, I do feel as though I have been cast off or betrayed by some friends.
• No, I am not wallowing in my pain, because I have my God and Savior and Their Spirit, and I feel fine.
• Yes, I have found (possibly more valuable) ways by which to grow and share my faith besides going to church.
• No, I am not serving in ministry in the church.
• Yes, I still read my bible.
• No, I do not worship my bible.
• Yes, I still love you and want to be your friend. I do not judge you for not agreeing with my point of view.
• No, it does not bother me if you still love and attend the church.
• Yes, I view this as a serious personal and spiritual growth opportunity.
• No, you will probably not recognize me when I return to church.
• Yes, I do believe I will return to church someday.
• No, I may not return to your church. Ever.

Just thinking...

about the song "Breathe" by Anna Nalick.

"...if I get it all down on paper
It's no longer inside of me
Threatening the life it belongs to.
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
'Cause these words are my diary screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them however you want to"

This is how it feels to write what's in my heart and in my head for the whole world to see. Some days it gets to me.

StumbleUpon

For all you Firefox users, I've been playing with StumbleUpon. May not seem that special, but it's a unique way to find links for you blog on days when you can't think of anything interesting to say.

Here's some of what I've found (and I'm not necessarily endorsing all the content you might find on these sites):

Kenneth Parker - Photography
Hubble Heritage Image Gallery - From the Hubble Space Telescope
Google ca. 1960 -Then why the heck did it take so long for their IPO?
ReadPrint - All those books you've always meant to read
Northern Lights by Sigurdur H. Stefnisson - More Photography
The End of the Internet - Do you know anyone who would fall for this?
Google Usenet Archives Ok, maybe if I'm really REALLY bored.
Intuit Quickbase - Find a Human - TRULY useful
The Unclaimed Baggage Center - If you ever wondered, now you know!

Dancing...

...is evil, right? Especially dance music, right? Well, certainly some is. But...

I guess it all depends on the context in which you look at it.

Lola's Theme by the Shapeshifters

Looking back, I know I was walking around in disguise
It's a fact, I was just a lost soul, I needed a guide
And the moment that you came to change my life
(Looking back together, yeah)
You fired up my heart and made me smile

And you and I know that…
I'm a different person, yeah, turn my world around
I'm a different person, yeah, turn my world around
I'm a different person, yeah, turn my world around
World around

Fears I had, all fading away by the minute, and I
Feel alive, you untwisted all of my troubles inside
Like a little piece of heaven finally found
(Looking back together yeah)
You rebuilt my heart up from the ground

And you and I know yeah…
I'm a different person, yeah, turn my world around
I'm a different person, yeah, turn my world around, Ooh yeah yeah
I'm a different person, yeah, turn my world around

I know I link to other people's finds...

...alot. But this is the super-duper coolest thing I have come across in quite awhile. Missional Made Easy: Tapping the Para-church Well by Glen Fitzjerrell.

Thanks to Bob.

Hooray! It's LOST season again!

Tonight is the season premiere of Lost. I have been waiting far too long for this night. Hubby is taking the kids to church so I can have the TV to myself.

In all honesty, I adore the christian analogies in this show (intended or not). I find it somewhat prophetic, if I can say that. This show seems to open my mind to new ways to look at my faith and new ways to understand the why's and how's of people's behavior when they are spiritually "Lost".

I wonder where the writers get their inspiration, and I wonder if it's possible that God has a voice in it, even when He's not openly included. Well, I take that back - kind of. Remember the episode where Rose prays with Charlie? And Sayid praying in a Mosque? I guess there are traces of faith, woven with nearly invisible thread, but there nonetheless. (And I'm not trying to be universalist, just making a point. Chances are not good that everyone stranded in such a situation would be christian.)

The producers COULD eliminate all vestiges of faith from the show, but they don't. On the flip-side, I think if such a situation existed in reality, 80% of the people would spend 80% of their time praying, whether Buddhist, Muslim, Jewish, Christian, or agnostic or whatever.

But considering this is prime-time TV? I'm impressed.

I found this transcript of the dialogue between Charlie (Dom Monaghan) and Rose (L. Scott Caldwell) at Lost-TV . It's from episode 1-12 entitled "Whatever the Case May Be". If you aren't a regular viewer of Lost, this dialogue may not mean that much to you, but I think you can get the point.

