Obedience?

I wonder...when people say they are concerned that I am out of church, they say no matter my hurts or frustrations are I should "get over it" and attend church, because church attendance should be an act of obedience. "Do not forsake meeting together..." and all that jazz.

I have two responses.

One, is it utterly inconceivable that my decision to be out of church IS an act of obedience? I know God is with me where I am, and He only wants to see me come to a place where I can be a functional Christian again. He knows that if I were to go to church because of some other person's concept of obedience, or for any other reason aside from Him telling me to go back, it would only set me back in my journey. I know He will tell me when and where to return. I trust Him.

Two, if you think I should "get over" the hurts that cause me to be out, you should "get over" the hurts that would cause you to say something like that. There is no compassion in that statement. Lack of compassion is evidence of a lack of Christ, at least in some ways.

My advice to someone who is concerned about an "unchurched" Christian in their life:

• DO express your concern(s) out of love in Christ. DO NOT use legalistic shame tactics to try to get me to return.
  
• DO feel free to pray for me. DO NOT ask to pray with me and then proceed to interject your own concerns about my spiritual health into the prayer.
  
• DO take responsibility for the spirit behind your concern (love or judgment?) DO NOT feel responsible for the spirit behind my churchlessness (healing or selfishness?).
  
• DO take responsibility for remaining in fellowship with me. DO NOT make all our times together about my spiritual well-being.
• DO decide whether or not I can talk to you. If I talk can talk to you, you will have to be able to listen to my hurts, concerns, and frustrations about the church without becoming defensive or telling me I'm too critical. I need someone to help me process my thoughts without judging me. DO NOT share my thoughts with anyone else without my permission. My spiritual journey is private, and I would like to have the right to chose who I share it with.
• DO let me know about anything going on at church that's of REAL significance. DO NOT bring me bulletins/handouts/flyers from church unless I ask you to.
  
• REMEMBER: If I don't go to church, even though YOU tell me to, it's no reflection on your faith. If you have expressed your love and concern, you have done what you were supposed to do. The rest is between God and myself.
• REMEMBER: Wherever two or more are gathered is "church". There is no biblical mandate to attend a weekly service with 2000 others. There is a mandate to meet together. When I meet with you, we're "doing church."

My answers to your questions:

• Yes, I am hurt and I do feel as though I have been manipulated in the church.
• No, I do not believe I have been/will be hurt by every church or church member.
• Yes, I do feel as though I have been cast off or betrayed by some friends.
• No, I am not wallowing in my pain, because I have my God and Savior and Their Spirit, and I feel fine.
• Yes, I have found (possibly more valuable) ways by which to grow and share my faith besides going to church.
• No, I am not serving in ministry in the church.
• Yes, I still read my bible.
• No, I do not worship my bible.
• Yes, I still love you and want to be your friend. I do not judge you for not agreeing with my point of view.
• No, it does not bother me if you still love and attend the church.
• Yes, I view this as a serious personal and spiritual growth opportunity.
• No, you will probably not recognize me when I return to church.
• Yes, I do believe I will return to church someday.
• No, I may not return to your church. Ever.