(Note: I'm not necessarily endorsing any other content that may be on the Lost-TV.com. website. Just giving credit where credit is due.)

[Shot of Charlie and Rose moving stuff on the beach.]
Charlie: Why are you smiling?
Rose: Am I?
Charlie: You look happy.
Rose: Well, I guess I must be then.
Charlie: There's no reason to be happy, things are awful.
Rose: They're not that awful.
Charlie: We're stranded on an island. No one's coming for us.
Rose: You don't know that.
Charlie: Well, what I do know is there's something in that jungle that eats people, just because we haven't heard from it in a couple of weeks doesn't mean it won't get hungry again. And I know there's a person, or people, that are trying to hurt us...
Rose: Charlie. Nobody blames you.
Charlie: What?
Rose: For what happened to Claire. It's not your fault. You did everything that you could do. And you came very close to dying yourself.
Charlie: Maybe I should have died.
Rose: You know what I think, Charlie? You need to ask for help.
Charlie: Who's going to help me?

[Later on…Rose sitting by a tree, Charlie comes up.]
Charlie: You're husband was in the tail section of the plane.
Rose: Yes, he was. But he'll be back.
Charlie: You think he's still alive?
Rose: I know he is.
Charlie: How?
Rose: I just do. It's a fine line between denial and faith. It's much better on my side. [Charlie starts crying.]
Charlie: Help me.
Rose: Baby, I'm not the one that can help you…Heavenly Father, we thank you. We thank you for bringing us together tonight, and we ask that you heal…

Links of note...

Being Missional and Other House Church Reflections - The Heresy

The Exorcism of Emily Rose - Jordan Cooper

Earl and the AG Pastors - Teselles, via TSK

Sad - AsItIs

Post-modern Mission and Networks - NextReformation

Does size really matter?

Of course.

I wonder, though, if it matters for the reasons we sometimes think. If you ask a dozen people from a dozen different churches what size church they think it "optimum", you'd likely get 6-12 different answers.

When I ask that question, this is what I hear. People like smaller because of the family feel, it's easier to meet people, it's more intimate. People like bigger because it's one big family, there are more people to meet, and the small groups are very intimate.

Hm.

So would you think it really has more to do with where we feel we fit than the actual numbers? You can find a church of 200 and a church of 8000 that are very similar in most ways other than attendance numbers. Similar worship, similar style of teaching, similar message, similar demographics etc. Yet the people who attend one or the other will be adamant that their church is better because of it's size.

Maybe we're all just different.

For me, it has more to do with the spirit behind the church.

• Are they REALLY serving the community to the best of their ability, or are they self-serving (building larger buildings or always improving the ones they have)?
• Are they really encouraging people to ask questions about their personal faith, their personal belief system or is it considered heresy to have questions about the standards of evangelical faith?
• Can members voice their own opinion and have vibrant discussions about theological or political issues or does the church mandate theological or political positions?
• Does the church have ALL the answers, or does it sometimes say "I don't know"?
• Does the pastor (or pastor-type person who does most of the teaching) always have his own agenda for the subject matter of his teaching, or does he listen when people ask him to teach on a certain subject?
• Does the worship always consist of selections from the same 25-song repertoire, rarely adding a new song?
• Are the songs all Hymns or all contemporary?
• Is there a "worship team" that one must audition and be accepted for, or is anyone who feels called or moved allowed to contribute to worship?
• Is worship always music, for that matter, or is it sometimes art, sometimes drama...?
• Is the service always in the same order (worship, greeting, announcements, message, offering, another song or two, dismissal?) or does the service frequently get "shaken up"?
• Are the "main" services always on Sunday (or the trendier Saturday), or are there attempts made to have a "main" service (with the same message as the weekend service) during various times of the week, to make it available to those who may work weekends? What about early mornings? Middle of the day? That's one thing I agree with the Catholics on. They have Mass and Communion service available at frequent and varied times during the week, don't they?

I could go on and on, but I think we could find any of the above in a mega, medium, mini, or micro-mini church. Although in my experience megachurches tend to get these points "off" more often than smaller churches, maybe it's not the size that's the problem, but the lack of flexibility and freedom.

With all the focus on "personal" growth, what about the willingness for the church, as an entity, to grow?

And I don't mean in size.

So...

...I'm sitting on my front porch, soaking up the last of the sun's rays before it sinks below the house across the street, and I'm reading Don Miller's Blue Like Jazz (see my Current Read List).

In a chapter entitled "Church - How I Go Without Getting Angry" Don says that churches "seemed to be parrots for the Republican Party. " He then gives several examples and continues in the same paragraph: "I want my spirituality to rid me of hate, not give me reasons for it", and in the following paragraph: "The truth is we are supposed to love the hippies, the liberals, and even the Democrats, and that God wants us to think of them as more important than ourselves."

I want to expand upon what those statements mean for me personally, but I don't wish to imply that Mr. Miller necessarily subscribes to or agrees with anything I'm going to say in the following thoughts. They are my own.

-----

People I know look at me blankly when I say that I no longer believe I must align myself politically with the evangelical church. If I even insinuate that I don't necessarily hold "traditional conservative" political views on issues like abortion, homosexuality, creation vs. evolution, medical marijuana and war, people in my faith circles become terribly frightened.

It's certainly not that I am ejecting from my faith the biblical positions on those issues, only that I don't believe I have to subscribe to the Republican or Conservative political agendas and methods on those issues. We can tend, as christians, to be on a political witch-hunt in the name of Jesus. Liberal Democrats are the Enemy, and Conservative Republicans are the Righteous.

Forgive me for being hippie, but where's the love?

Isn't love the primary subject of the Bible? I know many who believe the Bible is primarily a rulebook, and God will love us more as we follow the rules. Here we go again, putting the cart before the horse. Is it possible that the Bible is a book of love, and the more aware we become of God's love, the more we will be equipped to follow the "rules" (which aren't really rules, but ways in which God suggests we behave to maintain our health, safety and well-being. Because He loves us.).

Are we still supposed to love those who we disagree with? Are we to treat them with meekness, kindness, gentleness, self-control...?

Do I sometimes lose my temper when I disagree with someone on a spiritual issue? Yes, of course. But it is my goal to continue to improve my attitude about those I disagree with. And I will continue to think for myself on political issues. The questions I ask myself: What would God want? Does He want me to fight for His position? How else would He like me to address this issue?

I think St. Augustine says "In essentials, unity. In non-essentials, liberty. In all things, charity".

Where's the charity?

Satire...

I have to say I got a kick out of this. Meaning no disrespect to the leaders of our fair country, I understand where the notion came from.

Cheney to Spend a Month Above Ground
Will expose himself to sunlight to boost White House approval ratings

By Andy Borowitz
Newsweek
Updated: 1:08 p.m. ET Sept. 20, 2005

Sept. 20, 2005 - Vice President Dick Cheney said today that in an effort to pump up the White House's anemic approval ratings he would remain above ground for an entire month and would not return to his secure, undisclosed location until November.

The vice president, who emerged from his underground lair two weeks ago for a series of high-profile photo opportunities, made the surprising announcement at a press briefing in the White House. "I'm untanned, but I'm rested and ready," said Mr. Cheney, squinting at the daylight as he spoke to the White House press corps.

According to one of the vice president's aides, Mr. Cheney's decision to climb out of his subterranean hideout for the entire month of October would mean his longest visit to the earth's surface since 2001. "Dick Cheney is willing to do everything he can to help the White House's numbers, even if it means exposing himself to the ultraviolet rays of the sun," the aide said.

But according to Dr. Lars Krenzel, a scientist who studies the habitats and migration patterns of vice presidents for the University of Minnesota, Dick Cheney's extended visit to the earth's surface means "a journey into the unknown." "There is no way of predicting how Dick Cheney will respond to the earth's atmosphere," said Dr. Krenzel. "One thing is certain, however: whether he is above ground or below ground, his Halliburton stock will continue to rise."

Elsewhere, NASA said it would return to the moon by 2018, and FEMA said it would return its phone calls by 2020.

© 2005 Newsweek, Inc.

Link

Disclaimer...

It's not my goal to be critical of the church, even if it seems that way. I have concerns and wounds that I wish to express, if for no other reason than to release them. I am not trying to make generalizations, I know there are a number of large churches out there that do not struggle with the issues that I have faced. Please know that I am speaking only from my own experience, and if you have had different experiences in a Megachurch, please share them with me.

I believe there are many more positive aspects of the church than there are negative ones, and I will spend time on that soon. In the process of reconstructing my faith into something that I can own, I feel the need to start with the reasons I am out-of-church for the time being. As I process, I believe I will be able to heal and become a participatory member of a church again.

I also will not fail to speak about smaller churches at some point, as well.

Thanks

Budget-driven?

Megachurches can tend to be very budget-driven. When a church has to pay the salaries of hundreds of full-time staff members, and the mortgage on (tens or even hundreds of) millions of dollars in real estate and buildings, the church can find itself striving to keep the books in good shape. This can result in the compromising of principles in order to be more "welcoming" to newcomers, to get more people in the door, to maintain their tithing base, because it certainly doesn’t look good to have to lay off staff. Megachurches have a significant responsibility to their body, to their community, and the mission field outside their community. However, they sometimes don't effectively shoulder this responsibility. I believe that having a huge budget can make a church FEEL as though they are "doing more good" and "reaching more people" (pat-pat-pat on the back) but I wonder if you were to break it down based on membership, there are some megachurches that I doubt make much more difference than a small church body of 100. You could argue that megachurches have a lesser percentage of tithing members, but still…when the annual budget is in the tens of millions...? I believe they should carry a much greater proportional share of the burden of serving the community in which they are located. There is a vast chasm between what you can accomplish with a monthly budget of $1000 a month and $500,000 a month. I would rather see a larger church be willing to commit a larger percentage to outreach based on their monthly or annual budget.

If a church doesn't make a point of sharing with the body the ways in which it reaches the community, it will be easy for members to not be aware of these things. While I'm not advocating "back-patting", I think a regular informational bulletin or some such thing, outlining the different outreach ministries and the funds allocated to support those ministries, would be insightful for members. I would also like to see the larger churches partnering with smaller ones in their community.

I believe that outreach and missions (primarily local, not necessarily overseas) should be a higher focus than issues of "self". By "self" I mean the messages and classes and programs that focus on our own worth, healing from past pain, finding our purpose and how to be a healthier Christian. I strongly believe this is putting the cart before the horse. I wonder if we were to shepherd church members into roles of service, (and not just plugging them into the ministry that needs the most help, but taking time to help them find their "niche") and disciple them in having a servants heart (not because they are supposed to serve, but because our service to others is the way in which Christ ministers to us), they would gain a greater understanding of their place in the body and their value as a child of Christ.

I know from personal experience that I never felt better about myself from taking classes designed to teach me my false belief systems about myself, my worth to the Lord, my purpose, calling or spiritual gifts. If anything, I felt increasingly guilty that these classes and programs never made me feel better. I was certain that there was something terribly wrong with me that these classes weren't able to address. In a way, I was right. These classes weren't able to address my need to feel valued. That can only be filled by Christ.

It wasn't until I began to serve and care for others, and have relationship with them, that I learned my value to Jesus, and the ways in which He wanted to use me. Now I have a much healthier understanding of the "Kingdom of God" and what He would have my role in it be.

Over at The Ooze...

...I read something I'd like to comment on. "An Important Lesson from Albert Ellis" by Mark Karris.

Quote:

Love also speaks the truth and maybe Christ would speak the truth to some people today. Would Christ say something like this:

"Woe to all of you moral police, to all of you guilt motivators, and to all of you so called Christians who put heavy burdens upon God's people. Woe to you who try to take the Holy Spirit's place in the life of the believer and project your own neurosis and guilt upon them and try to make them like you. You think you are doing the Lord's work but you contribute to a person's misery and bring death unlike Christ who came to bring life. You are so concerned about your definition of "holiness" and about people's dress, clothing, language, and other external factors that you miss the heart of the gospel. Look at you, look at how unhappy you are. Where is your joy? The only joy you get is when you point out flaws in other people to make yourself feel better. Maybe Christ, in today's language, would call you a bunch of hypocritical bastards. A bunch of assholes whose father is the devil."

End Quote.

I think that's a very good way of putting it. The other day I spent some time reflecting on people's expectations. I used to believe that only certain conservative or cessationist denominations (one of which I attended for several years) had the above-described problem. Not so. I have been in a denomination that speaks grace to and teaches freedom in the Holy Spirit, and yet it seems we don't trust the Holy Spirit to do His job adequately, because we are constantly attempting to impose OUR values and standards on other believers.

I certainly can understand a biblical argument against choosing to: send my children to public school, drink wine with dinner, go to "secular" concerts, have cable TV, eat meat, pierce-tattoo-or-otherwise-modify my body, dye my hair, wear cut-off jeans, use contraceptives or fill-in-the-blank. However, I could find a biblical argument for why such things are acceptable or permissible, too. In that case, shouldn't we allow the power of the Holy Spirit to be the inner witness that is His job description? If you are uncomfortable with any of the things I have mentioned, I would assume your discomfort is something the Holy Spirit has imparted to you. Likewise, if I find any of those things to be permissible in my own faith journey, so you should assume that I have taken up with the Lord. Which is not to say that the Lord is necessarily in agreement with my choice; however, that is between the Lord and I.

In the end, I am only responsible for MY OWN salvation. If I choose to do something that you find unacceptable, you are not the one who has to answer for it at the Gate.

Of note...

paragraph quoted over at NextReformation. Find the article here.

So. The "megachurch".

I'm certainly no expert, but I have been in and out of so-called megachurches since I was 12, with maybe a total of 16 years invested, serving within them in a number of capacities for maybe 8 of those years. I have some questions I am asking in hopes of better understanding how God would like to use the largest of our Bodies-of-Christ. I do know that my insight comes from my exposure to only two megachurches, but from what I hear and read out there on the net, the problems I perceive are not restricted to the two churches I have been involved in.

Senior Pastors, Associate Pastors, Lay Pastors, other Ministry Leaders, other staff, bible study leaders, small group leaders, bible college interns…all these people with a vested interest in what God is doing in this body. Everyone with their own ideas and agendas, but first and foremost, a Senior Pastor who can tend to be overly cautious about letting anyone have a say in his vision for the church he has been serving and building for so many years. I understand and respect the need for the man who is ultimately responsible for shepherding 8000+ people to be careful not to let all the other voices dilute or redirect the goals that God has given him for this body. But there also must be careful balance. If he is TOO cautious about those other voices, he will become controlling and fail to hear what God might be saying to him through those voices. Eventually, he may lose sight of those God-given goals for the sake of retaining all the authority.

I don't have any answers for this, except to caution Pastors of large churches that your flock will recognize the point at which you become controlling. When you hear dissention, please don't automatically assume that the voices of dissent have character issues and therefore do not need to be heard. I understand that as a Pastor of a large church, you will have critics every day of the week. I am referring to the times when you may hear a pattern of discord, a number of frequent and related concerns, times when people begin to feel that you're no longer listening to them. It's so important to be certain that you have checks in place: people who you trust to speak forthrightly into your vision and to call you to the table in circumstances where you are more bent on guarding your vision against the multitude of voices than on objectively hearing what God is saying through them. Then you would need to actively choose to listen to those you put in place to "check "you. And no, your wife doesn't count. She certainly is responsible to speak into your ministry, but she should not be your primary check.

More on Megachurches tomorrow…

Last night...

...I didn't get much sleep. It's not very often that the Lord wakes me up, but when He does, I am WIDE awake (which doesn't lend itself well to falling back to sleep). I just needed to be praying for an individual in my life who satan is stealing from God's purposes. This person isn't a believer, but I have seen the amazing and powerful purposes God would have for this person and I am thoroughly appalled and furious at the lengths satan would go to pull this person even farther away.

On the other hand, I am hopeful, because if the enemy is working so hard against someone who doesn't even know the Lord, I would think that the enemy felt especially threatened. Maybe there was going to be a turning point. I am interceding for that turning point to still occur, and I already see how God would turn this situation around for HIS purposes.

I am also beginning to see a place that might be helpful for me in my process of healing from "institutional" church. As I have said before, I'm not certain I am released from the place where God has had me serving, but I know that I need to be away for the time being. Even though it would be "easier" to take the coward's way from church, I really don't wish to be totally disconnected, and I am hopeful about this other church. I am asking for a third confirmation because I want to be sure the Lord is directing me before I invest myself. In this spiritually fragile place, I just need to lean back into my Father's arms and ask Him to send me to a safe place.

Big or Small or...love them all?